Rime of the Ancient Mariner

lost in the translation

2012-01-11T18:53:00.000Z

welcome back

now depending where you get it translated, will perhaps give you the wrong impression of me and the wee welsh cnuts relationship :) .... see comment on previous post :)
so I'll deffo take the manlier translation, tyvm, Rubbish .... deffo up fer it mate, lets not make it during the school summer hols, theres a good chap :)

speaking of cnuts, mr A Salmond, supposed Scottish MP, go fuck yourself and yer referendum ! we get independance and most likely I'll never return .... theres no fucking way Scotland can survive in the current (or any other for that matter) climate without support from the Union .... thankfully, hopefully, most of us Scots will see past the wee scroats attempt at everlasting fame, honestly, what a fucking donk !

speaking of donks .... been trying to play sets of 8 stt's (well, they are ever so slow to fill, sigh). just this week though, while I try and get into a "serious" poker mindset .... getting off the beer is a completely different story ! meh :(
I suppose I'm actually quite worried about that. I started the ales whilst playing because almost overnight playing and boozing inexplicably took over as a night out .... ?!?! wtf ? seriously, wtf ? and before I knew it, boom, it had become my no.1 social activity .... living where I live and working away from home are the number 1 causes of my fall from grace, sigh. When they eventually chained me to a desk in York, I did try and set up a social evening or 4 with the other office low-lifes but ultimately to no avail .... shower of cnuts, lol, my company isn't really that bad .... o.m.f.g. maybe they follow zagga and actually belive that google is right, I'm the numero uno search result senile old bassa .... aargh !!!!

aye, so where was I .. oh aye, poker .... Monday was a set of 8 + 8 + 5 .. cashed 7 times :) lol (3 back to back second places but just could not hit shit in those heads up so just could not seal the deal , bah humbug ! )
last night was a registration of attrition .. managed sets of 4 + 4 + 7 lmfao .. cashed 7 times, again, wtf ?? lets hope that 7 is not some sort of precedent here ....
really pleased with the way I played aka nothing special from me just seriously bad play from the fish imho
blagged 4 first places (not complaining really) but one of those took 68 minutes :( wtf ? seriously, wtf ?
(double check what you reg for, you asshat - Ed)

so one beer down, time marches on, I have a game to reg for ....

pleasant dreams

nightmares and hero worship

2012-01-05T18:09:00.000Z

welcome back

May I just wish you all a happy and prosperous New Year !

now surely the preceding 3 month poker hell cant continue, can it ? well, it will if I let it. at the mo its a poker sandstorm .. cant see a fucking thing and no idea which direction to take, lol. as the amAfish would say, sort yourself out fish !
been playing all over the place .. cash, stt's, mtt's, forum games .. and it shows, what a fucking fish, honestly !
I really really will have to decide what to play and when to play it, and stick to it, lol .. so easy to say, ho hum .... which leads me on to ....

you know, there are quite a few players/bloggers that I admire, hell I've even met a few. Mostly all winners (aren't we all, lol) and I'm sure the odd one or two who ain't. I probably admire them most for their dedication .. then again, if your an online pro ....
but they go about their grind and if you can do that for a year, kudos ! now they are not all pro's, not by a long shot. I mean, there are part timers and recreational donks .. zagga and jonesUcunt spring to mind , lol. there are of course others, the likes of theRant and closer to home there's the yellow belly JA's (thats a ref to his location, not his status lmfao)
but they all go about there business in a certain fashion which is one or four steps up from my degen beer drinking poker playing attempt !! (my only defence is the fact I have not reloaded in 3 years, honest)

and in summation m'lud .. knock it on the head and start rinsing the fish and stop fucking feeding them

pleasant dreams

bah, humbug !

2011-12-21T18:04:00.000Z

welcome back.

you know, working for the man may provide you with a regular income, but fuck me, there are some miserable arseholes you have to put up with :(
someone I know is working in their back yard tomorrow and thought it'd be prudent to work from home on friday rather than travel the 120 miles into the office .... he put the suggestion to his gaffer .... and was promptly told that there was shit he had to complete for friday and his gaffer was sure he could not possibly do this work from home .... what a miserable cunt ! its supposed to be christmas ffs.

poker has been much more fun :)

I warmed up for last nights session by .... playing poker, lol .... well how the fuck else are you supposed to warm up :)
the warm-up consisted of a set of, wait for it .. four STT's .... and I ITM'd the four of them :) should probably have called it a night right there !!
They were all $1.50 Turbo Knockout no-limit 08 ..

one guy in the first game says

" I have no clue how to play this .... "
" why enter then ? " I politely enquired
" i didn't realise it was 4-cards .... "

wtf ? if it says "omaha" anywhere in the tourny title .... lol

anyways, he then proceeds to jam his stack in every hand and lasted 5 hands, lol. kudos to the guy for his honesty if nothing else :)

so first game I blag 2nd
((jammed A39K sooted ace into 24K8 ?? and he binks it , ho hum))
second game I blag 1st
((jammed 7A82 sooted ace into TJ5K ?? and I bink it , ho hum))
third game I blag 2nd
((jammed 6473 sooted 64 into 67QJ ?? and he binks it , ho hum))
fourth game I blag 3rd
((jammed 4K3Q sooted K into 9AA5 and A7AK and they split it , ho hum))

cant get much better than that, 4 from 4 ????

then I entered a few MTT's , all small field affairs because not one was hold'em :)

first up was a 2-7 lowball single draw .... bombed in 60th :( .... (64 runners lol)
next up was triple stud .... busted in 17th of 54 runners .... my kings and sixes no goot against the obligatory aces and fours
then we had the delights of the $4.40 pl08b .... close on 500 runners I bust in 185th
and onto Badugi, lol .... only 46 entered, I lasted until 21st
with the slightly saner version .. 2-7 lowball triple draw :) only 48 in and I got to 14th
and finished off the sesh with two back to back 8-game
with 85 players I managed (just) in the money with an 8th place
and then with 69 entrees .... I win, wheeee :)

heads up mildly amusing because we're at level XXXIX .... which was no-limit hold'em, oh the uber irony .... was chip leader heads up 80k to his 60k .... jammed with 45 and got called by K5 , err ok .... not a K in sight not that it would have helped as i flopped a straight, ouch

not a bad session :) started the grind at roughly 7, ending on a high at half past midnight. as ever ....

pleasant dreams

walk softly ....

2011-12-14T18:50:00.000Z

welcome back.

nowt happening, those with ADS can now bugger off :)

as stated earlier, poker volume has been atrocious, meh. basically given up the ghost of any decent volume or accruel of vpp's .... in fact, after the latest windows crash and subsequent re-install, I've given up the fucking lot !! what a pain in the arse a re-install is .. and the fucking downloads, fml ! (should have made a backup disc, you tosspot - Ed)

so I cant be arsed with the cash grind, given up ?? on the stt's and have been delving into the mtt world .... standards of play, imho, shocking.

I mean .... took 1st place in a wee triple stud, 3rd place in a wee badugi and 14th (of 672 runners ffs) in an 08 tourney .... what does that tell you about the competition ????
the 08 is an eye opener because I sat out (bedtime, meh) with 30 runners still in and I still "run" it up to 14th ....

btw, 'stars - your payout structure is FUCKING piss poor .... (14th got twenty times less than 1st)

imo, stars should reduce the amount of peeps paid but NOT increase the top spots percentages .... or .... pay out the same number of people as they do at the mo, but knock a few % points of the top spot(s) , trust me, top spot in a micro buy-in would not even fucking notice a 10% reduction

so there you go, mtt's are simples :)

lets not go onto stt's as I have (for the last 3 weeks) 52 unread congrats emails from 'stars support :)

ah, that feels so much better !

pleasant dreams

Much Ado About Nothing

2011-12-06T18:42:00.000Z

welcome back

Not been around to post much because I have nothing much to post about, lol. Well, you get to a certain stage in life and all those exciting things that one used to do, well .. they are no longer that exciting, meh.

Apart from a MONSTER night in the other Saturday, spent in the company of my good poker buddy zagga, there has been hellish little worth reporting. So glad that we decided on a night of on line shenanigans and did not go play live. You prolly had to be there but what a night, lol.
Much beer was consumed, many herbs were smoked and we even managed to play some poker :) The "evening" ended at 4 in the am !! when I (we?) (zagga?) decided to throw in the towel with zagga ordering a taxi for "Dudley" .... I was like "wtf ? no, you didn't ...." but he fucking well did !!
We both did well, relieving fish of their money .. all down to me bringing my "Dudley-run-good" of course :) As I said you prolly had to be there .. the taxi driver probably wishes he was NOT there .. since I just had to explain to him why the taxi had been ordered for "Dudley" which most deffo is not my name, lol.

Apart from that, pretty much sweet.f.a going on, especially on the poker front !
I'm back to the bottom stars VIP status which really requires no explanation. If you are not playing, you cannot earn VPP's , lmfao. So my Nov volume was really, really atrocious .. Oct was not much better, sigh .. and so far December has been just as bad, pffft.

Finishing on a "high" note (its all your fucking fault Zagga, damned hyper turbo's pffft) no, no, I really have not played any ! but my severe lack of volume is down to basically dicking about with the micro turbo STT's and turbo 6-max .. I was in the hole for $20 but but after dropping the 18-manners, I've clawed my way back to just $7 down .. oh, and the sample size ?? presto ! a whopping 55 games :)

see, see, Dudley-run-good in action !

pleasant dreams

off to a flyer

2011-11-16T17:55:00.001Z

welcome back

I know its pretty boring, but its nice to be off and running .. in the right direction, lol

pleasant dreams

the quest

2011-11-14T17:46:00.000Z

welcome back

so far, November has been a horrible poker month. I'm not broke, but if bankroll was soley dependant on volume .. I'd be busto, lol. For the remainder of the month, I'm taking a leaf (not even a whole fucking page !) out of theGrinder's book.
I suppose a quest is a double edge sword .. do you chase the quest via volume .. certainly possible for sit'n'go grinders as they know exactly how many vpp's they earn per game .. do you chase the quest via profit .. arguably the only way to go for cash players.
I'll have to try a little of both. Sort of. Now my quest is pretty simple. Retain Silver for next month. Normally pretty plain sailing if I spread the volume over the month. Obv I haven't so far this month, meh.
So I'll have to aim for 40 vpp's per session (lol !) Obv any profit that goes with it will be more than welcome !
I'd backed off playing because my 'roll had taken a hammering over the last month or so. Finally figured out why, duh. Playing and paying forum pyramid games equates to $20 a week .. real world peanuts, but a lot for a microstakes bankroll, meh. Next time I may not be so greedy and sign up for one or two levels and not all three !!
Finally, hats off to my mate zagga who is playing hyper turbo's .... yer a sic puppy !!

pleasant dreams

just another wee dilema - pt 2

2011-11-02T18:56:00.002Z

welcome back

might as well get this oot the way .... well done noCash who shipped something or other for 12k, jammy coooont, lol.
part 4/4 of his trip report is by far the best entry imo. and i do like his style re the final table .. quote "(No chops / deals / bubble bursters any anything else equally homosexual)" .... awesome :)

originally, this entry was going to be about poker .... and alcohol .... bad hair day, so it can wait until tomorrow ....

before we start, i noticed a huge increase in cash tables available at microlevel, yup , its another road-to-70-billion promo .... its actually quite difficult to exploit all the passing traffic, most seem to have no clue ! so unless you have the nuts, up & down btw, you are going to get called with an overpair, lol, i kid you not !

i see stars had another update .. always wonder wtf they are all about, so i did a little digging (amazing the things you find on the pokerstars website lmfao)(ok, ok so i'm not actually that impressed with their website. read on, you'll find out why)

special offers .. fair enough, i suppose, but wtf is MTT leaderboard doing on there ??

fawk me, it aint that bleedin obvious, yeesh .... PokerStars Software – New Features

I wish I'd never looked ....
Social Sharing – We are adding the ability to post your hands directly to your Facebook and Twitter ....

Notes Improvements – We have made a number of improvements to how our notes system works .... seems fair, if you use notes, obv.

Sit & Go Lobby Revamp .. uh, ok
Sit Out Next Big Blind and Close Table .. this was a fucking awesome addition
Apply Active Layout .. uh, ok
Rearrangement of Title bar for Tournament Tables .. uh, ok
Option not to Steal Focus when Typing in Chat or taking a Note .. thats a relief !
Column Settings .. yay !!

wow, wait a minute. the latest updates on stars website are listed as June 2011, wtf ??

I suppose the latest news will prolly be found HERE

be warned .... this thread started in 2006 .... there are now 841 pages of comments ....

pleasant dreams

just another wee dilema - pt 1

2011-11-01T18:57:00.000Z

welcome back.

originally, this entry was going to be about poker .... and alcohol .... bad hair day, so it can wait until tomorrow ....

alarm goes off this morning at quarter to six, I'm on the road just after six. correct, she wouldn't entertain an early morning jump start, pfffft. Journey up to York was better than normal, probably due to the early start, or lack there of, pfffft.

Get to work early. wow ! Lots of jokes about the clocks going back promptly ensued, pfffft. Hate it when my colleagues are in better form than me. So brownie points for being early, err no, the only thing you get from my lot are black marks for being late (do they give a flying fuck how long it takes me to get home on a Friday ? err no. Do I give a flying fuck about being early ....)

Work was actually ok, just enough on my desk to keep under the sweetie wives (management jobsworths) radar. Leave work .... and its dark, fuck !

Anyways, off home and then off to the shops for the weeks provisions. Their card reader is not working so I go find an ATM and take out twenty quid, put it in my pocket, get the shopping done, wait at the till, reach into my pocket for the twenty quid and pull out .... fresh fucking air !

yup, its not there .. so whoever finds my money, have a free beer, coooonts.

Days like this make me frightened to play .... nh, gg, ul, fu ....

pleasant dreams

"I used to love dreaming up titles...."

2011-09-27T17:41:00.000Z

welcome back.

I see blogger have been messing about with the interface .. suppose only time will tell if i even notice/use the changes, lol. EDIT - wowser, the preview button works !!
speaking of change, i've moved gaffs in York, just have to wait and see how much of an improvement over the old place it turns out to be .... well its a lot cleaner, strike one !
Not much happening, no lady-boy banging stories (eh Simon) or protecting my boyfriend from lizards (eh Simon) .... you know where to go for that kinda shit, lol
finally, finally got around to reinstalling pokerTracker, for all the good it'll do me, lol and while i was at it, thought I'd give tableNinja a go, well, a months free trial, ho-hum .... seems like a real fancy amalgamation of AHK scripting but as I'm way to lazy to write my own ....
as I said, not hellish much going on, but I'll finish on a high note

A dwarf in London was thinking about looting a butchers, but the steaks were too high ....

pleasant dreams

no title .... (can you tell I aint been here awhile .... )

2011-09-20T17:04:00.004Z

welcome back.

you thought .... I'd died ? , thankfully, no.

you thought .... I'd gone busto ? , hopefully, no.

you thought .... I'd .... probably, no.

It is a bit redic though, the gaps between posting, lol. Anyways, still here, still playing, just. After weeks of problems with the laptop, the HDD gave up the ghost, almost. I could only boot up in "safe mode" .... have you seen the size of the tables on a 1024*768 display ?? That alone is enough to make you give up !
After putting up with this for a few weeks .. cough cough .. I bit the bullet and bought a new hdd, got a copy of windows, ordered replacement media from those thieving cunts at Toshiba, in case the copy of windows was a wee bit suspect .... installed the new drive, installed windows, installed 37, yes thats THIRTY SEVEN drivers from Toshiba .... played for one night, and the next night my broadband dongle went tits up !!!!
After putting up with bt fon coverage for a week .... and you thought online poker was stressful, pfffft, .... I called 3-support .... after 31mins and 50secs .. the lovely Sirita told me to , get this, uninstall and reinstall my dongle software .... yep, worked first time ffs !

so I am back :) wheeee :)

As you can see, I do love to spout pish, as Zagga would say.

oh btw, stars balance hovering just over 1k .... should I move that to the top for all the lazy fuckers ?

finally, fucking awesome result on Sunday, stuffing the whining whinging wankers 4-2 .... God Save The Queen .... :) he he he he

and in case i go awol again, heres a wee joke, courtesy of Frances ....

I was in Curry's earlier when I asked my wife
"What's your favourite Teletubby ?"
"Tinky Winky" she replied.
"No you fat cunt, which TV do you want ?"

pleasant dreams

you'll be glad you asked ....

2011-06-28T16:50:00.003Z

welcome back.

well, you might not be, but I'm glad you did :)

after last months wee foray into mtt land ($60 profit) which is such a small sample size as to be totally totally insignificant .... thought i'd play some more. I was slightly disappointed that the sixty was not closer to a hundred, until i realised i'd played a $33 mtt somewhere along the line. I do remember thinking "$3.30 entry, thats a bit unusual" .... ho hum

anyways, took the plunge the other Saturday night and reg'd for the weekly $215 (money I won btw). Didn't do much but with 3 tables left, I thought I could at least make the money .. top 9 paid .. with 16 left I thought, "i can do it.."
15 left .. I can do it
14 left .. I can do it
13 left .. I can do it
12 left .. doh !!
tbh I didn't feel overawed by any of the players I ran into, so if you can afford it at all, give it a go ! dont be me and piss about at the micro's !!

a few days later I thought I'd give it a go again, this time at totally affordable buy-in level, lol

so i entered a $5.50 re-buy and was promptly ejected in dead last place ! ( i refuse to re-buy and if you make the big money you are in for one hell of a return on your "investment" ) (i was not first out chronologically but the tourney lobby showed me as dead last ??)

next please !

later was the $4.40 .... and I shipped it, wheeee :)

with 446 runners, first was good for $342 .... at the time i was ecstatic, then I cashed it out and I was not so ecstatic .... I got £210 (dog damned fucking exchange rate!) gave it to the mrs for the kids :( lol
basically worked out at £40 an hour, so maybe I should not complain, tax free and all :)

final table was fun. i arrived as the big stack and ran over it lol. best part was the table chat .... one guy boasted about his 81% roi and flat out called me a fish :) one other bloke reckoned I was Lederer, playing from Guantanamo :)

pleasant dreams

"isn't it ironic"

2011-06-21T00:48:00.002Z

welcome back

typical, fucking typical

i ship one and every caaaant is in bed

doh !

pleasant dreams

invuited

2011-06-02T15:30:00.003Z

welcome back

it seems that the god fearing Christain spammer cannot spell .... :)

another month slides by .... and good riddance, poker wise. it really was an ughh month which can be summed up in one hand ....

myself and another big stack and a short stack get it all in on my turned full house .... the big stack has the same full house .. oh and the short stack has the only nut low .. sigh

on a more worrying front, i seem to have picked up a really bad habit on the bigger buy-in tables of getting involved in multi way pots with only a one way nut hand .... ouch. now for some reason i don't appear to be doing this at the micro's .... some weird psychology at work here, i mean, I've no idea where this redonkulus leak sprang from, just turned round one night and there it was .. basically killed May for me. so no bad beats per se just my bad, so to speak. pfffft.

btw the icing on the cake for winning the 11 week iron-man league was a $215 ticket .... was gonna play the scoop event .. rather glad i didn't .... lasted nearly 12 hrs with $16k for first and 500 runners .... I'd rather play the weekly $215 .... roughly 100 runners with $5k for first lasting 5hrs ....

finish up work tomorrow for a week. off back North to the homeland :) but sadly its not the best of circumstances :( my mum, bless her, is not too well .. its actually quite difficult remembering she is getting on a bit since i don't see her that often .. always a wee shock to see deterioration in a loved one. perked her up quite a bit when i managed to speak to her in the hospital so hopefully when she sees the kids it'll give her another wee boost !

pleasant dreams

11 weeks

2011-05-17T22:34:00.004Z

welcome back

wow, i won. wish me luck in the SCOOP.

pleasant dreams

Hippopotamus do not laugh easily

2011-05-12T17:16:00.000Z

welcome back

I had a rare opportunity to be at home one midweek night this week. we were all sat round the table eating dinner.
my FOUR year old daughter picked up her mug to take a drink of water, which she promptly spilled all over herself. She put the mug back down, looked at her wet top and wet shorts and said, in a very very loud voice ....

"Fucking Hell"

my two boys were almost wetting themselves laughing, I just managed not to spit my dinner all over the table, my mrs had tears streaming down her face, in fact, the only non-impressee was the mother-in-law !
its just so good to know that her command and use of the English language is so advanced for a 4yr old. it's moments like that that make you sooo proud to be a parent, as the advert says, priceless !

pleasant dreams

The American Dream .... fucking Assholes

2011-04-19T17:08:00.015Z

welcome back.

well that one certainly woke me from my apathy.

lets ignore the fact that the Federal Reserve has given 100's of BILLIONS of dollars to Wall Street on what some might say, are completely phony bail out claims .... lets go after those poker playing scum who are threatening, nay destroying, the American dream. complete and utter poppycock. like the FBI have nothing better to do, sigh.
soooo .... the Wall Street fiasco has cost Americans hundreds of billions .... online poker generates one billion dollars .... wtf? seriously wtf ??
and that's the one, greatest problem with America .... its all about the money, anyone who thinks differently is two short of a six pack.

DrizzTJD has a few words of wisdom ....

as does my favourite loon .... :)

and obv the good doctor has some good witterings .... and some excellent links, i might add.

I actually first noticed this insanity last night .... when i stopped by my good buddy's blog. forgive me, but i felt fucking awful over the weekend and actually (rather sensibly) stayed the fuck away from all things poker .... in the end I did not play a single hand last night because I had major major pain with a rather annoying molar .... dentist tomorrow .... no surprise if I emerge from that one less one certain lower right molar, ffs

so there you have it. is it good or bad .... certainly bad from my point of view as half the traffic on my tarbs were populated by Americans, ho hum

but as usual, its the little guys who get Royally Fucked. and what of the poor buggers who are actually online pro's ??

guess we'll just have to wait and see how it all pans out, but I seriously hope it blows the fuck up in the face of the assholes who paid to kill online poker in the good ole USofA

pleasant dreams

I damned well did

2011-03-17T17:48:00.003Z

welcome back

so thats another alcohol free weekend in the books :(

to save you some time .... I've been running like a donk and playing like a coo. ty, gn.

the trouble with alcohol free time and actually playing poker, is the simple fact of memory. I can remember every single damned if, but, maybe hand that I played .... most annoying was a reg who called a lot of pre-flop action between me and a random. the reg's hand (KK66 .. wtf, seriously, what the fuck ?) hit a set and the randoms A2 held to beat my A3 .... boom boom.

my main problem when running like shit is tilt. not burnleyMik rant an a raving steaming tilt :) no, no, this is insidious tilt .... too many hands, to much calling of pre-flop raises .... and having to drop 'em all on the flop like a too hot potato. over the course of a few k hands, it all adds up, meh.

oh and there is also the problem of playing too many forum games. I really only should play 2 forum games a week. Iron Man and variation night. not me though, I continue to (mostly) donate at their nlhe donkaments. note to self - knock it on the head you fucking plonker.

so its probably just as well I have hardly played a hand at 10c/25c.

tonight is variation night, mixed 08b .... does that mean it alternates between limit and pot limit ? surely there is no no-limit round .... ho-hum.

pleasant dreams

damned if you do, ....

2011-03-07T18:34:00.003Z

welcome back.

alternative post title .... he holds him with his glittering eye - pt 8

had a well weird weekend. probably something to do with 100% abstention from alcohol (actually cannot remember (no pun intended) the last full weekend I abstained )) .... and in my totally sober state, it was a real cat and dog weekend with her .... in fact, her behaviour actually seemed worse. maybe its always been this bad but I've never been un-hung over too notice, fml. damned if you do, damned if you don't, lol.

even weirder. not a single hand of poker played since last Thursday, lol. maybe cost me a small fortune, more likely saved me a small fortune !

ah well, back to the grind and no doubt, the odd game with the forum donkeys :)

oh btw, re the alternative title, you'll have to scroll back 50 or so posts to see what I'm referring to.

pleasant dreams

strange things happen at the 1.2

2011-03-01T18:22:00.004Z

welcome back

yeesh, what an epic fail February was.

Lost my silver star status, meh, but added to the bankroll.
added $102 to my 'roll ($35 in bonus whore department, lol) the rest was all playing profit, probably $40 cash and $30 in tourney cash, ho hum.
but it was the manner in which I failed to achieve silver thats annoying. to put not to fine a point on it, I played way to many forum games and not enough cash ! no offence guys (dont think anyone from said forum reads) and as much fun as it is, it is deffo -EV from a selfishly personal point of view :)

deffo gotta knock that on the head and decide in advance which games to play .... not a good start to the month as Iron Man kicks off tonight (grrrr) and I will be playing all 10 of those games.

btw that money added to the roll was all done in the first half of the month with basically fuck all being added the second half, feels like a double epic fail now i've checked ffs.

i also really want to take another crack at the next level up, thats 10c/25c to the uninitiated lol .. I know, I'm such a fucking high roller :)

asked about on the forum and got some sound advice from the guys, one of them a pro, no less.

basically stick to pl08b, avoid the maniacs and keep it tight :) .... watch out for future posts detailing the crash and burn antics of pokerstars biggest fish lol (i've only got 10 buy-ins to squander, eek)

finishing on a high note .... there is some good stuff out there, you jus gotta get off your virtual very fat arse and look for it .... links on the right :)

pleasant dreams

nuggets

2011-02-15T19:08:00.004Z

welcome back.

since i'm here i may as well post a quick one.

welcome on board to my latest reader, Lab monkey on TILT (you think i'm a lazy fukker when it comes to blogging ? stop by his place (link on right) and check his posting history ! then again, he's prolly way to busy winning sic amounts of money to make a post !!))

the cash grind :) continues apace. last night i crushed it, lol. for a whopping 350bb's .... such a shame I only, mostly, play the penny tables, ho hum.
also crushed the next level up ($10) for a whopping 3 bb's across 30 hands, lmfao !!

i cash "grind" because i can't/don't/wont commit gawd knows how many hours, to mtt's. so all you wankers, thats pro wankers btw (amagay:) really do have a fucking monster advantage over us recreational donks, bastards !

lets see, anything else .... oh yeah, I worked late tonight .... thats truly truly sic and a monster fucking bad beat ! and it was pissing down when I left work, pffft.

oh, this blog needs a makeover and a links cull .. dont say i did not warn you !

pleasant dreams

epic fail - part 1

2011-02-01T18:07:00.003Z

welcome back.

well obv its only part one, there will deffo be a part 2 ....

last months poker plans kinda went to shit and not exactly sure why. as jonesUcunt would say, i'm such a wanker sometimes, lol. speaking of wankers .... thank you to West Yorkshire Police and, yes and, thank you to Dumfries & Galloway Police for giving me a speeding ticket. Yes, thats two fucking tickets .... on the same fucking day .... on the same fucking journey .... I run so fucking hot, eh ?! another two of those fucking things and I'll be joining Rubbish as the internets latest poker pro, fml !!

I did actually play poker last month, just not the anticipated volume ! managed a few thousand hands, retained silver status, added a whopping $48 to the bankroll, lol. well, it was all playing profit and not a bonus in sight, Rossi :)

pleasant dreams

(ps doing 89 on the m74 and then 59 in a 50 zone on m62 .... bastards, fucking bastards !!!!)

grind, rant, poker, non-pokher

2011-01-08T09:53:00.006Z

welcome back

did we all have fun over the festive period ? good.

I more or less stuck to the plan and ground it out on 'stars during December, well, up to the 24th at any rate. averaging out about a redic 1500 hands a day. made the bonus I was after and blagged another one into the bargain.

quite surprising really, since I was on the piste almost every night (sic). I came off-piste last night, managing only 540 hands in about 2hrs and a tiny wee profit, lol. her indoors moans like fuck that I have my head shoved way to far up my ass and that's why she ain't into the pokher. This month, I'll continue to grind on 'stars, but I will be off-piste, lets see if that makes any difference whatsoever on the pokher front. btw, her main complaint was the fact that I did not get up in the morning .... funny enough, I was up before both her and the kids this morning .. still no sign of a fucking thaw though .. then again, she probably thinks its only a temporary blip in my drinking schedule, lol

so a simple plan as far as poker goes this month. grind it up on 'stars while stone.cold.sober. If I can blag another bonus or two and a hundred playing profit, I'll be happy and count it as a success. Last night was typical of my play on the first night off-piste. almost on autopilot .. meaning I was not getting involved overly much. not likely to loose much but not likey to win much ! as expected since it always takes a couple of days to get the alcohol out my system, fml.

so there you go. nice simple goals for January.

pleasant dreams

"do you have a life ?"

2010-12-22T18:12:00.003Z

welcome back.

its nice to see some of the players on 'stars actually paying attention.

i decided to basically grind (that's my version of grind) the fuck out of it at 'stars this month. The sole reason for this was to grab a yearly bonus. I only noticed I might actually miss the damn thing at the tail end of last month. Well, that's what happens when you go donking about elsewhere !
I need not have worried since I "easily" attained the required vpp's. Which has thrown up another dilemma. Do I take the bronze star $25 vip bonus now ? or do I push on for the silver star $50 vip bonus ? Since these are not "stellar" rewards, I'm assuming they'll be available whenever and they won't be removed at the end of the year ....

The only reason I've accumulated vpp's is through multitabling. I've also actually added some $$ to my small bankroll. If I was any good at this blogger thing I'd post a nice wee graph, but I'm not, so I wont. The month started badly, dropping 500bb's in 6 days. Then the tide turned. So far this month I'm up 8000bb's. Knock off 2500bb's for the bonus, and that's 5500bb's in actual gameplay profit. Obv not ALL of the profit has come from microstakes as I've played a few hands at 10c/25c and (lol) 25c/50c .... dont ask, I grew a set one night and decided to play in the big playground !
(now that I've counted it all, its quite "eeeek!" , I've never run like this, then again, never played like this....)

well, we all know what happens for the rest of the month, don't we ....

then this random types in the chat box .. "hey Evil, do you not have a life ?"
he was obv a wee bit irked that I was sat at all the microstakes tables (not "fast" though!) but, if you remember, I'm chat banned, so the random will have to make his own mind up. my response would of course have been ..
.. "not this month son, not this month"

pleasant dreams

I am NOT smarter than a 10 year old.

2010-12-15T19:55:00.005Z

welcome back.

cheers guys. yer so helpfull zag, lol. Rossi you could have explained about "purchasing" stellar rewards, lol ....

1400 hands and only +$7 .... ugh, thought me all day today. I was way to tired to trawl hh's last night to figure out where the hell I'd dropped the "other" $43 of my bonus ....

(the only upside is I only need 65vpp's for Silver .. is it worth it Rossi ??)

yup, you guessed it .... I finally figured out that the $50 had NOT automatically been credited to my account, you have to purchase the fucking thing for the pricely sum of 1 fpp ....

yup, deffo NOT smarter .... in fact, I dont think I’ll play poker anymore, sigh, now where are my crayons …

pleasant dreams.

resolve - A+ effort - B-

2010-12-14T17:55:00.003Z

welcome back.

I will make my year end bonus on stars. since the start of December I have started grinding it out on stars. multitabling is, of course, essential. well, for the microstakes it is. not that I can 24 table but I'm getting there.
I only need 102 vpp's from tonights session :)

there are two reasons why I need to put in more effort. firstly, there are often more tables available than I play .... secondly, if I want to succeed with more tables, I need to cut down on "creative" plays !

one of the other nlhe bloggers posted about his months profit, quite nice it was too .... but .... he was err lots of buy-ins down and the profit was purely made from bonus money. I've never looked into the stars bonus thingy overly deeply, but if you make, say, a level one bonus for 2500 vpp's .... then level two jumps to 5000 vpp's ? me ? I'm up a whopping $20, lol

the point I'm trying to make, are bonuses for us microstakers not extremely limited ? lol, i just checked. after this bonus, I need 10k vpp's for the next one .... and since its dated 2010 then I assume stars reset vpp's to zero on the 1st january, no ? feel free to comment and tell me I'm talking pish !

if you want to move up stakes surely you cant rely on bonuses ? then again, do I want to move up ? the next level is 5-times my current buy-in .... oh and I notice that most of those tables are no-limit .... insanity, anyone ??

so 102 vpp's for the bonus and 175 vpp's for silver star .... gold star, pfffft .... thats a hell of a jump from silver to gold, lol .... then again platinum to supernova is plain redic !

sigh, I need a new template .... this broken one is really fucking me off. what a major pain in the arse a new template is going to be, but, it needs doing, bollox !!

pleasant dreams

Punch and Judy

2010-12-09T16:38:00.003Z

welcome back.

well, there is hope ! had an absolute monster session last night.

1900 hands, $16 profit .... and 110 vpp's !

to me, thats amazing, a 3-figure vpp score. you know, I might actually get that bonus after all !

and the actual poker ? lets have a wee look.
my 2d 4d 8c Ah v 2s 3c 3d Tc v 6d 5h 7d 2c .... good for a scoop of 218bb
my Kc 3s As Ad v Tc Ah 4s Ac .... all the money went in on the flop 3d3h8h .... grrr, I take the high, she spiked a low, sigh. and against my fav Swedish babes too, oh Nonnie babes, how did you call my check-raise all-in on that flop ?? .... a 480bb pot and we split, ugh .... and I cant even chat because .... one month chat ban in place lol
my 32JA cost me 100bb when I tried to bluff (hee haw) a high board on the river and the villain just jams his stack in and I have to let it go, oops.
btw, A23x is the hand-of-death, I know it, we all know it, but still I hang myself with it .... grrrr
how about A2K6 v A2Q6 .... ended up a 400bb pot .... why the villain chucks all that in when he has neither nut low or high ... we split the low, I took the high, lol

quite a session. the rake paid in the hand against missSwedish was my biggest losing hand ! go figure. so obv feeling sorry for me, the RNG decided to try and soften the blow of being chat banned and flicked the 'ole doomswitch, in the right direction for once, lol.

thats the way to do it !

pleasant dreams.

struggling

2010-12-06T18:51:00.004Z

welcome back.

played some forum tourney games over the weekend. all good fun, pfffft. twice i get it in good, twice i get get fucking rodgered, pfffft. the third time I jammed with 7's .... ran into Q's , fml ! I believe I also missed drPauly's game ? ffs zagga, a wee reminder would be nice :)

also played the dirtyPoker omaha game late Saturday night .... cant quite remember how I got donked, but I did, honest.
Oh thats right, I also picked up a chat ban, fml ! while having a bit of manly swearing banter with dirtyScott .... mod shows up, usual "keep it clean .... yada yada yada" .... the mod fucks off, I type in a response to some comment .... boom ! .... "your chat priveledges have been revoked" fml and pffft in one !

besides that, I know how Mik feels. cant catch shit and more over, cant get anything to hold ! then again, all poker players say that, don't we ?

anyway, the real news is, I have a real grind this month to achieve a $50 bonus .... 700vpp needed, fuck. I know its not a lot but it is for an occaisional 1c/2c donkey who cant quite 24 table .... so far this month I've collected 160vpp's .... 516 more needed ! come on you fucking donkey, you can do it !

I probably could do it, but .... the forum are running some non-nlhe games over the festive period .... they do hellish few non-nlhe games so its hard to resist, sigh. then again, the chat ban is just confirmation that my doomswitch had been flicked ....

pleasant dreams.

the deal

2010-11-11T18:09:00.002Z

welcome back.

i really should post more often.

After reading about TheBigChap (take care of yourself mate !) you really don't know what's around the next life corner !

pleasant dreams.

Deal ? or no Deal ?

2010-10-25T21:56:00.003Z

welcome back.

after playing this tourney for what seemed an eternity, yes it was a turbo !, I get this "dude" heads up. but I'm outchipped by 3:1 .... ugh .... then it appears in the chat box .. "deal ?" surely this guy thinks I'm Doyle-in-disguise .... or does he just have a fucking nosebleed ....

i thought he was taking the piss but then i noticed the "deal" box in the corner of the table has "1 player interested" ticked ....

so of course i say "sure" and tick the box .... a "make deal" window opens .. I did not seem to be able to input any figures in this window but another window pops open telling me how much he gets and how much I get .... its not an even split, so I decline .... and type in the chat "split ?"
he gets all antsy, "no way", "i'm 3:1 up" .... yada yada yada
he offers 60:40 and I tell him 8:6 .... not exactly sure what happened but, another window pops open saying he gets 8 and I get 6.4 .... not really wanting to waste any more time fannying about, I just click the "accept" button ....
all the "deal" windows close .... the tourney shows finished, the positions and cash payouts appear in the normal chat box.

wheeee ! just cut my first deal ! nay, accepted my first deal ! awesome, just fucking awesome !

oh, btw, did I mention this was a $2 buy-in .... btw, did I mention this was a 9-man stt .... btw, did I mention the standard payout is $9 and $5.40 .... btw, did I mention I walked away with $6.40 ....

awesome, just fucking awesome !

pleasant dreams.

2010-10-05T16:33:00.003Z

welcome back.

I played stone cold sober last night. we'll come back to that.

well done noCash .... who went busto ! playing $2/$4 PLO, all I can say is "eek" .... but he also sat'd into some live event for a total outlay of £90 ish .... and the lucky mofo blagged third for .. get this .. £5,500 .... fucking awesome mate, just awesome !

well played sir, well played.

and me ? my sobriety test began in earnest last night. donking about on iPoker in some micro nlhe stt, I finished with exactly what I started with ! the up side is I played reasonably well :)

I then hopped over to 'stars and played in a forum mtt. only 4 tables, finally finished 8th running AQs into the big stacks KK .... immaculate timing as ever. Only dishing out one bad beat along the way, again, I'm more than happy with the way I played :)

lets see how it goes from here.

pleasant dreams.

ASBO

2010-09-13T12:50:00.004Z

welcome back.

after a weekend of drunken debauchery .. ok, ok, so it was only me and I was well drunk, lol.

bit of a waste of time, actually. it just means I sleep late and generally piss everyone off, oops. (she is convinced I am half way to being an alcoholic) and that's my biggest problem when "playing" poker. I've just gotten so used to being a sociable amateur. beer in hand and off i go. certainly numbs the pain of bad beats. anyway, think I'll try being a really anti-social player .. ie I'm here to take your chips and not the table joker.

interesting from my point of view to see if I need to "learn" how to play again, assuming I knew how to play in the first place !

so I'll wish you the usual pleasant dreams, no really, I'm off to bed since I've been "asked" to do a night shift over in East Lancashire, oh the joys !

pleasant dreams.

Advantage

2010-09-02T15:46:00.007Z

welcome back.

I am NOT staying here ....

Working for the man, has its advantages, occasionally. I am staying here.

Room with a view ....

being on nights does not give you time to appreciate your surroundings .... or play much poker for that matter, sigh

pleasant dreams.

i fought the bed and ....

2010-08-24T18:07:00.003Z

welcome back.

.... the bed won.

had a wtl;dfr (way to long;didn't fucking read) uber post lined up but .... the bed in my digs needed fixing. there were 3 nails sticking out where they really shouldn't have been. in fact, there should not be any nails ! wtf ?
its one of those cheap "pine" beds. a flatpack special. previous roomy obv broke the fucking thing and tried a bit of DIY to fix it. basically hammered in a load of fucking nails to re-attach the slat support rail to the main frame .... now, eddie the english was a lovely lovely lass, but, to put not to fine a point on it, she was a fat cunt. so at some point the slat support rail parted company from the frame, hence the botched DIY.
so i thought, easy, remove the 3 nails, DRILL three holes, insert 3 screws, job done .... err no. 17 nails and 8 screws later .... job done, fml

on a slight side note, my kids beds are the same basic design .... except my bed has nice round finnials atop the legs .... kids beds have SHARP wooden corners atop the bottom legs .... i know they are sharp, my lower legs will be used as evidence ( my testimony reads thus - after coming into contact with sharp corners, lots of "bastard, you fucking bastard" or arrrggghh cunt, you fucking cunt" while collapsing in various states of distress .... ).... my mrs reads this and the beds will be on the bonfire, H&S will be rounding up the manufacturer/designers for a very public flogging and our newly appointed lawer will be issuing a lawsuit for $10 million fucking dollars .... oh and if my kids actually hurt themself .... you seen my other half when she is really really angry ??

so already wtl;dfr.

and poker. well, wsop from pokerPeoplesPlace is all done. closest i got was one 2nd place in stud8 and one cash in a nlhe donkfest :) to be fair, i did run/play like the proverbial jackass in equal measure. and the cost of all that good clean fun was $85 and i won $55 .... now thats a result !!

doesn't time fly when you're having fun ! i've a $3 omaha tourney to play, laters.

pleasant dreams

Amphetamine

2010-08-19T17:23:00.003Z

welcome back.

just a quickie, sorry. sure I've mentioned this before .... but that game on FT is a motherfucking rake generating whore ! yup, tried it again last night and dropped a buy-in, bugger. should have known better than to play 6-max - why the fuck do they not have full ring O8 tables ? bastards.
I got half of it back playing standard full-ring, tyvm - please remind me not to try again, at least until I have a roll on FT ffs.

Not a lot to report. been playing the wsop most nights. all good fun. not won fuck all (two in the money, one of those a second spot). surprisingly, my stars roll still going in the right direction, although ever so slowly.
not bad considering most buy-ins are $5 and the fact i've only been playing the tourneys with no cash tables .... so i can concentrate, lmfao !
all the good its done, i'm gonna open some cash to keep tonights tournament company. might not be too bad an idea, since I'm "used" to multi tabling :)

tonight its RAZZ .... know what ? I've never played a RAZZ tourney, fml !!

pleasant dreams

Britains Got Talent (allegedly)

2010-08-07T00:31:00.003Z

welcome back.

this is an unashamed (poker) brag :)

played a few hands tonight. some good some bad, some downright redic. nature of the beast. i got involved with one of the reg's. as soon as the turn brought the flush, i new i was totally fucked. but i raised his bet, just in case .... and got 3/4 as expected. he did have a sterling hand and ever the gentleman, i told him so.

ResdentEvil said, "nh"

hobbes62 said, "its an honor to best you sir"
hobbes62 said, "i respect your game"

how fucking cool is that !

pleasant dreams

just so tired

2010-08-05T16:33:00.004Z

welcome back.

i had a tl,dr post lined up. the title speaks volumes. so the tl;dr will appear in dribs and drabs, lol

so i was going to post last night. but i drove (2 and a half hours) to york early o'clock monday morning, spent the morning in the office - reminds me of the old joke .... i dont mind working but that 8hr wait to go home is a bugger - last week i was on nights over preston way and i still had the paperwork. said paperwork needed to be given to the poor sap covering the works this week. so after lunch i drove over there (2 hours) and later that afternoon drove (2 hours) back to york !
so last nights post remained in my head as i was just too fucking tired.

for the last two years my home station has been york. been fairly lucky that at least half of that was spent on site / working from home :) got me in some serious hot water though, with project managers and line managers - they think you can run a civils job from a desk, luck my fife indeed. the next set of 30 odd sites would have kept me busy for the next 2 years (assuming i didn't get the fucking bullet) .... networkrail didn't give us the work but have asked their maintenance division to do it. here's hoping maintenance make a rip roaring fuckup of the works .. its 100% non life threatening if they do, since its not track or signalling related, its not even safety critical .. they fuck up, we might get the work back, yey !
so for the time being, i'm driving a desk, ugh. also had to start lodging thru the week .... its min 2hr drive each way ! from home to york. aside from me being completely and utterly fucked all the time, my bosses had taken a decidely dim view of my tavelling .... fair comment, i suppose .... i do have a company car after all.

still, my mrs now reckons i am a Company Man.

yeesh, after reading that I think I'm turning into waffles !! (way to fucking mild - Ed)

pleasant dreams

micromania, donks an double donks, Resdent not good at big stack, dqb

2010-07-12T09:29:00.006Z

welcome back.

not sure wtf is going on but there have been a huge number of nlhe donkeys playing the penny 08 tables. I know they are nlhe donkeys .... they think a set of aces is good on a flushed, low board .... wtf ? seriously wtf ? ah well, its their pennies as the saying goes :)
micromania you say ? eh ? lol, certainly racks up the fpp's and us penny pincher's need all the help we can get. long may it continue ! the end of July you say ....

played a wee 08 private tourney (Spazz Radio ?, I think) at the weekend. only 2-3 tables and jus for fun. except i got it into my head that "this is my game, i wanna win". I'm not usually like that so it was all a bit weird. so time marches on, finally 5 of us left, I'm the huge chip leader .... other 4 had roughly 4k each and i'm on 15k and then theres a break. just as I stand up, the comment flashes into the chat box .... "Resdent not much good at the big stack" .... had that appeared a split second later I'd have missed it and been none the wiser ....
I typed "its Omaha, not fcuking nlhe", but I wisely didn't hit return. It's a forum game and a bit of fun so whats the point of upsetting peeps. really can't be arsed with the aggro tbh :)
anyway, I hit the perfect riposte by taking it down, thank you (for your wise comments:)

finally, finally managed another live game with zagga the donk, he he. get this .... 10k starting stack .... 15 minute blinds !!
did I cash ? did I fuck. did zagga cash ? did he fuck. did I outlast zagga ? did i fuck !! lol, so that makes me the donk ! all good clean fun .... except the view from zagg's seat, the youngish woman's arse was fucking HUGE, grossly fucking HUGE, ughh .... then again she was kinda big all over. and fuck me if she wasn't putting away a large plate of Indian food from the free buffet, double ugh. so that was zag's excuse .... mines ?
blinds 300/600 I have 16k, I raised to 1600 from mid (dont ask me, it was the std raise at my table) and the ladee on the button jams. i checked to see i had her covered and then called ....
my QQ v AQ .... yessss ........ ace on the turn, oh bugger
that was that, crippled with about 6bb I got moved to zag's table. blinds 800/1600 and two hands away from the bb I decided to shove and ran into (classic lol)
my 9T v JQ v AK .... nh,gg me

on the virtual felt, I got dealt quad aces :) that's the fourth time in as many weeks I've been dealt dqb, from the sublime to the redic !

pleasant dreams.

" oi ! thats my bb .... "

2010-06-29T16:27:00.004Z

welcome back.

contrary to popular belief, this is NOT a good starting hand .... and of course, its my bb, bastard.

and this is the second (and only !!) time in a week, I've been dealt quads, spooky huh.

pleasant dreams

evening Nacho ! .... oh and the Big Chap too

2010-06-25T17:24:00.003Z

welcome back.

caught up with zagga again the other night. live poker had been arranged previously but his special visitor (no, not Nacho ffs) didn't have the moola after an expensive holiday .... somewhere nice, I hope, Big Chap !

nice too see you again mate, looking good .... a few extra pounds in tow, but hey, none of us getting any younger ! (that includes you zagga !) yes the same Big Chap who hosted the Glasgow live game, while living in the middle of nowhere .... and he's moved house too .... to another middle of nowhere !! some people might think you a little antisocial Big Chap lol :)

so no poker but the footie was on .... but so was THAT tennis match, lol. sublime to the redic but having watched so much of it, we just couldn't stop lol

and the bastards didn't have the decency to finish while we watched !! nh-gg-wp.

so the live poker has been postponed for a week and the Big Chap may or may not join us. come on mate, the more the merrier !
so my absolute last chance for live poker in Glasgow next week (zagga take note !) lets hope its a goer .... and I'm not gigli !

pleasant dreams

finally, evening Nacho !

2010-06-18T13:59:00.005Z

welcome back.

finally caught up with zagga last night. a few beers, the footie and a good chinwag, nacho too ! all in all a good night. he even treated me to 3 turbo's on party. he busted in one then crashed out the second when KK cracked his AA :(
he did get HU in his third but the fishy villain couldn't fold some trash which caught the flop, obv :(

thing is, zagga makes it look all to easy. always good to learn from someone who knows what they're doing ! good stuff.

after that i cycled (is it illegal to be over the limit on a push bike ??) off home and inspired by the great man, i fired up some micro cash 08 ....

actually played reasonably well, and over 200 hands I managed to come out ahead. roughly +180bb at the 2c level and +130bb at the 5c level.

hand of the evening ....

on a [Ks 7c 9c Ts Td] board my [Kc 3h Kh Qh] is good v [6s 7s 8c 8s]

.... and its not my fault the villain did not defend his turned straight :)

pleasant dreams.

Falling Down

2010-06-10T15:09:00.004Z

welcome back

this is my poker set-up for the remainder of the month .... (eat ya heart out Rossi )

moving house is a fucking ball ache .... especially during the world cup .... ah well, with no tv, I wont have to watch that fucking movie "Out of Africa" ....

pleasant dreams.

Northern Lights

2010-06-08T18:02:00.003Z

welcome baaaack.

(live game next week Zag, get you're arse in gear ffs :)

i'm in Aberdeen for a few nights. in a cheap hotel chain, advertised by a certain ex comedian. he may still claim to be such, but after hearing him voiceover a childrens tv series ....

the ******* *** chain are thieving fuckers.

£10 facking quid for 24hrs of internet access ! wtf ? seriously, wtf ?

their only saving grace, the Boddingtons is only £2.65 a pint. cheapest pint i've had in a hotel for many a year !

so, 4 pints or net access ....

right, where's that tv remote you thieving cunts.

resevoir dogs, random, mrs hudson v miss jean brodie, drunk .. again, RIO, quads, boys from the black stuff, the truth the whole truth and ....

2010-05-27T17:13:00.005Z

welcome back.

seems i have been away for ages and now i have no idea where to begin ....

start with the important shit ? yeesh, there are a few items contesting that spot, or not, depending on your point of view :)

unless you're self employed, then "working for the man" is jolly important. well it should be since being unemployed must be a fucking nightmare. then again, a few years back .... cough cough .... my mate would not look for a job for love nor money ! we were all like wtf ?? but no, he was happy signing on, lol.
my manager phones me while i was on site today. " dD, once this contract finishes in a week or two, we basically have f/all for you, so rather than sit in the office, with your thumb up your arse, i've spoken to head office (scotland ffs) who have some work .... in Aberdeen .... " . have to admit being kinda speechless the rest of the day, sigh.
may not be too bad though. I've SOLD my house. so technically, come July, I wont need "the man" .... we could just carry on living with the mother-in-law ..... but the stress is really showing in my mrs now and its an open bet as to who she murders first .... me, mummy or the kids !

how's that for timing, sell the house, working in York (you think ? - ed) and the first job is in Aberdeen !

she has already got her eye on a new property. fair enough. i've told her if our relationship dont improve i'm vacating to the couch ! had plenty practice so no worries there lol. my complaint is she does a fair old impersonation of mrs hudson & miss jean brodie ! fml, stop doing that ffs, it drives me fucking insane !

that insanity carries over to poker. not to mention a few ales along with it. but when you've had a few, its ok to drop $10 at that table because you're $5 up on the other table ! makes perfect sense when you're half pished !
thats the worst, i've kinda accepted i'm "only" a recreational donk and so it doesn't matter if i lose, sigh. annoys the fucking life out of me though because i know if i could get half way to stability i could do so much better. hmmmm no one rocking that boat except yours truly. think if was a complete cunt and dumped her, i'd do any better ? probably spunk off the other half of my 'roll on guilt tilt !
since i changed my omaha style, i've been donating at cash 8-game ! go figure ! seems there are hoddem donkeys everywhere ! now what was that hand .... oh aye, jacks v A8 (sorry Zag, we all make mistakes) on a Jx8 flop, all the ca$h goes in .... turn, an 8, river, oh yes, an 8 .... pfffft. the ale in me decided that that would be a good time to go play higher, ho hum, boom headshot ! ah well, still have a few hundred on stars and similar on tilt and same again spread across a zillion other accounts.

you wont know it, but i've just visited the rain soaked car park .... fire alarm, sigh. guessed it was a false alarm as i stumbled across the car park and noticed a load of guests sitting in the restaurant finishing their fucking a-la-carte evening meal, bastards. when i came back in i asked reception .... yes, false alarm. the chef apparently overdid some fuckers lobster or some such nonsense.
great fire alarm. i am now technically deaf in both fucking ears.

i'm in the best western Walworth Castle Hotel. very nice. big room, en suite and a huge fuck-off lcd-tv. wall mounted of course. i'm up on the top floor, so net access is a bit ropey, but hey, who's complaining, the-man is paying. better enjoy it since it looks like this is the last jaunt off the back of the ECML job i'll be having for a while.

i think thats enough pish for one post. so taking the whole family back to EK next week. really hope Zag is playing the turbo game in glasgow at some point. by the middle of the week i will so need a break lol. ok, there's a beer with my name on it and the seat marked "donk" has been reserved.

by the by, i swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and .... post more often.

pleasant dreams.

Conspiracy Theory

2010-04-25T13:25:00.002Z

welcome back.

A joining or acting together, as if by sinister design

we'll get back to that statement in a moment. for the time being I've admitted defeat at the 10/25. playing some stone cold sober poker has brought a few items up. the simplest of which is the way I've been playing this level. I'm quite simply not 'rolled for it. If I'm not 'rolled for it, then its pretty much a given that I'm playing scared and am very very risk averse. Waiting for that monster hand to appear and thus playing tighter than a nun's snatch. Not good at cash tables.

Conspiracy Theory (patent pending #422772277242)

Now, over the last week I have noticed something. When I raised pre, the villains are folding, leaving me high and dry, winning the blinds, thats a 60c pot, wowser. They are doing this 80% plus of the time. I know, I checked. Also, limping into a pot, then betting any street, whether thats a min bet, pot bet or all-in, the villains are folding 80% of the time. I'm talking about the regulars here btw.
I put my theory to the test .... with 6 of us seeing a flop, the board running out high, flushed and super scary, I have complete air, btw, I min bet 25c into a pot of about $4.50 .... and all 5 folded, lmfao, seriously, lmfao. There were 3 regs in the hand and I reckon the other 2 fish just thought "if they're folding against this fish, me too !"
How the fuck are you supposed to win ? (the other 20% they are holding monsters and I get royally fucked lol)

Taking the 20 buy-in rule - to play 10/25 I need $500 .... now this is where I get a tad confused .... is that $500 per table ? I suppose it is if you subscribe to the 5% rule ie no more than 5% of your 'roll in play at any one time.
So, having multiple tables opened, I was putting 30-40% of my 'roll on the line. Not good.

Last night I dropped down to the 1/2 (lol) but have changed my style of play. Just much more aggro, basically. Which is no problem, having been used to putting $25 on the line, its easy enough with only $5 behind you. Strictly speaking, I am still breaking the 5% rule .... 20 buy-ins per table says I should have a 'roll of nearly $1k if I want to seriously multi-table, lmfao, $1k indeed, I'll get there eventually !
I started off just opening all the normal speed tables, not to many, then added in some "fast" tables ..... lmfao, after only one orbit on the 3 fast tables I opened, I left ! Maybe its my age, but I just do not like the "fast" tables lol.
As the tables filled, I opened them up. Thats another thing I do not like .... short handed .... so I only sit down when the table is full.
Managed to rack up 1400 hands, net result being a loss (lol) of 37c. Trying to be more LAG than woose, I ran into a few monster hands and a few monster donks. You know the type. Call off their stack with top two and no low. So goes it I suppose. Even though its a loss, still pleased with the way I played. If said donks could have let some of those hands go it would easily have been a profitable night :)
Just to keep my hand in, so to speak and also to let the 10/25'ers know that I'm still about, I did keep one 10/25 table running. Managing just over 100 hands .... net result being a profit of $15 .... go figure. Taking my new LAG (lol) style to the bigger table obv worked !
lol it would have been a hell of a night if the villain in a $40 pot had not held A2 as I did ! However, the two villains in a $12 pot who called my river bet on a flushed AND paired board holding only 2-pair ???? I had the flush .... 4-high lmfao, you just couldn't make this up.

The other thing you can't make up is how much of a WOOSE I have been at the 10/25 .... fml, shocking, absolutely fucking shocking !!
running vp$ip 19 and pfr% 1.5 .... that really is a fucking disgrace !

Last night ....

10/25 .... vp$ip 37 and pfr 24% .... ( a world of difference )
1/2 .... .... vp$ip 26 and pfr 15% .... ( still needs some work here )

isn't PT wonderful. certainly an eye opener and, of course, it pulls no punches. not nice to read (or admit) but a real wake up call if ever there was one.

pleasant dreams.

Happy Birthday

2010-04-11T16:48:00.005Z

welcome back.

and thats Happy Birthday to me, btw :)

so my descent into poker mediocrity continues apace. all my own fault. I've gotten into the very, very bad habit of having an ale or two whilst playing. 1 ale and 6 tables too many and before you know it, a buy-in or three have slowly but surely slipped from my stack whilst calling down to the river and only having the nutz one-way, lol. There are an awful lot (!) of nut-nut peddlars at 10/25, I need to join 'em, or the whole 'roll will slowly but surely slip their way.

So, join me tonight, with my last poker playing ale in hand (its my birthday ffs !!) and basically enjoy the last of my "free" donations. I'll be donking along at the usual omaha tarbs and of course, the world famous britBlogger !! all welcome, password up there on the left hand side.

lets lighten the mood before i go ....

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2010 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave..

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you...

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses .

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12.. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING AT YOURSELF !

My grandad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed..
"It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.

My wife says it's disgusting to piss in the bath.
I suppose I should wait until she gets out.

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."
"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out !"

Disabled toilets.
Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.

I had a mate who was suicidal.
He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits..

pleasant dreams.

rinse & repeat

2010-03-29T19:48:00.003Z

welcome back.

just re-read the post from a couple back .... guess what ? yeah, that's exactly what I've been doing, sigh. yeesh, what a load of tosh, huh ?

at least the poker is going well .... as in a fucking deep well. my dance with the variance bitch continues. i suppose if you step back and take a look, it must be quite amusing, in a sad kind of way. win win win for several nights at sites other than stars, where i have tiny bankrolls, lol.

hit up on stars (main bankroll) and start giving it away for practically free !

that's why I'm posting, actually. after dropping a couple of buy-ins on Saturday night (again) .... well, over the past few months, every time i hit stars, I've been slowly but surely destroying my 'roll. now i could have been on here posting once or twice a week, real whiny-bitch posts, bemoaning my "luck", the apparent non-RNG and generally getting rivered left right and fucking center.

I'm also big enough to know I've been playing pretty poorly.

I've also been prone to the tilt-monster. my personal tilt-monster is the gambling one, aka getting it all-in pre-flop. I don't care what anyone says, all-in pre in omaha8 is gambling of the worst variety.
the one shining beacon was my result in the big buy-in at the end of February.

i played in the $100+$9 pl08b game .... blagging 5th for $850 ....

should have been a minimum of 4th but I misclicked and called a river bet (on the final table, ughh) with J-fucking-high .... that's what the astonished villain asked .... "did you just call me with jack high ?" .... don't think he could believe his luck on that one. I mean, i had the chip lead on the final table at one point ffs.
so I know i can play, if i don't give it away for free !!

which brings me to last night and why I'm actually posting something, which hopefully isn't too whiny bitchy.
decided last night, enough is enough. get a grip son and stop giving it away.
so i did. and actually got a decent return on stars. a very welcome +$107 and a redic amount of fpp's, something like 400 leaving 25 to get my silver star back, lol. (that $ amount equals 428 bb's btw :) (now that sounds a lot lmfao :)

now i know its not a huge amount but it is a HUGE morale booster. and I dare say, like so many things in life, if you don't approach it with confidence, then you're half way beat before the game kicks off. so, small pat on the back to me and "don't give it away for free".

oh and last night, as well, i blagged 3rd in the britBlogger for a 50c return lol.

pleasant dreams.

1st dynasty 3I00 2890 BC

2010-02-27T16:47:00.003Z

welcome back.

the song rattling about in my head at the mo "i've got a feeling, tonights gonna be a good night" courtesy of the BEP :) man, that Fergie is soooo hot, whew ! got a biggy tonight thanks to the fine folks over at pokerplayersplace, who came up with an idea to allow us wee fish a shot at a big one. its a pyramid scheme, members contribute $$ each week, thus allowing one member per week, a buy-in to a biggie of their choice. my shot is tonight, gulp :)
most peeps play nlhe, of course. 40k guaranteed, 60k guaranteed etc etc. I had a look at these, but the playing time if you go deep is 6hrs plus, ugh ! needless to say i dont really have that much to spare, never mind the concentration required lol. so i'll be playing something with slightly less runners tyvm.

oh quad goddesses of poker, dont allow me to make myself gigli.

apart from that, not a lot happening, poker wise ;) been donking about at purpleLounge, recovering a very very fragile bankroll, now that i'm paying attention to the € buy-in ! so over the $50 and still, generally, heading North, so all's goot :)

I see Scotland got beat, again, at the rugby :( shouldn't surprise me really, but after trouncing Wales 2 weeks ago for 70mins .... then gifting victory to them in the last 10 .... painful !
oh and the very best of luck to the boys in blue in tomorrows tiny wee local derby, up here in the West of Scotland :)

whatever you're playing tonight, good luck !

pleasant dreams.

much ado - pt 3

2010-02-18T17:17:00.005Z

welcome back.

lmfao. my 3 year old has just wandered through to where the pc sits in the hall .... and pointed out, in 3 year old speak, daddy has not fixed the lamp he broke yet, has he ? said "lamp" is the hallway light, hanging from the ceiling, which i "broke" when i changed the shade. its a really old light fitting and it was only coming down if i actually broke the rose .... honestly, the things 3 year old's notice !

not been about much because i spend way to much time "working". ok so almost half my week is spent travelling but by the time i get home at night etc etc the last thing i feel like doing is sitting down and banging out a post .... ffs, when would i get to play poker ?

ah the life of a high flying micro-micro stakes player ! fucking exciting, huh ?

so what's been happening ....

not much lol due to time spent elsewhere. still donking about on purple lounge, but as any microstaker knows, its a long long grind for very little return. since i fucked up with the buy-in currency, i 've been grinding 50c and €1 turbo tourneys, managing to get the roll back to $50 from less than $10 lmfao. actually, i'm quite pleased with the way it's going :)

also been taking a shot over on Party .... get this, at one point last night, excluding money in play, i had 13c left in my account ! managed to cash the last 3 tourneys of the night, bring my roll to a very respectable $30 ! ha ha ha .... reckon i can squeeze 5 tourneys out of that. sorry, but i really cannot be arsed with the 3-dollar buy-ins. too much like grinding and Party is a dial-a-shot roll, so wtf !!

i really should get some sort of schedule together, sort of like jones keeps threatening lol. not his buy-ins ffs ! I mean, like play 08 on stars and grind the fuck out of it every 2nd or 3rd night. then on my "off" nights i should just donk about at the micro's on whatever site takes my fancy, because i've actively been avoiding stars since my pre-crimbo stellar bad run :(

and we all know, sigh, I should know, its a long term game.

pleasant dreams.

Method in the madness

2010-02-08T02:17:00.003Z

welcome back.

heard it yowling. ignored it. went out the back for a smoke. heard it yowling, out front, i thought ..... unlocks the gate, goes outside for a look .....

across the road, i see him, a fox, lying down, yowling in pain ....

i step forwards .... he sits up a little .... a car approaches .... it passes .... pulls into the drive across the street .... my taxi driver neighboor gets out .... looks at me .... "wtf are you doing ?" i see him think .... the fox, in pain, i almost voice ....

he goes into his house .... the fox yowls .... i take a step towards it ....

mr foxy stands up .... and trots off down the street .... bastard !!!!

in pain my arse ! and now my neighbour thinks i am a loon, wtf ?

grrrr. you know, i really wish you had never, ever, mentioned that fucking fox .... zagga

pleasant dreams.

there is always hope

2010-02-02T21:29:00.004Z

welcome back.

Hello ResdentEvil,

Thank you for participating in WBCOOP 2010 - we hope you enjoyed the experience!

This is just a quick email to inform you that you have been credited $1.58 from the player 'MI_Turtle'. He kindly offered to share $1000 amongst all the players that outlasted him in the WBCOOP Main Event. His final finishing position of 635th place meant the $1000 was divided between the top 634 players.

If you have any questions regarding this unusual prize, please let us know.

Regards,

The WBCOOP Team

well played, sir. and thank you very much.

oh and thank-you to my "followers". i'd forgotten all about that wee widget lurking at the bottom of the blog ! cheers guys & gals :)

i wonder if the mobile phone operators actually make more money from texts rather than actual phone calls !!

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

Does your wife or girlfriend have any unwanted gold jewellery ? Rings, Earings, Bracelets ?

If so ....
....
....
....
....
.... give her a fucking slap ! Ungrateful cunt !!

and of course, the obligatory Glesga humour.

Locals are said to be in a state of shock after Police found a stash of guns behind the library in Coatbridge yesterday.
A spokeman said "The people of Coatbridge had no idea they had library"

pleasant dreams *)

much ado .... aka (more) fannying about

2010-01-27T17:22:00.004Z

welcome back.

mrO - was a good one. awaiting confirmation of Newcastle dates :)
mrK - 6 hands ? we only counted 4 lol
YP - he is an animal ! pl08b on hold !
Mair - might even get a chance to chat next one ! whatever happened to theRegulators ?
DF - 6 minimum !!

i dont know, but between freerolls ($2k added and $250second chance) and now the wbcoop, i've hardly played a hand of omaha8 on stars, meh. a welcome distraction but, of course, it does fuck all for the bankroll or fpp's !

also been fannying about on purpleLounge .... i did put a small amount on there .... played about 5 tourneys and when i checked, the roll had plummeted to $7 ... wtf ? seriously wtf ?
next time you buy into a tourney, make sure you KNOW what currency the buy-in refers too .... oops :(
so obv i have been buying in to the €1 stt's now .... ground it back up to just over $20, small potatoes i know. but i'm like that, i wanna prove i can make some moola (silly bastard - Ed) lmfao i know, its not worth it playing stt's under $10.

in fact, the only "serious" play i've been doing is on fullTilt. been kind of "grinding" the $1 and $2 pl08b tourneys, one or two tables, whatever fills first. been doing v well .... roll up over the hundred mark .... then i ran into (more like run over by) "rush" .... ha ha why do i not stick to what i am "good" at ? just for the record, i actually booked a $6 profit on "rush" last night before the freeroll donkery began. yes yes at the $10 level before someone makes a smartarse comment.

thats enough bull for one day, I have a freeroll (2-off !) to mentally prepare for !!

not Saturdays with drPauly

2010-01-24T18:17:00.009Z

welcome back.

the peak district is lovely this time of year .... magnificent views .... (wtf has the Peak District got to do with a live APAT event report ? - Ed).

Saturday morning.

to be fair, mrsdD got back quite sharp, so i shot off to the G-casino in Manchester getting there in time for registration but somehow missing the team photo .... seems the whole fucking team missed it too !

our team was made up of the following fish - Kronsdat , BM , DoV , Snake , Ant, Bully, Stanley with your's truly donking in the rear.

As usual, it was a right good crack ....

Stan & Mair had a rollicking good time .... Stan was pissed and got right good rollicking from Mair ! (didn't help that poor wee Mair was first oot !)

Ant was on the iced water .... still seemed to have a good time .... even though Snake & I blagged a lift off him to the hotel at the end of the night. He even had the decency to find us a "fast food" takeaway .... even though it took them 30mins to "prepare" a kebab, a pizza and a chicken burger !!

Bully had been bullied by her indoors and was another designated driver, nae luck mate, we all sympathize !

the big man Mick, took full advantage of Bully's plight and got wired into the booze !!

Snake was on good form .... 6 fucking pints before i even got there ffs !

Kronsdat, never imagined he was an auld git, like me, lol

top bunch, btw.

i got all my cards during the first two levels, sigh.

AJ 4 times. got paid (small) twice .... lost once to a rivered flush and once to the mighty K4 off .... sigh. had to fold 88 and 99 pre to heavy action. made a "hero" fold with KK on an A-high flop ffs. i dropped to 5k and then Mair , gawd bless her, dropped by an says "i'm doubling up the peeps i chat with" .... that very hand and i double ! wtf ? scaree !! no idea wtf i had but it worked :) and that, as they say, is all she wrote ! well, i was at table 2 seat 7 ....

finally moved to table 14 seat 7 .... Kronsdat was there .... well fuck me, he plays tighter than i do !!!! he finished 12th lol well played sir, well played !

so blinds 300-600 and with 6k its my small blind, utg calls ?? all fold to me .... i did ask if he flatted .... and shoved .... the fucker called me with J9 (might have been KJ, sigh) .... i had AQ .... flop .... JJx .... nh gg fu !!

i didn't say that of course, but grrrr !!

so that was it pokerwise.

after that i just had a few, watched the action .... and refused to go out on the lash with DoV and noCash .... fucking decision of the weekend !

DoV failed to materialise at the hotel .... at all !! and noCash .... well, he wakes up, in his hotel lobby in the morning, with no fucking shoes on !! and no fucking idea wtf happened the night before ! well played guys, well played !

next morning, blagged a lift back to the casino to pick up the car. its 11am and play dont resume till 14.30 so time to bugger off home, as Ant and Snake were doing. Liked to have stayed, but all that hanging about .... would have ended in getting a "few" beers .... decided to quit while ahead lol.

so i though it'd be a good idea to let the satnav take me home via the "shortest route" .... dont do it folks ! took me through the Peak District .... but as you can see, it was a little foggy. sigh.

all in all, another ace meet. cant wait for the next one.

cmon zagga get the well soon !!

the last king of scotland - pt 4

2010-01-18T21:00:00.003Z

welcome back.

when you beat the bloggers, what can you do but blog *)

much ado about nothing aka fannying about

2010-01-05T20:41:00.004Z

welcome back.

thanks guys, all the very best for 2010 to you all.

as far as poker goes, that's exactly what I've been doing :) i now have a whopping 6 tickets to my name.
lack of sleep and way too much alcohol abuse :) over the festive season has left me somewhat drained. oh and a man size dose of man-flu :(
no way am i playing the cash tables feeling like this ! hopefully come the weekend i will be more rested and might even feel like playing for serious .... pocket money :)

my new years res (:dentevil:) .... less alcohol, less smokes, more sex .... ha ha ha ! the only one left i might achieve is alcohol abuse = no poker .... no alcohol = poker, simples.

oh and sorry for my non-appearance at the britBlogger (i know you all love free chips !) but i have been chat-banned, so what was the point ? hopefully i'll return this coming Sunday .... all things not equalling senility (thanks Foxy:)

oh, one final poker point .... playing a 111 runner turbo top 9 get a ticket .... with 10 left i push with AKo and get called by A2s .... wtf ? he had me out chipped 3-1 .... a fucking 2 on the turn .... and I'm out as bubble-fucking-boy .... now that did piss me off !

so i said, quote " **** *** " unquote .... bastard !!

pleasant dreams.

the chat ban - pt 2

2010-01-01T02:29:00.003Z

welcome back.

remember Maureen, "its good to talk" ....

sometimes its better to shut the fuck up :)

pleasant dreams (and all the very best for 2010 :)

of mice and men

2009-12-31T01:14:00.004Z

welcome back

after "winning" all these cheapo's, i am left with a single solitary Step2 ticket, sigh

the bubble beats have been of zagga (no wonder he likes herbs ! ) proportions, roll on the New Year to i get back to MY game ....

pleasant dreams

Ben10 v Toshiba ( .... ah'll gie ye Ben-fucking-10 .... )

2009-12-28T15:21:00.014Z

welcome back.

i think its fair to say, that the watch that attaches itself to Ben10's wrist, is probably indestructible ....

i think its fair to say that a Toshiba Satellite L350-170 laptop is NOT indestructible ....

so what do you get when you cross a watch with a laptop ?

not pretty at all

you really could not do this if you tried.

the laptop was on the floor, i tipped it up to look at the screen, my son wandered over to see what i was up to, and dropped the watch .... which caught the screen a glancing blow .... doh !

a new screen is £90 if you fancy a bit of DIY ....

and then there is poker. very first hand on my first table, thought this regular could take a joke, as we have chatted in the past, obv not, wanker.

so its my bb and he jams his small stack in, about 20bb or something. this is how this regular plays, always. so it was no surprise. i fold.

so i say "lol f/off maggot, merry christmas mate" (maggot is part of his username, btw)

within 30secs there is a mod at the table typing all the usual stuff about abuse etc etc. I never even payed any attention to this at all and only when i tried to chat and the "your chat privilege's have been revoked" box pops up, does it dawn on me, the mod was there because of me ....

their email says i'm chat banned for a week lmfao, oh the irony !! just as well i missed the britBlogger :(

the flip side of the coin, i blagged a 4th place in the 10c/360's .... hah ! get it up you 'stars !

pleasant dreams.

Merry Christmas ho ho ho

2009-12-26T11:37:00.005Z

welcome back.

my phone memory woes continues ....

dear madam, your application to join our match making service has been rejected.
you failed question 14 "what do you like best in a man ?"
"A knife" was not an acceptable answer.

very brave Man jokes ....

how do you turn a fox into an elephant ? .... marry it !

what is the difference between a battery and a woman ?
a battery has a positive side.

why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist ?
because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

why did God create woman ?
to carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

classix ....

quick emergency tip, if you get snowed in.
you can turn your dishwasher into a snowplough .... by giving her a shovel.

sic ....

a bloke rings up work and says to his boss "i cant come in today I'm sick"
his boss says "how sick ?"
he replies, "well I'm in bed with my disabled sister !"

and a Christmas cracker ....

this Christmas, lets put mistletoe in our back pockets, so all the people who hate us can kiss our fucking arse.

ahh, the Glesga patter ....

wife asks husband "what shall i wear to the party ? would you like to see me in something long and flowing ?"
husband replies " aye, the fucking Clyde !"

Merry Christmas all.

pleasant dreams

the bitch is .... gone

2009-12-21T21:02:00.006Z

welcome back.

seems i was just bitch of the week, lol. gone, but not forgotten.
poker continues to be pffft, any change, i'll let you know. i think i'll just continue to donk about in micro-land until my new year res kicks in, then its onwards and upwards .... or busto ????

btw the 10c/360's are actually quite funny, some of the all-ins .... class.
so far i've blagged 9th.27th.29th.20th.10th.36th.8th.25th. .... from about 10000 *)
on a slightly different note, i played the daily dollar rebuy on 'tilt last week, managing 311th of 4590 runners, not bad.
and 17th of 160 runners in one of my old favourite $3 war HORSE :)
and 97th of 869 runners in the $3 pl08b

i have a crappy ol' (works) phone and it seems the "memory" is full, lmfao, 90 texts and its fukked. so might as well dump the best ones ? on here. well, they made me smile, mostly :)

when Bob was asked if he preferred legs or breasts he said that he had a particular fondness for shaven fannies.
He was then informed this wasn't an option when choosing a KFC bargain bucket.

a man walks into a bar and sees this gorgeous woman and says "I'd love to get into your knickers"
she replied " i've already got one arsehole in there thanks ! "

scientific studies show 99% of men would like to be a tablecloth.
its the only fucking chance they get of being laid 3 times a day and pulled off last thing at night.

Vicar books into a hotel. Says to the receptionist " I do hope the porn channel is disabled. "
she replies " No, its just normal porn, you sick bastard "

classic ....

One day, a long time ago, in a land far far away, there lived a woman who did not nag, whine or bitch.
But it was just one day and a fucking long time ago.

pleasant dreams.

hmmmm, so i am your bitch ....

2009-12-16T00:48:00.005Z

welcome back.

its been a while so i thought i'd better knock one out but i decided to write a post instead ....

apparently, i am a certain degenerates bitch. what the fuck that entails, i have no idea .... do i bail him out financially ..... do i give him life enhancing advice .... or do i just blow him ....

not been aboot for a while, 'stars continues to be a complete fucking rollercoaster, not exactly what i want at this time of year. sure, i keep running into monster hands, made or otherwise, but fuck me, it does bleech the confidence factor right out of you !

speaking of such, i have been away for 5 days, i get back, she says "hi" .... wtf ????

bearing in mind, she is wearing a top you could park your fucking bike in, she is a trophy, she is indeed one mighty fucking fine looking MILF .... and "hi" .... wtf, seriously, wtf.
((not sure if its the milkman or one of the local farmers .... but it is certainly not fucking me))

any wonder i drink beer and play pokher .... seems i have fuck all else to do, pfffft.

aye, so, getting royally fucked at the felt, not so royally fucked away from it, pffft. decided to give stars a rest and just donk about in general ..... anyone remember Zelda, lol, yeah i have an old n64 gathering dust :) well, there is only so much internet fucking porn you can take in a week :))

so inbetween Zelda i am donking about in el-cheapo donk-em land .... (360)10c turbs :)

for my benefit, i played 12 tonight, including beer, and it ended ....

327,95,95,124,142,59,183,68,95,49,38 and last game i blag 8th.

ha fucking ha, so thats one itm .... guess what my new year resolution is ????

pleasant dreams.

wtf is this real life ?

2009-11-27T20:07:00.003Z

welcome back.

over the last 2 weeks i have been beaten fucking senseless by the stars RNG. i also tend to find, when this happens, i don't play particularly well, so its a double whammy !! from a high of over $800 i hit the lows of $690 odds, wtf ? seriously wtf !!!!

[ the jammy bastard has gotten it all back and is on the right side of $800 - Ed ]

two weeks ago was smallestChilds birthday :) booked the day off .... but .... on the preceding night middleChild starts sicking up .... no biggie .... unless its half eleven at night and they are in bed .... ugh .... what a fucking mess !
this continues through the night, every hour or there abouts, fml !
the mrs decides this might be a good time to throw a sicky herself, wtf ? she spends half the night in the loo, fml.
middleChild stops throwing up about 9 next morning .... birthday morning, sigh .... about 10, i kneel down in front of the birthday girl, who is looking a wee bit wabbit .... BARF !!!! .... i am extremely extremely glad i had my mouth closed .... ugh .... what a fucking mess .... how i never caught their bug is beyond me !!

was supposed to be heading North of the border last weekend, see friends & family etc, etc .... err, no. due to the slightly inclement weather, trip postponed, sigh.

i run so good, huh ?

so i am heading North of the border this weekend .... err, no.
lunchtime today, i get a call from her mum, she aint well at all ! cant get out of bed, neighbour has taken oldestChild to school, middleChild is off school, hacking & coughing all over the fucking place, and good ole' mother-in-law has had to take a day off work to look after the kids !
so i get away from work and eventually get home to find the mrs still in bed with suspected swine flu !
so i have to head off to Boston (Lincs not Mass, btw) to get some damned tamiflu .... two fucking hours it took for a round trip of 20 miles, fml ! that town at 4pm friday afternoon is a fucking drivers nightmare !

i am soooo looking forward to the weekend, sigh.

the thought of playing on stars is almost comforting, almost.

pleasant dreams.

The Return of the Pink Salmon

2009-11-23T20:51:00.005Z

welcome back.

played the britBlogger last night. what a hoot, up to a point :)

at my table i had badcallthat, Ca$hPredator, joppa-roadand his would-be-bitch (we'll come back to these two:), noCash and the Katitude. the delightful Mair would join us soon enough, along with Kronsdat .... not sure if that was before or after StanStanTheTaxi man decided he wanted theMonkey to have another week in the fair city of Edinburgh .... two weeks on the trot .... record ? .... same fcuking house .... record ?!!!!

The star attraction would show up later :)

now, at the time the banter started between JoppaRoad and WouldBe, i thought they were buddies ! not quite, so it would seem. an stars sat them next to each other, fcuking ace move right there !!
wouldBe "$50 bounty to JR if he can get into the knickers of any woman under the age of 60"
wouldBe "and an extra $25 if she weights less than 14 stone"
as per fucking usual, I misread the sign.
jopparoad "who's d1ck did you suck to get entry for this ?"
wouldBe "at $1 a go i had to suck more than one"

ah the britBlogger, such a fun, friendly, family game :)

I've started reading both their blogs, it aint fucking pretty, but it is pretty interesting. Kudos to both of them for their honesty.
Hell, i even have a cameo on wouldBe's blog, ha ha too funny. left a comment and his reply quite surprised me ! well played sir !
so these two degenerate gamblers are involved in a challenge .... hope they both do well, actually, and manage to keep hold of whatever they win .... remember guys, Bankroll Management :)

not long after, the table broke and i found myself sitting with these fish .... weegem not long for Falkirk eh ? ya jammy git !! BM, Daleroxxu, rchpro, sword-skillz defending champ .... could anyone oust him ? , Neil Ross and theCloud ....

so we banter along for a while, the fish all 3-betting each other left right and centre, then it happened ..... daleroxxu sets the tone for the entrance of the star attraction .....

daleroxxu goes all-in over weegem's initial raise .... AT v AK .... a ten on the flop sends weegem packing :(

so its all his fault for giving the idea to the stars RNG :)

so down to 2 tables, i'm now sat with -

SWORD-SKILLZ, badcallthat, Ca$hPredator, Al Eleven, rchpro, Joppa Rd, NoCash25 and Katitude

now as i recall, AlEleven had three hammers that i saw and got paid ! pushing fishes off post flop, nice :) the RNG had one last laugh before it went into overdrive .... my AA was good against AQ ....

first to go was joppa-road with KQ vTT .... he hit the straight on the river, badcall hit the boat, ouch.
then Ca$hPredator 88 no good against Al's QQ, gg but nae luck.

then, A3o v QQ .... Al Eleven v SWORD-SKILLZ, nae luck sword, its Al your playing, wow, Ace on the flop

and that was my downfall, folded AK pre, to the heavy betting, fucking woose, there was also a K on the flop too :(

rchpro sent Katitude to the rail, his 66 good v AJ

so 5 handed, bubble for the final table, and i push with 99 ... Al calls with AKs ....

*** FLOP *** [4d Tc 5h]*** TURN *** [4d Tc 5h] [Js]*** RIVER *** [4d Tc 5h Js] [Qc]

what a surprise ! good game me. actually thought i had a chance until the J appeared ....

now i obv don't have the hh, but from here on in, big stak Al Eleven got aggro, and anytime he got looked up, he called the all-in .... he got in behind on so many occasions i thought he'd started batting for the other team !!

lmfao, n1 Al Eleven, pleasure to see you at the felt again, and after kicking my ass, a real pleasure to watch you go on and win, the luckboxery you displayed was even better than our last home game, fucking outstanding big man !!

Al Eleven will be back next week to defend. surely not 2 in a row, again ....

pleasant dreams.

oh f m l

2009-11-20T00:05:00.003Z

welcome back.

dropped $10 tonight ....

shouldn't be too hard on myself, first time for every thing ....

i turned quads .... wheeeeeeee .... no low, but who gives a fuck :)

he rivered a straight flush .... oh fml

so what the fuck do you call a straight flush 5-high ....

surely not ? .... a straight wheel .... can't be ....

sigh, fml (no fucking bad beat jackpot either, you bastard)

damn, i'm tired !

pleasant dreams.

The Return of the Pink Panther

2009-11-14T21:23:00.006Z

welcome back, gentle reader.

oh yes indeed, its back .... the original, the biggest, the bestest tourney in the whole of the history of bloggerdom !

oh and there is a bounty on my head ! wheeee famous at last :)

the prop bets ....

$5 bounty on theCloud's head ( by theCloud )

$10 for busting someone with the hammer ( by BurnleyMik )

$5 bounty on ResdentEvil's head ( by NFWS man .... aka Zagga )

$5 last longest .... ( contact BurnleyMik )

$5 that a jock don't win ( contact BurnleyMik )

i really hope Mik has had a good week elswhere ....

oh and whoever is gigli must post theMonkey on their blog .... (no excuses, i still have the picture !)

now there's a question, who was the last person to house said monkey ????

" but I thought you said NFWS .... "

2009-11-09T21:53:00.007Z

welcome back, gentle reader.

I know I know, but I just could not resist ....

sent my mate zagga a wee text today ....

" nagging doubt .... that pallet .... was it owned by the NFWS ....

National Fox Welfare Society .... "

boom boom !!!!

he is obv in great pain, the response took at least 5 minutes ....

" LOL thats almost funny, you cuuunt ! :-) "

( there is now an Official "zagga bounty" oan ma heid, in The Return of the britBloggerment ! )

( lmfao, how much ? .... you tight cuuuunt !!!! )

" are you talking to moi ? "

2009-11-08T22:33:00.007Z

welcome back, gentle reader.

i wonder what would have happened if i'd been really rude .... you know, called him a "cunt" or something ....

" .... have suspended your chat privilege for 24 hours ....

The following chat was observed

oh fcuk off
lol fcuk yoiu .... "

i was on tilt and its nice to rant .... havoc with the bankroll, but nice to rant .... :)

he holds him with his glittering eye - pt 8

2009-10-30T13:43:00.002Z

welcome back, gentle reader.

after what seems like a lifetime ! and after moving up to the 10c/25c and meeting the variance bitch head on .... i think i moved up completely when the 'roll hit $740 getting as high as $770 and then b00m headshot, dropped a small fortune to hit a low of $698 .... to be fair, i did run into 3 monster hands, flopped two boats only to run into two flopped battleships ! met the third battleship on the river, fml !!
that kinda shit is hard to take when you've just moved up, doubly hard for me, since 90% of my previous play had been at 1c/2c with a $3 buy-in lol, so dropping $15 in a single hand, ugh !
last nights session felt fairly comfortable, hopefully i've now settled in :)

'stars roll .... $817.... :)

playing across 6 tables in total last night, going down at only two for a measly $6 but more than making up for it across the other 4, whew !
wow ! i only won 4 ! hands where my net gain was $5 or more .... can you believe that ? and over 400 odd hands. yeesh, have i turned into a grinder or have i always been ? blimey, thats a bit of an eye opener that one ! as ever, its only major (one way or another) hands that stick in your memory.
then again, my biggest loss in a single hand was $3 .... with only 6 hands losing more than $1 ....

now i could bore you with the gory details .... but they bore me too, so i wont bother lol.

good luck, fellow fish. and remember, my quad goddessess of poker like sacrificial virgins.

weird fixations

2009-10-26T14:31:00.004Z

welcome back, gentle reader.

am i a better player .... err no
will they fear me more .... err no

but hey, i do get the following, lmfao

Congratulations! You have achieved SilverStar VIP status.

Your VIP level lasts for the rest of this month and all of next month.This entitles you to the following rewards:-

50% FPP Multiplier - you now earn 1.5 FPP credits instead of 1 FPP credit

- SilverStar VIP Store access - choose from new and exclusive merchandise in the SilverStar store

- USD 500 Daily VIP tourneys - 3 x a day - 10 FPP entry

- USD 30,000 Weekly VIP tourneys - Saturdays at 14:30 ET - 100 FPP buy-in

- USD 100,000 Monthly VIP tourney - last Saturday of each month - 130 FPP satellites available

These exclusive VIP tournaments can be found in your PokerStars game lobby under the 'Tourney > VIP > All' tab.

oh just cant contain myself !!

her name is Rio and she dances in the sand - pt 2

2009-10-25T20:38:00.006Z

welcome back, gentle reader.

thanks for the comments guys, fuktheriva (what a fcuking ace username !) all linked up.
zagga too funny, you play way to much poker .... bet you have a "durr" suntan as well *)

no rant about the mrs today .... and btw, would have been back here yesterday but for my router going a bit tits-up, me selecting "filter cookies" when re-setting the fcuking thing .... said cookies thingy don't let me access blogger, wtf ? wordpress, wtf ? and orange, wtf ?
ah the things you learn when pissing in the dark !
no rant btw, due to split crotch knickers and hold-ups .... and no, i aint fcuking tellin ya what SHE was wearing .... *)

i will rant about Sunday drivers .... a 10 mile trip and not one, but fcuking two changes of underwear required, fml.
nipping along the a17 and some donk decides to pull out the Heckington slip road .... before i pass him .... dumb motherfcuker .... two things going for me - its dry and my honda has anti-skid this anti-lock that .... otherwise my brand-new-rollerskates would be looking decidedly second-hand .... this was a serious foot on the brake pedal as hard as i could push the fcuker ! still managed to lock the nearside front for a second though, and that should tell you how hard i was braking .... otherwise i'd be sitting right behind the fcuking donk whispering in his ear "let me guess, you didn't see me ?" .... reckon i was maybe 2' from disaster
second one was the usual ignorant fcuking twat, indicates once, pulls into outside lane of dual carriageway to overtake a truck .... rinse & repeat of incident one .... reckon i was maybe 6' from disaster ( thats the usual with these fcukers )

nh gg fu (both)

on the poker front ....

2 nights ago was obv my turn :) pulled in a whopping $50 or so at my new level, and a fair few fpp's, un-fcuking-hinged i tell ya !
hand of the night has to be .... (not my play btw but his, lol )

utg raises to 4bb, i flat call as does guy behind me and the bb. its nl08b btw
flop comes down ... T T T ....
the bb checks and the initial raisee insta-fcuking jams his remaining 45bb ....
honestly, i sat thinking wtf ? and how did he manage to jam so quick ? lightning quick !!
i think for a few seconds and flat call .... hoping the two behind will come along for the ride, no such luck ....
of course i had the fcuking ten .... :)
and mr-insta-lightning-jammer .... he has, no really, he does .... KK .... wtf ?
it took him a full 20 secs to type in the chat box "wow" and another ten to re-load.

last night was break-even :) earning a shed load of fpp's .... told you, i am fcuking unhinged, i want a silver-fcuking-star !!
need a paltry 125 fpp's by the end of the month .... to achieve my life-long-ambition .... fml indeed.

her name is RIO and she dances in the sand - pt 1

2009-10-23T20:16:00.005Z

welcome back, gentle reader.

i am on motherfucking life tilt. not fucking good for poker, let me tell you. this fucking kind of life-fucking-tilt .... for example, took me 3hrs to drive home this afternoon, did she say "hi" ask about my day, the journey home "glad you're back" .... did she fuck ! walked thru the door and she has a face like a skelped arse .... situation normal then, my my i am sooo looking forward to the weekend, not.

and just to top it off, i fire up the laptop, 10mins ago, and my nearly fucking new wireless router has decided not to be wireless .... aaaarrgghhhhhhhhh .... you fucking piece of shit technology .... at this time of night, i just want to play, i do not want to start fucking about with ssid's and wep2 keys as long as your fucking arm .... F.M.L.

sigh, while i am here .... i think 10c/25c is my new pl08b level .... a very fucking harsh intro to, i might add .... 5 fucking buy-ins down to start, dropped me below 700 sigh, but pulled it out the fucking fire last night, just, about twelve fucking dollars worth ffs .... and the fpp's pile up .... need 320 or so for silver lmfao .... honestly, i feel a bit unhinged, i am fixated on getting that fucking silver star ... wtf ? seriously, wtf ?

i mean, whats the fucking point, if i can only pull in a few bucks .... hopefully i have now settled down and stopped jizzing off dollars !
i really am the new fucking fish on the block .... apart from last night .... lets see how it goes tonight .... I will be back, tomorrow, honest

and then the fucking wheels fell off ....

2009-09-21T20:49:00.005Z

welcome back, gentle reader.

poker wise, feel like i am driving an 18-wheeler, thats a lot of wheels to come off !! (fml, $3 a wheel, ugh)
yes, i have been running like shite and playing like shite for .... you guessed it, since i got my new rollerskates, lol and fml, seriously fml.
so bad that i gave up on stars 4-card-bingo and shuffled over to fullTilt and swam with the hoddem donkeys. only for one night though :)

played 4 micro tourneys, perhaps i should stay ?

Full Tilt Poker Tournament #108528847 $2 + $0.25
180 players
Total Prize Pool: $360.00
Start Date: September 18 4:05 PM ET

Dear dD,
You finished the tournament in 4th place.
There has been $36.00 added to your account

Full Tilt Poker Tournament #108387775 $1
Tournament NL Hold'emBuy-In: $1.00
1055 players
Total Prize Pool: $1055.00
Start Date: September 18 4:05 PM ET

Dear dD,
You finished the tournament in 31st place.
There has been $3.38 added to your account

of course, if you followed the challenge, your own, personal, jesus , cough cough, this would not be news and you'd know why i've been quiet :)

I've got a brand new pair or rollerskates

2009-09-11T16:54:00.007Z

welcome back, gentle reader

usually, as far as i am concerned, a car, is a box on wheels, to go from a to b. have to say though, i am quite impressed with my new car .... in the land of Nippon, thay have some va va va va voom ....

guess not - pt 2

2009-09-07T19:51:00.003Z

welcome back, gentle reader

sometimes its nice to dish it out. not once, but twice. nh gg fu .... :)

[2009/09/03 18:42:59 ET]

*** HOLE CARDS *** Dealt to ResdentEvil [Qd Qs]

Axamenta: folds,Filipp Alex: folds,Lothi1: calls $0.05,xX Matrim Xx: folds
ResdentEvil: raises $0.25 to $0.30
KGB-David: folds
tortillas pa: calls $0.28
pilnik007: folds,Lothi1: folds

*** FLOP *** [3d 9c 8c]

tortillas pa: checks,ResdentEvil: bets $0.85,/tortillas pa: calls $0.85

*** TURN *** [3d 9c 8c] [3s]

tortillas pa: checks,ResdentEvil: bets $2.55,tortillas pa: raises $1.42 to $3.97 and is all-in,ResdentEvil: calls $1.42

ResdentEvil said, "oops"

*** RIVER *** [3d 9c 8c 3s] [Qh]

*** SHOW DOWN ***
tortillas pa: shows [8d 8s] (a full house, Eights full of Threes)
ResdentEvil: shows [Qd Qs] (a full house, Queens full of Threes)
ResdentEvil collected $9.84 from pot

obviously, virginal sacrifices are worth the effort.

[2009/09/03 18:18:39 ET]

*** HOLE CARDS *** Dealt to ResdentEvil [Kh Ks]

PaolaK: folds,drpaut: folds,ghirboy_visa: folds,Brackovic: calls $0.05,TeTrader789: folds
crissshto: raises $0.15 to $0.20
ady86poker: raises $0.15 to $0.35
ResdentEvil: raises $4.90 to $5.25 and is all-in
Brackovic: folds
crissshto: calls $4.66 and is all-in
ady86poker: folds

*** FLOP *** [6h Kd 5h]
***TURN *** [6h Kd 5h] [4h]
*** RIVER *** [6h Kd 5h 4h] [Jh]

*** SHOW DOWN ***
ResdentEvil: shows [Kh Ks] (a flush, King high)
crissshto: shows [Ac Ad] (a pair of Aces)
ResdentEvil collected $9.62 from pot
crissshto leaves the table

dost thou not know I worship The Church of Dyson

tales from the crypt - pt 1

2009-08-29T16:07:00.008Z

welcome back, gentle reader

not been posting as not much happening. well, lots happening but trying to find the time seems a major problem. prolly something to do with the fact that i travel a lot, meh.

liquor up front, poker in the rear.
running not to bad, strangely, been playing a shit load of hoddem cash, nano stakes as usual. fuck me you can get a shed load of hands in when multitabling ! but fuck me, the variance is unbelievable, now i remember why i gave up on hoddem ! the donkitude on display is just mind boggling .... and not just mines either !

liquor up front, poker in the rear.
last night i returned to the real game, pl08b :) nano as per with two 10c/25c open to spice it up, sigh, final fucking orbit bit me in the arse. on the plus side, even with only two bigger tables open, my vip points accrued nicely. wtf do i do with these fucking things anyways ?
my exit hand, so to speak, was, of course, on the bigger table ....
with $26 behind (+11 on starting stakk) i hit the nut low on the turn, outs to a straight and outs to the nut flush, all the money went in on the turn .... missing the fucking lot, i suppose i should be grateful my low didn't counterfeit, villain has nut low and rivers two pair for high, cunt.
leaving me with only $15, cunt, and heading for tilt land, i left, cunt

liquor up front, poker in the rear.
zagga has promised ! to look after me at the next liquorupfront, pokerintherear meet. fuck me, someone has too, you lot were fucking rubbish .... but then again, what goes on tour, stays on tour .... jonesUcunt yer barred !! when i went to retrieve my phone from the room, only to find my roomies MILF had re-retired to bed ffs, i was gonna ask her for an amagay special .... something put me off .... 3 people in a small room, all been on the fucking piss the night before, two have had an after beer curry, one has had an after beer kebab .... man, that room was fucking honking .... walked in the room and the fucking smell killed all thoughts of debauchery stone fucking dead.
so i need a minder, well imagine letting me play 1/2 hoddem cash ffs, i mean really, and i'd had a few as well, sincere appologies to the cypriots who put up with my ballbagged donkery and let me win some of there cash, 40 quid or so, unbelievable.
and btw, that rave club was fucking pish ! next time we stay with the milfman , no fucking arguments hamster-on-steroids ok, end of. :)

ok, thats enough pish for one post, hmmm, a bit of real life to end, i will try to keep it short ....
she rings me up at work, my neighbour has ripped out the hedge which separates our houses, yes, the fucking house i am trying to sell, and she is going fucking bananas ! oh and we are going up there at the weekend, not been there for fucking weeks and the grass must need cut etc, etc .... so i zip down lincs on thursday night, she is mrs-fucking-angry and no i aint getting any fucking rumpage tyvm, sigh, but she relents on friday, w00t .... drive up to scotland, when she sees the fucking line of earth where the hedge was .... and i thought she was fucking angry before ! all rumpage out the fucking window and a shit weekend ahead, sigh
so she spends the whole fucking weekend cleaning the house ?? and doing the garden, while i am left to entertain the kids :) not a single piece of interaction with me and the kids all weekend, she wonders why i dont wanna go anywhere with her, yeesh.

so hit the beer and play poker at night enforcing a long lie-in in the morning, oops :(

lmfao, talk about shooting yourself in the foot with both barrels .... sigh, a week later, i am in scotland, on my jack, fucking fence aint up yet ffs, and no, she aint opening them anytime soon !!

fml.

he holds him with his glittering eye - pt 4

2009-08-14T15:23:00.005Z

welcome back, gentle reader

that site i got chat banned. really shot the other players in foot, thanks. had a +$16 night, thanks. form continued last night with +$9 :)

***** balance $719 .... get fucking in there !!

and all without stepping up, lmfao, i am such a fucking pussy.

so still playing 1c/2c & 2c/5c pl08b. been dabbling in the micro H.O.R.S.E as well, just for a bit of variation and break the monotony of the grind. played over 4 tables going +$2 +$2 +$1 +$4 which is not bad, considering all the games are limit. the biggest game i've noticed going on is $3/$6 and i look forward to playing there .... in xx years :) would like to give the 8-game cash tables a go as well, but they are only 6 max, can you make money on a 6-max limit table, lol .... and get this, there was one guy sat at a $20/$40 with $800 obv looking for a game :) and omfg, there was a guy sat at the $400/$800 with $20,000 .... one day mofu's, one day ....

now there's a question, what 'roll do you need for limit games ?

fuck you ***** you cnut

2009-08-12T22:22:00.003Z

welcome back, gentle reader

i am a player.

my chat got revoked. you know where.

cunts

Hello ResdentEvil,
We are writing to inform you that we have suspended your chat privilege for 3 hours as a result of your chat on 2009/08/12. The use of vulgarity when addressing another player is not allowed. When asterisks are seen during chatting, it is a warning that what is being put into the chatbox is not allowed. Using spaces or other characters, or otherwise defeating the censor is a violation of the Card Room Rules. Your chat privilege will be reinstated automatically once the suspension period is over. There is no need to write to support. Our goal at ********** is to be a fun place to play, where everyone can feel comfortable. Abuse and other disruptions to the games takes away from everyone's enjoyment, and therefore will not be tolerated. We thank you for your cooperation.
Regards,********** Chat Moderation Team

The following chat was observed

lol who the fk is red .... :)
you fkn animal !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
lol who the fk is red .... :)
you fkn animal !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
typical fkn shortie calls
fcuking river
get some chips you short fcuking stakker

some people are so so fcuking sensitive (are you listening, honey ?)

" Hey, have you ever tried dogs playing poker ? "

2009-07-25T11:53:00.008Z

welcome back, gentle reader.

not been around because the grind continues. nothing startling happening. been languishing around the mid 600 mark for a week .... two weeks ?
then along comes the "wsop", not the real thing, but a wee series of tourneys arranged by forum ppp which is all good fun but denting to the 'roll.
well, it is if you run like a 3-legged racehorse. as usual with these things there has been some splendid donkery to behold ! no names :)
so 7 events gone, 3 to go and not a fucking cash in sight, in fact not even a final table come to think of it. lmfao, some of the members must think i am a serious donkey :)

after last nights buy-in's i was down to 640, ugh, so off i went to the cash tables.
(( lmfao, stars balance is .... six six six .... (and 39 cents))

my slump in form made me head for the micro's .... might even have been a little tilty after watching every-fucking-hand get outgunned at the stud8 tourney.
the earlier tourney was a nlhe hu thingy. my first (and last !) opponent was BoneIdle :) and he was so fucking hot ! every flop i hit, he had hit it harder ! my exit hand pretty well sums it up .... my Q3 on a Qxx flop .... he had QT :)

oh my, i have a new buddy at the cash tables. for whatever reason, he has latched on to me, well my avatar anyways .... and he can talk .... and talk .... and talk .... and talk. how the fuck he finds time to play beats me.
i have to admit, his incessant chatter is amusing, and he does use it to good effect. lavishing praise and "abuse" in equal measure .... and the compliments he sychophantically lavishes on me .... drives some of the other players to distraction. all good. but then he tells one table "i dont bet against Res" .... fuck me .... scary .... comments like that, its only a matter of time before someone reports "us" .... lol he is from the US-of-fucking-A after all.

so there i am, donking along about even but still tilty :) with my "dawg" chit chattering to all and sundry when i announce "right, fuck this, break time, then its off to play with the big boys" so i close all the tables, take my break, then come back and fire up ....
two micro tables, two 2c/5c and oh-oh three 10c/25c . well fuck me, while still waiting for the bb to get to me, who joins me at two of the big tables ? my stalking dawg of course .... wtf ?

and he proudly announces to all "i normally play with the girls at 1c/2c, i am only here to support Res .... " .... omfg, a stalking dawg .... ding ! "scary monsters, and supercreeps" Bowie, starts up in my head ....

real scary is the fact that my "stalking dawg" has never sat at a 10c/25c, well none that i have played at .... so he did ok, his chat-trick working overtime on the "locals", leaving one table with the $25 he sat down with but dropping $2 at the other.

and me ? actually a very good night overall, made $26 net, thanks in no small part to this ....

Omaha Hi/Lo No Limit ($0.10/$0.25) - 2009/07/25
9 handed, table is full, i have $12.65 ....
*** HOLE CARDS ***Dealt to ResdentEvil [9d Ac Kh Ad]
i checked my bb and 7 (yes 7) of us see a flop
*** FLOP *** [2d 5h 8c] .... lmfao, how ugly is that
guy in mid position makes it $0.75 to go and 7 (yes all 7) to see the turn
*** TURN *** [2d 5h 8c] [Td]
this time a guy in mid makes it $1 with 3 of us flatting to see the river
*** RIVER *** [2d 5h 8c Td] [Jd]

in my surprise, i checked, other guy makes it $1 and gets one caller, and i blast my remaining $10.65 .... getting one caller, ouch, who has the second nuts ....

ResdentEvil: shows [9d Ac Kh Ad] (HI: a flush, Ace high)
Nooz77 mucked [Kd 7h Ks 7d]
ResdentEvil collected $31.70 from pot .... Total pot $33.30 Rake $1.60

i was outta there 20mins later with a healthy stack of $30.95, not bad for a big fish.

oh and my stalking dawg missed it all ....

yawn

2009-07-15T20:36:00.004Z

welcome back, gentle reader

thought i'd stop by for the old half monthly update.

go, jesus go
continues apace, if thats the correct description .... not sure .... but the grind continues, mostly micro, dipping my toes in the 10c/25c with one or two tables open. suspect i'm riding the variance wave, up on one down on another. generally going in the right direction.
so close to the next hundred dollar barrier, i can smell it .... probably just the bullshit though ....

secondLife
this continues to be a fucking ballache. the house still not sold, family in englandshire, i'm working in york and mostly commuting. its 100 miles each way ffs which is 2-3hrs each fucking way .... only consolation is company car. when they find out almost all the milage is "commuting" i think they'll knock it on the head. so come next month maybe September, i may be be forced to "stay " in york .... its not fucking cheap and i really cannot afford it. probably whack the plastic 'till the house sells. at least i dont do weekend working ....
so, question is, is my 40k a year job worth it .... fucking recession, looks like i will have to continue to take it in the rear ....
house sells, recession over, work from home please or another job please ....

so fucking close I can smell it .... probably just the bullshit though ....

"I've got a friend in jesus...."

2009-07-05T11:24:00.010Z

thouroughly pi$$ed off playing mtt's with a billion runners, thought it was high time i headed back to my spiritual poker home, the mighty 888.com , my original feeding ground. well, ok, it was here that i tried to learn to swim.

anyways, as far as i'm concerned its, probably, the best site in the world to play online poker .

now i "know" its not the largest site but thats the point. on the big sites you prolly have, what, at least a 100 fish for one solid player ? it seems to me that with such a high ratio you have to get real "lucky" for your big hands to hold, i mean, when mr J6-off thinks its a good idea to get all his chips in against your bullets, hitting the obligatory two pair on the river to send you crashing out of yet another tourney, straight to tilt land !!

as you know, i'm an omaholic, but we'll get back to that :) so on firing up pacific i was pleasantly surprised to see i still had some moola in my account and decided to see if my texas holdem poker game had improved since my last swim :)
after only an hour, i think its safe to say, it has. dont get me wrong, i only dipped my toe in the shallow end, the 2c/4c to be precise, but walking away with 30bb profit suited me just fine. the other thing i noticed was the actual play.
not too many suicidal all-in's pre-flop and when the betting hotted up on later streets, at least the villains had caught something on the flop, makes it so much easier to play, imho.

i know most of you lot are hoddem donkeys, so for you guys, there is quite a lot of choice :)
for the wee fishes theres 2c/4c right through to nosebleed $10/$20 gulp.

for me ? there were pl08b games running, right up to $15/$30 .... eek !!

enjoy your swim ....

a 1500 big blind nosebleed

2009-06-25T09:16:00.010Z

welcome back, gentle reader

chapter 1 The Nosebleed

followers will know that i am having a crack at the bigger tables, lmfao gotta try children, gotta try :) some may say i dallied way to long at the microlimits, i agree. it was just so so comfortable down there. trouble is, it would take forever to make some decent pocket money there .... and we are, are we not, here to make some money ?
anyone who knows my style will know that i am not overly fond, or indeed impressed, by huge pre-flop raises ....

PokerStars Game #29748731353: Omaha Hi/Lo No Limit ($0.10/$0.25)
Table 'Sycorax IX' 9-max .... i joined this table with $15, ground it up to $22, villain has $22 too

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to ResdentEvil [2h Ac Ah 8c]

JOVdaGRINDER: raises $21.75 to $22 and is all-in
darkstar24: folds encore fred: folds redurb: folds klavuz: folds jenspap13: folds
ResdentEvil said, "fk" .... using most of my time bank, i said fuck, a lot
ResdentEvil: calls $21.75 and is all-in
Piwonka: folds .... all the rest, quite rightly, clear the field of battle

*** FLOP *** [4h Jc 6d]
*** TURN *** [4h Jc 6d] [5d]
*** RIVER *** [4h Jc 6d 5d] [3h]

*** SHOW DOWN ***
ResdentEvil: shows [2h Ac Ah 8c] (HI: a straight, Ace to Five; LO: 5,4,3,2,A)
JOVdaGRINDER: mucks hand .... .... mucked [5c Qh As Ad]
ResdentEvil collected $21.10 from pot
ResdentEvil collected $21.05 from pot

he re-loaded for a full $25 buy-in and three hands later he is at it again. i dont know this player at all, only have 120 odd hands on him and he is -$30. after the previous hand, this is kinda anti-climactic, at least being played more sensibly ....

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to ResdentEvil [4c 3h 5h 6d]

basically, the villain raised pre to $1 and 3 of us call, so four to the flop

*** FLOP *** [4h 2d Tc]
another villain bets $2.50, i flat call, the other two, including the original raiser, fold
*** TURN *** [4h 2d Tc] [3c]
villain checks :) i bet out for $10 and he calls for his remaining $8.25
*** RIVER *** [4h 2d Tc 3c] [Qd]

klavuz: shows [4s 2h Ts Kh] (HI: two pair, Tens and Fours)
ResdentEvil: shows [4c 3h 5h 6d] (HI: a straight, Deuce to Six; LO: 6,5,4,3,2)
ResdentEvil collected $12.25 from pot
ResdentEvil collected $12.25 from pot

eek, and all within the space of 4 hands. my session concluded 6 minutes later, it was late, very late, i had been at that table for 2hrs2mins and bed was calling. having sat down with $15, it seemed like a damned good idea to leave with the $54 now sitting in front of me :)

chapter 2 Who Wants to be a Millionaire

sorry, but this one really really rips ma knittin .... please explain to me what 1 million is, in quantifiable terms that I can understand, so that you get across to me how large a number 1 million is .... think about it, really think about .... and dont give me pish like " to the moon and back, twice" , this has no meaning to me as I have never been to the moon ....

how about this one. to make one million pounds in one year, you need to make two thousand seven hundred and forty pounds a day, every day, for the whole year ....

chapter 3 The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

the good - after grinding my way through umpty thousand 1c/2c hands, i think i can consider myself a winning player at these microstakes. pats self on the back .... :)

the bad - sitting down at said 1c/2c table and before it gets to my big blind, the table has emptied .... wtf ? seriously wtf ? this has happened at several times in the past week .... are these motherfuckers in collusion ? or is the news out ? my big fish avatar is actually the kind of fish you don't want to be swimming with ? fair enough, the regulars "know" i can play a bit and i actually seem to know what constitutes a reasonable starting hand, but come on, its 1c/2c and you sit down with a massive $3.
btw you motherfucking fish who wont, dont, cant play with me .... if you want to learn, you need to play with decent players .... and if you cannot beat me, really, who the fuck do you think you can beat ?
I am not, repeat, not, gawds gift to poker .... i am, quote, "a solid player who is hard to get chips from" .... a view not shared by all my fellow donks .... so, on the other hand, i am, quote, "a fucking fish .... will chase anything for half .... fucking idiot" ....
so there's the two sides to the argument, take your pick ....
personally, I take both as a compliment, so thank you madam :) and thank you sir :)

the ugly - those woman tennis players who grunt .... jesus fucking wept ladies, save it for the bedroom or wherever .... just stop fucking doing it, what a fucking turnoff ....

very much like meeting a beautiful woman in a bar, in Glasgow .... you notice her standing at the bar, a heavenly vision of beauty, you saunter over, trying to look cool, trying not to trip over your own feet, trying not to dribble your been down your shirt .... "hi there ...." .... "aw rite pal, we're gaun tae ra jiggin, ye waant tae bye me an Mary-doll a fukkin beer .... " .... time for a Sharp exit (Harp, sharp to the bottom of the glass:)

chapter 4 He holds him with his glittering eye - pt 3

well, with the aid of the aforementioned nosebleeds and generally doing ok all round last night, i have broken through the $600 mark .... go jesus, go :)

upwardly mobile, almost

2009-06-22T13:27:00.010Z

welcome back, gentle reader

quite a week at the tables. ( for the impatient amongst you, stars 'roll at $554 )

stepped up a level, sort of :) still playing the 1c/2c and of course the 2c/5c. and yeah, started opening a table or two of 10c/25c.
the first session at 10/25 was an eye opener. obviously i was the new fish at the table .... raises ignored, or getting 5-bet :) any flop i did get into i was simply bullied off it !
lmfao what a wuss. or is it the same for anyone who steps up and is (too) seriously keeping one eye on the bankroll ?
on my first attempt at 10c/25c it went a bit pear shaped. i did not play to many hands and was blinded & bullied down to $12 ($15 buy-in) when i limped in to a pot with A333 .... on a board of A2385 .... the villain shows T554 .... oops, played like a fiddle .... which left me with $7 and i packed it in shortly after that, confidence sagging, and thinking wtf was i in that pot for in the first place. when that sort of thing happens, i am left feeling vaguely embarassed, feeling like a fish, so to speak.

my next crack at the 10c/25c, three nights later was the opposite. my very first hand !! 5 of us limp into the pot, 2 of us go the distance and on a board of 8QJJ7 oh yes, i have JQ .... villain had 9T but his re-raise on the flop only frightened off the other 3 limpers, not bad for a beginner .... a $14 hand .... eventually leaving the table with $26.

next night was one of those nights. i could not hit fuck all, could not get anyone to fold blah blah blah blah .... net result ? dropped $6 .... still painfull for me because that is a full buy-in at the 2c/5c.
and talking of painful .... when you hit the nut low draw and top two on the turn there's no problem with all the money going in .... unfortunately the villain had hit top set on the flop but he had no low draw .... the ace on the river was especially painful since it killed my low draw and rubbing it in, completes the flush draw .... villain had the required two matching suits in his hand .... sigh, a full buy-in bites the dust

dropping so much could really have dented my bankroll, but as "luck" would have it, i was running so hot at the 2c/5c, just about (almost) making up what i was dropping at the bigger tables. i don't feel i was playing particularly badly .... how many players spout that one ?? .... just a matter of time :)

"time" started last night, hopefully it might continue ....

with "only" $12 behind me i picked up A24T suited ace :) and all the money went in on the river, the villain mucked 9AA9 double suited, no less, unfortunately for him the board was J3T48 so my two pairs are enough to see off his pesky aces .... why do people put so much stock on them ? never ceases to amaze me .... oh yeah, did you notice he had no low, not even a draw .... so he loses big time :) $11.90 +$11.85 .... b00m headshot, if i may be so bold.

last night was one of my best, net profit of $17 with almost half of it coming from that one hand. wondering where the rest came from ? glad you asked, heres where :)

at the 1c/2c i picked up amounts of $7.61 & $6.64 any table you sit at and double yer buy-in is a result in my book ! of the others i picked up a dollar here and there plus cents on three others but dropped a buy-in between the remaining two.

makes you wonder though. since i started my "assault" on the 10c/25c .... all of a whopping 3 or 4 days actual play, i have kept the boat afloat with good results at the 2c/5c .... and have been getting crucified at the 1c/2c !!

is it simple psychology ?

am i now playing risk-favourable at the lowest limit or perhaps, concentrating overly on the bigger tables ?

true blonde - pt 1

2009-06-15T02:35:00.004Z

welcome back, gentle reader

sure you have seen it, fucking idiots abound

PokerStars Game #29367818472, Omaha Hi/Lo Pot Limit ($0.01/$0.02), 2009/06/14 Table 'Houzeau V'
Seat 8: ResdentEvil ($3 in chips)

PokerStars Game #29367818472, Omaha Hi/Lo Pot Limit ($0.01/$0.02), 2009/06/14 Table 'Houzeau V'
Seat 8: ResdentEvil ($16.88 in chips)

really, what can you say

thanks :)

Infer - To conclude from evidence or premises

2009-06-13T10:06:00.006Z

welcome back, gentle reader.

thought for the day - stop interfering in other peoples lives

((sort your own life, its a fucking train wreck ))

theDiktator offered me a clean slate .... like a fucking idiot I fell for it. Stayed up to silly o'clock last night playing good ole tourneys, ran deep in the nl08b one on fullTilt .... did i get a lie in ? lol did i fuck.

unfortunately running like a fucking dawg this week, mainly due to life tilt. usual nonsense, with my AA23, yes i actually got dealt a cracking starter once this week ! wonders never cease .... the stars rNg had other fucking ideas though .... 69K flop .... one of the 4, yes 4, callers has KK .... business as usual then.
on the opposite end, get dealt JQKK and the flop is all low, sigh. been running like this all week, fuck ! as a consequence, dropped $10, disaster :) stars sitting at 525, so the 1c2c will have to get fucking hammered because i am starting to get an itch to play the 10c25c ....

here is a very interesting hand .... not because of what happened at the table, more like what happened off the table ....

dealt some innocuous cards and two come along for the ride .... then my 3 kids appear, crowding round the pc, wanting to know wtf is daddy doing ? what position is daddy in ? which player is daddy ? pointing and touching the screen, tiny hands all fucking over the keyboard !
jesus, what a fucking rammy ! and without realising i call all the raises on the table and eventually get caught piggy in the middle, shit low and shit high ! thats when i raised my voice ....

GO TO BED i bawled .... the three of them, stood, open mouthed, staring .... looking at the BEMUSED look on daddy's face .... ( poker face my arse ! ) .... and they all burst out laughing ! and so did I .... fuck the poker, this was much more fun wheeeeee :)

theDiktator obviously thought I'd lost it, she appeared and ignored the fact we were all laughing our fucking faces off .... and ushered them off to bed, game over :(

oh and the guy 14 doors down has applied for an asbo , or whatever the fuck its called :) I am fairly sure most of the neighbours are actually very surprised that there is a man ?? squeak fucking squeak .... in the house ....

the situation was ridic ! so i shut the tourney and fucked off for a beer and a smoke :) when i got back i was short but managed to blag it to the final table, 7th, but no money :)

i ended up being late to bed .... ok, ok so i slept on the fucking sofa (clean slate ? don't make me fucking laugh !) .... by donking my way to a 12th of 158 runner $10+$1 nl 08b on tilt for $23 .... i have to admit liking playing on fullTilt, plenty of play there, but the software is still fucking .... antiquated .... if you want multiple tables open and do not have the luxury of two 42" monitors to fuck about on !

might as well finish on a positive (two huge fingers to life tilt, aka theDiktator, that's what i say) as usual, you nlhe donkeys should be ashamed ! letting a 4-card-bingo-player kick your arse :)

PokerStars Tournament #169962232, No Limit Hold'emBuy-In: $0.10
4791 players
$50.00 added to the prize pool by PokerStarsTotal Prize Pool: $529.10
Tournament started 2009/06/12 21:00:00 WET [2009/06/12 16:00:00 ET]

Dear dD,
You finished the tournament in 329th place. A $0.32 award ....

thanks for stopping by.

oh fuck, almost forgot .... (USA persons please note, fanny = cunt)

bloke takes the new bird home to meet the parents. "i must warn you, they are both deaf and dumb" he warns her.
They get there and walk in to the living room.
His mums got a beer bottle up her fanny and the dad is sitting there with his nuts out and a matchstick propping one eye open.
His bird says "what the fuck is this ?"
he replies " oh, its sign language ....

my mum is saying get the beers in you cunt, and me dads saying, bollocks, I'm watching the match ! "

ha ha ha ha, well it amused me. btw this was a joke text to theDiktator from her good Kafflik pal, so thanks Franny, you have got me in a shit load of trouble at work.
yes i tried to email this to a few friends .... there were plenty of ** and not one real fully formed profanity .... the works fucking profanity filter still saw fit to intervene and the email is under review, if the cunt who reviews it does not have a sense of humour, worse still, a gawd damn fucking jobsworth, then i get reported to "the management" .... depending on their mood, impartiality is not one of their strong points, I could be in for a rough fucking ride over the coming months .... they so love to "monitor" employees after we have fucked up !

.... keep the jokes coming Franny, some of them are hidden gems :)

He holds him with his glittering eye - pt 2

2009-06-06T20:21:00.004Z

welcome back, gentle reader

well its been 6 months give or take a day or two, since i started this ( subconscious ) jesusFerguson type challenge, all be it i started with some dollars. the real challenge was of course to beat the game and prove to my peers ( real and imagined ) that i could stop being a losing player.

A few days ago, I broke through the $500 barrier .... w00t .... currently on +35 at the start of tonights session.

damned good grinding considering i have stuck 90% of the time to the 1c/2c tables. The odd mtt cash has of course, mostly been given back playing more mtt's. its a shame my mrs does not support my habbit as i feel i could do +ev in mtt land, but when i do stay up to silly o'clock .... 2nd place in the 8-game last week springs to mind .... she still insists on me getting up at silly o'clock .... and i just cant do it !! physically, i just cant do it .... anymore .... ( zagga take note :)

so far i have stuck fairly rigorously to br management, only playing mtt's with mtt winnings. what i propose to do now is open two 1c/2c and two 2c/5c tables which puts $18 in play and allows me to open one 10c/25c putting $33 in play and thus keeping my available roll above the 500 mark .... if i bomb at the bigger table, then its back to the penny tables untill i grind it up to the magical 533 required to play with the big :) boys.

thanks for reading & commenting, wish me luck.

In the Heat of the Night

2009-06-05T19:52:00.004Z

welcome back, gentle reader

pl08b is a fucking cruel game.

my bb [4h 9d 5s 3c] a small raise so i flat, big mistake.

*** RIVER *** [6h 8c 2c 7h] [2h]

i foolishly call his river bet, villain has Ah3h, just to rub it in, bugger

drops me to t610, then it got nasty

my sb [Js 2s Ah Ad] so i min raise and get 2 callers ....

on a [3s 5h 3h] flop two of us get the chips in, how do you think I lost ?

*** RIVER *** [3s 5h 3h 3c] [Ac]

and the villain had .... [3d 2d 4s Kd] .... jesus fucking wept, ouch ouch ouch ouch

fuck me ! ah well, only a $5 tourney .... could have been cash :(

Guerre de Cent Ans - bataille de cadsand

2009-05-19T09:52:00.011Z

welcome back, gentle reader.

since everyone does end of month, thought i'd be an awkward git and do it mid-month :)

if i had got around to it, approx 3 days ago, then this would have been a "he holds him with his glittering eye" post .... i did bust my next $$ barrier and then slipped back under it .... not by much, but enough to put the post on temporary hold !

as well as donking the 1c/2c cash i have dipped my toe back in the tourney cct.

the acornman turbos (2 table no-limit 08) have gone quite well. played about 15, final tabled 12, itm in 6 of the madness, with three 1st places, w00t (lmfao they are $1.50+25c buy-in)

the reason i slipped below the next $100 barrier is due to mtt's ... and not cashing obviously, lol, well i did cash in two. the funnier one was on virgin (boss media, i believe) it was the 10c bankroll builder, oh and it was a re-buy !! anyway, got just in the money, top 20 paid, and i misread the drop down tourney summary, thought it said there were 10 left .... there were 20 in fact, so i pushed from late, with a fair stack, with my mid pair, straight into the bb who woke up with AA .... fcuk, out in 20th for €3 or there abouts ! ah well not bad for a 10c entry and no i did not re-buy at all !

tell you what, the plo8b turbo's are mental. there appears to be loads of nlhe players only too willing to get their chips in with minimal outs, it beggars belief. seriously, some people have no clue. for example ....
i limp early with A245 sooted to the ace. usual 6 players see the flop ! anyway the flop comes down all low with a 3 in there and two of my suit. i make a small bet, everyone ! calls but the guy on the button pots it ! so i min re-raise, all fold except the button who min re-raises, i min-re-raise and so on till all the chips are in the middle. at the very least i was expecting him to show A2xx .... but oh no, all he has are aces ! not a fcuking out in sight ! he has no low, no draws to the straight or flush .... seriously wtf ? by the river i have the nut low and a straight, night-night mr nlhe donk :)

here are the mtt results :)

HORSE....Buy-In: $3.00/$0.30....216 players....Total Prize Pool: $648.00
You finished the tournament in 7th place. A $21.06 award ....
....earned 83.98 tournament leader points....

8-Game........Buy-In: $2.00/$0.20........174 players........Total Prize Pool: $348.00
You finished the tournament in 3rd place. A $39.15 award........
........earned 102.98 tournament leader points........

8-Game........Buy-In: $2.00/$0.20........144 players........Total Prize Pool: $288.00
You finished the tournament in 12th place. A $7.20 award........
........earned 46.84 tournament leader points........

and finally ....

pt pl08b stats :)

1c/2c 29364 hands +$186.10 (pl08b)
2c/5c 12815 hands +$23.26 (pl08b)
5c/10c 295 hands +$0.97 (limit 08b)
10c/20c 525 hands -$3.03 (limit 08b)
10c/25c 190 hands -$4.15 (no limit 08b)
10c/25c 1570 hands +$71.25 (pl08b)
25c/50c 513 hands +$36.35 (limit 08b)

oh, for the record, when i break the next barrier, i am going to step up to the 10c/25c level. not gonna multi-table these, just one table and the rest will be 1c/2c and 2c/5c .... i can tell, you are just drooling at the thought :)

State of the Union

2009-05-15T22:50:00.007Z

welcome back, gentle reader

looks like I am a real player now .... w00t

Hello XxxxxxxXxxx,
We are writing to warn you that your chat on 2009/05/15 violates PokerStars policy.
Please be advised that repeated violations will result in the suspension of your chat privilege.
The use of vulgarity when addressing another player is not allowed.
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Using spaces or other characters, or otherwise defeating the censor is a violation of the Card Room Rules.
Our goal at PokerStars is to be a fun place to play, where everyone can feel comfortable.
Abuse and other disruptions to the games takes away from everyone's enjoyment, and therefore will not be tolerated.
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The following chat was observed

lol fcuking idiots

The Bridges of Madison County

2009-05-14T20:54:00.011Z

welcome back gentle reader

well i thought i was on to a winner this week, as early doors i discovered i could view blogger yeah !! from work, hell i could even view the comments and yeah !! i could even post a comment !!
that lasted until this morning when the internet trolls obviously discovered their error, and switched the fucking firewall back on, bollox. ah well, nose back to the fucking grindstone ....

btw did i mention this may come across as a whiny-bitch-post ?

lets start with Brit MP's expenses .... well folks, what the fuck, seriously what the fuck did you expect ?
an ice cube tray, horse manure (the bastards are full of it), jellied eels (puke), a £112 toilet seat (wtf ?), dog food (barf:), tea lights (omfg candles), fluffy dusters .... unfuckingbelievable
doesn't surprise me one bit, actually. i mean, standard issue for a politician is a Teflon Suit and a Masters-Degree-in-How-to-not-answer-the-question-you-have-just-been-asked, so anyone who really believes their MP is there to help them, well, pass me your rose-tinted-fucking-spectacles-please.

now as outrageous as this is, it pales into insignificance when compared to missing
.... the coverage of this poor wee girl was in itself, outrageous .... why ?
apparently over 1000 children go "missing" in Britain every-single-fucking-year .... where is their coverage ????

and of course, there are always those in the lunatic fringe .... personally i blame radio4

heard this on the way home tonight hut 33 .... seriously, take 10 minutes and give it a listen, you will prolly listen to it all, the sketch with the gay royal is too funny !!

oh yes, they had some guy on wittering about a cat curfew .... almost crashed the car at this point ! he wants all us moggy owners to keep 'em inside overnight .... to stop them killing birds .... wtf ? .... for a start, the only thing my moggy's ever bring home during the hours of darkness are mice, you dumb muppet.

more dumb muppets ....
no fucking wonder it was an anonymous phone bid .... sorry girls, but its a shiny rock ffs, dug out of the earth .... and just what the fuck is he going to do with it ? think about it....

and speaking of such .... ok ya dalling, which wall ? .... just as well i am not an art critic.

this wee gem caught my eye, another storm in a d-cup so which party bought them ? .... euro elections coming up ....

and next time you want to complain about next doors dog shitting on yer lawn, spare these poor folks a thought .... (they live in milton keynes after all) dalling, oh dalling, the pool looks a bit yellow ....

then again, maybe i should just lighten the fuck up, sigh

finally, please be very careful next time you mow the lawn ....
what do you mean you didn't see it ?

Dealing the Missing Piece of a Casino Night

2009-05-13T20:17:00.005Z

welcome back, gentle reader.

I love a good round of Poker, but one of the most important and enjoyable aspects of the game are the tense situations that get created in the heat of a card playing frenzy. When I play at home, I have everything set up just like at a real casino, but something or some part of the experience always feels missing. For a long while my friends and I were wondering why that undeniably electric atmosphere couldn’t be recreated exactly in any of our four walls. We thought for a while about the reasons. Was it the lack of glitzy lights? The absence of glamorous ladies and gents? Perhaps the music wasn’t right? Nope. The problem was obvious: we needed a slick, skilled and trustworthy dealer.

Hiring a professional croupier makes a big difference to the atmosphere of a game and when we hit upon it, it seemed to be the precisely the missing piece of our Poker puzzle. There’s simply no comparison to wowing your crowd with a straight-faced super speed shuffler. So how
could I find a professional dealer that I could afford to make our weekly game a bit more interesting? Everyone wants to play James Bond once in a while! Wise as always, the internet provided that answer for me in a site called Dial a Dealer.
On Dial a Dealer, Professional card dealers and casino hire
operators list their particular skill set along with useful details like their location and price per hour enabling anyone, from a newbie like me to a professional corporate booker find reliable dealers in their area. Most importantly the site is easy to navigate and has
photos of the dealers and statistics to let you compare them. You can check out which games are a particular dealer’s specialities and book extra services like renting professional gambling equipment or finding larger venues. To make extra sure you are booking the finest people for your game there is a feedback area where you can view the ratings for a particular dealer.
Dealers throughout the world are encouraged to sign up for the free service and they seem to be getting new people everyday from places as far and wide as the US, Canada, the UK, Australia and New Zealand.
It’s not hard to see how big this site will be in the very near future. I remembered to blog about this site because of its rather cool appearance (a very realistic looking gambling table) and the
insightful articles that explain everything from setting up a new game to tipping etiquette and house rules. Alongside the in-depth advice is a blog that is updated regularly with the latest news and views from the world of gambling.
While our game is next week, I do look forward to recreating that delightfully authentic James Bond Casino Royale atmosphere with the professional dealer I hired last night from dialadealer.com. Everyone has been getting their James Bond suits and cocktail dresses at the ready for the main event !

Make sure you visit dialadealer.com too!

guess not - pt 1

2009-04-29T22:23:00.006Z

wecome back, gentle reader

so you wanna jam .... against me ????.... running through the streets ....

Omaha Hi/Lo Pot Limit ($0.01/$0.02) - 2009/04/29 17:58:41 ET

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to ResdentEvil [5c 2h Ad 8s]

*** FLOP *** [3s 6c 7h]

ResdentEvil: bets $0.08
Knolli77: raises $0.16 to $0.24
ResdentEvil: raises $0.16 to $0.40
Knolli77: raises $0.88 to $1.28

ResdentEvil said, "sigh"

ResdentEvil: raises $0.88 to $2.16
Knolli77: raises $0.37 to $2.53 and is all-in
ResdentEvil: calls $0.37

*** TURN *** [3s 6c 7h] [5d]
*** RIVER *** [3s 6c 7h 5d] [4c]

*** SHOW DOWN ***
Knolli77: shows [4d Ac 5s Jh] (HI: a straight, Three to Seven; LO: 6,5,4,3,A)
ResdentEvil: shows [5c 2h Ad 8s] (HI: a straight, Four to Eight; LO: 5,4,3,2,A)
ResdentEvil collected $2.45 from pot
ResdentEvil collected $2.44 from pot

dost thou not know I worship The Church of Dyson

littleAcornMan bad beat movie ????

2009-04-27T17:57:00.004Z

welcome back, gentle reader

this is fucking hilarious, its on here for me .... every beat i take, i will click the link .... you cant stay on tilt after this ! brilliant !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5__zd7opRY

wow .... is it really you acorn ????

ahh ffs

2009-04-26T20:24:00.003Z

welcome back, gentle reader

just played my first britblogger for donks .... as in ages !

smokkee on my left and bayne on tha table too :) played it tight. then dealt the hammer and min raise and smokkee calls. flop x27 .... wheee .... small bet and he calls, same on turn and river, he folds on river .... i wait to proudly show .... cards disappear .... automuck is on .... aaaaarrgghhh.

should have sat out there and then.

then gott JJ and one caller (bayne u bastard !! ) to a small raise. flop was ten high rainbow, i bet he raises i call and same thing on turn and river .... he has 33 and the 3 on the flop ffs, and thats me crippled. very next hand QQ and i am all-in against AK .... the Q on the flop gets me back to t570.

then i get AJ and push .... smokkee calls with AK .... gg me .... bollox, oot in thirty something, bollox to nlhe !

wherefor art thou, dudley ?

2009-04-16T20:46:00.004Z

welcome back, gentle reader.

where indeed, eh ?

lol nice to see some people still stop by :) cmon. own up, how many thought i'd taken one shot to many and gone completely busto ? and how many filed a missing persons report ?

of course i have not actually been anywhere as such. quite simply being doing the same old same old with one slight difference. been playing on my laptop, no biggie, but i have been playing in the living room, wow, in the company of the real people who make up my family :)

bloody hell its a hard fucking grind !

never realised how much concentration 4-card bingo takes ! what with the tv droning in the background, the mrs wittering on about such and such, the two year old wanting to know what "daddy-fish" is doing ( kid you not, thats what she shouts when the laptop appears ! ) its a wonder in itself that i aint busto.

as you know if you follow along here at all, i have been grinding the 4-card bingo on stars lowest limits 1c/2c pl08b with not bad results, getting past the 100 then 200 and finally 300 ....

then i returned to the land of the living :(

i know you should not set monetary goals and i dont as such. all i have been doing is trying to break through the next $100 barrier. no time limit so no pressure really. i almost posted a few weeks back about busting the 400 but didn't quite get around to it .... thats when i hit a downswing and dropped to 380 and have been stuck there for a couple of weeks ! the only real reason i dropped so much was an insane impulse dial-a-shot at 1/2 limit :(

and thats as much ball busting bankroll breaking as i can take, what a fucking woose, huh ?

you know, i read somewhere that the sign of a good player is not how much he wins, but how much he does NOT lose. ( played for 2 weeeks and won fuck all but lost fuck all, how can i not subscribe ) and i firmly agree with that one. now i may not be the greatest player but i do think i am better than average, maybe even capable of getting into that top 10% who actually make money. thats the idea of the grind and the bankroll management, get enough to progress to the next level.

stars next level, out of my comfort zone and bankroll is a fairly hefty jump up to 10c/25c which is a fucking huge jump from 1c/2c and 2c/5c.
going from a $3 or $6 buyin to a $15 min buyin is a hell of a jump and potentially bankroll bursting frightener .... question is, what sort of roll are we looking at to play the 10c/25c ????

another wee thing i read which i now firmly subscribe to is the art of multi-tabling. over the months i have found that having to few tables open leaves one wide open to the fucking disaster of playing way to many hands and by the simple law of averages, playing to many hands means you must be playing some real crap starting hands .... bad enough at nlhe but what a real fucking train wreck at pl08b !!

and as my (winning) friend acorn has stated on more than one occaision, volume is key ! hence my push to multi-table. it really is the only way to get said volume in for cash players at any rate, especially 4-card bingo cash players, well, sometimes a table can run as low as 30 hands per hour ffs, yours truly slowing the action down when required :)

as billy connolly says, noo where wiz a .... ah yes ....

so got stuck short of the next 100 barrier and then two nights ago i played a blinder and on multiple tables no less. it is soooo goot to run volcanic after two weeks in the doldrums !

oh come on, making 1000 bb's in one session is not to be sniffed at !

sorry, but i cant sniff at it ! and for me it was prolly the biggest session i have ever put in, in a single sitting, getting on for, in fact over, 1000 hands ffs. think i was equally chuffed to break two barriers in the one go ! w00t !!!!

before i go, just in case you missed it, what sort of roll are we looking at to play the 10c/25c ????

so i have crashed the $400 barrier, as ever, lets keep it there :)

the darwin awards - pt1

2009-03-13T22:36:00.004Z

welcome back, gentle reader.

question is, who wins the award ????

the good, the bad and the ugly - pt1

2009-03-05T18:16:00.008Z

welcome back, gentle reader

sorry in advance for typos, i detest doing this on a laptop :(

the ugly - the gers gettin fukkin rivered, at home, by the mighty cally .... seriously wtf

the bad - spending 40mins trying to get an Internet link to watch the game

the good - running my rivered boat into a flopped big boat, not good :( buy-in gone but clawed half back during the grind, good :)
flopping quads .... and getting paid by 3 players in the hand, good :)
hitting nut straight on the flop plus outs to nut low .... guy chases me to the river, hits a fukking boat, no low, not good .... the guys name ???? catch22, seriously wtf

btw broke through the 300 mark (302), dropped to 292 during last nights session, finished with 312, all good .... :)

ha ha ha thats shot to shit since i gotta play $5 HORSE tonight ....

f.m.w.a.p.s. - pt 1 & pt 2

2009-02-19T17:32:00.006Z

welcome back, gentle reader

after you've read this. i'm sure you'll say heard it, seen it, been there, got the t-shirt, video .... and the sore ar$e :)

pl08b micro stakes last night. limped into a multiway pot and flopped the nut flush and second nut low .... w00t .... an early position donk bets small and i pot it .... leaving him 8c to re-raise me with, which he duly does ....
at this point two things happen .... another window pops to the front AND my two year old decides its time for a swan dive off the sofa arm onto daddy .... apart from a near fucking heart attack i extricate enough of the wee one so i can see the screen, fold the current game window and click on the game where mrDonk has re-raised me .... remember, 8c re-raise .... one fucking microsecond before my finger hits the mouse button .... the game i am trying to reach pops to the front .... and i hit the gawd damn fucking fold button .... sigh .... bye bye buy-in

thats when i uttered the immortal words .... f.m.w.a.p.s

in phonetics as my wee one is at the serious parrot stage. and then there was a knock at the door .... a smartly dressed young american man bearing a pokerstars id stood there .... with his designer pointy stick .... "aw naw, nae loob" I muttered ....

not long after, with the wee one crashed flat out on the sofa, i returned to the virual felt. with the usual array of tables open i flat call a raise from the blinds .... the raiser is a solid regular and i love to catch these guys out, oh and raising from the blinds seems to happen all to often for my liking, so i flat call in early position with a s00ted A2xx .... four of us see the flop come down all low and two of my suit :) as expected, the raiser pots it and I flat call not wanting to scare off the two behind me and they duly flat call. the turn is another low giving me the nut low and , i guess, the solid regular raiser from the blinds the nut low as well .... again she pots and we all flat call. the river is a diamond, yes my diamond, my nut flush. she pots it and is all in .... another game window pops to the front and i quickly fold my hand .... except it was not another window that popped to the front, for some strange unknown reason i just thought it had, i just folded the nut nut hand .... sigh .... bye bye 3 buy-ins

thats when i uttered the immortal words .... f.m.w.a.p.s .... no phonetics

knock knock went the door, same young man with pokerstars id, same designer pointy stick, "aw naw, nae loob" I muttered .... again

apparently I will walk "properly" within a week, sitting down may take a wee bit longer.

scariest thought of all .... surely not the exact same pointy stick he visited littleAcornMan with the other week ? that is a truly disturbing vision ....