much ado .... aka (more) fannying about

welcome back.

mrO - was a good one. awaiting confirmation of Newcastle dates :)
mrK - 6 hands ? we only counted 4 lol
YP - he is an animal ! pl08b on hold !
Mair - might even get a chance to chat next one ! whatever happened to theRegulators ?
DF - 6 minimum !!

i dont know, but between freerolls ($2k added and $250second chance) and now the wbcoop, i've hardly played a hand of omaha8 on stars, meh. a welcome distraction but, of course, it does fuck all for the bankroll or fpp's !

also been fannying about on purpleLounge .... i did put a small amount on there .... played about 5 tourneys and when i checked, the roll had plummeted to $7 ... wtf ? seriously wtf ?
next time you buy into a tourney, make sure you KNOW what currency the buy-in refers too .... oops :(
so obv i have been buying in to the €1 stt's now .... ground it back up to just over $20, small potatoes i know. but i'm like that, i wanna prove i can make some moola (silly bastard - Ed) lmfao i know, its not worth it playing stt's under $10.

in fact, the only "serious" play i've been doing is on fullTilt. been kind of "grinding" the $1 and $2 pl08b tourneys, one or two tables, whatever fills first. been doing v well .... roll up over the hundred mark .... then i ran into (more like run over by) "rush" .... ha ha why do i not stick to what i am "good" at ? just for the record, i actually booked a $6 profit on "rush" last night before the freeroll donkery began. yes yes at the $10 level before someone makes a smartarse comment.

thats enough bull for one day, I have a freeroll (2-off !) to mentally prepare for !!

not Saturdays with drPauly

welcome back.

the peak district is lovely this time of year .... magnificent views .... (wtf has the Peak District got to do with a live APAT event report ? - Ed).

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Saturday morning.

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to be fair, mrsdD got back quite sharp, so i shot off to the G-casino in Manchester getting there in time for registration but somehow missing the team photo .... seems the whole fucking team missed it too !

our team was made up of the following fish - Kronsdat , BM , DoV , Snake , Ant, Bully, Stanley with your's truly donking in the rear.

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As usual, it was a right good crack ....

Stan & Mair had a rollicking good time .... Stan was pissed and got right good rollicking from Mair ! (didn't help that poor wee Mair was first oot !)

Ant was on the iced water .... still seemed to have a good time .... even though Snake & I blagged a lift off him to the hotel at the end of the night. He even had the decency to find us a "fast food" takeaway .... even though it took them 30mins to "prepare" a kebab, a pizza and a chicken burger !!

Bully had been bullied by her indoors and was another designated driver, nae luck mate, we all sympathize !

the big man Mick, took full advantage of Bully's plight and got wired into the booze !!

Snake was on good form .... 6 fucking pints before i even got there ffs !

Kronsdat, never imagined he was an auld git, like me, lol

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top bunch, btw.

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i got all my cards during the first two levels, sigh.

AJ 4 times. got paid (small) twice .... lost once to a rivered flush and once to the mighty K4 off .... sigh. had to fold 88 and 99 pre to heavy action. made a "hero" fold with KK on an A-high flop ffs. i dropped to 5k and then Mair , gawd bless her, dropped by an says "i'm doubling up the peeps i chat with" .... that very hand and i double ! wtf ? scaree !! no idea wtf i had but it worked :) and that, as they say, is all she wrote ! well, i was at table 2 seat 7 ....

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finally moved to table 14 seat 7 .... Kronsdat was there .... well fuck me, he plays tighter than i do !!!! he finished 12th lol well played sir, well played !

so blinds 300-600 and with 6k its my small blind, utg calls ?? all fold to me .... i did ask if he flatted .... and shoved .... the fucker called me with J9 (might have been KJ, sigh) .... i had AQ .... flop .... JJx .... nh gg fu !!

i didn't say that of course, but grrrr !!

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so that was it pokerwise.

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after that i just had a few, watched the action .... and refused to go out on the lash with DoV and noCash .... fucking decision of the weekend !

DoV failed to materialise at the hotel .... at all !! and noCash .... well, he wakes up, in his hotel lobby in the morning, with no fucking shoes on !! and no fucking idea wtf happened the night before ! well played guys, well played !

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next morning, blagged a lift back to the casino to pick up the car. its 11am and play dont resume till 14.30 so time to bugger off home, as Ant and Snake were doing. Liked to have stayed, but all that hanging about .... would have ended in getting a "few" beers .... decided to quit while ahead lol.

so i though it'd be a good idea to let the satnav take me home via the "shortest route" .... dont do it folks ! took me through the Peak District .... but as you can see, it was a little foggy. sigh.

all in all, another ace meet. cant wait for the next one.

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cmon zagga get the well soon !!

the last king of scotland - pt 4

welcome back.

when you beat the bloggers, what can you do but blog *)

much ado about nothing aka fannying about

welcome back.

thanks guys, all the very best for 2010 to you all.

as far as poker goes, that's exactly what I've been doing :) i now have a whopping 6 tickets to my name.
lack of sleep and way too much alcohol abuse :) over the festive season has left me somewhat drained. oh and a man size dose of man-flu :(
no way am i playing the cash tables feeling like this ! hopefully come the weekend i will be more rested and might even feel like playing for serious .... pocket money :)

my new years res (:dentevil:) .... less alcohol, less smokes, more sex .... ha ha ha ! the only one left i might achieve is alcohol abuse = no poker .... no alcohol = poker, simples.

oh and sorry for my non-appearance at the britBlogger (i know you all love free chips !) but i have been chat-banned, so what was the point ? hopefully i'll return this coming Sunday .... all things not equalling senility (thanks Foxy:)

oh, one final poker point .... playing a 111 runner turbo top 9 get a ticket .... with 10 left i push with AKo and get called by A2s .... wtf ? he had me out chipped 3-1 .... a fucking 2 on the turn .... and I'm out as bubble-fucking-boy .... now that did piss me off !

so i said, quote " **** *** " unquote .... bastard !!

pleasant dreams.

the chat ban - pt 2

welcome back.

remember Maureen, "its good to talk" ....

sometimes its better to shut the fuck up :)

pleasant dreams (and all the very best for 2010 :)

of mice and men

welcome back

after "winning" all these cheapo's, i am left with a single solitary Step2 ticket, sigh

the bubble beats have been of zagga (no wonder he likes herbs ! ) proportions, roll on the New Year to i get back to MY game ....

pleasant dreams

Ben10 v Toshiba ( .... ah'll gie ye Ben-fucking-10 .... )

welcome back.

i think its fair to say, that the watch that attaches itself to Ben10's wrist, is probably indestructible ....

i think its fair to say that a Toshiba Satellite L350-170 laptop is NOT indestructible ....

so what do you get when you cross a watch with a laptop ?

not pretty at all

you really could not do this if you tried.

the laptop was on the floor, i tipped it up to look at the screen, my son wandered over to see what i was up to, and dropped the watch .... which caught the screen a glancing blow .... doh !

a new screen is £90 if you fancy a bit of DIY ....

and then there is poker. very first hand on my first table, thought this regular could take a joke, as we have chatted in the past, obv not, wanker.

so its my bb and he jams his small stack in, about 20bb or something. this is how this regular plays, always. so it was no surprise. i fold.

so i say "lol f/off maggot, merry christmas mate" (maggot is part of his username, btw)

within 30secs there is a mod at the table typing all the usual stuff about abuse etc etc. I never even payed any attention to this at all and only when i tried to chat and the "your chat privilege's have been revoked" box pops up, does it dawn on me, the mod was there because of me ....

their email says i'm chat banned for a week lmfao, oh the irony !! just as well i missed the britBlogger :(

the flip side of the coin, i blagged a 4th place in the 10c/360's .... hah ! get it up you 'stars !

pleasant dreams.

Merry Christmas ho ho ho

welcome back.

my phone memory woes continues ....

dear madam, your application to join our match making service has been rejected.
you failed question 14 "what do you like best in a man ?"
"A knife" was not an acceptable answer.

very brave Man jokes ....

how do you turn a fox into an elephant ? .... marry it !

what is the difference between a battery and a woman ?
a battery has a positive side.

why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist ?
because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

why did God create woman ?
to carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

classix ....

quick emergency tip, if you get snowed in.
you can turn your dishwasher into a snowplough .... by giving her a shovel.

sic ....

a bloke rings up work and says to his boss "i cant come in today I'm sick"
his boss says "how sick ?"
he replies, "well I'm in bed with my disabled sister !"

and a Christmas cracker ....

this Christmas, lets put mistletoe in our back pockets, so all the people who hate us can kiss our fucking arse.

ahh, the Glesga patter ....

wife asks husband "what shall i wear to the party ? would you like to see me in something long and flowing ?"
husband replies " aye, the fucking Clyde !"


Merry Christmas all.

pleasant dreams

the bitch is .... gone

welcome back.

seems i was just bitch of the week, lol. gone, but not forgotten.
poker continues to be pffft, any change, i'll let you know. i think i'll just continue to donk about in micro-land until my new year res kicks in, then its onwards and upwards .... or busto ????

btw the 10c/360's are actually quite funny, some of the all-ins .... class.
so far i've blagged 9th.27th.29th.20th.10th.36th.8th.25th. .... from about 10000 *)
on a slightly different note, i played the daily dollar rebuy on 'tilt last week, managing 311th of 4590 runners, not bad.
and 17th of 160 runners in one of my old favourite $3 war HORSE :)
and 97th of 869 runners in the $3 pl08b

i have a crappy ol' (works) phone and it seems the "memory" is full, lmfao, 90 texts and its fukked. so might as well dump the best ones ? on here. well, they made me smile, mostly :)

when Bob was asked if he preferred legs or breasts he said that he had a particular fondness for shaven fannies.
He was then informed this wasn't an option when choosing a KFC bargain bucket.

a man walks into a bar and sees this gorgeous woman and says "I'd love to get into your knickers"
she replied " i've already got one arsehole in there thanks ! "

scientific studies show 99% of men would like to be a tablecloth.
its the only fucking chance they get of being laid 3 times a day and pulled off last thing at night.

Vicar books into a hotel. Says to the receptionist " I do hope the porn channel is disabled. "
she replies " No, its just normal porn, you sick bastard "

classic ....

One day, a long time ago, in a land far far away, there lived a woman who did not nag, whine or bitch.
But it was just one day and a fucking long time ago.

pleasant dreams.

hmmmm, so i am your bitch ....

welcome back.

its been a while so i thought i'd better knock one out but i decided to write a post instead ....

apparently, i am a certain degenerates bitch. what the fuck that entails, i have no idea .... do i bail him out financially ..... do i give him life enhancing advice .... or do i just blow him ....

not been aboot for a while, 'stars continues to be a complete fucking rollercoaster, not exactly what i want at this time of year. sure, i keep running into monster hands, made or otherwise, but fuck me, it does bleech the confidence factor right out of you !

speaking of such, i have been away for 5 days, i get back, she says "hi" .... wtf ????

bearing in mind, she is wearing a top you could park your fucking bike in, she is a trophy, she is indeed one mighty fucking fine looking MILF .... and "hi" .... wtf, seriously, wtf.
((not sure if its the milkman or one of the local farmers .... but it is certainly not fucking me))

any wonder i drink beer and play pokher .... seems i have fuck all else to do, pfffft.

aye, so, getting royally fucked at the felt, not so royally fucked away from it, pffft. decided to give stars a rest and just donk about in general ..... anyone remember Zelda, lol, yeah i have an old n64 gathering dust :) well, there is only so much internet fucking porn you can take in a week :))

so inbetween Zelda i am donking about in el-cheapo donk-em land .... (360)10c turbs :)

for my benefit, i played 12 tonight, including beer, and it ended ....

327,95,95,124,142,59,183,68,95,49,38 and last game i blag 8th.

ha fucking ha, so thats one itm .... guess what my new year resolution is ????

pleasant dreams.

wtf is this real life ?

welcome back.

over the last 2 weeks i have been beaten fucking senseless by the stars RNG. i also tend to find, when this happens, i don't play particularly well, so its a double whammy !! from a high of over $800 i hit the lows of $690 odds, wtf ? seriously wtf !!!!

[ the jammy bastard has gotten it all back and is on the right side of $800 - Ed ]

two weeks ago was smallestChilds birthday :) booked the day off .... but .... on the preceding night middleChild starts sicking up .... no biggie .... unless its half eleven at night and they are in bed .... ugh .... what a fucking mess !
this continues through the night, every hour or there abouts, fml !
the mrs decides this might be a good time to throw a sicky herself, wtf ? she spends half the night in the loo, fml.
middleChild stops throwing up about 9 next morning .... birthday morning, sigh .... about 10, i kneel down in front of the birthday girl, who is looking a wee bit wabbit .... BARF !!!! .... i am extremely extremely glad i had my mouth closed .... ugh .... what a fucking mess .... how i never caught their bug is beyond me !!

was supposed to be heading North of the border last weekend, see friends & family etc, etc .... err, no. due to the slightly inclement weather, trip postponed, sigh.

i run so good, huh ?

so i am heading North of the border this weekend .... err, no.
lunchtime today, i get a call from her mum, she aint well at all ! cant get out of bed, neighbour has taken oldestChild to school, middleChild is off school, hacking & coughing all over the fucking place, and good ole' mother-in-law has had to take a day off work to look after the kids !
so i get away from work and eventually get home to find the mrs still in bed with suspected swine flu !
so i have to head off to Boston (Lincs not Mass, btw) to get some damned tamiflu .... two fucking hours it took for a round trip of 20 miles, fml ! that town at 4pm friday afternoon is a fucking drivers nightmare !

i am soooo looking forward to the weekend, sigh.

the thought of playing on stars is almost comforting, almost.

pleasant dreams.

The Return of the Pink Salmon

welcome back.

played the britBlogger last night. what a hoot, up to a point :)

at my table i had badcallthat, Ca$hPredator, joppa-roadand his would-be-bitch (we'll come back to these two:), noCash and the Katitude. the delightful Mair would join us soon enough, along with Kronsdat .... not sure if that was before or after StanStanTheTaxi man decided he wanted theMonkey to have another week in the fair city of Edinburgh .... two weeks on the trot .... record ? .... same fcuking house .... record ?!!!!

The star attraction would show up later :)

now, at the time the banter started between JoppaRoad and WouldBe, i thought they were buddies ! not quite, so it would seem. an stars sat them next to each other, fcuking ace move right there !!
wouldBe "$50 bounty to JR if he can get into the knickers of any woman under the age of 60"
wouldBe "and an extra $25 if she weights less than 14 stone"
as per fucking usual, I misread the sign.
jopparoad "who's d1ck did you suck to get entry for this ?"
wouldBe "at $1 a go i had to suck more than one"

ah the britBlogger, such a fun, friendly, family game :)

I've started reading both their blogs, it aint fucking pretty, but it is pretty interesting. Kudos to both of them for their honesty.
Hell, i even have a cameo on wouldBe's blog, ha ha too funny. left a comment and his reply quite surprised me ! well played sir !
so these two degenerate gamblers are involved in a challenge .... hope they both do well, actually, and manage to keep hold of whatever they win .... remember guys, Bankroll Management :)

not long after, the table broke and i found myself sitting with these fish .... weegem not long for Falkirk eh ? ya jammy git !! BM, Daleroxxu, rchpro, sword-skillz defending champ .... could anyone oust him ? , Neil Ross and theCloud ....

so we banter along for a while, the fish all 3-betting each other left right and centre, then it happened ..... daleroxxu sets the tone for the entrance of the star attraction .....

daleroxxu goes all-in over weegem's initial raise .... AT v AK .... a ten on the flop sends weegem packing :(

so its all his fault for giving the idea to the stars RNG :)

so down to 2 tables, i'm now sat with -

SWORD-SKILLZ, badcallthat, Ca$hPredator, Al Eleven, rchpro, Joppa Rd, NoCash25 and Katitude

now as i recall, AlEleven had three hammers that i saw and got paid ! pushing fishes off post flop, nice :) the RNG had one last laugh before it went into overdrive .... my AA was good against AQ ....

first to go was joppa-road with KQ vTT .... he hit the straight on the river, badcall hit the boat, ouch.
then Ca$hPredator 88 no good against Al's QQ, gg but nae luck.

then, A3o v QQ .... Al Eleven v SWORD-SKILLZ, nae luck sword, its Al your playing, wow, Ace on the flop

and that was my downfall, folded AK pre, to the heavy betting, fucking woose, there was also a K on the flop too :(

rchpro sent Katitude to the rail, his 66 good v AJ

so 5 handed, bubble for the final table, and i push with 99 ... Al calls with AKs ....

*** FLOP *** [4d Tc 5h]*** TURN *** [4d Tc 5h] [Js]*** RIVER *** [4d Tc 5h Js] [Qc]

what a surprise ! good game me. actually thought i had a chance until the J appeared ....

now i obv don't have the hh, but from here on in, big stak Al Eleven got aggro, and anytime he got looked up, he called the all-in .... he got in behind on so many occasions i thought he'd started batting for the other team !!

lmfao, n1 Al Eleven, pleasure to see you at the felt again, and after kicking my ass, a real pleasure to watch you go on and win, the luckboxery you displayed was even better than our last home game, fucking outstanding big man !!

Al Eleven will be back next week to defend. surely not 2 in a row, again ....

pleasant dreams.

oh f m l

welcome back.

dropped $10 tonight ....

shouldn't be too hard on myself, first time for every thing ....

i turned quads .... wheeeeeeee .... no low, but who gives a fuck :)

he rivered a straight flush .... oh fml

so what the fuck do you call a straight flush 5-high ....

surely not ? .... a straight wheel .... can't be ....

sigh, fml (no fucking bad beat jackpot either, you bastard)

damn, i'm tired !

pleasant dreams.

The Return of the Pink Panther

welcome back, gentle reader.

oh yes indeed, its back .... the original, the biggest, the bestest tourney in the whole of the history of bloggerdom !

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oh and there is a bounty on my head ! wheeee famous at last :)

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the prop bets ....

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$5 bounty on theCloud's head ( by theCloud )

$10 for busting someone with the hammer ( by BurnleyMik )

$5 bounty on ResdentEvil's head ( by NFWS man .... aka Zagga )

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$5 last longest .... ( contact BurnleyMik )

$5 that a jock don't win ( contact BurnleyMik )

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i really hope Mik has had a good week elswhere ....

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oh and whoever is gigli must post theMonkey on their blog .... (no excuses, i still have the picture !)

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now there's a question, who was the last person to house said monkey ????

" but I thought you said NFWS .... "

welcome back, gentle reader.

I know I know, but I just could not resist ....

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sent my mate zagga a wee text today ....

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" nagging doubt .... that pallet .... was it owned by the NFWS ....

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National Fox Welfare Society .... "

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boom boom !!!!

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he is obv in great pain, the response took at least 5 minutes ....

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" LOL thats almost funny, you cuuunt ! :-) "

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( there is now an Official "zagga bounty" oan ma heid, in The Return of the britBloggerment ! )

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( lmfao, how much ? .... you tight cuuuunt !!!! )

" are you talking to moi ? "

welcome back, gentle reader.

i wonder what would have happened if i'd been really rude .... you know, called him a "cunt" or something ....

" .... have suspended your chat privilege for 24 hours ....

The following chat was observed

oh fcuk off
lol fcuk yoiu .... "

i was on tilt and its nice to rant .... havoc with the bankroll, but nice to rant .... :)