welcome back.
my phone memory woes continues ....
dear madam, your application to join our match making service has been rejected.
you failed question 14 "what do you like best in a man ?"
"A knife" was not an acceptable answer.
very brave Man jokes ....
how do you turn a fox into an elephant ? .... marry it !
what is the difference between a battery and a woman ?
a battery has a positive side.
why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist ?
because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
why did God create woman ?
to carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
classix ....
quick emergency tip, if you get snowed in.
you can turn your dishwasher into a snowplough .... by giving her a shovel.
sic ....
a bloke rings up work and says to his boss "i cant come in today I'm sick"
his boss says "how sick ?"
he replies, "well I'm in bed with my disabled sister !"
and a Christmas cracker ....
this Christmas, lets put mistletoe in our back pockets, so all the people who hate us can kiss our fucking arse.
ahh, the Glesga patter ....
wife asks husband "what shall i wear to the party ? would you like to see me in something long and flowing ?"
husband replies " aye, the fucking Clyde !"
Merry Christmas all.
pleasant dreams
Saturday, 26 December 2009
Monday, 21 December 2009
the bitch is .... gone
welcome back.
seems i was just bitch of the week, lol. gone, but not forgotten.
poker continues to be pffft, any change, i'll let you know. i think i'll just continue to donk about in micro-land until my new year res kicks in, then its onwards and upwards .... or busto ????
btw the 10c/360's are actually quite funny, some of the all-ins .... class.
so far i've blagged 9th.27th.29th.20th.10th.36th.8th.25th. .... from about 10000 *)
on a slightly different note, i played the daily dollar rebuy on 'tilt last week, managing 311th of 4590 runners, not bad.
and 17th of 160 runners in one of my old favourite $3 war HORSE :)
and 97th of 869 runners in the $3 pl08b
i have a crappy ol' (works) phone and it seems the "memory" is full, lmfao, 90 texts and its fukked. so might as well dump the best ones ? on here. well, they made me smile, mostly :)
when Bob was asked if he preferred legs or breasts he said that he had a particular fondness for shaven fannies.
He was then informed this wasn't an option when choosing a KFC bargain bucket.
a man walks into a bar and sees this gorgeous woman and says "I'd love to get into your knickers"
she replied " i've already got one arsehole in there thanks ! "
scientific studies show 99% of men would like to be a tablecloth.
its the only fucking chance they get of being laid 3 times a day and pulled off last thing at night.
Vicar books into a hotel. Says to the receptionist " I do hope the porn channel is disabled. "
she replies " No, its just normal porn, you sick bastard "
classic ....
One day, a long time ago, in a land far far away, there lived a woman who did not nag, whine or bitch.
But it was just one day and a fucking long time ago.
pleasant dreams.
seems i was just bitch of the week, lol. gone, but not forgotten.
poker continues to be pffft, any change, i'll let you know. i think i'll just continue to donk about in micro-land until my new year res kicks in, then its onwards and upwards .... or busto ????
btw the 10c/360's are actually quite funny, some of the all-ins .... class.
so far i've blagged 9th.27th.29th.20th.10th.36th.8th.25th. .... from about 10000 *)
on a slightly different note, i played the daily dollar rebuy on 'tilt last week, managing 311th of 4590 runners, not bad.
and 17th of 160 runners in one of my old favourite $3 war HORSE :)
and 97th of 869 runners in the $3 pl08b
i have a crappy ol' (works) phone and it seems the "memory" is full, lmfao, 90 texts and its fukked. so might as well dump the best ones ? on here. well, they made me smile, mostly :)
when Bob was asked if he preferred legs or breasts he said that he had a particular fondness for shaven fannies.
He was then informed this wasn't an option when choosing a KFC bargain bucket.
a man walks into a bar and sees this gorgeous woman and says "I'd love to get into your knickers"
she replied " i've already got one arsehole in there thanks ! "
scientific studies show 99% of men would like to be a tablecloth.
its the only fucking chance they get of being laid 3 times a day and pulled off last thing at night.
Vicar books into a hotel. Says to the receptionist " I do hope the porn channel is disabled. "
she replies " No, its just normal porn, you sick bastard "
classic ....
One day, a long time ago, in a land far far away, there lived a woman who did not nag, whine or bitch.
But it was just one day and a fucking long time ago.
pleasant dreams.
Wednesday, 16 December 2009
hmmmm, so i am your bitch ....
welcome back.
its been a while so i thought i'd better knock one out but i decided to write a post instead ....
apparently, i am a certain degenerates bitch. what the fuck that entails, i have no idea .... do i bail him out financially ..... do i give him life enhancing advice .... or do i just blow him ....
not been aboot for a while, 'stars continues to be a complete fucking rollercoaster, not exactly what i want at this time of year. sure, i keep running into monster hands, made or otherwise, but fuck me, it does bleech the confidence factor right out of you !
speaking of such, i have been away for 5 days, i get back, she says "hi" .... wtf ????
bearing in mind, she is wearing a top you could park your fucking bike in, she is a trophy, she is indeed one mighty fucking fine looking MILF .... and "hi" .... wtf, seriously, wtf.
((not sure if its the milkman or one of the local farmers .... but it is certainly not fucking me))
any wonder i drink beer and play pokher .... seems i have fuck all else to do, pfffft.
aye, so, getting royally fucked at the felt, not so royally fucked away from it, pffft. decided to give stars a rest and just donk about in general ..... anyone remember Zelda, lol, yeah i have an old n64 gathering dust :) well, there is only so much internet fucking porn you can take in a week :))
so inbetween Zelda i am donking about in el-cheapo donk-em land .... (360)10c turbs :)
for my benefit, i played 12 tonight, including beer, and it ended ....
327,95,95,124,142,59,183,68,95,49,38 and last game i blag 8th.
ha fucking ha, so thats one itm .... guess what my new year resolution is ????
pleasant dreams.
its been a while so i thought i'd better knock one out but i decided to write a post instead ....
apparently, i am a certain degenerates bitch. what the fuck that entails, i have no idea .... do i bail him out financially ..... do i give him life enhancing advice .... or do i just blow him ....
not been aboot for a while, 'stars continues to be a complete fucking rollercoaster, not exactly what i want at this time of year. sure, i keep running into monster hands, made or otherwise, but fuck me, it does bleech the confidence factor right out of you !
speaking of such, i have been away for 5 days, i get back, she says "hi" .... wtf ????
bearing in mind, she is wearing a top you could park your fucking bike in, she is a trophy, she is indeed one mighty fucking fine looking MILF .... and "hi" .... wtf, seriously, wtf.
((not sure if its the milkman or one of the local farmers .... but it is certainly not fucking me))
any wonder i drink beer and play pokher .... seems i have fuck all else to do, pfffft.
aye, so, getting royally fucked at the felt, not so royally fucked away from it, pffft. decided to give stars a rest and just donk about in general ..... anyone remember Zelda, lol, yeah i have an old n64 gathering dust :) well, there is only so much internet fucking porn you can take in a week :))
so inbetween Zelda i am donking about in el-cheapo donk-em land .... (360)10c turbs :)
for my benefit, i played 12 tonight, including beer, and it ended ....
327,95,95,124,142,59,183,68,95,49,38 and last game i blag 8th.
ha fucking ha, so thats one itm .... guess what my new year resolution is ????
pleasant dreams.
Friday, 27 November 2009
wtf is this real life ?
welcome back.
over the last 2 weeks i have been beaten fucking senseless by the stars RNG. i also tend to find, when this happens, i don't play particularly well, so its a double whammy !! from a high of over $800 i hit the lows of $690 odds, wtf ? seriously wtf !!!!
[ the jammy bastard has gotten it all back and is on the right side of $800 - Ed ]
two weeks ago was smallestChilds birthday :) booked the day off .... but .... on the preceding night middleChild starts sicking up .... no biggie .... unless its half eleven at night and they are in bed .... ugh .... what a fucking mess !
this continues through the night, every hour or there abouts, fml !
the mrs decides this might be a good time to throw a sicky herself, wtf ? she spends half the night in the loo, fml.
middleChild stops throwing up about 9 next morning .... birthday morning, sigh .... about 10, i kneel down in front of the birthday girl, who is looking a wee bit wabbit .... BARF !!!! .... i am extremely extremely glad i had my mouth closed .... ugh .... what a fucking mess .... how i never caught their bug is beyond me !!
was supposed to be heading North of the border last weekend, see friends & family etc, etc .... err, no. due to the slightly inclement weather, trip postponed, sigh.
i run so good, huh ?
so i am heading North of the border this weekend .... err, no.
lunchtime today, i get a call from her mum, she aint well at all ! cant get out of bed, neighbour has taken oldestChild to school, middleChild is off school, hacking & coughing all over the fucking place, and good ole' mother-in-law has had to take a day off work to look after the kids !
so i get away from work and eventually get home to find the mrs still in bed with suspected swine flu !
so i have to head off to Boston (Lincs not Mass, btw) to get some damned tamiflu .... two fucking hours it took for a round trip of 20 miles, fml ! that town at 4pm friday afternoon is a fucking drivers nightmare !
i am soooo looking forward to the weekend, sigh.
the thought of playing on stars is almost comforting, almost.
pleasant dreams.
over the last 2 weeks i have been beaten fucking senseless by the stars RNG. i also tend to find, when this happens, i don't play particularly well, so its a double whammy !! from a high of over $800 i hit the lows of $690 odds, wtf ? seriously wtf !!!!
[ the jammy bastard has gotten it all back and is on the right side of $800 - Ed ]
two weeks ago was smallestChilds birthday :) booked the day off .... but .... on the preceding night middleChild starts sicking up .... no biggie .... unless its half eleven at night and they are in bed .... ugh .... what a fucking mess !
this continues through the night, every hour or there abouts, fml !
the mrs decides this might be a good time to throw a sicky herself, wtf ? she spends half the night in the loo, fml.
middleChild stops throwing up about 9 next morning .... birthday morning, sigh .... about 10, i kneel down in front of the birthday girl, who is looking a wee bit wabbit .... BARF !!!! .... i am extremely extremely glad i had my mouth closed .... ugh .... what a fucking mess .... how i never caught their bug is beyond me !!
was supposed to be heading North of the border last weekend, see friends & family etc, etc .... err, no. due to the slightly inclement weather, trip postponed, sigh.
i run so good, huh ?
so i am heading North of the border this weekend .... err, no.
lunchtime today, i get a call from her mum, she aint well at all ! cant get out of bed, neighbour has taken oldestChild to school, middleChild is off school, hacking & coughing all over the fucking place, and good ole' mother-in-law has had to take a day off work to look after the kids !
so i get away from work and eventually get home to find the mrs still in bed with suspected swine flu !
so i have to head off to Boston (Lincs not Mass, btw) to get some damned tamiflu .... two fucking hours it took for a round trip of 20 miles, fml ! that town at 4pm friday afternoon is a fucking drivers nightmare !
i am soooo looking forward to the weekend, sigh.
the thought of playing on stars is almost comforting, almost.
pleasant dreams.
Monday, 23 November 2009
The Return of the Pink Salmon
welcome back.
played the britBlogger last night. what a hoot, up to a point :)
at my table i had badcallthat, Ca$hPredator, joppa-roadand his would-be-bitch (we'll come back to these two:), noCash and the Katitude. the delightful Mair would join us soon enough, along with Kronsdat .... not sure if that was before or after StanStanTheTaxi man decided he wanted theMonkey to have another week in the fair city of Edinburgh .... two weeks on the trot .... record ? .... same fcuking house .... record ?!!!!
The star attraction would show up later :)
now, at the time the banter started between JoppaRoad and WouldBe, i thought they were buddies ! not quite, so it would seem. an stars sat them next to each other, fcuking ace move right there !!
wouldBe "$50 bounty to JR if he can get into the knickers of any woman under the age of 60"
wouldBe "and an extra $25 if she weights less than 14 stone"
as per fucking usual, I misread the sign.
jopparoad "who's d1ck did you suck to get entry for this ?"
wouldBe "at $1 a go i had to suck more than one"
ah the britBlogger, such a fun, friendly, family game :)
I've started reading both their blogs, it aint fucking pretty, but it is pretty interesting. Kudos to both of them for their honesty.
Hell, i even have a cameo on wouldBe's blog, ha ha too funny. left a comment and his reply quite surprised me ! well played sir !
so these two degenerate gamblers are involved in a challenge .... hope they both do well, actually, and manage to keep hold of whatever they win .... remember guys, Bankroll Management :)
not long after, the table broke and i found myself sitting with these fish .... weegem not long for Falkirk eh ? ya jammy git !! BM, Daleroxxu, rchpro, sword-skillz defending champ .... could anyone oust him ? , Neil Ross and theCloud ....
so we banter along for a while, the fish all 3-betting each other left right and centre, then it happened ..... daleroxxu sets the tone for the entrance of the star attraction .....
daleroxxu goes all-in over weegem's initial raise .... AT v AK .... a ten on the flop sends weegem packing :(
so its all his fault for giving the idea to the stars RNG :)
so down to 2 tables, i'm now sat with -
SWORD-SKILLZ, badcallthat, Ca$hPredator, Al Eleven, rchpro, Joppa Rd, NoCash25 and Katitude
now as i recall, AlEleven had three hammers that i saw and got paid ! pushing fishes off post flop, nice :) the RNG had one last laugh before it went into overdrive .... my AA was good against AQ ....
first to go was joppa-road with KQ vTT .... he hit the straight on the river, badcall hit the boat, ouch.
then Ca$hPredator 88 no good against Al's QQ, gg but nae luck.
then, A3o v QQ .... Al Eleven v SWORD-SKILLZ, nae luck sword, its Al your playing, wow, Ace on the flop
and that was my downfall, folded AK pre, to the heavy betting, fucking woose, there was also a K on the flop too :(
rchpro sent Katitude to the rail, his 66 good v AJ
so 5 handed, bubble for the final table, and i push with 99 ... Al calls with AKs ....
*** FLOP *** [4d Tc 5h]*** TURN *** [4d Tc 5h] [Js]*** RIVER *** [4d Tc 5h Js] [Qc]
what a surprise ! good game me. actually thought i had a chance until the J appeared ....
now i obv don't have the hh, but from here on in, big stak Al Eleven got aggro, and anytime he got looked up, he called the all-in .... he got in behind on so many occasions i thought he'd started batting for the other team !!
lmfao, n1 Al Eleven, pleasure to see you at the felt again, and after kicking my ass, a real pleasure to watch you go on and win, the luckboxery you displayed was even better than our last home game, fucking outstanding big man !!
Al Eleven will be back next week to defend. surely not 2 in a row, again ....
pleasant dreams.
played the britBlogger last night. what a hoot, up to a point :)
at my table i had badcallthat, Ca$hPredator, joppa-roadand his would-be-bitch (we'll come back to these two:), noCash and the Katitude. the delightful Mair would join us soon enough, along with Kronsdat .... not sure if that was before or after StanStanTheTaxi man decided he wanted theMonkey to have another week in the fair city of Edinburgh .... two weeks on the trot .... record ? .... same fcuking house .... record ?!!!!
The star attraction would show up later :)
now, at the time the banter started between JoppaRoad and WouldBe, i thought they were buddies ! not quite, so it would seem. an stars sat them next to each other, fcuking ace move right there !!
wouldBe "$50 bounty to JR if he can get into the knickers of any woman under the age of 60"
wouldBe "and an extra $25 if she weights less than 14 stone"
as per fucking usual, I misread the sign.
jopparoad "who's d1ck did you suck to get entry for this ?"
wouldBe "at $1 a go i had to suck more than one"
ah the britBlogger, such a fun, friendly, family game :)
I've started reading both their blogs, it aint fucking pretty, but it is pretty interesting. Kudos to both of them for their honesty.
Hell, i even have a cameo on wouldBe's blog, ha ha too funny. left a comment and his reply quite surprised me ! well played sir !
so these two degenerate gamblers are involved in a challenge .... hope they both do well, actually, and manage to keep hold of whatever they win .... remember guys, Bankroll Management :)
not long after, the table broke and i found myself sitting with these fish .... weegem not long for Falkirk eh ? ya jammy git !! BM, Daleroxxu, rchpro, sword-skillz defending champ .... could anyone oust him ? , Neil Ross and theCloud ....
so we banter along for a while, the fish all 3-betting each other left right and centre, then it happened ..... daleroxxu sets the tone for the entrance of the star attraction .....
daleroxxu goes all-in over weegem's initial raise .... AT v AK .... a ten on the flop sends weegem packing :(
so its all his fault for giving the idea to the stars RNG :)
so down to 2 tables, i'm now sat with -
SWORD-SKILLZ, badcallthat, Ca$hPredator, Al Eleven, rchpro, Joppa Rd, NoCash25 and Katitude
now as i recall, AlEleven had three hammers that i saw and got paid ! pushing fishes off post flop, nice :) the RNG had one last laugh before it went into overdrive .... my AA was good against AQ ....
first to go was joppa-road with KQ vTT .... he hit the straight on the river, badcall hit the boat, ouch.
then Ca$hPredator 88 no good against Al's QQ, gg but nae luck.
then, A3o v QQ .... Al Eleven v SWORD-SKILLZ, nae luck sword, its Al your playing, wow, Ace on the flop
and that was my downfall, folded AK pre, to the heavy betting, fucking woose, there was also a K on the flop too :(
rchpro sent Katitude to the rail, his 66 good v AJ
so 5 handed, bubble for the final table, and i push with 99 ... Al calls with AKs ....
*** FLOP *** [4d Tc 5h]*** TURN *** [4d Tc 5h] [Js]*** RIVER *** [4d Tc 5h Js] [Qc]
what a surprise ! good game me. actually thought i had a chance until the J appeared ....
now i obv don't have the hh, but from here on in, big stak Al Eleven got aggro, and anytime he got looked up, he called the all-in .... he got in behind on so many occasions i thought he'd started batting for the other team !!
lmfao, n1 Al Eleven, pleasure to see you at the felt again, and after kicking my ass, a real pleasure to watch you go on and win, the luckboxery you displayed was even better than our last home game, fucking outstanding big man !!
Al Eleven will be back next week to defend. surely not 2 in a row, again ....
pleasant dreams.
Friday, 20 November 2009
oh f m l
welcome back.
dropped $10 tonight ....
shouldn't be too hard on myself, first time for every thing ....
i turned quads .... wheeeeeeee .... no low, but who gives a fuck :)
he rivered a straight flush .... oh fml
so what the fuck do you call a straight flush 5-high ....
surely not ? .... a straight wheel .... can't be ....
sigh, fml (no fucking bad beat jackpot either, you bastard)
damn, i'm tired !
pleasant dreams.
dropped $10 tonight ....
shouldn't be too hard on myself, first time for every thing ....
i turned quads .... wheeeeeeee .... no low, but who gives a fuck :)
he rivered a straight flush .... oh fml
so what the fuck do you call a straight flush 5-high ....
surely not ? .... a straight wheel .... can't be ....
sigh, fml (no fucking bad beat jackpot either, you bastard)
damn, i'm tired !
pleasant dreams.
Saturday, 14 November 2009
The Return of the Pink Panther
welcome back, gentle reader.
oh yes indeed, its back .... the original, the biggest, the bestest tourney in the whole of the history of bloggerdom !
.
oh and there is a bounty on my head ! wheeee famous at last :)
.
the prop bets ....
.
$5 bounty on theCloud's head ( by theCloud )
$10 for busting someone with the hammer ( by BurnleyMik )
$5 bounty on ResdentEvil's head ( by NFWS man .... aka Zagga )
.
$5 last longest .... ( contact BurnleyMik )
$5 that a jock don't win ( contact BurnleyMik )
.
i really hope Mik has had a good week elswhere ....
.
oh and whoever is gigli must post theMonkey on their blog .... (no excuses, i still have the picture !)
.
now there's a question, who was the last person to house said monkey ????
Monday, 9 November 2009
" but I thought you said NFWS .... "
welcome back, gentle reader.
I know I know, but I just could not resist ....
.
sent my mate zagga a wee text today ....
.
.
" nagging doubt .... that pallet .... was it owned by the NFWS ....
.
.
.
.
National Fox Welfare Society .... "
.
.
boom boom !!!!
.
.
he is obv in great pain, the response took at least 5 minutes ....
.
" LOL thats almost funny, you cuuunt ! :-) "
.
.
.
.
( there is now an Official "zagga bounty" oan ma heid, in The Return of the britBloggerment ! )
.
( lmfao, how much ? .... you tight cuuuunt !!!! )
Sunday, 8 November 2009
" are you talking to moi ? "
welcome back, gentle reader.
i wonder what would have happened if i'd been really rude .... you know, called him a "cunt" or something ....
" .... have suspended your chat privilege for 24 hours ....
The following chat was observed
oh fcuk off
lol fcuk yoiu .... "
i was on tilt and its nice to rant .... havoc with the bankroll, but nice to rant .... :)
i wonder what would have happened if i'd been really rude .... you know, called him a "cunt" or something ....
" .... have suspended your chat privilege for 24 hours ....
The following chat was observed
oh fcuk off
lol fcuk yoiu .... "
i was on tilt and its nice to rant .... havoc with the bankroll, but nice to rant .... :)
Friday, 30 October 2009
he holds him with his glittering eye - pt 8
welcome back, gentle reader.
after what seems like a lifetime ! and after moving up to the 10c/25c and meeting the variance bitch head on .... i think i moved up completely when the 'roll hit $740 getting as high as $770 and then b00m headshot, dropped a small fortune to hit a low of $698 .... to be fair, i did run into 3 monster hands, flopped two boats only to run into two flopped battleships ! met the third battleship on the river, fml !!
that kinda shit is hard to take when you've just moved up, doubly hard for me, since 90% of my previous play had been at 1c/2c with a $3 buy-in lol, so dropping $15 in a single hand, ugh !
last nights session felt fairly comfortable, hopefully i've now settled in :)
'stars roll .... $817.... :)
playing across 6 tables in total last night, going down at only two for a measly $6 but more than making up for it across the other 4, whew !
wow ! i only won 4 ! hands where my net gain was $5 or more .... can you believe that ? and over 400 odd hands. yeesh, have i turned into a grinder or have i always been ? blimey, thats a bit of an eye opener that one ! as ever, its only major (one way or another) hands that stick in your memory.
then again, my biggest loss in a single hand was $3 .... with only 6 hands losing more than $1 ....
now i could bore you with the gory details .... but they bore me too, so i wont bother lol.
good luck, fellow fish. and remember, my quad goddessess of poker like sacrificial virgins.
after what seems like a lifetime ! and after moving up to the 10c/25c and meeting the variance bitch head on .... i think i moved up completely when the 'roll hit $740 getting as high as $770 and then b00m headshot, dropped a small fortune to hit a low of $698 .... to be fair, i did run into 3 monster hands, flopped two boats only to run into two flopped battleships ! met the third battleship on the river, fml !!
that kinda shit is hard to take when you've just moved up, doubly hard for me, since 90% of my previous play had been at 1c/2c with a $3 buy-in lol, so dropping $15 in a single hand, ugh !
last nights session felt fairly comfortable, hopefully i've now settled in :)
'stars roll .... $817.... :)
playing across 6 tables in total last night, going down at only two for a measly $6 but more than making up for it across the other 4, whew !
wow ! i only won 4 ! hands where my net gain was $5 or more .... can you believe that ? and over 400 odd hands. yeesh, have i turned into a grinder or have i always been ? blimey, thats a bit of an eye opener that one ! as ever, its only major (one way or another) hands that stick in your memory.
then again, my biggest loss in a single hand was $3 .... with only 6 hands losing more than $1 ....
now i could bore you with the gory details .... but they bore me too, so i wont bother lol.
good luck, fellow fish. and remember, my quad goddessess of poker like sacrificial virgins.
Monday, 26 October 2009
weird fixations
welcome back, gentle reader.
am i a better player .... err no
will they fear me more .... err no
but hey, i do get the following, lmfao
Congratulations! You have achieved SilverStar VIP status.
Your VIP level lasts for the rest of this month and all of next month.This entitles you to the following rewards:-
50% FPP Multiplier - you now earn 1.5 FPP credits instead of 1 FPP credit
- SilverStar VIP Store access - choose from new and exclusive merchandise in the SilverStar store
- USD 500 Daily VIP tourneys - 3 x a day - 10 FPP entry
- USD 30,000 Weekly VIP tourneys - Saturdays at 14:30 ET - 100 FPP buy-in
- USD 100,000 Monthly VIP tourney - last Saturday of each month - 130 FPP satellites available
These exclusive VIP tournaments can be found in your PokerStars game lobby under the 'Tourney > VIP > All' tab.
oh just cant contain myself !!
Sunday, 25 October 2009
her name is Rio and she dances in the sand - pt 2
welcome back, gentle reader.
thanks for the comments guys, fuktheriva (what a fcuking ace username !) all linked up.
zagga too funny, you play way to much poker .... bet you have a "durr" suntan as well *)
no rant about the mrs today .... and btw, would have been back here yesterday but for my router going a bit tits-up, me selecting "filter cookies" when re-setting the fcuking thing .... said cookies thingy don't let me access blogger, wtf ? wordpress, wtf ? and orange, wtf ?
ah the things you learn when pissing in the dark !
no rant btw, due to split crotch knickers and hold-ups .... and no, i aint fcuking tellin ya what SHE was wearing .... *)
i will rant about Sunday drivers .... a 10 mile trip and not one, but fcuking two changes of underwear required, fml.
nipping along the a17 and some donk decides to pull out the Heckington slip road .... before i pass him .... dumb motherfcuker .... two things going for me - its dry and my honda has anti-skid this anti-lock that .... otherwise my brand-new-rollerskates would be looking decidedly second-hand .... this was a serious foot on the brake pedal as hard as i could push the fcuker ! still managed to lock the nearside front for a second though, and that should tell you how hard i was braking .... otherwise i'd be sitting right behind the fcuking donk whispering in his ear "let me guess, you didn't see me ?" .... reckon i was maybe 2' from disaster
second one was the usual ignorant fcuking twat, indicates once, pulls into outside lane of dual carriageway to overtake a truck .... rinse & repeat of incident one .... reckon i was maybe 6' from disaster ( thats the usual with these fcukers )
nh gg fu (both)
on the poker front ....
2 nights ago was obv my turn :) pulled in a whopping $50 or so at my new level, and a fair few fpp's, un-fcuking-hinged i tell ya !
hand of the night has to be .... (not my play btw but his, lol )
utg raises to 4bb, i flat call as does guy behind me and the bb. its nl08b btw
flop comes down ... T T T ....
the bb checks and the initial raisee insta-fcuking jams his remaining 45bb ....
honestly, i sat thinking wtf ? and how did he manage to jam so quick ? lightning quick !!
i think for a few seconds and flat call .... hoping the two behind will come along for the ride, no such luck ....
of course i had the fcuking ten .... :)
and mr-insta-lightning-jammer .... he has, no really, he does .... KK .... wtf ?
it took him a full 20 secs to type in the chat box "wow" and another ten to re-load.
last night was break-even :) earning a shed load of fpp's .... told you, i am fcuking unhinged, i want a silver-fcuking-star !!
need a paltry 125 fpp's by the end of the month .... to achieve my life-long-ambition .... fml indeed.
thanks for the comments guys, fuktheriva (what a fcuking ace username !) all linked up.
zagga too funny, you play way to much poker .... bet you have a "durr" suntan as well *)
no rant about the mrs today .... and btw, would have been back here yesterday but for my router going a bit tits-up, me selecting "filter cookies" when re-setting the fcuking thing .... said cookies thingy don't let me access blogger, wtf ? wordpress, wtf ? and orange, wtf ?
ah the things you learn when pissing in the dark !
no rant btw, due to split crotch knickers and hold-ups .... and no, i aint fcuking tellin ya what SHE was wearing .... *)
i will rant about Sunday drivers .... a 10 mile trip and not one, but fcuking two changes of underwear required, fml.
nipping along the a17 and some donk decides to pull out the Heckington slip road .... before i pass him .... dumb motherfcuker .... two things going for me - its dry and my honda has anti-skid this anti-lock that .... otherwise my brand-new-rollerskates would be looking decidedly second-hand .... this was a serious foot on the brake pedal as hard as i could push the fcuker ! still managed to lock the nearside front for a second though, and that should tell you how hard i was braking .... otherwise i'd be sitting right behind the fcuking donk whispering in his ear "let me guess, you didn't see me ?" .... reckon i was maybe 2' from disaster
second one was the usual ignorant fcuking twat, indicates once, pulls into outside lane of dual carriageway to overtake a truck .... rinse & repeat of incident one .... reckon i was maybe 6' from disaster ( thats the usual with these fcukers )
nh gg fu (both)
on the poker front ....
2 nights ago was obv my turn :) pulled in a whopping $50 or so at my new level, and a fair few fpp's, un-fcuking-hinged i tell ya !
hand of the night has to be .... (not my play btw but his, lol )
utg raises to 4bb, i flat call as does guy behind me and the bb. its nl08b btw
flop comes down ... T T T ....
the bb checks and the initial raisee insta-fcuking jams his remaining 45bb ....
honestly, i sat thinking wtf ? and how did he manage to jam so quick ? lightning quick !!
i think for a few seconds and flat call .... hoping the two behind will come along for the ride, no such luck ....
of course i had the fcuking ten .... :)
and mr-insta-lightning-jammer .... he has, no really, he does .... KK .... wtf ?
it took him a full 20 secs to type in the chat box "wow" and another ten to re-load.
last night was break-even :) earning a shed load of fpp's .... told you, i am fcuking unhinged, i want a silver-fcuking-star !!
need a paltry 125 fpp's by the end of the month .... to achieve my life-long-ambition .... fml indeed.
Friday, 23 October 2009
her name is RIO and she dances in the sand - pt 1
welcome back, gentle reader.
i am on motherfucking life tilt. not fucking good for poker, let me tell you. this fucking kind of life-fucking-tilt .... for example, took me 3hrs to drive home this afternoon, did she say "hi" ask about my day, the journey home "glad you're back" .... did she fuck ! walked thru the door and she has a face like a skelped arse .... situation normal then, my my i am sooo looking forward to the weekend, not.
and just to top it off, i fire up the laptop, 10mins ago, and my nearly fucking new wireless router has decided not to be wireless .... aaaarrgghhhhhhhhh .... you fucking piece of shit technology .... at this time of night, i just want to play, i do not want to start fucking about with ssid's and wep2 keys as long as your fucking arm .... F.M.L.
sigh, while i am here .... i think 10c/25c is my new pl08b level .... a very fucking harsh intro to, i might add .... 5 fucking buy-ins down to start, dropped me below 700 sigh, but pulled it out the fucking fire last night, just, about twelve fucking dollars worth ffs .... and the fpp's pile up .... need 320 or so for silver lmfao .... honestly, i feel a bit unhinged, i am fixated on getting that fucking silver star ... wtf ? seriously, wtf ?
i mean, whats the fucking point, if i can only pull in a few bucks .... hopefully i have now settled down and stopped jizzing off dollars !
i really am the new fucking fish on the block .... apart from last night .... lets see how it goes tonight .... I will be back, tomorrow, honest
i am on motherfucking life tilt. not fucking good for poker, let me tell you. this fucking kind of life-fucking-tilt .... for example, took me 3hrs to drive home this afternoon, did she say "hi" ask about my day, the journey home "glad you're back" .... did she fuck ! walked thru the door and she has a face like a skelped arse .... situation normal then, my my i am sooo looking forward to the weekend, not.
and just to top it off, i fire up the laptop, 10mins ago, and my nearly fucking new wireless router has decided not to be wireless .... aaaarrgghhhhhhhhh .... you fucking piece of shit technology .... at this time of night, i just want to play, i do not want to start fucking about with ssid's and wep2 keys as long as your fucking arm .... F.M.L.
sigh, while i am here .... i think 10c/25c is my new pl08b level .... a very fucking harsh intro to, i might add .... 5 fucking buy-ins down to start, dropped me below 700 sigh, but pulled it out the fucking fire last night, just, about twelve fucking dollars worth ffs .... and the fpp's pile up .... need 320 or so for silver lmfao .... honestly, i feel a bit unhinged, i am fixated on getting that fucking silver star ... wtf ? seriously, wtf ?
i mean, whats the fucking point, if i can only pull in a few bucks .... hopefully i have now settled down and stopped jizzing off dollars !
i really am the new fucking fish on the block .... apart from last night .... lets see how it goes tonight .... I will be back, tomorrow, honest
Monday, 21 September 2009
and then the fucking wheels fell off ....
welcome back, gentle reader.
poker wise, feel like i am driving an 18-wheeler, thats a lot of wheels to come off !! (fml, $3 a wheel, ugh)
yes, i have been running like shite and playing like shite for .... you guessed it, since i got my new rollerskates, lol and fml, seriously fml.
so bad that i gave up on stars 4-card-bingo and shuffled over to fullTilt and swam with the hoddem donkeys. only for one night though :)
played 4 micro tourneys, perhaps i should stay ?
Full Tilt Poker Tournament #108528847 $2 + $0.25
180 players
Total Prize Pool: $360.00
Start Date: September 18 4:05 PM ET
Dear dD,
You finished the tournament in 4th place.
There has been $36.00 added to your account
Full Tilt Poker Tournament #108387775 $1
Tournament NL Hold'emBuy-In: $1.00
1055 players
Total Prize Pool: $1055.00
Start Date: September 18 4:05 PM ET
Dear dD,
You finished the tournament in 31st place.
There has been $3.38 added to your account
of course, if you followed the challenge, your own, personal, jesus , cough cough, this would not be news and you'd know why i've been quiet :)
poker wise, feel like i am driving an 18-wheeler, thats a lot of wheels to come off !! (fml, $3 a wheel, ugh)
yes, i have been running like shite and playing like shite for .... you guessed it, since i got my new rollerskates, lol and fml, seriously fml.
so bad that i gave up on stars 4-card-bingo and shuffled over to fullTilt and swam with the hoddem donkeys. only for one night though :)
played 4 micro tourneys, perhaps i should stay ?
Full Tilt Poker Tournament #108528847 $2 + $0.25
180 players
Total Prize Pool: $360.00
Start Date: September 18 4:05 PM ET
Dear dD,
You finished the tournament in 4th place.
There has been $36.00 added to your account
Full Tilt Poker Tournament #108387775 $1
Tournament NL Hold'emBuy-In: $1.00
1055 players
Total Prize Pool: $1055.00
Start Date: September 18 4:05 PM ET
Dear dD,
You finished the tournament in 31st place.
There has been $3.38 added to your account
of course, if you followed the challenge, your own, personal, jesus , cough cough, this would not be news and you'd know why i've been quiet :)
Friday, 11 September 2009
I've got a brand new pair or rollerskates
welcome back, gentle reader
usually, as far as i am concerned, a car, is a box on wheels, to go from a to b. have to say though, i am quite impressed with my new car .... in the land of Nippon, thay have some va va va va voom ....
usually, as far as i am concerned, a car, is a box on wheels, to go from a to b. have to say though, i am quite impressed with my new car .... in the land of Nippon, thay have some va va va va voom ....
Monday, 7 September 2009
guess not - pt 2
welcome back, gentle reader
sometimes its nice to dish it out. not once, but twice. nh gg fu .... :)
[2009/09/03 18:42:59 ET]
*** HOLE CARDS *** Dealt to ResdentEvil [Qd Qs]
Axamenta: folds,Filipp Alex: folds,Lothi1: calls $0.05,xX Matrim Xx: folds
ResdentEvil: raises $0.25 to $0.30
KGB-David: folds
tortillas pa: calls $0.28
pilnik007: folds,Lothi1: folds
*** FLOP *** [3d 9c 8c]
tortillas pa: checks,ResdentEvil: bets $0.85,/tortillas pa: calls $0.85
*** TURN *** [3d 9c 8c] [3s]
tortillas pa: checks,ResdentEvil: bets $2.55,tortillas pa: raises $1.42 to $3.97 and is all-in,ResdentEvil: calls $1.42
ResdentEvil said, "oops"
*** RIVER *** [3d 9c 8c 3s] [Qh]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
tortillas pa: shows [8d 8s] (a full house, Eights full of Threes)
ResdentEvil: shows [Qd Qs] (a full house, Queens full of Threes)
ResdentEvil collected $9.84 from pot
obviously, virginal sacrifices are worth the effort.
[2009/09/03 18:18:39 ET]
*** HOLE CARDS *** Dealt to ResdentEvil [Kh Ks]
PaolaK: folds,drpaut: folds,ghirboy_visa: folds,Brackovic: calls $0.05,TeTrader789: folds
crissshto: raises $0.15 to $0.20
ady86poker: raises $0.15 to $0.35
ResdentEvil: raises $4.90 to $5.25 and is all-in
Brackovic: folds
crissshto: calls $4.66 and is all-in
ady86poker: folds
*** FLOP *** [6h Kd 5h]
***TURN *** [6h Kd 5h] [4h]
*** RIVER *** [6h Kd 5h 4h] [Jh]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
ResdentEvil: shows [Kh Ks] (a flush, King high)
crissshto: shows [Ac Ad] (a pair of Aces)
ResdentEvil collected $9.62 from pot
crissshto leaves the table
dost thou not know I worship The Church of Dyson
sometimes its nice to dish it out. not once, but twice. nh gg fu .... :)
[2009/09/03 18:42:59 ET]
*** HOLE CARDS *** Dealt to ResdentEvil [Qd Qs]
Axamenta: folds,Filipp Alex: folds,Lothi1: calls $0.05,xX Matrim Xx: folds
ResdentEvil: raises $0.25 to $0.30
KGB-David: folds
tortillas pa: calls $0.28
pilnik007: folds,Lothi1: folds
*** FLOP *** [3d 9c 8c]
tortillas pa: checks,ResdentEvil: bets $0.85,/tortillas pa: calls $0.85
*** TURN *** [3d 9c 8c] [3s]
tortillas pa: checks,ResdentEvil: bets $2.55,tortillas pa: raises $1.42 to $3.97 and is all-in,ResdentEvil: calls $1.42
ResdentEvil said, "oops"
*** RIVER *** [3d 9c 8c 3s] [Qh]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
tortillas pa: shows [8d 8s] (a full house, Eights full of Threes)
ResdentEvil: shows [Qd Qs] (a full house, Queens full of Threes)
ResdentEvil collected $9.84 from pot
obviously, virginal sacrifices are worth the effort.
[2009/09/03 18:18:39 ET]
*** HOLE CARDS *** Dealt to ResdentEvil [Kh Ks]
PaolaK: folds,drpaut: folds,ghirboy_visa: folds,Brackovic: calls $0.05,TeTrader789: folds
crissshto: raises $0.15 to $0.20
ady86poker: raises $0.15 to $0.35
ResdentEvil: raises $4.90 to $5.25 and is all-in
Brackovic: folds
crissshto: calls $4.66 and is all-in
ady86poker: folds
*** FLOP *** [6h Kd 5h]
***TURN *** [6h Kd 5h] [4h]
*** RIVER *** [6h Kd 5h 4h] [Jh]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
ResdentEvil: shows [Kh Ks] (a flush, King high)
crissshto: shows [Ac Ad] (a pair of Aces)
ResdentEvil collected $9.62 from pot
crissshto leaves the table
dost thou not know I worship The Church of Dyson
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