Wednesday, 22 December 2010

"do you have a life ?"

welcome back.

its nice to see some of the players on 'stars actually paying attention.

i decided to basically grind (that's my version of grind) the fuck out of it at 'stars this month. The sole reason for this was to grab a yearly bonus. I only noticed I might actually miss the damn thing at the tail end of last month. Well, that's what happens when you go donking about elsewhere !
I need not have worried since I "easily" attained the required vpp's. Which has thrown up another dilemma. Do I take the bronze star $25 vip bonus now ? or do I push on for the silver star $50 vip bonus ? Since these are not "stellar" rewards, I'm assuming they'll be available whenever and they won't be removed at the end of the year ....

The only reason I've accumulated vpp's is through multitabling. I've also actually added some $$ to my small bankroll. If I was any good at this blogger thing I'd post a nice wee graph, but I'm not, so I wont. The month started badly, dropping 500bb's in 6 days. Then the tide turned. So far this month I'm up 8000bb's. Knock off 2500bb's for the bonus, and that's 5500bb's in actual gameplay profit. Obv not ALL of the profit has come from microstakes as I've played a few hands at 10c/25c and (lol) 25c/50c .... dont ask, I grew a set one night and decided to play in the big playground !
(now that I've counted it all, its quite "eeeek!" , I've never run like this, then again, never played like this....)

well, we all know what happens for the rest of the month, don't we ....

then this random types in the chat box .. "hey Evil, do you not have a life ?"
he was obv a wee bit irked that I was sat at all the microstakes tables (not "fast" though!) but, if you remember, I'm chat banned, so the random will have to make his own mind up. my response would of course have been ..
.. "not this month son, not this month"

pleasant dreams

Wednesday, 15 December 2010

I am NOT smarter than a 10 year old.

welcome back.

cheers guys. yer so helpfull zag, lol. Rossi you could have explained about "purchasing" stellar rewards, lol ....

1400 hands and only +$7 .... ugh, thought me all day today. I was way to tired to trawl hh's last night to figure out where the hell I'd dropped the "other" $43 of my bonus ....

(the only upside is I only need 65vpp's for Silver .. is it worth it Rossi ??)

yup, you guessed it .... I finally figured out that the $50 had NOT automatically been credited to my account, you have to purchase the fucking thing for the pricely sum of 1 fpp ....

yup, deffo NOT smarter .... in fact, I dont think I’ll play poker anymore, sigh, now where are my crayons …

pleasant dreams.

Tuesday, 14 December 2010

resolve - A+ effort - B-

welcome back.

I will make my year end bonus on stars. since the start of December I have started grinding it out on stars. multitabling is, of course, essential. well, for the microstakes it is. not that I can 24 table but I'm getting there.
I only need 102 vpp's from tonights session :)

there are two reasons why I need to put in more effort. firstly, there are often more tables available than I play .... secondly, if I want to succeed with more tables, I need to cut down on "creative" plays !

one of the other nlhe bloggers posted about his months profit, quite nice it was too .... but .... he was err lots of buy-ins down and the profit was purely made from bonus money. I've never looked into the stars bonus thingy overly deeply, but if you make, say, a level one bonus for 2500 vpp's .... then level two jumps to 5000 vpp's ? me ? I'm up a whopping $20, lol

the point I'm trying to make, are bonuses for us microstakers not extremely limited ? lol, i just checked. after this bonus, I need 10k vpp's for the next one .... and since its dated 2010 then I assume stars reset vpp's to zero on the 1st january, no ? feel free to comment and tell me I'm talking pish !

if you want to move up stakes surely you cant rely on bonuses ? then again, do I want to move up ? the next level is 5-times my current buy-in .... oh and I notice that most of those tables are no-limit .... insanity, anyone ??

so 102 vpp's for the bonus and 175 vpp's for silver star .... gold star, pfffft .... thats a hell of a jump from silver to gold, lol .... then again platinum to supernova is plain redic !

sigh, I need a new template .... this broken one is really fucking me off. what a major pain in the arse a new template is going to be, but, it needs doing, bollox !!

pleasant dreams

Thursday, 9 December 2010

Punch and Judy

welcome back.

well, there is hope ! had an absolute monster session last night.

1900 hands, $16 profit .... and 110 vpp's !

to me, thats amazing, a 3-figure vpp score. you know, I might actually get that bonus after all !

and the actual poker ? lets have a wee look.
my 2d 4d 8c Ah v 2s 3c 3d Tc v 6d 5h 7d 2c .... good for a scoop of 218bb
my Kc 3s As Ad v Tc Ah 4s Ac .... all the money went in on the flop 3d3h8h .... grrr, I take the high, she spiked a low, sigh. and against my fav Swedish babes too, oh Nonnie babes, how did you call my check-raise all-in on that flop ?? .... a 480bb pot and we split, ugh .... and I cant even chat because .... one month chat ban in place lol

my 32JA cost me 100bb when I tried to bluff (hee haw) a high board on the river and the villain just jams his stack in and I have to let it go, oops.
btw, A23x is the hand-of-death, I know it, we all know it, but still I hang myself with it .... grrrr
how about A2K6 v A2Q6 .... ended up a 400bb pot .... why the villain chucks all that in when he has neither nut low or high ... we split the low, I took the high, lol

quite a session. the rake paid in the hand against missSwedish was my biggest losing hand ! go figure. so obv feeling sorry for me, the RNG decided to try and soften the blow of being chat banned and flicked the 'ole doomswitch, in the right direction for once, lol.

thats the way to do it !

pleasant dreams.

Monday, 6 December 2010


welcome back.

played some forum tourney games over the weekend. all good fun, pfffft. twice i get it in good, twice i get get fucking rodgered, pfffft. the third time I jammed with 7's .... ran into Q's , fml ! I believe I also missed drPauly's game ? ffs zagga, a wee reminder would be nice :)

also played the dirtyPoker omaha game late Saturday night .... cant quite remember how I got donked, but I did, honest.
Oh thats right, I also picked up a chat ban, fml ! while having a bit of manly swearing banter with dirtyScott .... mod shows up, usual "keep it clean .... yada yada yada" .... the mod fucks off, I type in a response to some comment .... boom ! .... "your chat priveledges have been revoked" fml and pffft in one !

besides that, I know how Mik feels. cant catch shit and more over, cant get anything to hold ! then again, all poker players say that, don't we ?

anyway, the real news is, I have a real grind this month to achieve a $50 bonus .... 700vpp needed, fuck. I know its not a lot but it is for an occaisional 1c/2c donkey who cant quite 24 table .... so far this month I've collected 160vpp's .... 516 more needed ! come on you fucking donkey, you can do it !

I probably could do it, but .... the forum are running some non-nlhe games over the festive period .... they do hellish few non-nlhe games so its hard to resist, sigh. then again, the chat ban is just confirmation that my doomswitch had been flicked ....

pleasant dreams.

Thursday, 11 November 2010

the deal

welcome back.

i really should post more often.

After reading about TheBigChap (take care of yourself mate !) you really don't know what's around the next life corner !

pleasant dreams.

Monday, 25 October 2010

Deal ? or no Deal ?

welcome back.

after playing this tourney for what seemed an eternity, yes it was a turbo !, I get this "dude" heads up. but I'm outchipped by 3:1 .... ugh .... then it appears in the chat box .. "deal ?" surely this guy thinks I'm Doyle-in-disguise .... or does he just have a fucking nosebleed ....

i thought he was taking the piss but then i noticed the "deal" box in the corner of the table has "1 player interested" ticked ....

so of course i say "sure" and tick the box .... a "make deal" window opens .. I did not seem to be able to input any figures in this window but another window pops open telling me how much he gets and how much I get .... its not an even split, so I decline .... and type in the chat "split ?"
he gets all antsy, "no way", "i'm 3:1 up" .... yada yada yada
he offers 60:40 and I tell him 8:6 .... not exactly sure what happened but, another window pops open saying he gets 8 and I get 6.4 .... not really wanting to waste any more time fannying about, I just click the "accept" button ....

all the "deal" windows close .... the tourney shows finished, the positions and cash payouts appear in the normal chat box.

wheeee ! just cut my first deal ! nay, accepted my first deal ! awesome, just fucking awesome !

oh, btw, did I mention this was a $2 buy-in .... btw, did I mention this was a 9-man stt .... btw, did I mention the standard payout is $9 and $5.40 .... btw, did I mention I walked away with $6.40 ....

awesome, just fucking awesome !

pleasant dreams.

Tuesday, 5 October 2010

welcome back.

I played stone cold sober last night. we'll come back to that.

well done
noCash .... who went busto ! playing $2/$4 PLO, all I can say is "eek" .... but he also sat'd into some live event for a total outlay of £90 ish .... and the lucky mofo blagged third for .. get this .. £5,500 .... fucking awesome mate, just awesome !

well played sir, well played.

and me ? my sobriety test began in earnest last night. donking about on iPoker in some micro nlhe stt, I finished with exactly what I started with ! the up side is I played reasonably well :)

I then hopped over to 'stars and played in a
forum mtt. only 4 tables, finally finished 8th running AQs into the big stacks KK .... immaculate timing as ever. Only dishing out one bad beat along the way, again, I'm more than happy with the way I played :)

lets see how it goes from here.

pleasant dreams.

Monday, 13 September 2010


welcome back.

after a weekend of drunken debauchery .. ok, ok, so it was only me and I was well drunk, lol.

bit of a waste of time, actually. it just means I sleep late and generally piss everyone off, oops. (she is convinced I am half way to being an alcoholic) and that's my biggest problem when "playing" poker. I've just gotten so used to being a sociable amateur. beer in hand and off i go. certainly numbs the pain of bad beats. anyway, think I'll try being a really anti-social player .. ie I'm here to take your chips and not the table joker.

interesting from my point of view to see if I need to "learn" how to play again, assuming I knew how to play in the first place !

so I'll wish you the usual pleasant dreams, no really, I'm off to bed since I've been "asked" to do a night shift over in East Lancashire, oh the joys !

pleasant dreams.

Thursday, 2 September 2010


welcome back.

I am NOT staying here ....

Working for the man, has its advantages, occasionally. I am staying here.

Room with a view ....

being on nights does not give you time to appreciate your surroundings .... or play much poker for that matter, sigh

pleasant dreams.

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

i fought the bed and ....

welcome back.

.... the bed won.

had a wtl;dfr (way to long;didn't fucking read) uber post lined up but .... the bed in my digs needed fixing. there were 3 nails sticking out where they really shouldn't have been. in fact, there should not be any nails ! wtf ?
its one of those cheap "pine" beds. a flatpack special. previous roomy obv broke the fucking thing and tried a bit of DIY to fix it. basically hammered in a load of fucking nails to re-attach the slat support rail to the main frame .... now, eddie the english was a lovely lovely lass, but, to put not to fine a point on it, she was a fat cunt. so at some point the slat support rail parted company from the frame, hence the botched DIY.
so i thought, easy, remove the 3 nails, DRILL three holes, insert 3 screws, job done .... err no. 17 nails and 8 screws later .... job done, fml

on a slight side note, my kids beds are the same basic design .... except my bed has nice round finnials atop the legs .... kids beds have SHARP wooden corners atop the bottom legs .... i know they are sharp, my lower legs will be used as evidence ( my testimony reads thus - after coming into contact with sharp corners, lots of "bastard, you fucking bastard" or arrrggghh cunt, you fucking cunt" while collapsing in various states of distress .... ).... my mrs reads this and the beds will be on the bonfire, H&S will be rounding up the manufacturer/designers for a very public flogging and our newly appointed lawer will be issuing a lawsuit for $10 million fucking dollars .... oh and if my kids actually hurt themself .... you seen my other half when she is really really angry ??

so already wtl;dfr.

and poker. well, wsop from pokerPeoplesPlace is all done. closest i got was one 2nd place in stud8 and one cash in a nlhe donkfest :) to be fair, i did run/play like the proverbial jackass in equal measure. and the cost of all that good clean fun was $85 and i won $55 .... now thats a result !!

doesn't time fly when you're having fun ! i've a $3 omaha tourney to play, laters.

pleasant dreams

Thursday, 19 August 2010


welcome back.

just a quickie, sorry. sure I've mentioned this before .... but that game on FT is a motherfucking rake generating whore ! yup, tried it again last night and dropped a buy-in, bugger. should have known better than to play 6-max - why the fuck do they not have full ring O8 tables ? bastards.
I got half of it back playing standard full-ring, tyvm - please remind me not to try again, at least until I have a roll on FT ffs.

Not a lot to report. been playing the
wsop most nights. all good fun. not won fuck all (two in the money, one of those a second spot). surprisingly, my stars roll still going in the right direction, although ever so slowly.
not bad considering most buy-ins are $5 and the fact i've only been playing the tourneys with no cash tables .... so i can concentrate, lmfao !
all the good its done, i'm gonna open some cash to keep tonights tournament company. might not be too bad an idea, since I'm "used" to multi tabling :)

tonight its RAZZ .... know what ? I've never played a RAZZ tourney, fml !!

pleasant dreams

Saturday, 7 August 2010

Britains Got Talent (allegedly)

welcome back.

this is an unashamed (poker) brag :)

played a few hands tonight. some good some bad, some downright redic. nature of the beast. i got involved with one of the reg's. as soon as the turn brought the flush, i new i was totally fucked. but i raised his bet, just in case .... and got 3/4 as expected. he did have a sterling hand and ever the gentleman, i told him so.

ResdentEvil said, "nh"

hobbes62 said, "its an honor to best you sir"
hobbes62 said, "i respect your game"

how fucking cool is that !

pleasant dreams

Thursday, 5 August 2010

just so tired

welcome back.

i had a tl,dr post lined up. the title speaks volumes. so the tl;dr will appear in dribs and drabs, lol

so i was going to post last night. but i drove (2 and a half hours) to york early o'clock monday morning, spent the morning in the office - reminds me of the old joke .... i dont mind working but that 8hr wait to go home is a bugger - last week i was on nights over preston way and i still had the paperwork. said paperwork needed to be given to the poor sap covering the works this week. so after lunch i drove over there (2 hours) and later that afternoon drove (2 hours) back to york !
so last nights post remained in my head as i was just too fucking tired.

for the last two years my home station has been york. been fairly lucky that at least half of that was spent on site / working from home :) got me in some serious hot water though, with project managers and line managers - they think you can run a civils job from a desk, luck my fife indeed. the next set of 30 odd sites would have kept me busy for the next 2 years (assuming i didn't get the fucking bullet) .... networkrail didn't give us the work but have asked their maintenance division to do it. here's hoping maintenance make a rip roaring fuckup of the works .. its 100% non life threatening if they do, since its not track or signalling related, its not even safety critical .. they fuck up, we might get the work back, yey !
so for the time being, i'm driving a desk, ugh. also had to start lodging thru the week .... its min 2hr drive each way ! from home to york. aside from me being completely and utterly fucked all the time, my bosses had taken a decidely dim view of my tavelling .... fair comment, i suppose .... i do have a company car after all.

still, my mrs now reckons i am a Company Man.

yeesh, after reading that I think I'm turning into
waffles !! (way to fucking mild - Ed)

pleasant dreams

Monday, 12 July 2010

micromania, donks an double donks, Resdent not good at big stack, dqb

welcome back.

not sure wtf is going on but there have been a huge number of nlhe donkeys playing the penny 08 tables. I know they are nlhe donkeys .... they think a set of aces is good on a flushed, low board .... wtf ? seriously wtf ? ah well, its their pennies as the saying goes :)
micromania you say ? eh ? lol, certainly racks up the fpp's and us penny pincher's need all the help we can get. long may it continue ! the end of July you say ....

played a wee 08 private tourney (
Spazz Radio ?, I think) at the weekend. only 2-3 tables and jus for fun. except i got it into my head that "this is my game, i wanna win". I'm not usually like that so it was all a bit weird. so time marches on, finally 5 of us left, I'm the huge chip leader .... other 4 had roughly 4k each and i'm on 15k and then theres a break. just as I stand up, the comment flashes into the chat box .... "Resdent not much good at the big stack" .... had that appeared a split second later I'd have missed it and been none the wiser ....
I typed "its Omaha, not fcuking nlhe", but I wisely didn't hit return. It's a forum game and a bit of fun so whats the point of upsetting peeps. really can't be arsed with the aggro tbh :)
anyway, I hit the perfect riposte by taking it down, thank you (for your wise comments:)

finally, finally managed another live game with
zagga the donk, he he. get this .... 10k starting stack .... 15 minute blinds !!
did I cash ? did I fuck. did zagga cash ? did he fuck. did I outlast zagga ? did i fuck !! lol, so that makes me the donk ! all good clean fun .... except the view from zagg's seat, the youngish woman's arse was fucking HUGE, grossly fucking HUGE, ughh .... then again she was kinda big all over. and fuck me if she wasn't putting away a large plate of Indian food from the free buffet, double ugh. so that was zag's excuse .... mines ?
blinds 300/600 I have 16k, I raised to 1600 from mid (dont ask me, it was the std raise at my table) and the ladee on the button jams. i checked to see i had her covered and then called ....
my QQ v AQ .... yessss ........ ace on the turn, oh bugger
that was that, crippled with about 6bb I got moved to zag's table. blinds 800/1600 and two hands away from the bb I decided to shove and ran into (classic lol)
my 9T v JQ v AK .... nh,gg me

on the virtual felt, I got dealt quad aces :) that's the fourth time in as many weeks I've been dealt dqb, from the sublime to the redic !

pleasant dreams.

Tuesday, 29 June 2010

" oi ! thats my bb .... "

welcome back.

contrary to popular belief, this is NOT a good starting hand .... and of course, its my bb, bastard.

and this is the second (and only !!) time in a week, I've been dealt quads, spooky huh.

pleasant dreams

Friday, 25 June 2010

evening Nacho ! .... oh and the Big Chap too

welcome back.

caught up with zagga again the other night. live poker had been arranged previously but his special visitor (no, not Nacho ffs) didn't have the moola after an expensive holiday .... somewhere nice, I hope, Big Chap !

nice too see you again mate, looking good .... a few extra pounds in tow, but hey, none of us getting any younger ! (that includes you zagga !) yes the same Big Chap who hosted the Glasgow live game, while living in the middle of nowhere .... and he's moved house too .... to another middle of nowhere !! some people might think you a little antisocial Big Chap lol :)

so no poker but the footie was on .... but so was THAT tennis match, lol. sublime to the redic but having watched so much of it, we just couldn't stop lol

and the bastards didn't have the decency to finish while we watched !! nh-gg-wp.

so the live poker has been postponed for a week and the Big Chap may or may not join us. come on mate, the more the merrier !
so my absolute last chance for live poker in Glasgow next week (zagga take note !) lets hope its a goer .... and I'm not gigli !

pleasant dreams

Friday, 18 June 2010

finally, evening Nacho !

welcome back.

finally caught up with
zagga last night. a few beers, the footie and a good chinwag, nacho too ! all in all a good night. he even treated me to 3 turbo's on party. he busted in one then crashed out the second when KK cracked his AA :(
he did get HU in his third but the fishy villain couldn't fold some trash which caught the flop, obv :(

thing is, zagga makes it look all to easy. always good to learn from someone who knows what they're doing ! good stuff.

after that i cycled (is it illegal to be over the limit on a push bike ??) off home and inspired by the great man, i fired up some micro cash 08 ....

actually played reasonably well, and over 200 hands I managed to come out ahead. roughly +180bb at the 2c level and +130bb at the 5c level.

hand of the evening ....

on a [Ks 7c 9c Ts Td] board my [Kc 3h Kh Qh] is good v [6s 7s 8c 8s]

.... and its not my fault the villain did not defend his turned straight :)

pleasant dreams.

Thursday, 10 June 2010

Falling Down

welcome back

this is my poker set-up for the remainder of the month .... (eat ya heart out
Rossi )

moving house is a fucking ball ache .... especially during the world cup .... ah well, with no tv, I wont have to watch that fucking movie "Out of Africa" ....

pleasant dreams.

Tuesday, 8 June 2010

Northern Lights

welcome baaaack.

(live game next week Zag, get you're arse in gear ffs :)

i'm in Aberdeen for a few nights. in a cheap hotel chain, advertised by a certain ex comedian. he may still claim to be such, but after hearing him voiceover a childrens tv series ....

the ******* *** chain are thieving fuckers.

£10 facking quid for 24hrs of internet access ! wtf ? seriously, wtf ?

their only saving grace, the Boddingtons is only £2.65 a pint. cheapest pint i've had in a hotel for many a year !

so, 4 pints or net access ....

right, where's that tv remote you thieving cunts.

Thursday, 27 May 2010

resevoir dogs, random, mrs hudson v miss jean brodie, drunk .. again, RIO, quads, boys from the black stuff, the truth the whole truth and ....

welcome back.

seems i have been away for ages and now i have no idea where to begin ....

start with the important shit ? yeesh, there are a few items contesting that spot, or not, depending on your point of view :)

unless you're self employed, then "working for the man" is jolly important. well it should be since being unemployed must be a fucking nightmare. then again, a few years back .... cough cough .... my mate would not look for a job for love nor money ! we were all like wtf ?? but no, he was happy signing on, lol.
my manager phones me while i was on site today. " dD, once this contract finishes in a week or two, we basically have f/all for you, so rather than sit in the office, with your thumb up your arse, i've spoken to head office (scotland ffs) who have some work .... in Aberdeen .... " . have to admit being kinda speechless the rest of the day, sigh.
may not be too bad though. I've SOLD my house. so technically, come July, I wont need "the man" .... we could just carry on living with the mother-in-law ..... but the stress is really showing in my mrs now and its an open bet as to who she murders first .... me, mummy or the kids !

how's that for timing, sell the house, working in York (you think ? - ed) and the first job is in Aberdeen !

she has already got her eye on a new property. fair enough. i've told her if our relationship dont improve i'm vacating to the couch ! had plenty practice so no worries there lol. my complaint is she does a fair old impersonation of mrs hudson & miss jean brodie ! fml, stop doing that ffs, it drives me fucking insane !

that insanity carries over to poker. not to mention a few ales along with it. but when you've had a few, its ok to drop $10 at that table because you're $5 up on the other table ! makes perfect sense when you're half pished !
thats the worst, i've kinda accepted i'm "only" a recreational donk and so it doesn't matter if i lose, sigh. annoys the fucking life out of me though because i know if i could get half way to stability i could do so much better. hmmmm no one rocking that boat except yours truly. think if was a complete cunt and dumped her, i'd do any better ? probably spunk off the other half of my 'roll on guilt tilt !
since i changed my omaha style, i've been donating at cash 8-game ! go figure ! seems there are hoddem donkeys everywhere ! now what was that hand .... oh aye, jacks v A8 (sorry Zag, we all make mistakes) on a Jx8 flop, all the ca$h goes in .... turn, an 8, river, oh yes, an 8 .... pfffft. the ale in me decided that that would be a good time to go play higher, ho hum, boom headshot ! ah well, still have a few hundred on stars and similar on tilt and same again spread across a zillion other accounts.

you wont know it, but i've just visited the rain soaked car park .... fire alarm, sigh. guessed it was a false alarm as i stumbled across the car park and noticed a load of guests sitting in the restaurant finishing their fucking a-la-carte evening meal, bastards. when i came back in i asked reception .... yes, false alarm. the chef apparently overdid some fuckers lobster or some such nonsense.
great fire alarm. i am now technically deaf in both fucking ears.

i'm in the best western Walworth Castle Hotel. very nice. big room, en suite and a huge fuck-off lcd-tv. wall mounted of course. i'm up on the top floor, so net access is a bit ropey, but hey, who's complaining, the-man is paying. better enjoy it since it looks like this is the last jaunt off the back of the ECML job i'll be having for a while.

i think thats enough pish for one post. so taking the whole family back to EK next week. really hope Zag is playing the turbo game in glasgow at some point. by the middle of the week i will so need a break lol. ok, there's a beer with my name on it and the seat marked "donk" has been reserved.

by the by, i swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and .... post more often.

pleasant dreams.

Sunday, 25 April 2010

Conspiracy Theory

welcome back.

A joining or acting together, as if by sinister design

we'll get back to that statement in a moment. for the time being I've admitted defeat at the 10/25. playing some stone cold sober poker has brought a few items up. the simplest of which is the way I've been playing this level. I'm quite simply not 'rolled for it. If I'm not 'rolled for it, then its pretty much a given that I'm playing scared and am very very risk averse. Waiting for that monster hand to appear and thus playing tighter than a nun's snatch. Not good at cash tables.

Conspiracy Theory (patent pending #422772277242)

Now, over the last week I have noticed something. When I raised pre, the villains are folding, leaving me high and dry, winning the blinds, thats a 60c pot, wowser. They are doing this 80% plus of the time. I know, I checked. Also, limping into a pot, then betting any street, whether thats a min bet, pot bet or all-in, the villains are folding 80% of the time. I'm talking about the regulars here btw.
I put my theory to the test .... with 6 of us seeing a flop, the board running out high, flushed and super scary, I have complete air, btw, I min bet 25c into a pot of about $4.50 .... and all 5 folded, lmfao, seriously, lmfao. There were 3 regs in the hand and I reckon the other 2 fish just thought "if they're folding against this fish, me too !"
How the fuck are you supposed to win ? (the other 20% they are holding monsters and I get royally fucked lol)

Taking the 20 buy-in rule - to play 10/25 I need $500 .... now this is where I get a tad confused .... is that $500 per table ? I suppose it is if you subscribe to the 5% rule ie no more than 5% of your 'roll in play at any one time.
So, having multiple tables opened, I was putting 30-40% of my 'roll on the line. Not good.

Last night I dropped down to the 1/2 (lol) but have changed my style of play. Just much more aggro, basically. Which is no problem, having been used to putting $25 on the line, its easy enough with only $5 behind you. Strictly speaking, I am still breaking the 5% rule .... 20 buy-ins per table says I should have a 'roll of nearly $1k if I want to seriously multi-table, lmfao, $1k indeed, I'll get there eventually !
I started off just opening all the normal speed tables, not to many, then added in some "fast" tables ..... lmfao, after only one orbit on the 3 fast tables I opened, I left ! Maybe its my age, but I just do not like the "fast" tables lol.
As the tables filled, I opened them up. Thats another thing I do not like .... short handed .... so I only sit down when the table is full.
Managed to rack up 1400 hands, net result being a loss (lol) of 37c. Trying to be more LAG than woose, I ran into a few monster hands and a few monster donks. You know the type. Call off their stack with top two and no low. So goes it I suppose. Even though its a loss, still pleased with the way I played. If said donks could have let some of those hands go it would easily have been a profitable night :)
Just to keep my hand in, so to speak and also to let the 10/25'ers know that I'm still about, I did keep one 10/25 table running. Managing just over 100 hands .... net result being a profit of $15 .... go figure. Taking my new LAG (lol) style to the bigger table obv worked !
lol it would have been a hell of a night if the villain in a $40 pot had not held A2 as I did ! However, the two villains in a $12 pot who called my river bet on a flushed AND paired board holding only 2-pair ???? I had the flush .... 4-high lmfao, you just couldn't make this up.

The other thing you can't make up is how much of a WOOSE I have been at the 10/25 .... fml, shocking, absolutely fucking shocking !!
running vp$ip 19 and pfr% 1.5 .... that really is a fucking disgrace !

Last night ....

10/25 .... vp$ip 37 and pfr 24% .... ( a world of difference )
1/2 .... .... vp$ip 26 and pfr 15% .... ( still needs some work here )

isn't PT wonderful. certainly an eye opener and, of course, it pulls no punches. not nice to read (or admit) but a real wake up call if ever there was one.

pleasant dreams.

Sunday, 11 April 2010

Happy Birthday

welcome back.

and thats Happy Birthday to me, btw :)

so my descent into poker mediocrity continues apace. all my own fault. I've gotten into the very, very bad habit of having an ale or two whilst playing. 1 ale and 6 tables too many and before you know it, a buy-in or three have slowly but surely slipped from my stack whilst calling down to the river and only having the nutz one-way, lol. There are an awful lot (!) of nut-nut peddlars at 10/25, I need to join 'em, or the whole 'roll will slowly but surely slip their way.

So, join me tonight, with my last poker playing ale in hand (its my birthday ffs !!) and basically enjoy the last of my "free" donations. I'll be donking along at the usual omaha tarbs and of course, the world famous britBlogger !! all welcome, password up there on the left hand side.

lets lighten the mood before i go ....


1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave..

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you...

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses .

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12.. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.


My grandad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed..
"It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.

My wife says it's disgusting to piss in the bath.
I suppose I should wait until she gets out.

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."
"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out !"

Disabled toilets.
Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.

I had a mate who was suicidal.
He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits..

pleasant dreams.

Monday, 29 March 2010

rinse & repeat

welcome back.

just re-read the post from a couple back .... guess what ? yeah, that's exactly what I've been doing, sigh. yeesh, what a load of tosh, huh ?

at least the poker is going well .... as in a fucking deep well. my dance with the variance bitch continues. i suppose if you step back and take a look, it must be quite amusing, in a sad kind of way. win win win for several nights at sites other than stars, where i have tiny bankrolls, lol.

hit up on stars (main bankroll) and start giving it away for practically free !

that's why I'm posting, actually. after dropping a couple of buy-ins on Saturday night (again) .... well, over the past few months, every time i hit stars, I've been slowly but surely destroying my 'roll. now i could have been on here posting once or twice a week, real whiny-bitch posts, bemoaning my "luck", the apparent non-RNG and generally getting rivered left right and fucking center.

I'm also big enough to know I've been playing pretty poorly.

I've also been prone to the tilt-monster. my personal tilt-monster is the gambling one, aka getting it all-in pre-flop. I don't care what anyone says, all-in pre in omaha8 is gambling of the worst variety.
the one shining beacon was my result in the big buy-in at the end of February.

i played in the $100+$9 pl08b game .... blagging 5th for $850 ....

should have been a minimum of 4th but I misclicked and called a river bet (on the final table, ughh) with J-fucking-high .... that's what the astonished villain asked .... "did you just call me with jack high ?" .... don't think he could believe his luck on that one. I mean, i had the chip lead on the final table at one point ffs.
so I know i can play, if i don't give it away for free !!

which brings me to last night and why I'm actually posting something, which hopefully isn't too whiny bitchy.
decided last night, enough is enough. get a grip son and stop giving it away.
so i did. and actually got a decent return on stars. a very welcome +$107 and a redic amount of fpp's, something like 400 leaving 25 to get my silver star back, lol. (that $ amount equals 428 bb's btw :) (now that sounds a lot lmfao :)

now i know its not a huge amount but it is a HUGE morale booster. and I dare say, like so many things in life, if you don't approach it with confidence, then you're half way beat before the game kicks off. so, small pat on the back to me and "don't give it away for free".

oh and last night, as well, i blagged 3rd in the britBlogger for a 50c return lol.

pleasant dreams.

Saturday, 27 February 2010

1st dynasty 3I00 2890 BC

welcome back.

the song rattling about in my head at the mo "i've got a feeling, tonights gonna be a good night" courtesy of the BEP :) man, that Fergie is soooo hot, whew ! got a biggy tonight thanks to the fine folks over at pokerplayersplace, who came up with an idea to allow us wee fish a shot at a big one. its a pyramid scheme, members contribute $$ each week, thus allowing one member per week, a buy-in to a biggie of their choice. my shot is tonight, gulp :)
most peeps play nlhe, of course. 40k guaranteed, 60k guaranteed etc etc. I had a look at these, but the playing time if you go deep is 6hrs plus, ugh ! needless to say i dont really have that much to spare, never mind the concentration required lol. so i'll be playing something with slightly less runners tyvm.

oh quad goddesses of poker, dont allow me to make myself gigli.

apart from that, not a lot happening, poker wise ;) been donking about at purpleLounge, recovering a very very fragile bankroll, now that i'm paying attention to the € buy-in ! so over the $50 and still, generally, heading North, so all's goot :)

I see Scotland got beat, again, at the rugby :( shouldn't surprise me really, but after trouncing Wales 2 weeks ago for 70mins .... then gifting victory to them in the last 10 .... painful !
oh and the very best of luck to the boys in blue in tomorrows tiny wee local derby, up here in the West of Scotland :)

whatever you're playing tonight, good luck !

pleasant dreams.

Thursday, 18 February 2010

much ado - pt 3

welcome back.

lmfao. my 3 year old has just wandered through to where the pc sits in the hall .... and pointed out, in 3 year old speak, daddy has not fixed the lamp he broke yet, has he ? said "lamp" is the hallway light, hanging from the ceiling, which i "broke" when i changed the shade. its a really old light fitting and it was only coming down if i actually broke the rose .... honestly, the things 3 year old's notice !

not been about much because i spend way to much time "working". ok so almost half my week is spent travelling but by the time i get home at night etc etc the last thing i feel like doing is sitting down and banging out a post .... ffs, when would i get to play poker ?

ah the life of a high flying micro-micro stakes player ! fucking exciting, huh ?

so what's been happening ....

not much lol due to time spent elsewhere. still donking about on purple lounge, but as any microstaker knows, its a long long grind for very little return. since i fucked up with the buy-in currency, i 've been grinding 50c and €1 turbo tourneys, managing to get the roll back to $50 from less than $10 lmfao. actually, i'm quite pleased with the way it's going :)

also been taking a shot over on Party .... get this, at one point last night, excluding money in play, i had 13c left in my account ! managed to cash the last 3 tourneys of the night, bring my roll to a very respectable $30 ! ha ha ha .... reckon i can squeeze 5 tourneys out of that. sorry, but i really cannot be arsed with the 3-dollar buy-ins. too much like grinding and Party is a dial-a-shot roll, so wtf !!

i really should get some sort of schedule together, sort of like jones keeps threatening lol. not his buy-ins ffs ! I mean, like play 08 on stars and grind the fuck out of it every 2nd or 3rd night. then on my "off" nights i should just donk about at the micro's on whatever site takes my fancy, because i've actively been avoiding stars since my pre-crimbo stellar bad run :(

and we all know, sigh, I should know, its a long term game.

pleasant dreams.

Monday, 8 February 2010

Method in the madness

welcome back.

heard it yowling. ignored it. went out the back for a smoke. heard it yowling, out front, i thought ..... unlocks the gate, goes outside for a look .....

across the road, i see him, a fox, lying down, yowling in pain ....

i step forwards .... he sits up a little .... a car approaches .... it passes .... pulls into the drive across the street .... my taxi driver neighboor gets out .... looks at me .... "wtf are you doing ?" i see him think .... the fox, in pain, i almost voice ....

he goes into his house .... the fox yowls .... i take a step towards it ....

mr foxy stands up .... and trots off down the street .... bastard !!!!

in pain my arse ! and now my neighbour thinks i am a loon, wtf ?

grrrr. you know, i really wish you had never, ever, mentioned that fucking fox .... zagga

pleasant dreams.

Tuesday, 2 February 2010

there is always hope

welcome back.

Hello ResdentEvil,

Thank you for participating in WBCOOP 2010 - we hope you enjoyed the experience!

This is just a quick email to inform you that you have been credited $1.58 from the player 'MI_Turtle'. He kindly offered to share $1000 amongst all the players that outlasted him in the WBCOOP Main Event. His final finishing position of 635th place meant the $1000 was divided between the top 634 players.

If you have any questions regarding this unusual prize, please let us know.



well played, sir. and thank you very much.

oh and thank-you to my "followers". i'd forgotten all about that wee widget lurking at the bottom of the blog ! cheers guys & gals :)

i wonder if the mobile phone operators actually make more money from texts rather than actual phone calls !!


Does your wife or girlfriend have any unwanted gold jewellery ? Rings, Earings, Bracelets ?

If so ....
.... give her a fucking slap ! Ungrateful cunt !!

and of course, the obligatory Glesga humour.

Locals are said to be in a state of shock after Police found a stash of guns behind the library in Coatbridge yesterday.
A spokeman said "The people of Coatbridge had no idea they had library"

pleasant dreams *)

Wednesday, 27 January 2010

much ado .... aka (more) fannying about

welcome back.

mrO - was a good one. awaiting confirmation of Newcastle dates :)
mrK - 6 hands ? we only counted 4 lol
YP - he is an animal ! pl08b on hold !
Mair - might even get a chance to chat next one ! whatever happened to theRegulators ?
DF - 6 minimum !!

i dont know, but between freerolls ($2k added and $250second chance) and now the wbcoop, i've hardly played a hand of omaha8 on stars, meh. a welcome distraction but, of course, it does fuck all for the bankroll or fpp's !

also been fannying about on purpleLounge .... i did put a small amount on there .... played about 5 tourneys and when i checked, the roll had plummeted to $7 ... wtf ? seriously wtf ?
next time you buy into a tourney, make sure you KNOW what currency the buy-in refers too .... oops :(
so obv i have been buying in to the €1 stt's now .... ground it back up to just over $20, small potatoes i know. but i'm like that, i wanna prove i can make some moola (silly bastard - Ed) lmfao i know, its not worth it playing stt's under $10.

in fact, the only "serious" play i've been doing is on fullTilt. been kind of "grinding" the $1 and $2 pl08b tourneys, one or two tables, whatever fills first. been doing v well .... roll up over the hundred mark .... then i ran into (more like run over by) "rush" .... ha ha why do i not stick to what i am "good" at ? just for the record, i actually booked a $6 profit on "rush" last night before the freeroll donkery began. yes yes at the $10 level before someone makes a smartarse comment.

thats enough bull for one day, I have a freeroll (2-off !) to mentally prepare for !!

Sunday, 24 January 2010

not Saturdays with drPauly

welcome back.
the peak district is lovely this time of year .... magnificent views .... (wtf has the Peak District got to do with a live APAT event report ? - Ed).
Saturday morning.
to be fair, mrsdD got back quite sharp, so i shot off to the G-casino in Manchester getting there in time for registration but somehow missing the team photo .... seems the whole fucking team missed it too !
our team was made up of the following fish - Kronsdat , BM , DoV , Snake , Ant, Bully, Stanley with your's truly donking in the rear.
As usual, it was a right good crack ....
Stan & Mair had a rollicking good time .... Stan was pissed and got right good rollicking from Mair ! (didn't help that poor wee Mair was first oot !)
Ant was on the iced water .... still seemed to have a good time .... even though Snake & I blagged a lift off him to the hotel at the end of the night. He even had the decency to find us a "fast food" takeaway .... even though it took them 30mins to "prepare" a kebab, a pizza and a chicken burger !!
Bully had been bullied by her indoors and was another designated driver, nae luck mate, we all sympathize !
the big man Mick, took full advantage of Bully's plight and got wired into the booze !!
Snake was on good form .... 6 fucking pints before i even got there ffs !
Kronsdat, never imagined he was an auld git, like me, lol
top bunch, btw.
i got all my cards during the first two levels, sigh.
AJ 4 times. got paid (small) twice .... lost once to a rivered flush and once to the mighty K4 off .... sigh. had to fold 88 and 99 pre to heavy action. made a "hero" fold with KK on an A-high flop ffs. i dropped to 5k and then Mair , gawd bless her, dropped by an says "i'm doubling up the peeps i chat with" .... that very hand and i double ! wtf ? scaree !! no idea wtf i had but it worked :) and that, as they say, is all she wrote ! well, i was at table 2 seat 7 ....
finally moved to table 14 seat 7 .... Kronsdat was there .... well fuck me, he plays tighter than i do !!!! he finished 12th lol well played sir, well played !
so blinds 300-600 and with 6k its my small blind, utg calls ?? all fold to me .... i did ask if he flatted .... and shoved .... the fucker called me with J9 (might have been KJ, sigh) .... i had AQ .... flop .... JJx .... nh gg fu !!
i didn't say that of course, but grrrr !!
so that was it pokerwise.
after that i just had a few, watched the action .... and refused to go out on the lash with DoV and noCash .... fucking decision of the weekend !
DoV failed to materialise at the hotel .... at all !! and noCash .... well, he wakes up, in his hotel lobby in the morning, with no fucking shoes on !! and no fucking idea wtf happened the night before ! well played guys, well played !
next morning, blagged a lift back to the casino to pick up the car. its 11am and play dont resume till 14.30 so time to bugger off home, as Ant and Snake were doing. Liked to have stayed, but all that hanging about .... would have ended in getting a "few" beers .... decided to quit while ahead lol.
so i though it'd be a good idea to let the satnav take me home via the "shortest route" .... dont do it folks ! took me through the Peak District .... but as you can see, it was a little foggy. sigh.
all in all, another ace meet. cant wait for the next one.
cmon zagga get the well soon !!

Monday, 18 January 2010

the last king of scotland - pt 4

welcome back.

when you beat the bloggers, what can you do but blog *)

Tuesday, 5 January 2010

much ado about nothing aka fannying about

welcome back.

thanks guys, all the very best for 2010 to you all.

as far as poker goes, that's exactly what I've been doing :) i now have a whopping 6 tickets to my name.
lack of sleep and way too much alcohol abuse :) over the festive season has left me somewhat drained. oh and a man size dose of man-flu :(
no way am i playing the cash tables feeling like this ! hopefully come the weekend i will be more rested and might even feel like playing for serious .... pocket money :)

my new years res (:dentevil:) .... less alcohol, less smokes, more sex .... ha ha ha ! the only one left i might achieve is alcohol abuse = no poker .... no alcohol = poker, simples.

oh and sorry for my non-appearance at the britBlogger (i know you all love free chips !) but i have been chat-banned, so what was the point ? hopefully i'll return this coming Sunday .... all things not equalling senility (thanks Foxy:)

oh, one final poker point .... playing a 111 runner turbo top 9 get a ticket .... with 10 left i push with AKo and get called by A2s .... wtf ? he had me out chipped 3-1 .... a fucking 2 on the turn .... and I'm out as bubble-fucking-boy .... now that did piss me off !

so i said, quote " **** *** " unquote .... bastard !!

pleasant dreams.

Friday, 1 January 2010

the chat ban - pt 2

welcome back.

remember Maureen, "its good to talk" ....
sometimes its better to shut the fuck up :)
pleasant dreams (and all the very best for 2010 :)