Thursday, 31 December 2009

of mice and men

welcome back

after "winning" all these cheapo's, i am left with a single solitary Step2 ticket, sigh

the bubble beats have been of zagga (no wonder he likes herbs ! ) proportions, roll on the New Year to i get back to MY game ....

pleasant dreams

Monday, 28 December 2009

Ben10 v Toshiba ( .... ah'll gie ye Ben-fucking-10 .... )

welcome back.
i think its fair to say, that the watch that attaches itself to Ben10's wrist, is probably indestructible ....

i think its fair to say that a Toshiba Satellite L350-170 laptop is NOT indestructible ....

so what do you get when you cross a watch with a laptop ?

not pretty at all

you really could not do this if you tried.

the laptop was on the floor, i tipped it up to look at the screen, my son wandered over to see what i was up to, and dropped the watch .... which caught the screen a glancing blow .... doh !

a new screen is £90 if you fancy a bit of DIY ....

and then there is poker. very first hand on my first table, thought this regular could take a joke, as we have chatted in the past, obv not, wanker.

so its my bb and he jams his small stack in, about 20bb or something. this is how this regular plays, always. so it was no surprise. i fold.

so i say "lol f/off maggot, merry christmas mate" (maggot is part of his username, btw)

within 30secs there is a mod at the table typing all the usual stuff about abuse etc etc. I never even payed any attention to this at all and only when i tried to chat and the "your chat privilege's have been revoked" box pops up, does it dawn on me, the mod was there because of me ....

their email says i'm chat banned for a week lmfao, oh the irony !! just as well i missed the britBlogger :(

the flip side of the coin, i blagged a 4th place in the 10c/360's .... hah ! get it up you 'stars !

pleasant dreams.

Saturday, 26 December 2009

Merry Christmas ho ho ho

welcome back.

my phone memory woes continues ....

dear madam, your application to join our match making service has been rejected.
you failed question 14 "what do you like best in a man ?"
"A knife" was not an acceptable answer.

very brave Man jokes ....

how do you turn a fox into an elephant ? .... marry it !

what is the difference between a battery and a woman ?
a battery has a positive side.

why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist ?
because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

why did God create woman ?
to carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

classix ....

quick emergency tip, if you get snowed in.
you can turn your dishwasher into a snowplough .... by giving her a shovel.

sic ....

a bloke rings up work and says to his boss "i cant come in today I'm sick"
his boss says "how sick ?"
he replies, "well I'm in bed with my disabled sister !"

and a Christmas cracker ....

this Christmas, lets put mistletoe in our back pockets, so all the people who hate us can kiss our fucking arse.

ahh, the Glesga patter ....

wife asks husband "what shall i wear to the party ? would you like to see me in something long and flowing ?"
husband replies " aye, the fucking Clyde !"

Merry Christmas all.

pleasant dreams

Monday, 21 December 2009

the bitch is .... gone

welcome back.

seems i was just bitch of the week, lol. gone, but not forgotten.
poker continues to be pffft, any change, i'll let you know. i think i'll just continue to donk about in micro-land until my new year res kicks in, then its onwards and upwards .... or busto ????

btw the 10c/360's are actually quite funny, some of the all-ins .... class.
so far i've blagged 9th.27th.29th.20th.10th.36th.8th.25th. .... from about 10000 *)
on a slightly different note, i played the daily dollar rebuy on 'tilt last week, managing 311th of 4590 runners, not bad.
and 17th of 160 runners in one of my old favourite $3 war HORSE :)
and 97th of 869 runners in the $3 pl08b

i have a crappy ol' (works) phone and it seems the "memory" is full, lmfao, 90 texts and its fukked. so might as well dump the best ones ? on here. well, they made me smile, mostly :)

when Bob was asked if he preferred legs or breasts he said that he had a particular fondness for shaven fannies.
He was then informed this wasn't an option when choosing a KFC bargain bucket.

a man walks into a bar and sees this gorgeous woman and says "I'd love to get into your knickers"
she replied " i've already got one arsehole in there thanks ! "

scientific studies show 99% of men would like to be a tablecloth.
its the only fucking chance they get of being laid 3 times a day and pulled off last thing at night.

Vicar books into a hotel. Says to the receptionist " I do hope the porn channel is disabled. "
she replies " No, its just normal porn, you sick bastard "

classic ....

One day, a long time ago, in a land far far away, there lived a woman who did not nag, whine or bitch.
But it was just one day and a fucking long time ago.

pleasant dreams.

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

hmmmm, so i am your bitch ....

welcome back.

its been a while so i thought i'd better knock one out but i decided to write a post instead ....

apparently, i am a certain degenerates bitch. what the fuck that entails, i have no idea .... do i bail him out financially ..... do i give him life enhancing advice .... or do i just blow him ....

not been aboot for a while, 'stars continues to be a complete fucking rollercoaster, not exactly what i want at this time of year. sure, i keep running into monster hands, made or otherwise, but fuck me, it does bleech the confidence factor right out of you !

speaking of such, i have been away for 5 days, i get back, she says "hi" .... wtf ????

bearing in mind, she is wearing a top you could park your fucking bike in, she is a trophy, she is indeed one mighty fucking fine looking MILF .... and "hi" .... wtf, seriously, wtf.
((not sure if its the milkman or one of the local farmers .... but it is certainly not fucking me))

any wonder i drink beer and play pokher .... seems i have fuck all else to do, pfffft.

aye, so, getting royally fucked at the felt, not so royally fucked away from it, pffft. decided to give stars a rest and just donk about in general ..... anyone remember Zelda, lol, yeah i have an old n64 gathering dust :) well, there is only so much internet fucking porn you can take in a week :))

so inbetween Zelda i am donking about in el-cheapo donk-em land .... (360)10c turbs :)

for my benefit, i played 12 tonight, including beer, and it ended ....

327,95,95,124,142,59,183,68,95,49,38 and last game i blag 8th.

ha fucking ha, so thats one itm .... guess what my new year resolution is ????

pleasant dreams.