oh f m l

welcome back.

dropped $10 tonight ....

shouldn't be too hard on myself, first time for every thing ....

i turned quads .... wheeeeeeee .... no low, but who gives a fuck :)

he rivered a straight flush .... oh fml

so what the fuck do you call a straight flush 5-high ....

surely not ? .... a straight wheel .... can't be ....

sigh, fml (no fucking bad beat jackpot either, you bastard)

damn, i'm tired !

pleasant dreams.

The Return of the Pink Panther

welcome back, gentle reader.

oh yes indeed, its back .... the original, the biggest, the bestest tourney in the whole of the history of bloggerdom !

.

oh and there is a bounty on my head ! wheeee famous at last :)

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the prop bets ....

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$5 bounty on theCloud's head ( by theCloud )

$10 for busting someone with the hammer ( by BurnleyMik )

$5 bounty on ResdentEvil's head ( by NFWS man .... aka Zagga )

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$5 last longest .... ( contact BurnleyMik )

$5 that a jock don't win ( contact BurnleyMik )

.

i really hope Mik has had a good week elswhere ....

.

oh and whoever is gigli must post theMonkey on their blog .... (no excuses, i still have the picture !)

.

now there's a question, who was the last person to house said monkey ????

" but I thought you said NFWS .... "

welcome back, gentle reader.

I know I know, but I just could not resist ....

.

sent my mate zagga a wee text today ....

.

.

" nagging doubt .... that pallet .... was it owned by the NFWS ....

.

.

.

.

National Fox Welfare Society .... "

.

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boom boom !!!!

.

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he is obv in great pain, the response took at least 5 minutes ....

.

" LOL thats almost funny, you cuuunt ! :-) "

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( there is now an Official "zagga bounty" oan ma heid, in The Return of the britBloggerment ! )

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( lmfao, how much ? .... you tight cuuuunt !!!! )

" are you talking to moi ? "

welcome back, gentle reader.

i wonder what would have happened if i'd been really rude .... you know, called him a "cunt" or something ....

" .... have suspended your chat privilege for 24 hours ....

The following chat was observed

oh fcuk off
lol fcuk yoiu .... "

i was on tilt and its nice to rant .... havoc with the bankroll, but nice to rant .... :)

he holds him with his glittering eye - pt 8

welcome back, gentle reader.

after what seems like a lifetime ! and after moving up to the 10c/25c and meeting the variance bitch head on .... i think i moved up completely when the 'roll hit $740 getting as high as $770 and then b00m headshot, dropped a small fortune to hit a low of $698 .... to be fair, i did run into 3 monster hands, flopped two boats only to run into two flopped battleships ! met the third battleship on the river, fml !!
that kinda shit is hard to take when you've just moved up, doubly hard for me, since 90% of my previous play had been at 1c/2c with a $3 buy-in lol, so dropping $15 in a single hand, ugh !
last nights session felt fairly comfortable, hopefully i've now settled in :)

'stars roll .... $817.... :)

playing across 6 tables in total last night, going down at only two for a measly $6 but more than making up for it across the other 4, whew !
wow ! i only won 4 ! hands where my net gain was $5 or more .... can you believe that ? and over 400 odd hands. yeesh, have i turned into a grinder or have i always been ? blimey, thats a bit of an eye opener that one ! as ever, its only major (one way or another) hands that stick in your memory.
then again, my biggest loss in a single hand was $3 .... with only 6 hands losing more than $1 ....

now i could bore you with the gory details .... but they bore me too, so i wont bother lol.

good luck, fellow fish. and remember, my quad goddessess of poker like sacrificial virgins.

weird fixations

welcome back, gentle reader.

am i a better player .... err no
will they fear me more .... err no

but hey, i do get the following, lmfao

Congratulations! You have achieved SilverStar VIP status.

Your VIP level lasts for the rest of this month and all of next month.This entitles you to the following rewards:-

50% FPP Multiplier - you now earn 1.5 FPP credits instead of 1 FPP credit

- SilverStar VIP Store access - choose from new and exclusive merchandise in the SilverStar store

- USD 500 Daily VIP tourneys - 3 x a day - 10 FPP entry

- USD 30,000 Weekly VIP tourneys - Saturdays at 14:30 ET - 100 FPP buy-in

- USD 100,000 Monthly VIP tourney - last Saturday of each month - 130 FPP satellites available

These exclusive VIP tournaments can be found in your PokerStars game lobby under the 'Tourney > VIP > All' tab.

oh just cant contain myself !!

her name is Rio and she dances in the sand - pt 2

welcome back, gentle reader.

thanks for the comments guys, fuktheriva (what a fcuking ace username !) all linked up.
zagga too funny, you play way to much poker .... bet you have a "durr" suntan as well *)

no rant about the mrs today .... and btw, would have been back here yesterday but for my router going a bit tits-up, me selecting "filter cookies" when re-setting the fcuking thing .... said cookies thingy don't let me access blogger, wtf ? wordpress, wtf ? and orange, wtf ?
ah the things you learn when pissing in the dark !
no rant btw, due to split crotch knickers and hold-ups .... and no, i aint fcuking tellin ya what SHE was wearing .... *)

i will rant about Sunday drivers .... a 10 mile trip and not one, but fcuking two changes of underwear required, fml.
nipping along the a17 and some donk decides to pull out the Heckington slip road .... before i pass him .... dumb motherfcuker .... two things going for me - its dry and my honda has anti-skid this anti-lock that .... otherwise my brand-new-rollerskates would be looking decidedly second-hand .... this was a serious foot on the brake pedal as hard as i could push the fcuker ! still managed to lock the nearside front for a second though, and that should tell you how hard i was braking .... otherwise i'd be sitting right behind the fcuking donk whispering in his ear "let me guess, you didn't see me ?" .... reckon i was maybe 2' from disaster
second one was the usual ignorant fcuking twat, indicates once, pulls into outside lane of dual carriageway to overtake a truck .... rinse & repeat of incident one .... reckon i was maybe 6' from disaster ( thats the usual with these fcukers )

nh gg fu (both)

on the poker front ....

2 nights ago was obv my turn :) pulled in a whopping $50 or so at my new level, and a fair few fpp's, un-fcuking-hinged i tell ya !
hand of the night has to be .... (not my play btw but his, lol )

utg raises to 4bb, i flat call as does guy behind me and the bb. its nl08b btw
flop comes down ... T T T ....
the bb checks and the initial raisee insta-fcuking jams his remaining 45bb ....
honestly, i sat thinking wtf ? and how did he manage to jam so quick ? lightning quick !!
i think for a few seconds and flat call .... hoping the two behind will come along for the ride, no such luck ....
of course i had the fcuking ten .... :)
and mr-insta-lightning-jammer .... he has, no really, he does .... KK .... wtf ?
it took him a full 20 secs to type in the chat box "wow" and another ten to re-load.

last night was break-even :) earning a shed load of fpp's .... told you, i am fcuking unhinged, i want a silver-fcuking-star !!
need a paltry 125 fpp's by the end of the month .... to achieve my life-long-ambition .... fml indeed.

her name is RIO and she dances in the sand - pt 1

welcome back, gentle reader.

i am on motherfucking life tilt. not fucking good for poker, let me tell you. this fucking kind of life-fucking-tilt .... for example, took me 3hrs to drive home this afternoon, did she say "hi" ask about my day, the journey home "glad you're back" .... did she fuck ! walked thru the door and she has a face like a skelped arse .... situation normal then, my my i am sooo looking forward to the weekend, not.

and just to top it off, i fire up the laptop, 10mins ago, and my nearly fucking new wireless router has decided not to be wireless .... aaaarrgghhhhhhhhh .... you fucking piece of shit technology .... at this time of night, i just want to play, i do not want to start fucking about with ssid's and wep2 keys as long as your fucking arm .... F.M.L.

sigh, while i am here .... i think 10c/25c is my new pl08b level .... a very fucking harsh intro to, i might add .... 5 fucking buy-ins down to start, dropped me below 700 sigh, but pulled it out the fucking fire last night, just, about twelve fucking dollars worth ffs .... and the fpp's pile up .... need 320 or so for silver lmfao .... honestly, i feel a bit unhinged, i am fixated on getting that fucking silver star ... wtf ? seriously, wtf ?

i mean, whats the fucking point, if i can only pull in a few bucks .... hopefully i have now settled down and stopped jizzing off dollars !
i really am the new fucking fish on the block .... apart from last night .... lets see how it goes tonight .... I will be back, tomorrow, honest

and then the fucking wheels fell off ....

welcome back, gentle reader.

poker wise, feel like i am driving an 18-wheeler, thats a lot of wheels to come off !! (fml, $3 a wheel, ugh)
yes, i have been running like shite and playing like shite for .... you guessed it, since i got my new rollerskates, lol and fml, seriously fml.
so bad that i gave up on stars 4-card-bingo and shuffled over to fullTilt and swam with the hoddem donkeys. only for one night though :)

played 4 micro tourneys, perhaps i should stay ?


Full Tilt Poker Tournament #108528847 $2 + $0.25
180 players
Total Prize Pool: $360.00
Start Date: September 18 4:05 PM ET

Dear dD,
You finished the tournament in 4th place.
There has been $36.00 added to your account

Full Tilt Poker Tournament #108387775 $1
Tournament NL Hold'emBuy-In: $1.00
1055 players
Total Prize Pool: $1055.00
Start Date: September 18 4:05 PM ET

Dear dD,
You finished the tournament in 31st place.
There has been $3.38 added to your account

of course, if you followed the challenge, your own, personal, jesus , cough cough, this would not be news and you'd know why i've been quiet :)

I've got a brand new pair or rollerskates

welcome back, gentle reader

usually, as far as i am concerned, a car, is a box on wheels, to go from a to b. have to say though, i am quite impressed with my new car .... in the land of Nippon, thay have some va va va va voom ....

guess not - pt 2

welcome back, gentle reader

sometimes its nice to dish it out. not once, but twice. nh gg fu .... :)

[2009/09/03 18:42:59 ET]

*** HOLE CARDS *** Dealt to ResdentEvil [Qd Qs]

Axamenta: folds,Filipp Alex: folds,Lothi1: calls $0.05,xX Matrim Xx: folds
ResdentEvil: raises $0.25 to $0.30
KGB-David: folds
tortillas pa: calls $0.28
pilnik007: folds,Lothi1: folds

*** FLOP *** [3d 9c 8c]

tortillas pa: checks,ResdentEvil: bets $0.85,/tortillas pa: calls $0.85

*** TURN *** [3d 9c 8c] [3s]

tortillas pa: checks,ResdentEvil: bets $2.55,tortillas pa: raises $1.42 to $3.97 and is all-in,ResdentEvil: calls $1.42

ResdentEvil said, "oops"

*** RIVER *** [3d 9c 8c 3s] [Qh]

*** SHOW DOWN ***
tortillas pa: shows [8d 8s] (a full house, Eights full of Threes)
ResdentEvil: shows [Qd Qs] (a full house, Queens full of Threes)
ResdentEvil collected $9.84 from pot

obviously, virginal sacrifices are worth the effort.

[2009/09/03 18:18:39 ET]

*** HOLE CARDS *** Dealt to ResdentEvil [Kh Ks]

PaolaK: folds,drpaut: folds,ghirboy_visa: folds,Brackovic: calls $0.05,TeTrader789: folds
crissshto: raises $0.15 to $0.20
ady86poker: raises $0.15 to $0.35
ResdentEvil: raises $4.90 to $5.25 and is all-in
Brackovic: folds
crissshto: calls $4.66 and is all-in
ady86poker: folds

*** FLOP *** [6h Kd 5h]
***TURN *** [6h Kd 5h] [4h]
*** RIVER *** [6h Kd 5h 4h] [Jh]

*** SHOW DOWN ***
ResdentEvil: shows [Kh Ks] (a flush, King high)
crissshto: shows [Ac Ad] (a pair of Aces)
ResdentEvil collected $9.62 from pot
crissshto leaves the table

dost thou not know I worship The Church of Dyson

tales from the crypt - pt 1

welcome back, gentle reader

not been posting as not much happening. well, lots happening but trying to find the time seems a major problem. prolly something to do with the fact that i travel a lot, meh.

liquor up front, poker in the rear.
running not to bad, strangely, been playing a shit load of hoddem cash, nano stakes as usual. fuck me you can get a shed load of hands in when multitabling ! but fuck me, the variance is unbelievable, now i remember why i gave up on hoddem ! the donkitude on display is just mind boggling .... and not just mines either !

liquor up front, poker in the rear.
last night i returned to the real game, pl08b :) nano as per with two 10c/25c open to spice it up, sigh, final fucking orbit bit me in the arse. on the plus side, even with only two bigger tables open, my vip points accrued nicely. wtf do i do with these fucking things anyways ?
my exit hand, so to speak, was, of course, on the bigger table ....
with $26 behind (+11 on starting stakk) i hit the nut low on the turn, outs to a straight and outs to the nut flush, all the money went in on the turn .... missing the fucking lot, i suppose i should be grateful my low didn't counterfeit, villain has nut low and rivers two pair for high, cunt.
leaving me with only $15, cunt, and heading for tilt land, i left, cunt

liquor up front, poker in the rear.
zagga has promised ! to look after me at the next liquorupfront, pokerintherear meet. fuck me, someone has too, you lot were fucking rubbish .... but then again, what goes on tour, stays on tour .... jonesUcunt yer barred !! when i went to retrieve my phone from the room, only to find my roomies MILF had re-retired to bed ffs, i was gonna ask her for an amagay special .... something put me off .... 3 people in a small room, all been on the fucking piss the night before, two have had an after beer curry, one has had an after beer kebab .... man, that room was fucking honking .... walked in the room and the fucking smell killed all thoughts of debauchery stone fucking dead.
so i need a minder, well imagine letting me play 1/2 hoddem cash ffs, i mean really, and i'd had a few as well, sincere appologies to the cypriots who put up with my ballbagged donkery and let me win some of there cash, 40 quid or so, unbelievable.
and btw, that rave club was fucking pish ! next time we stay with the milfman , no fucking arguments hamster-on-steroids ok, end of. :)

ok, thats enough pish for one post, hmmm, a bit of real life to end, i will try to keep it short ....
she rings me up at work, my neighbour has ripped out the hedge which separates our houses, yes, the fucking house i am trying to sell, and she is going fucking bananas ! oh and we are going up there at the weekend, not been there for fucking weeks and the grass must need cut etc, etc .... so i zip down lincs on thursday night, she is mrs-fucking-angry and no i aint getting any fucking rumpage tyvm, sigh, but she relents on friday, w00t .... drive up to scotland, when she sees the fucking line of earth where the hedge was .... and i thought she was fucking angry before ! all rumpage out the fucking window and a shit weekend ahead, sigh
so she spends the whole fucking weekend cleaning the house ?? and doing the garden, while i am left to entertain the kids :) not a single piece of interaction with me and the kids all weekend, she wonders why i dont wanna go anywhere with her, yeesh.

so hit the beer and play poker at night enforcing a long lie-in in the morning, oops :(

lmfao, talk about shooting yourself in the foot with both barrels .... sigh, a week later, i am in scotland, on my jack, fucking fence aint up yet ffs, and no, she aint opening them anytime soon !!

fml.

he holds him with his glittering eye - pt 4

welcome back, gentle reader

that site i got chat banned. really shot the other players in foot, thanks. had a +$16 night, thanks. form continued last night with +$9 :)

***** balance $719 .... get fucking in there !!

and all without stepping up, lmfao, i am such a fucking pussy.

so still playing 1c/2c & 2c/5c pl08b. been dabbling in the micro H.O.R.S.E as well, just for a bit of variation and break the monotony of the grind. played over 4 tables going +$2 +$2 +$1 +$4 which is not bad, considering all the games are limit. the biggest game i've noticed going on is $3/$6 and i look forward to playing there .... in xx years :) would like to give the 8-game cash tables a go as well, but they are only 6 max, can you make money on a 6-max limit table, lol .... and get this, there was one guy sat at a $20/$40 with $800 obv looking for a game :) and omfg, there was a guy sat at the $400/$800 with $20,000 .... one day mofu's, one day ....

now there's a question, what 'roll do you need for limit games ?

fuck you ***** you cnut

welcome back, gentle reader

i am a player.

my chat got revoked. you know where.

cunts

Hello ResdentEvil,
We are writing to inform you that we have suspended your chat privilege for 3 hours as a result of your chat on 2009/08/12. The use of vulgarity when addressing another player is not allowed. When asterisks are seen during chatting, it is a warning that what is being put into the chatbox is not allowed. Using spaces or other characters, or otherwise defeating the censor is a violation of the Card Room Rules. Your chat privilege will be reinstated automatically once the suspension period is over. There is no need to write to support. Our goal at ********** is to be a fun place to play, where everyone can feel comfortable. Abuse and other disruptions to the games takes away from everyone's enjoyment, and therefore will not be tolerated. We thank you for your cooperation.
Regards,********** Chat Moderation Team

The following chat was observed

lol who the fk is red .... :)
you fkn animal !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
lol who the fk is red .... :)
you fkn animal !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
typical fkn shortie calls
fcuking river
get some chips you short fcuking stakker

some people are so so fcuking sensitive (are you listening, honey ?)

" Hey, have you ever tried dogs playing poker ? "

welcome back, gentle reader.

not been around because the grind continues. nothing startling happening. been languishing around the mid 600 mark for a week .... two weeks ?
then along comes the "wsop", not the real thing, but a wee series of tourneys arranged by forum ppp which is all good fun but denting to the 'roll.
well, it is if you run like a 3-legged racehorse. as usual with these things there has been some splendid donkery to behold ! no names :)
so 7 events gone, 3 to go and not a fucking cash in sight, in fact not even a final table come to think of it. lmfao, some of the members must think i am a serious donkey :)

after last nights buy-in's i was down to 640, ugh, so off i went to the cash tables.
(( lmfao, stars balance is .... six six six .... (and 39 cents))

my slump in form made me head for the micro's .... might even have been a little tilty after watching every-fucking-hand get outgunned at the stud8 tourney.
the earlier tourney was a nlhe hu thingy. my first (and last !) opponent was BoneIdle :) and he was so fucking hot ! every flop i hit, he had hit it harder ! my exit hand pretty well sums it up .... my Q3 on a Qxx flop .... he had QT :)

oh my, i have a new buddy at the cash tables. for whatever reason, he has latched on to me, well my avatar anyways .... and he can talk .... and talk .... and talk .... and talk. how the fuck he finds time to play beats me.
i have to admit, his incessant chatter is amusing, and he does use it to good effect. lavishing praise and "abuse" in equal measure .... and the compliments he sychophantically lavishes on me .... drives some of the other players to distraction. all good. but then he tells one table "i dont bet against Res" .... fuck me .... scary .... comments like that, its only a matter of time before someone reports "us" .... lol he is from the US-of-fucking-A after all.

so there i am, donking along about even but still tilty :) with my "dawg" chit chattering to all and sundry when i announce "right, fuck this, break time, then its off to play with the big boys" so i close all the tables, take my break, then come back and fire up ....
two micro tables, two 2c/5c and oh-oh three 10c/25c . well fuck me, while still waiting for the bb to get to me, who joins me at two of the big tables ? my stalking dawg of course .... wtf ?

and he proudly announces to all "i normally play with the girls at 1c/2c, i am only here to support Res .... " .... omfg, a stalking dawg .... ding ! "scary monsters, and supercreeps" Bowie, starts up in my head ....

real scary is the fact that my "stalking dawg" has never sat at a 10c/25c, well none that i have played at .... so he did ok, his chat-trick working overtime on the "locals", leaving one table with the $25 he sat down with but dropping $2 at the other.

and me ? actually a very good night overall, made $26 net, thanks in no small part to this ....

Omaha Hi/Lo No Limit ($0.10/$0.25) - 2009/07/25
9 handed, table is full, i have $12.65 ....
*** HOLE CARDS ***Dealt to ResdentEvil [9d Ac Kh Ad]
i checked my bb and 7 (yes 7) of us see a flop
*** FLOP *** [2d 5h 8c] .... lmfao, how ugly is that
guy in mid position makes it $0.75 to go and 7 (yes all 7) to see the turn
*** TURN *** [2d 5h 8c] [Td]
this time a guy in mid makes it $1 with 3 of us flatting to see the river
*** RIVER *** [2d 5h 8c Td] [Jd]

in my surprise, i checked, other guy makes it $1 and gets one caller, and i blast my remaining $10.65 .... getting one caller, ouch, who has the second nuts ....

ResdentEvil: shows [9d Ac Kh Ad] (HI: a flush, Ace high)
Nooz77 mucked [Kd 7h Ks 7d]
ResdentEvil collected $31.70 from pot .... Total pot $33.30 Rake $1.60

i was outta there 20mins later with a healthy stack of $30.95, not bad for a big fish.

oh and my stalking dawg missed it all ....

yawn

welcome back, gentle reader

thought i'd stop by for the old half monthly update.

go, jesus go
continues apace, if thats the correct description .... not sure .... but the grind continues, mostly micro, dipping my toes in the 10c/25c with one or two tables open. suspect i'm riding the variance wave, up on one down on another. generally going in the right direction.
so close to the next hundred dollar barrier, i can smell it .... probably just the bullshit though ....

secondLife
this continues to be a fucking ballache. the house still not sold, family in englandshire, i'm working in york and mostly commuting. its 100 miles each way ffs which is 2-3hrs each fucking way .... only consolation is company car. when they find out almost all the milage is "commuting" i think they'll knock it on the head. so come next month maybe September, i may be be forced to "stay " in york .... its not fucking cheap and i really cannot afford it. probably whack the plastic 'till the house sells. at least i dont do weekend working ....
so, question is, is my 40k a year job worth it .... fucking recession, looks like i will have to continue to take it in the rear ....
house sells, recession over, work from home please or another job please ....

so fucking close I can smell it .... probably just the bullshit though ....

"I've got a friend in jesus...."

thouroughly pi$$ed off playing mtt's with a billion runners, thought it was high time i headed back to my spiritual poker home, the mighty 888.com , my original feeding ground. well, ok, it was here that i tried to learn to swim.

anyways, as far as i'm concerned its, probably, the best site in the world to play online poker .

now i "know" its not the largest site but thats the point. on the big sites you prolly have, what, at least a 100 fish for one solid player ? it seems to me that with such a high ratio you have to get real "lucky" for your big hands to hold, i mean, when mr J6-off thinks its a good idea to get all his chips in against your bullets, hitting the obligatory two pair on the river to send you crashing out of yet another tourney, straight to tilt land !!

as you know, i'm an omaholic, but we'll get back to that :) so on firing up pacific i was pleasantly surprised to see i still had some moola in my account and decided to see if my texas holdem poker game had improved since my last swim :)
after only an hour, i think its safe to say, it has. dont get me wrong, i only dipped my toe in the shallow end, the 2c/4c to be precise, but walking away with 30bb profit suited me just fine. the other thing i noticed was the actual play.
not too many suicidal all-in's pre-flop and when the betting hotted up on later streets, at least the villains had caught something on the flop, makes it so much easier to play, imho.

i know most of you lot are hoddem donkeys, so for you guys, there is quite a lot of choice :)
for the wee fishes theres 2c/4c right through to nosebleed $10/$20 gulp.

for me ? there were pl08b games running, right up to $15/$30 .... eek !!

enjoy your swim ....

a 1500 big blind nosebleed

welcome back, gentle reader

chapter 1 The Nosebleed

followers will know that i am having a crack at the bigger tables, lmfao gotta try children, gotta try :) some may say i dallied way to long at the microlimits, i agree. it was just so so comfortable down there. trouble is, it would take forever to make some decent pocket money there .... and we are, are we not, here to make some money ?
anyone who knows my style will know that i am not overly fond, or indeed impressed, by huge pre-flop raises ....

PokerStars Game #29748731353: Omaha Hi/Lo No Limit ($0.10/$0.25)
Table 'Sycorax IX' 9-max .... i joined this table with $15, ground it up to $22, villain has $22 too

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to ResdentEvil [2h Ac Ah 8c]

JOVdaGRINDER: raises $21.75 to $22 and is all-in
darkstar24: folds encore fred: folds redurb: folds klavuz: folds jenspap13: folds
ResdentEvil said, "fk" .... using most of my time bank, i said fuck, a lot
ResdentEvil: calls $21.75 and is all-in
Piwonka: folds .... all the rest, quite rightly, clear the field of battle

*** FLOP *** [4h Jc 6d]
*** TURN *** [4h Jc 6d] [5d]
*** RIVER *** [4h Jc 6d 5d] [3h]

*** SHOW DOWN ***
ResdentEvil: shows [2h Ac Ah 8c] (HI: a straight, Ace to Five; LO: 5,4,3,2,A)
JOVdaGRINDER: mucks hand .... .... mucked [5c Qh As Ad]
ResdentEvil collected $21.10 from pot
ResdentEvil collected $21.05 from pot

he re-loaded for a full $25 buy-in and three hands later he is at it again. i dont know this player at all, only have 120 odd hands on him and he is -$30. after the previous hand, this is kinda anti-climactic, at least being played more sensibly ....

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to ResdentEvil [4c 3h 5h 6d]

basically, the villain raised pre to $1 and 3 of us call, so four to the flop

*** FLOP *** [4h 2d Tc]
another villain bets $2.50, i flat call, the other two, including the original raiser, fold
*** TURN *** [4h 2d Tc] [3c]
villain checks :) i bet out for $10 and he calls for his remaining $8.25
*** RIVER *** [4h 2d Tc 3c] [Qd]

klavuz: shows [4s 2h Ts Kh] (HI: two pair, Tens and Fours)
ResdentEvil: shows [4c 3h 5h 6d] (HI: a straight, Deuce to Six; LO: 6,5,4,3,2)
ResdentEvil collected $12.25 from pot
ResdentEvil collected $12.25 from pot

eek, and all within the space of 4 hands. my session concluded 6 minutes later, it was late, very late, i had been at that table for 2hrs2mins and bed was calling. having sat down with $15, it seemed like a damned good idea to leave with the $54 now sitting in front of me :)

chapter 2 Who Wants to be a Millionaire

sorry, but this one really really rips ma knittin .... please explain to me what 1 million is, in quantifiable terms that I can understand, so that you get across to me how large a number 1 million is .... think about it, really think about .... and dont give me pish like " to the moon and back, twice" , this has no meaning to me as I have never been to the moon ....

how about this one. to make one million pounds in one year, you need to make two thousand seven hundred and forty pounds a day, every day, for the whole year ....

chapter 3 The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

the good - after grinding my way through umpty thousand 1c/2c hands, i think i can consider myself a winning player at these microstakes. pats self on the back .... :)

the bad - sitting down at said 1c/2c table and before it gets to my big blind, the table has emptied .... wtf ? seriously wtf ? this has happened at several times in the past week .... are these motherfuckers in collusion ? or is the news out ? my big fish avatar is actually the kind of fish you don't want to be swimming with ? fair enough, the regulars "know" i can play a bit and i actually seem to know what constitutes a reasonable starting hand, but come on, its 1c/2c and you sit down with a massive $3.
btw you motherfucking fish who wont, dont, cant play with me .... if you want to learn, you need to play with decent players .... and if you cannot beat me, really, who the fuck do you think you can beat ?
I am not, repeat, not, gawds gift to poker .... i am, quote, "a solid player who is hard to get chips from" .... a view not shared by all my fellow donks .... so, on the other hand, i am, quote, "a fucking fish .... will chase anything for half .... fucking idiot" ....
so there's the two sides to the argument, take your pick ....
personally, I take both as a compliment, so thank you madam :) and thank you sir :)

the ugly - those woman tennis players who grunt .... jesus fucking wept ladies, save it for the bedroom or wherever .... just stop fucking doing it, what a fucking turnoff ....

very much like meeting a beautiful woman in a bar, in Glasgow .... you notice her standing at the bar, a heavenly vision of beauty, you saunter over, trying to look cool, trying not to trip over your own feet, trying not to dribble your been down your shirt .... "hi there ...." .... "aw rite pal, we're gaun tae ra jiggin, ye waant tae bye me an Mary-doll a fukkin beer .... " .... time for a Sharp exit (Harp, sharp to the bottom of the glass:)

chapter 4 He holds him with his glittering eye - pt 3

well, with the aid of the aforementioned nosebleeds and generally doing ok all round last night, i have broken through the $600 mark .... go jesus, go :)

upwardly mobile, almost

welcome back, gentle reader

quite a week at the tables. ( for the impatient amongst you, stars 'roll at $554 )

stepped up a level, sort of :) still playing the 1c/2c and of course the 2c/5c. and yeah, started opening a table or two of 10c/25c.
the first session at 10/25 was an eye opener. obviously i was the new fish at the table .... raises ignored, or getting 5-bet :) any flop i did get into i was simply bullied off it !
lmfao what a wuss. or is it the same for anyone who steps up and is (too) seriously keeping one eye on the bankroll ?
on my first attempt at 10c/25c it went a bit pear shaped. i did not play to many hands and was blinded & bullied down to $12 ($15 buy-in) when i limped in to a pot with A333 .... on a board of A2385 .... the villain shows T554 .... oops, played like a fiddle .... which left me with $7 and i packed it in shortly after that, confidence sagging, and thinking wtf was i in that pot for in the first place. when that sort of thing happens, i am left feeling vaguely embarassed, feeling like a fish, so to speak.

my next crack at the 10c/25c, three nights later was the opposite. my very first hand !! 5 of us limp into the pot, 2 of us go the distance and on a board of 8QJJ7 oh yes, i have JQ .... villain had 9T but his re-raise on the flop only frightened off the other 3 limpers, not bad for a beginner .... a $14 hand .... eventually leaving the table with $26.

next night was one of those nights. i could not hit fuck all, could not get anyone to fold blah blah blah blah .... net result ? dropped $6 .... still painfull for me because that is a full buy-in at the 2c/5c.
and talking of painful .... when you hit the nut low draw and top two on the turn there's no problem with all the money going in .... unfortunately the villain had hit top set on the flop but he had no low draw .... the ace on the river was especially painful since it killed my low draw and rubbing it in, completes the flush draw .... villain had the required two matching suits in his hand .... sigh, a full buy-in bites the dust

dropping so much could really have dented my bankroll, but as "luck" would have it, i was running so hot at the 2c/5c, just about (almost) making up what i was dropping at the bigger tables. i don't feel i was playing particularly badly .... how many players spout that one ?? .... just a matter of time :)

"time" started last night, hopefully it might continue ....

with "only" $12 behind me i picked up A24T suited ace :) and all the money went in on the river, the villain mucked 9AA9 double suited, no less, unfortunately for him the board was J3T48 so my two pairs are enough to see off his pesky aces .... why do people put so much stock on them ? never ceases to amaze me .... oh yeah, did you notice he had no low, not even a draw .... so he loses big time :) $11.90 +$11.85 .... b00m headshot, if i may be so bold.

last night was one of my best, net profit of $17 with almost half of it coming from that one hand. wondering where the rest came from ? glad you asked, heres where :)

at the 1c/2c i picked up amounts of $7.61 & $6.64 any table you sit at and double yer buy-in is a result in my book ! of the others i picked up a dollar here and there plus cents on three others but dropped a buy-in between the remaining two.

makes you wonder though. since i started my "assault" on the 10c/25c .... all of a whopping 3 or 4 days actual play, i have kept the boat afloat with good results at the 2c/5c .... and have been getting crucified at the 1c/2c !!

is it simple psychology ?

am i now playing risk-favourable at the lowest limit or perhaps, concentrating overly on the bigger tables ?

true blonde - pt 1

welcome back, gentle reader

sure you have seen it, fucking idiots abound

PokerStars Game #29367818472, Omaha Hi/Lo Pot Limit ($0.01/$0.02), 2009/06/14 Table 'Houzeau V'
Seat 8: ResdentEvil ($3 in chips)

PokerStars Game #29367818472, Omaha Hi/Lo Pot Limit ($0.01/$0.02), 2009/06/14 Table 'Houzeau V'
Seat 8: ResdentEvil ($16.88 in chips)

really, what can you say

thanks :)

Infer - To conclude from evidence or premises

welcome back, gentle reader.

thought for the day - stop interfering in other peoples lives

((sort your own life, its a fucking train wreck ))

theDiktator offered me a clean slate .... like a fucking idiot I fell for it. Stayed up to silly o'clock last night playing good ole tourneys, ran deep in the nl08b one on fullTilt .... did i get a lie in ? lol did i fuck.

unfortunately running like a fucking dawg this week, mainly due to life tilt. usual nonsense, with my AA23, yes i actually got dealt a cracking starter once this week ! wonders never cease .... the stars rNg had other fucking ideas though .... 69K flop .... one of the 4, yes 4, callers has KK .... business as usual then.
on the opposite end, get dealt JQKK and the flop is all low, sigh. been running like this all week, fuck ! as a consequence, dropped $10, disaster :) stars sitting at 525, so the 1c2c will have to get fucking hammered because i am starting to get an itch to play the 10c25c ....

here is a very interesting hand .... not because of what happened at the table, more like what happened off the table ....

dealt some innocuous cards and two come along for the ride .... then my 3 kids appear, crowding round the pc, wanting to know wtf is daddy doing ? what position is daddy in ? which player is daddy ? pointing and touching the screen, tiny hands all fucking over the keyboard !
jesus, what a fucking rammy ! and without realising i call all the raises on the table and eventually get caught piggy in the middle, shit low and shit high ! thats when i raised my voice ....

GO TO BED i bawled .... the three of them, stood, open mouthed, staring .... looking at the BEMUSED look on daddy's face .... ( poker face my arse ! ) .... and they all burst out laughing ! and so did I .... fuck the poker, this was much more fun wheeeeee :)

theDiktator obviously thought I'd lost it, she appeared and ignored the fact we were all laughing our fucking faces off .... and ushered them off to bed, game over :(

oh and the guy 14 doors down has applied for an asbo , or whatever the fuck its called :) I am fairly sure most of the neighbours are actually very surprised that there is a man ?? squeak fucking squeak .... in the house ....

the situation was ridic ! so i shut the tourney and fucked off for a beer and a smoke :) when i got back i was short but managed to blag it to the final table, 7th, but no money :)

i ended up being late to bed .... ok, ok so i slept on the fucking sofa (clean slate ? don't make me fucking laugh !) .... by donking my way to a 12th of 158 runner $10+$1 nl 08b on tilt for $23 .... i have to admit liking playing on fullTilt, plenty of play there, but the software is still fucking .... antiquated .... if you want multiple tables open and do not have the luxury of two 42" monitors to fuck about on !

might as well finish on a positive (two huge fingers to life tilt, aka theDiktator, that's what i say) as usual, you nlhe donkeys should be ashamed ! letting a 4-card-bingo-player kick your arse :)

PokerStars Tournament #169962232, No Limit Hold'emBuy-In: $0.10
4791 players
$50.00 added to the prize pool by PokerStarsTotal Prize Pool: $529.10
Tournament started 2009/06/12 21:00:00 WET [2009/06/12 16:00:00 ET]

Dear dD,
You finished the tournament in 329th place. A $0.32 award ....

thanks for stopping by.

oh fuck, almost forgot .... (USA persons please note, fanny = cunt)

bloke takes the new bird home to meet the parents. "i must warn you, they are both deaf and dumb" he warns her.
They get there and walk in to the living room.
His mums got a beer bottle up her fanny and the dad is sitting there with his nuts out and a matchstick propping one eye open.
His bird says "what the fuck is this ?"
he replies " oh, its sign language ....

my mum is saying get the beers in you cunt, and me dads saying, bollocks, I'm watching the match ! "

ha ha ha ha, well it amused me. btw this was a joke text to theDiktator from her good Kafflik pal, so thanks Franny, you have got me in a shit load of trouble at work.
yes i tried to email this to a few friends .... there were plenty of ** and not one real fully formed profanity .... the works fucking profanity filter still saw fit to intervene and the email is under review, if the cunt who reviews it does not have a sense of humour, worse still, a gawd damn fucking jobsworth, then i get reported to "the management" .... depending on their mood, impartiality is not one of their strong points, I could be in for a rough fucking ride over the coming months .... they so love to "monitor" employees after we have fucked up !

.... keep the jokes coming Franny, some of them are hidden gems :)

He holds him with his glittering eye - pt 2

welcome back, gentle reader

well its been 6 months give or take a day or two, since i started this ( subconscious ) jesusFerguson type challenge, all be it i started with some dollars. the real challenge was of course to beat the game and prove to my peers ( real and imagined ) that i could stop being a losing player.

A few days ago, I broke through the $500 barrier .... w00t .... currently on +35 at the start of tonights session.

damned good grinding considering i have stuck 90% of the time to the 1c/2c tables. The odd mtt cash has of course, mostly been given back playing more mtt's. its a shame my mrs does not support my habbit as i feel i could do +ev in mtt land, but when i do stay up to silly o'clock .... 2nd place in the 8-game last week springs to mind .... she still insists on me getting up at silly o'clock .... and i just cant do it !! physically, i just cant do it .... anymore .... ( zagga take note :)

so far i have stuck fairly rigorously to br management, only playing mtt's with mtt winnings. what i propose to do now is open two 1c/2c and two 2c/5c tables which puts $18 in play and allows me to open one 10c/25c putting $33 in play and thus keeping my available roll above the 500 mark .... if i bomb at the bigger table, then its back to the penny tables untill i grind it up to the magical 533 required to play with the big :) boys.

thanks for reading & commenting, wish me luck.

In the Heat of the Night

welcome back, gentle reader

pl08b is a fucking cruel game.

my bb [4h 9d 5s 3c] a small raise so i flat, big mistake.

*** RIVER *** [6h 8c 2c 7h] [2h]

i foolishly call his river bet, villain has Ah3h, just to rub it in, bugger

drops me to t610, then it got nasty

my sb [Js 2s Ah Ad] so i min raise and get 2 callers ....

on a [3s 5h 3h] flop two of us get the chips in, how do you think I lost ?

*** RIVER *** [3s 5h 3h 3c] [Ac]

and the villain had .... [3d 2d 4s Kd] .... jesus fucking wept, ouch ouch ouch ouch

fuck me ! ah well, only a $5 tourney .... could have been cash :(

Guerre de Cent Ans - bataille de cadsand

welcome back, gentle reader.

since everyone does end of month, thought i'd be an awkward git and do it mid-month :)

if i had got around to it, approx 3 days ago, then this would have been a "he holds him with his glittering eye" post .... i did bust my next $$ barrier and then slipped back under it .... not by much, but enough to put the post on temporary hold !

as well as donking the 1c/2c cash i have dipped my toe back in the tourney cct.

the acornman turbos (2 table no-limit 08) have gone quite well. played about 15, final tabled 12, itm in 6 of the madness, with three 1st places, w00t (lmfao they are $1.50+25c buy-in)

the reason i slipped below the next $100 barrier is due to mtt's ... and not cashing obviously, lol, well i did cash in two. the funnier one was on virgin (boss media, i believe) it was the 10c bankroll builder, oh and it was a re-buy !! anyway, got just in the money, top 20 paid, and i misread the drop down tourney summary, thought it said there were 10 left .... there were 20 in fact, so i pushed from late, with a fair stack, with my mid pair, straight into the bb who woke up with AA .... fcuk, out in 20th for €3 or there abouts ! ah well not bad for a 10c entry and no i did not re-buy at all !

tell you what, the plo8b turbo's are mental. there appears to be loads of nlhe players only too willing to get their chips in with minimal outs, it beggars belief. seriously, some people have no clue. for example ....
i limp early with A245 sooted to the ace. usual 6 players see the flop ! anyway the flop comes down all low with a 3 in there and two of my suit. i make a small bet, everyone ! calls but the guy on the button pots it ! so i min re-raise, all fold except the button who min re-raises, i min-re-raise and so on till all the chips are in the middle. at the very least i was expecting him to show A2xx .... but oh no, all he has are aces ! not a fcuking out in sight ! he has no low, no draws to the straight or flush .... seriously wtf ? by the river i have the nut low and a straight, night-night mr nlhe donk :)

here are the mtt results :)

HORSE....Buy-In: $3.00/$0.30....216 players....Total Prize Pool: $648.00
You finished the tournament in 7th place. A $21.06 award ....
....earned 83.98 tournament leader points....

8-Game........Buy-In: $2.00/$0.20........174 players........Total Prize Pool: $348.00
You finished the tournament in 3rd place. A $39.15 award........
........earned 102.98 tournament leader points........

8-Game........Buy-In: $2.00/$0.20........144 players........Total Prize Pool: $288.00
You finished the tournament in 12th place. A $7.20 award........
........earned 46.84 tournament leader points........

and finally ....

pt pl08b stats :)

1c/2c 29364 hands +$186.10 (pl08b)
2c/5c 12815 hands +$23.26 (pl08b)
5c/10c 295 hands +$0.97 (limit 08b)
10c/20c 525 hands -$3.03 (limit 08b)
10c/25c 190 hands -$4.15 (no limit 08b)
10c/25c 1570 hands +$71.25 (pl08b)
25c/50c 513 hands +$36.35 (limit 08b)


oh, for the record, when i break the next barrier, i am going to step up to the 10c/25c level. not gonna multi-table these, just one table and the rest will be 1c/2c and 2c/5c .... i can tell, you are just drooling at the thought :)

State of the Union

welcome back, gentle reader

looks like I am a real player now .... w00t

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The following chat was observed

lol fcuking idiots

The Bridges of Madison County

welcome back gentle reader

well i thought i was on to a winner this week, as early doors i discovered i could view blogger yeah !! from work, hell i could even view the comments and yeah !! i could even post a comment !!
that lasted until this morning when the internet trolls obviously discovered their error, and switched the fucking firewall back on, bollox. ah well, nose back to the fucking grindstone ....

btw did i mention this may come across as a whiny-bitch-post ?

lets start with Brit MP's expenses .... well folks, what the fuck, seriously what the fuck did you expect ?
an ice cube tray, horse manure (the bastards are full of it), jellied eels (puke), a £112 toilet seat (wtf ?), dog food (barf:), tea lights (omfg candles), fluffy dusters .... unfuckingbelievable
doesn't surprise me one bit, actually. i mean, standard issue for a politician is a Teflon Suit and a Masters-Degree-in-How-to-not-answer-the-question-you-have-just-been-asked, so anyone who really believes their MP is there to help them, well, pass me your rose-tinted-fucking-spectacles-please.

now as outrageous as this is, it pales into insignificance when compared to missing
.... the coverage of this poor wee girl was in itself, outrageous .... why ?
apparently over 1000 children go "missing" in Britain every-single-fucking-year .... where is their coverage ????

and of course, there are always those in the lunatic fringe .... personally i blame radio4

heard this on the way home tonight hut 33 .... seriously, take 10 minutes and give it a listen, you will prolly listen to it all, the sketch with the gay royal is too funny !!

oh yes, they had some guy on wittering about a cat curfew .... almost crashed the car at this point ! he wants all us moggy owners to keep 'em inside overnight .... to stop them killing birds .... wtf ? .... for a start, the only thing my moggy's ever bring home during the hours of darkness are mice, you dumb muppet.

more dumb muppets ....
no fucking wonder it was an anonymous phone bid .... sorry girls, but its a shiny rock ffs, dug out of the earth .... and just what the fuck is he going to do with it ? think about it....

and speaking of such .... ok ya dalling, which wall ? .... just as well i am not an art critic.

this wee gem caught my eye, another storm in a d-cup so which party bought them ? .... euro elections coming up ....

and next time you want to complain about next doors dog shitting on yer lawn, spare these poor folks a thought .... (they live in milton keynes after all) dalling, oh dalling, the pool looks a bit yellow ....

then again, maybe i should just lighten the fuck up, sigh

finally, please be very careful next time you mow the lawn ....
what do you mean you didn't see it ?

Dealing the Missing Piece of a Casino Night

welcome back, gentle reader.

I love a good round of Poker, but one of the most important and enjoyable aspects of the game are the tense situations that get created in the heat of a card playing frenzy. When I play at home, I have everything set up just like at a real casino, but something or some part of the experience always feels missing. For a long while my friends and I were wondering why that undeniably electric atmosphere couldn’t be recreated exactly in any of our four walls. We thought for a while about the reasons. Was it the lack of glitzy lights? The absence of glamorous ladies and gents? Perhaps the music wasn’t right? Nope. The problem was obvious: we needed a slick, skilled and trustworthy dealer.

Hiring a professional croupier makes a big difference to the atmosphere of a game and when we hit upon it, it seemed to be the precisely the missing piece of our Poker puzzle. There’s simply no comparison to wowing your crowd with a straight-faced super speed shuffler. So how
could I find a professional dealer that I could afford to make our weekly game a bit more interesting? Everyone wants to play James Bond once in a while! Wise as always, the internet provided that answer for me in a site called Dial a Dealer.
On Dial a Dealer, Professional card dealers and casino hire
operators list their particular skill set along with useful details like their location and price per hour enabling anyone, from a newbie like me to a professional corporate booker find reliable dealers in their area. Most importantly the site is easy to navigate and has
photos of the dealers and statistics to let you compare them. You can check out which games are a particular dealer’s specialities and book extra services like renting professional gambling equipment or finding larger venues. To make extra sure you are booking the finest people for your game there is a feedback area where you can view the ratings for a particular dealer.
Dealers throughout the world are encouraged to sign up for the free service and they seem to be getting new people everyday from places as far and wide as the US, Canada, the UK, Australia and New Zealand.
It’s not hard to see how big this site will be in the very near future. I remembered to blog about this site because of its rather cool appearance (a very realistic looking gambling table) and the
insightful articles that explain everything from setting up a new game to tipping etiquette and house rules. Alongside the in-depth advice is a blog that is updated regularly with the latest news and views from the world of gambling.
While our game is next week, I do look forward to recreating that delightfully authentic James Bond Casino Royale atmosphere with the professional dealer I hired last night from dialadealer.com. Everyone has been getting their James Bond suits and cocktail dresses at the ready for the main event !

Make sure you visit dialadealer.com too!

guess not - pt 1

wecome back, gentle reader

so you wanna jam .... against me ????.... running through the streets ....

Omaha Hi/Lo Pot Limit ($0.01/$0.02) - 2009/04/29 17:58:41 ET

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to ResdentEvil [5c 2h Ad 8s]

*** FLOP *** [3s 6c 7h]

ResdentEvil: bets $0.08
Knolli77: raises $0.16 to $0.24
ResdentEvil: raises $0.16 to $0.40
Knolli77: raises $0.88 to $1.28

ResdentEvil said, "sigh"

ResdentEvil: raises $0.88 to $2.16
Knolli77: raises $0.37 to $2.53 and is all-in
ResdentEvil: calls $0.37

*** TURN *** [3s 6c 7h] [5d]
*** RIVER *** [3s 6c 7h 5d] [4c]

*** SHOW DOWN ***
Knolli77: shows [4d Ac 5s Jh] (HI: a straight, Three to Seven; LO: 6,5,4,3,A)
ResdentEvil: shows [5c 2h Ad 8s] (HI: a straight, Four to Eight; LO: 5,4,3,2,A)
ResdentEvil collected $2.45 from pot
ResdentEvil collected $2.44 from pot

dost thou not know I worship The Church of Dyson

littleAcornMan bad beat movie ????

welcome back, gentle reader

this is fucking hilarious, its on here for me .... every beat i take, i will click the link .... you cant stay on tilt after this ! brilliant !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5__zd7opRY

wow .... is it really you acorn ????

ahh ffs

welcome back, gentle reader

just played my first britblogger for donks .... as in ages !

smokkee on my left and bayne on tha table too :) played it tight. then dealt the hammer and min raise and smokkee calls. flop x27 .... wheee .... small bet and he calls, same on turn and river, he folds on river .... i wait to proudly show .... cards disappear .... automuck is on .... aaaaarrgghhh.

should have sat out there and then.

then gott JJ and one caller (bayne u bastard !! ) to a small raise. flop was ten high rainbow, i bet he raises i call and same thing on turn and river .... he has 33 and the 3 on the flop ffs, and thats me crippled. very next hand QQ and i am all-in against AK .... the Q on the flop gets me back to t570.

then i get AJ and push .... smokkee calls with AK .... gg me .... bollox, oot in thirty something, bollox to nlhe !

wherefor art thou, dudley ?

welcome back, gentle reader.

where indeed, eh ?

lol nice to see some people still stop by :) cmon. own up, how many thought i'd taken one shot to many and gone completely busto ? and how many filed a missing persons report ?

of course i have not actually been anywhere as such. quite simply being doing the same old same old with one slight difference. been playing on my laptop, no biggie, but i have been playing in the living room, wow, in the company of the real people who make up my family :)

bloody hell its a hard fucking grind !

never realised how much concentration 4-card bingo takes ! what with the tv droning in the background, the mrs wittering on about such and such, the two year old wanting to know what "daddy-fish" is doing ( kid you not, thats what she shouts when the laptop appears ! ) its a wonder in itself that i aint busto.

as you know if you follow along here at all, i have been grinding the 4-card bingo on stars lowest limits 1c/2c pl08b with not bad results, getting past the 100 then 200 and finally 300 ....

then i returned to the land of the living :(

i know you should not set monetary goals and i dont as such. all i have been doing is trying to break through the next $100 barrier. no time limit so no pressure really. i almost posted a few weeks back about busting the 400 but didn't quite get around to it .... thats when i hit a downswing and dropped to 380 and have been stuck there for a couple of weeks ! the only real reason i dropped so much was an insane impulse dial-a-shot at 1/2 limit :(

and thats as much ball busting bankroll breaking as i can take, what a fucking woose, huh ?

you know, i read somewhere that the sign of a good player is not how much he wins, but how much he does NOT lose. ( played for 2 weeeks and won fuck all but lost fuck all, how can i not subscribe ) and i firmly agree with that one. now i may not be the greatest player but i do think i am better than average, maybe even capable of getting into that top 10% who actually make money. thats the idea of the grind and the bankroll management, get enough to progress to the next level.

stars next level, out of my comfort zone and bankroll is a fairly hefty jump up to 10c/25c which is a fucking huge jump from 1c/2c and 2c/5c.
going from a $3 or $6 buyin to a $15 min buyin is a hell of a jump and potentially bankroll bursting frightener .... question is, what sort of roll are we looking at to play the 10c/25c ????

another wee thing i read which i now firmly subscribe to is the art of multi-tabling. over the months i have found that having to few tables open leaves one wide open to the fucking disaster of playing way to many hands and by the simple law of averages, playing to many hands means you must be playing some real crap starting hands .... bad enough at nlhe but what a real fucking train wreck at pl08b !!

and as my (winning) friend acorn has stated on more than one occaision, volume is key ! hence my push to multi-table. it really is the only way to get said volume in for cash players at any rate, especially 4-card bingo cash players, well, sometimes a table can run as low as 30 hands per hour ffs, yours truly slowing the action down when required :)

as billy connolly says, noo where wiz a .... ah yes ....

so got stuck short of the next 100 barrier and then two nights ago i played a blinder and on multiple tables no less. it is soooo goot to run volcanic after two weeks in the doldrums !

oh come on, making 1000 bb's in one session is not to be sniffed at !

sorry, but i cant sniff at it ! and for me it was prolly the biggest session i have ever put in, in a single sitting, getting on for, in fact over, 1000 hands ffs. think i was equally chuffed to break two barriers in the one go ! w00t !!!!

before i go, just in case you missed it, what sort of roll are we looking at to play the 10c/25c ????

so i have crashed the $400 barrier, as ever, lets keep it there :)

the darwin awards - pt1

welcome back, gentle reader.

question is, who wins the award ????

the good, the bad and the ugly - pt1

welcome back, gentle reader

sorry in advance for typos, i detest doing this on a laptop :(

the ugly - the gers gettin fukkin rivered, at home, by the mighty cally .... seriously wtf

the bad - spending 40mins trying to get an Internet link to watch the game

the good - running my rivered boat into a flopped big boat, not good :( buy-in gone but clawed half back during the grind, good :)
flopping quads .... and getting paid by 3 players in the hand, good :)
hitting nut straight on the flop plus outs to nut low .... guy chases me to the river, hits a fukking boat, no low, not good .... the guys name ???? catch22, seriously wtf

btw broke through the 300 mark (302), dropped to 292 during last nights session, finished with 312, all good .... :)

ha ha ha thats shot to shit since i gotta play $5 HORSE tonight ....

f.m.w.a.p.s. - pt 1 & pt 2

welcome back, gentle reader

after you've read this. i'm sure you'll say heard it, seen it, been there, got the t-shirt, video .... and the sore ar$e :)

pl08b micro stakes last night. limped into a multiway pot and flopped the nut flush and second nut low .... w00t .... an early position donk bets small and i pot it .... leaving him 8c to re-raise me with, which he duly does ....
at this point two things happen .... another window pops to the front AND my two year old decides its time for a swan dive off the sofa arm onto daddy .... apart from a near fucking heart attack i extricate enough of the wee one so i can see the screen, fold the current game window and click on the game where mrDonk has re-raised me .... remember, 8c re-raise .... one fucking microsecond before my finger hits the mouse button .... the game i am trying to reach pops to the front .... and i hit the gawd damn fucking fold button .... sigh .... bye bye buy-in

thats when i uttered the immortal words .... f.m.w.a.p.s

in phonetics as my wee one is at the serious parrot stage. and then there was a knock at the door .... a smartly dressed young american man bearing a pokerstars id stood there .... with his designer pointy stick .... "aw naw, nae loob" I muttered ....

not long after, with the wee one crashed flat out on the sofa, i returned to the virual felt. with the usual array of tables open i flat call a raise from the blinds .... the raiser is a solid regular and i love to catch these guys out, oh and raising from the blinds seems to happen all to often for my liking, so i flat call in early position with a s00ted A2xx .... four of us see the flop come down all low and two of my suit :) as expected, the raiser pots it and I flat call not wanting to scare off the two behind me and they duly flat call. the turn is another low giving me the nut low and , i guess, the solid regular raiser from the blinds the nut low as well .... again she pots and we all flat call. the river is a diamond, yes my diamond, my nut flush. she pots it and is all in .... another game window pops to the front and i quickly fold my hand .... except it was not another window that popped to the front, for some strange unknown reason i just thought it had, i just folded the nut nut hand .... sigh .... bye bye 3 buy-ins

thats when i uttered the immortal words .... f.m.w.a.p.s .... no phonetics

knock knock went the door, same young man with pokerstars id, same designer pointy stick, "aw naw, nae loob" I muttered .... again

apparently I will walk "properly" within a week, sitting down may take a wee bit longer.

scariest thought of all .... surely not the exact same pointy stick he visited littleAcornMan with the other week ? that is a truly disturbing vision ....

He holds him with his glittering eye - pt 1

welcome back, gentle reader

two nights ago I "cruised" through the $200 landmark, finishing the night with $205.67 safely locked into my stars account. no big deal, except I had not realised how much it actually meant to me !
Four or five nights ago I got my balance up to 197, thinking I would easily crush that pesky 200 barrier, only a single buy-in at 1c/2c .... and the bubble burst, all the fucking way down to 180 (and not a dart in fucking sight) meh. lmfao b00m headsot indeed.

my doomswitch got well and truly flicked. or else it may have been ....

a series of bad beats .... read playing a lot of crap starting hands .... aka my fault
getting mightily rivered .... read going to showdown with way less than the nuts .... aka my fault
pre-flop raises getting called left, right and centre .... read unable to fold pre-flop monsters on a train wreck flop with 4+ donks in the hand .... aka my fault

anyway, i was about to say, you may or indeed may not remember, I have been grinding away at the pl08b microstakes for roughly the past 3 months. well, seriously grinding, bearing in mind i am a self confessed recreational player, so multi-tabling the old hi-lo 4 card bingo was a little daunting :)
but stars, god love 'em, have 1c/2c for starters, so where else could i go :)

the other reason for using stars is simply the software .... streets ahead of the competition for this simple reason. The table requiring action pops to the front ....

and it stays at the front until you make a choice.

All the other sites, bar none, bring the action window to the front, but, big but actually, they do not keep it at the front until you make your choice. As soon as another table requires a descision, it pops to the front, irrespective of whether you have made a descision on the previous table or not !

well thats the way they work on my systems, one running xp and the lappy running vista.

so back to the grinding. when i started this it was due to my fondness of pl08b and the fact i was sick to death of nlhe, i had more or less $100 on stars. it may only have been $50 but we'll give it the benefit of doubt.
so two nights ago i broke the $200 landmark, thanks to a third place in a limit 08b tourney and also to a nice wee hand which we will get to shortly. it was only a wee tourney, but hey, third is third, especially since most of the peeps are nlhe donkeys :) and you know how difficult it is to play against punters who basically have no clue :)

Dear ResdentEvil,
You finished the tournament in 3rd place. A $15.00 award .... :)

oh and that hand.
well one guy seemed to know what he was doing, but the guy doing the raising when the board paired, well .... as they say, you decide.

PokerStars Game #24666832808: Omaha Hi/Lo Limit ($0.25/$0.50) - 2009/02/06 18:56:56 ET
Table 'Bellona VIII' 10-max Seat #6 is the button
Seat 1: tccrasher ($19.40 in chips)
Seat 3: adogzilla ($9.50 in chips)
Seat 4: jay_jaywalk ($10.85 in chips)
Seat 5: masher_05 ($8.25 in chips)
Seat 6: stapler19 ($14.65 in chips)
Seat 7: Bocman ($10.50 in chips)
Seat 8: poo500 ($5 in chips)
Seat 9: ResdentEvil ($10.05 in chips)
Seat 10: tharjus ($1.45 in chips)
Bocman: posts small blind $0.10 poo500: posts big blind $0.25

*** HOLE CARDS *** Dealt to ResdentEvil [Ac 9d Ah 3d]

ResdentEvil: calls $0.25 masher_05: raises $0.25 to $0.50 Bocman: calls $0.40 ResdentEvil: calls $0.25

*** FLOP *** [6h As Kc]

Bocman: checks ResdentEvil: checks masher_05: bets $0.25 Bocman: calls $0.25 ResdentEvil: raises $0.25 to $0.50masher_05: calls $0.25 Bocman: calls $0.25

*** TURN *** [6h As Kc] [6s]

Bocman: checks ResdentEvil: bets $0.50 masher_05: calls $0.50 Bocman: raises $0.50 to $1
ResdentEvil: raises $0.50 to $1.50 masher_05: raises $0.50 to $2
Betting is capped
Bocman: calls $1 ResdentEvil: calls $0.50

*** RIVER *** [6h As Kc 6s] [Tc]

Bocman: checks ResdentEvil: bets $0.50 masher_05: raises $0.50 to $1 Bocman: calls $1 ResdentEvil: calls $0.50

*** SHOW DOWN ***

masher_05: shows [4c Td Ts 3c] (HI: a full house, Tens full of Sixes)
Bocman: mucks hand mucked [Ad 4s 6d 5s]
ResdentEvil: shows [Ac 9d Ah 3d] (HI: a full house, Aces full of Sixes)
ResdentEvil collected $11.85 from pot
No low hand qualified
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $12.25 Rake $0.40

It may only be "limit" but fuck me, almost doubling your buy-in in a single hand ....

so that was the 200 well and truly crushed :) by a whopping 5 bucks .... but last night i wanted to play in a $5 tourney .... which dropped me right on 200 .... oh oh ....
but, thankfully i blagged first in the wee mtt

PokerStars Tournament #139154084, HORSE
Buy-In: $5.00/$0.50
14players
Total Prize Pool: $70.00
Dear ResdentEvil,
You finished the tournament in 1st place. A $35.00 award .... :)

and, I say, and, I picked up a few more schekkels at the cash tables. So thats 200 out of the way, right ? sitting at 237 so as long as I dont go playing to many tourneys ....

thinking about it my balance should have been higher by $6 or so. I had a great table at 2c/5c managing to double my buy-in .... but I donked, and I mean donked, off two buy-ins at 1c/2c .... sigh .... honestly, what a fucking donk I am sometimes.

and finally ....

pt omaha stats :)

1c/2c 9604 hands +$59.64 (pl08b)
2c/5c 3732 hands +$26.19 (pl08b)
5c/10c 190 hands -$2.81 (limit 08b)
10c/20c 383 hands +$3.75 (limit 08b)
10c/25c 23 hands +$0.25 (no limit 08b)
10c/25c 764 hands +$10.65 (pl08b)
25c/50c 513 hands +$36.35 (limit 08b)

the above stats are all from sessions played on my laptop and very pleasant reading they make. The following stats are from the pc and although they show an overall profit, there are some train wreck stats in there too.

1c/2c 6893 hands +$31.25 (pl08b)
2c/5c 3292 hands +$65.17 (pl08b)
5c/10c 643 hands -$0.19 (limit 08b)
10c/20c 932 hands +$0.07 (limit 08b)
10c/25c 353 hands -$1.65 (no limit 08b)
10c/25c 403 hands -$22.10 (pl08b)
25c/50c 157 hands -$3.65 (limit 08b)
25c/50c 75 hands -$19.65 (no limit 08b)
25c/50c 47 hands +$5.10 (pl08b)

lmfao, not at the time obviously, but how many fucking beers did I have during the no-limit 25/50 session ? Must have been sitting in the pub with Sir Al Cant Hang ....

the Glaswegian - pt 1

i usually let these things pass straight to the recycle bin. every now and then one makes me smile :)

" Spotted this cheeky little gift set in Haddows, Copland Road , Govan last night - the guy at the counter says they sell like hot cakes !

A bottle of Buckfast, 20 Mayfair and a packet of skins - you couldn't make it up !

BUCKY GIFT PACK ONLY £9.08 "

please mind the step

correct, i am away on another works overnighter. back in good old alnwick, just the one night though, and its a silent "L" and silent "W" just in case you were wondering ....

nice hotel with a great power shower. as i stepped out the bathroom i stumbled and thought "where the fuck did that step come from ?" i turned and looked at the bathroom door .... thats when i noticed the sign .... sigh :)
been working in Newark these past couple weeks so been with the family most nights and weekends .... zagga, nip round and see if my ek house is still standing, please :)

of course family and poker do not mix well at all.
telling her to go see to the screaming kid because i am involved in a 73c life or death draw just dont seem to cut it .... no idea why !

as you can tell i am still micro stake grinding the pl08b on stars .... which is going not to bad .... but a win rate of 20bb per hour hell, even 50bb per hour takes a fucking long time to increase the old roll by anything vaguely interesting.

i did have one interesting hand last night and thank your lucky stars the hh is on the home machine !! so from memory ....

quite literally just sat down with my usual $3 ....

dealt A2xx suited and i min raise from early .... gets reraised and then reraised again .... i'm thinking wtf ? as they aint normally so aggro pre at this level on stars .... lol i gotta call

4 see the flop flop leaves me the nut low draw and the nut flush draw ....

i potted it for a buck and fuck me the other three called ....

turn gives me nut low and nut flush .... fuck it, all-in for me ....

and fuck me i get three callers (one guy was a shortie)

river .... and the board paired, shit

really thought i'd lost the high and was getting quartered on the low ....

then one by one .... they mucked their hands .... honestly wtf ?

so i scoop high and low for a truly mammoth $9.73 .... 480 odd bb .... seriously. wtf ?

now, if i could get that kinda "luck" at $1/$2 .... hell, even 10c/25c

oh-quad-goddesses-of-poker, Amen

the three amigos

and a Happy New Year to you all :)

its not often that you get 3 crakkers at the one table. these guys were going at it when i stumbled onto the table, so not entirely sure what the hell was going on.
we have all seen there type but the only time i have run into them is at a tourney table .... cash pl08b madness anyone ?
anyway, i sat down at this 1c/2c pl08b table with my usual $3, unaware of the asylum i had entered ....

Seat 1: getterdone36 ($1.90 in chips)
Seat 2: ResdentEvil ($3 in chips)
Seat 3: maxie08 ($2.97 in chips)
Seat 4: lewisrowl ($10.19 in chips)
Seat 5: -AAO- ($32.23 in chips)
Seat 6: HU4Rollz IMO ($9.51 in chips)
Seat 8: Da_FoRcE16 ($1 in chips)
Seat 9: DAYTOP ($10.23 in chips)

the very first hand preflop action

-AAO-: raises $0.07 to $0.09
HU4Rollz IMO: raises $0.23 to $0.32
getterdone36: raises $0.77 to $1.09
-AAO-: raises $2.54 to $3.63
HU4Rollz IMO: raises $5.88 to $9.51 and is all-in
getterdone36: calls $0.81 and is all-in
-AAO-: calls $5.88

i waited with baited breath to see the sterling hands which rated so much preflop action ....

-AAO-: shows [Kd 5d Jh Jc]
HU4Rollz IMO: shows [Qc 5s 9c 3d]
getterdone36 mucked [4d 9h 6d Ts]

thats when i realised something was slightly amiss.

and thats how it went for the next 20 minutes. all-in preflop. every. single. fucking. hand.

madness.

i resisted for a whole 6 minutes before i too, got caught up ....

Dealt to ResdentEvil [5s Ad 4d 2d] .... gotta be worth a shot ???? right ????

ResdentEvil: shows [5s Ad 4d 2d] (HI: a straight, Three to Seven; LO: 6,4,3,2,A)
ResdentEvil collected $2.83 from side pot-1
ResdentEvil collected $2.83 from side pot-1
ResdentEvil collected $1.92 from main pot
ResdentEvil collected $1.91 from main pot

Seat 2: ResdentEvil ($9.49 in chips) .... whew :)

didn't last long, this type of insanity is catching .... sigh, all in preflop, again

Dealt to ResdentEvil [5h Qd Ad 3h]

-AAO-: shows [5c Jh 2s 2d] (HI: two pair, Queens and Deuces)
getterdone36: shows [Ks 6d 4d 4c] (HI: a flush, Ten high)
getterdone36 collected $31.84 from side pot-2
ResdentEvil: shows [5h Qd Ad 3h] (HI: a flush, Ace high)
ResdentEvil collected $10.21 from side pot-1
HU4Rollz IMO: mucks hand
ResdentEvil collected $19.03 from main pot
No low hand qualified

still cant believe i actually did that ....

Seat 2: ResdentEvil ($29.24 in chips)

getterdone36 was the biggest winner, buggering off with close to $49, lol jammy git ! and me ? i managed to escape the asylum with $29 .... an incredible 1300 bb thank you very much.

it seems that these guys are all from the same asylum :)

HU4Rollz IMO said, "me aao getter and one or two other 2+2rs were shoving pf at plo8 the other day at 1c/2c... i ended up losing 300 bucks"
HU4Rollz IMO said, "aao had about 220 at one point"

ResdentEvil said, "lol thats gambling"

fuel55's gold - pt4

welcome back, gentle reader

and another tale from the dark side, enjoy, i did :)

PokerStars Game #22889136826:
Omaha Hi/Lo Pot Limit ($0.01/$0.02) - 2008/12/13 17:32:17
Seat 1: ttr61009112 ($1.83 in chips)
Seat 2: Major Julli ($6.08 in chips)
Seat 3: Rosi27 ($4.03 in chips)
Seat 4: WherezMy$$$ ($1.19 in chips)
Seat 5: outplayingU ($1.57 in chips)
Seat 6: ResdentEvil ($2.73 in chips)
Seat 7: Cards01352 ($1.32 in chips)
Seat 8: Bruntus ($0.59 in chips)
Seat 9: john1984 ($2.69 in chips)

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to ResdentEvil [5c 4d 5h Ah]

ResdentEvil: calls $0.02
john1984: calls $0.02
WherezMy$$$: calls $0.01
outplayingU: checks

*** FLOP *** [3c 5s Jc]

WherezMy$$$: bets $0.02
outplayingU: calls $0.02
ResdentEvil: raises $0.06 to $0.08
john1984: raises $0.18 to $0.26
WherezMy$$$: calls $0.24
outplayingU: calls $0.24
ResdentEvil: calls $0.18 ....... lets not get too cocky

*** TURN *** [3c 5s Jc] [5d]

WherezMy$$$: checks
outplayingU: checks
ResdentEvil: bets $0.08
john1984: raises $0.46 to $0.54
WherezMy$$$: folds
outplayingU: calls $0.54
ResdentEvil: raises $0.48 to $1.02
john1984: calls $0.48
outplayingU: raises $0.27 to $1.29 and is all-in
ResdentEvil: calls $0.27
john1984: calls $0.27

*** RIVER *** [3c 5s Jc 5d] [9s]

ResdentEvil: bets $0.64
john1984: calls $0.64

*** SHOW DOWN ***
ResdentEvil: shows [5c 4d 5h Ah] (HI: four of a kind, Fives)
john1984: mucks hand
ResdentEvil collected $1.18 from side pot
outplayingU: mucks hand
Cards01352 said, "V N H"
ResdentEvil collected $4.79 from main pot
No low hand qualified
outplayingU leaves the table
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $6.27
Main pot $4.79.
Side pot $1.18.

Board [3c 5s Jc 5d 9s]

Seat 5: outplayingU (big blind) mucked [Qc Td Ad 2d] ....... amazing
Seat 6: ResdentEvil showed [5c 4d 5h Ah] and won ($5.97) with HI: four of a kind, Fives
Seat 9: john1984 mucked [3d Jd Ac Js] ....... ouch

dont they know .... i do not bluff .... much :)

jones-U-cunt

welcome back, gentle reader

jonesUcunt .... keep blogging ffs

remember .... humour .... :)

a game of skill, right ? - pt 5

welcome back, gentle reader

well well, less prolific than the other two ?? wow better get the finger out :) of course to be prolific, you need time ... and something to say ... not sure which of those two i am most short of !!

anyway, i only mention this because my exit hand was just spectacular ... the mistiming, on my part was hard to believe ... a real omfg and almost rotfl moment ... made me smile :)

PokerStars Tournament #117555102, No Limit Hold'em
Buy-In: $0.10
4648 players
$50.00 added to the prize pool by PokerStars.com
Total Prize Pool: $514.80 Tournament started - 2008/11/03 - 16:00:00 (ET)
Dear ResdentEvil,
You finished the tournament in 269th place.
A $0.42 award has been credited to your Real Money account

and the exit hand, sorry don't have the hh err to hand ....

i am down to less than 10bb and get dealt ... TT ... that'll do me, i thought :)
i push from early position, the guy 2 seats along thinks, calls
the guy on the button doesn't think and blasts his huge stack all-in ...
mr 2-seats-along thinks ... and pushes the remainder of his stack in ... oh oh

mr-two-seats-along flips over QQ ....... bugger
mr-on-the-button flips over ... AA ....... double bugger

do any of us get to crack those aces ?? did we buggery !

the funniest thing ? well mr-two-seats-along could have folded since he had only put about a third of his stack in to call my push ....

i wonder if ukgatsby will give me this months spectaculary mistimed pushes award ??

a game of skill, right ? - pt 4

welcome back, gentle reader

this "tournament" really was fucking hilarious ... honestly, they were dropping quicker than the ftse 100 ....

PokerStars Tournament #114301586, No Limit Hold'em
Buy-In: $0.10
4078 players
$50.00 added to the prize pool by PokerStars.com
Total Prize Pool: $457.80 Tournament started - 2008/10/16 - 16:00:00 (ET)
Dear ResdentEvil,You finished the tournament in 792nd place.
A $0.13 award has been credited to your Real Money account.

what a h00t and one of the quickest mtt's i have ever played ... and a 33% profit .... outstanding :)