Thursday, 25 June 2009

a 1500 big blind nosebleed

welcome back, gentle reader

chapter 1 The Nosebleed

followers will know that i am having a crack at the bigger tables, lmfao gotta try children, gotta try :) some may say i dallied way to long at the microlimits, i agree. it was just so so comfortable down there. trouble is, it would take forever to make some decent pocket money there .... and we are, are we not, here to make some money ?
anyone who knows my style will know that i am not overly fond, or indeed impressed, by huge pre-flop raises ....

PokerStars Game #29748731353: Omaha Hi/Lo No Limit ($0.10/$0.25)
Table 'Sycorax IX' 9-max .... i joined this table with $15, ground it up to $22, villain has $22 too

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to ResdentEvil [2h Ac Ah 8c]

JOVdaGRINDER: raises $21.75 to $22 and is all-in
darkstar24: folds encore fred: folds redurb: folds klavuz: folds jenspap13: folds
ResdentEvil said, "fk" .... using most of my time bank, i said fuck, a lot
ResdentEvil: calls $21.75 and is all-in
Piwonka: folds .... all the rest, quite rightly, clear the field of battle

*** FLOP *** [4h Jc 6d]
*** TURN *** [4h Jc 6d] [5d]
*** RIVER *** [4h Jc 6d 5d] [3h]

*** SHOW DOWN ***
ResdentEvil: shows [2h Ac Ah 8c] (HI: a straight, Ace to Five; LO: 5,4,3,2,A)
JOVdaGRINDER: mucks hand .... .... mucked [5c Qh As Ad]
ResdentEvil collected $21.10 from pot
ResdentEvil collected $21.05 from pot

he re-loaded for a full $25 buy-in and three hands later he is at it again. i dont know this player at all, only have 120 odd hands on him and he is -$30. after the previous hand, this is kinda anti-climactic, at least being played more sensibly ....

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to ResdentEvil [4c 3h 5h 6d]

basically, the villain raised pre to $1 and 3 of us call, so four to the flop

*** FLOP *** [4h 2d Tc]
another villain bets $2.50, i flat call, the other two, including the original raiser, fold
*** TURN *** [4h 2d Tc] [3c]
villain checks :) i bet out for $10 and he calls for his remaining $8.25
*** RIVER *** [4h 2d Tc 3c] [Qd]

klavuz: shows [4s 2h Ts Kh] (HI: two pair, Tens and Fours)
ResdentEvil: shows [4c 3h 5h 6d] (HI: a straight, Deuce to Six; LO: 6,5,4,3,2)
ResdentEvil collected $12.25 from pot
ResdentEvil collected $12.25 from pot

eek, and all within the space of 4 hands. my session concluded 6 minutes later, it was late, very late, i had been at that table for 2hrs2mins and bed was calling. having sat down with $15, it seemed like a damned good idea to leave with the $54 now sitting in front of me :)

chapter 2 Who Wants to be a Millionaire

sorry, but this one really really rips ma knittin .... please explain to me what 1 million is, in quantifiable terms that I can understand, so that you get across to me how large a number 1 million is .... think about it, really think about .... and dont give me pish like " to the moon and back, twice" , this has no meaning to me as I have never been to the moon ....

how about this one. to make one million pounds in one year, you need to make two thousand seven hundred and forty pounds a day, every day, for the whole year ....

chapter 3 The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

the good - after grinding my way through umpty thousand 1c/2c hands, i think i can consider myself a winning player at these microstakes. pats self on the back .... :)

the bad - sitting down at said 1c/2c table and before it gets to my big blind, the table has emptied .... wtf ? seriously wtf ? this has happened at several times in the past week .... are these motherfuckers in collusion ? or is the news out ? my big fish avatar is actually the kind of fish you don't want to be swimming with ? fair enough, the regulars "know" i can play a bit and i actually seem to know what constitutes a reasonable starting hand, but come on, its 1c/2c and you sit down with a massive $3.
btw you motherfucking fish who wont, dont, cant play with me .... if you want to learn, you need to play with decent players .... and if you cannot beat me, really, who the fuck do you think you can beat ?
I am not, repeat, not, gawds gift to poker .... i am, quote, "a solid player who is hard to get chips from" .... a view not shared by all my fellow donks .... so, on the other hand, i am, quote, "a fucking fish .... will chase anything for half .... fucking idiot" ....
so there's the two sides to the argument, take your pick ....
personally, I take both as a compliment, so thank you madam :) and thank you sir :)

the ugly - those woman tennis players who grunt .... jesus fucking wept ladies, save it for the bedroom or wherever .... just stop fucking doing it, what a fucking turnoff ....

very much like meeting a beautiful woman in a bar, in Glasgow .... you notice her standing at the bar, a heavenly vision of beauty, you saunter over, trying to look cool, trying not to trip over your own feet, trying not to dribble your been down your shirt .... "hi there ...." .... "aw rite pal, we're gaun tae ra jiggin, ye waant tae bye me an Mary-doll a fukkin beer .... " .... time for a Sharp exit (Harp, sharp to the bottom of the glass:)

chapter 4 He holds him with his glittering eye - pt 3

well, with the aid of the aforementioned nosebleeds and generally doing ok all round last night, i have broken through the $600 mark .... go jesus, go :)

Monday, 22 June 2009

upwardly mobile, almost

welcome back, gentle reader

quite a week at the tables. ( for the impatient amongst you, stars 'roll at $554 )

stepped up a level, sort of :) still playing the 1c/2c and of course the 2c/5c. and yeah, started opening a table or two of 10c/25c.
the first session at 10/25 was an eye opener. obviously i was the new fish at the table .... raises ignored, or getting 5-bet :) any flop i did get into i was simply bullied off it !
lmfao what a wuss. or is it the same for anyone who steps up and is (too) seriously keeping one eye on the bankroll ?
on my first attempt at 10c/25c it went a bit pear shaped. i did not play to many hands and was blinded & bullied down to $12 ($15 buy-in) when i limped in to a pot with A333 .... on a board of A2385 .... the villain shows T554 .... oops, played like a fiddle .... which left me with $7 and i packed it in shortly after that, confidence sagging, and thinking wtf was i in that pot for in the first place. when that sort of thing happens, i am left feeling vaguely embarassed, feeling like a fish, so to speak.

my next crack at the 10c/25c, three nights later was the opposite. my very first hand !! 5 of us limp into the pot, 2 of us go the distance and on a board of 8QJJ7 oh yes, i have JQ .... villain had 9T but his re-raise on the flop only frightened off the other 3 limpers, not bad for a beginner .... a $14 hand .... eventually leaving the table with $26.

next night was one of those nights. i could not hit fuck all, could not get anyone to fold blah blah blah blah .... net result ? dropped $6 .... still painfull for me because that is a full buy-in at the 2c/5c.
and talking of painful .... when you hit the nut low draw and top two on the turn there's no problem with all the money going in .... unfortunately the villain had hit top set on the flop but he had no low draw .... the ace on the river was especially painful since it killed my low draw and rubbing it in, completes the flush draw .... villain had the required two matching suits in his hand .... sigh, a full buy-in bites the dust

dropping so much could really have dented my bankroll, but as "luck" would have it, i was running so hot at the 2c/5c, just about (almost) making up what i was dropping at the bigger tables. i don't feel i was playing particularly badly .... how many players spout that one ?? .... just a matter of time :)

"time" started last night, hopefully it might continue ....

with "only" $12 behind me i picked up A24T suited ace :) and all the money went in on the river, the villain mucked 9AA9 double suited, no less, unfortunately for him the board was J3T48 so my two pairs are enough to see off his pesky aces .... why do people put so much stock on them ? never ceases to amaze me .... oh yeah, did you notice he had no low, not even a draw .... so he loses big time :) $11.90 +$11.85 .... b00m headshot, if i may be so bold.

last night was one of my best, net profit of $17 with almost half of it coming from that one hand. wondering where the rest came from ? glad you asked, heres where :)

at the 1c/2c i picked up amounts of $7.61 & $6.64 any table you sit at and double yer buy-in is a result in my book ! of the others i picked up a dollar here and there plus cents on three others but dropped a buy-in between the remaining two.

makes you wonder though. since i started my "assault" on the 10c/25c .... all of a whopping 3 or 4 days actual play, i have kept the boat afloat with good results at the 2c/5c .... and have been getting crucified at the 1c/2c !!

is it simple psychology ?

am i now playing risk-favourable at the lowest limit or perhaps, concentrating overly on the bigger tables ?

Monday, 15 June 2009

true blonde - pt 1

welcome back, gentle reader

sure you have seen it, fucking idiots abound

PokerStars Game #29367818472, Omaha Hi/Lo Pot Limit ($0.01/$0.02), 2009/06/14 Table 'Houzeau V'
Seat 8: ResdentEvil ($3 in chips)

PokerStars Game #29367818472, Omaha Hi/Lo Pot Limit ($0.01/$0.02), 2009/06/14 Table 'Houzeau V'

Seat 8: ResdentEvil ($16.88 in chips)

really, what can you say

thanks :)

Saturday, 13 June 2009

Infer - To conclude from evidence or premises

welcome back, gentle reader.

thought for the day - stop interfering in other peoples lives

((sort your own life, its a fucking train wreck ))

theDiktator offered me a clean slate .... like a fucking idiot I fell for it. Stayed up to silly o'clock last night playing good ole tourneys, ran deep in the nl08b one on fullTilt .... did i get a lie in ? lol did i fuck.

unfortunately running like a fucking dawg this week, mainly due to life tilt. usual nonsense, with my AA23, yes i actually got dealt a cracking starter once this week ! wonders never cease .... the stars rNg had other fucking ideas though .... 69K flop .... one of the 4, yes 4, callers has KK .... business as usual then.
on the opposite end, get dealt JQKK and the flop is all low, sigh. been running like this all week, fuck ! as a consequence, dropped $10, disaster :) stars sitting at 525, so the 1c2c will have to get fucking hammered because i am starting to get an itch to play the 10c25c ....

here is a very interesting hand .... not because of what happened at the table, more like what happened off the table ....

dealt some innocuous cards and two come along for the ride .... then my 3 kids appear, crowding round the pc, wanting to know wtf is daddy doing ? what position is daddy in ? which player is daddy ? pointing and touching the screen, tiny hands all fucking over the keyboard !
jesus, what a fucking rammy ! and without realising i call all the raises on the table and eventually get caught piggy in the middle, shit low and shit high ! thats when i raised my voice ....

GO TO BED i bawled .... the three of them, stood, open mouthed, staring .... looking at the BEMUSED look on daddy's face .... ( poker face my arse ! ) .... and they all burst out laughing ! and so did I .... fuck the poker, this was much more fun wheeeeee :)

theDiktator obviously thought I'd lost it, she appeared and ignored the fact we were all laughing our fucking faces off .... and ushered them off to bed, game over :(

oh and the guy 14 doors down has applied for an asbo , or whatever the fuck its called :) I am fairly sure most of the neighbours are actually very surprised that there is a man ?? squeak fucking squeak .... in the house ....

the situation was ridic ! so i shut the tourney and fucked off for a beer and a smoke :) when i got back i was short but managed to blag it to the final table, 7th, but no money :)

i ended up being late to bed .... ok, ok so i slept on the fucking sofa (clean slate ? don't make me fucking laugh !) .... by donking my way to a 12th of 158 runner $10+$1 nl 08b on tilt for $23 .... i have to admit liking playing on fullTilt, plenty of play there, but the software is still fucking .... antiquated .... if you want multiple tables open and do not have the luxury of two 42" monitors to fuck about on !

might as well finish on a positive (two huge fingers to life tilt, aka theDiktator, that's what i say) as usual, you nlhe donkeys should be ashamed ! letting a 4-card-bingo-player kick your arse :)

PokerStars Tournament #169962232, No Limit Hold'emBuy-In: $0.10
4791 players
$50.00 added to the prize pool by PokerStarsTotal Prize Pool: $529.10
Tournament started 2009/06/12 21:00:00 WET [2009/06/12 16:00:00 ET]

Dear dD,
You finished the tournament in
329th place. A $0.32 award ....

thanks for stopping by.

oh fuck, almost forgot .... (USA persons please note, fanny = cunt)

bloke takes the new bird home to meet the parents. "i must warn you, they are both deaf and dumb" he warns her.
They get there and walk in to the living room.
His mums got a beer bottle up her fanny and the dad is sitting there with his nuts out and a matchstick propping one eye open.
His bird says "what the fuck is this ?"
he replies " oh, its sign language ....

my mum is saying get the beers in you cunt, and me dads saying, bollocks, I'm watching the match ! "

ha ha ha ha, well it amused me. btw this was a joke text to theDiktator from her good Kafflik pal, so thanks Franny, you have got me in a shit load of trouble at work.
yes i tried to email this to a few friends .... there were plenty of ** and not one real fully formed profanity .... the works fucking profanity filter still saw fit to intervene and the email is under review, if the cunt who reviews it does not have a sense of humour, worse still, a gawd damn fucking jobsworth, then i get reported to "the management" .... depending on their mood, impartiality is not one of their strong points, I could be in for a rough fucking ride over the coming months .... they so love to "monitor" employees after we have fucked up !

.... keep the jokes coming Franny, some of them are hidden gems :)

Saturday, 6 June 2009

He holds him with his glittering eye - pt 2

welcome back, gentle reader

well its been 6 months give or take a day or two, since i started this ( subconscious ) jesusFerguson type challenge, all be it i started with some dollars. the real challenge was of course to beat the game and prove to my peers ( real and imagined ) that i could stop being a losing player.

A few days ago, I broke through the $500 barrier .... w00t .... currently on +35 at the start of tonights session.

damned good grinding considering i have stuck 90% of the time to the 1c/2c tables. The odd mtt cash has of course, mostly been given back playing more mtt's. its a shame my mrs does not support my habbit as i feel i could do +ev in mtt land, but when i do stay up to silly o'clock .... 2nd place in the 8-game last week springs to mind .... she still insists on me getting up at silly o'clock .... and i just cant do it !! physically, i just cant do it .... anymore .... ( zagga take note :)

so far i have stuck fairly rigorously to br management, only playing mtt's with mtt winnings. what i propose to do now is open two 1c/2c and two 2c/5c tables which puts $18 in play and allows me to open one 10c/25c putting $33 in play and thus keeping my available roll above the 500 mark .... if i bomb at the bigger table, then its back to the penny tables untill i grind it up to the magical 533 required to play with the big :) boys.

thanks for reading & commenting, wish me luck.

Friday, 5 June 2009

In the Heat of the Night

welcome back, gentle reader

pl08b is a fucking cruel game.

my bb [4h 9d 5s 3c] a small raise so i flat, big mistake.

*** RIVER *** [6h 8c 2c 7h] [2h]

i foolishly call his river bet, villain has Ah3h, just to rub it in, bugger

drops me to t610, then it got nasty

my sb [Js 2s Ah Ad] so i min raise and get 2 callers ....

on a [3s 5h 3h] flop two of us get the chips in, how do you think I lost ?

*** RIVER *** [3s 5h 3h 3c] [Ac]

and the villain had .... [3d 2d 4s Kd] .... jesus fucking wept, ouch ouch ouch ouch

fuck me ! ah well, only a $5 tourney .... could have been cash :(