Wednesday, 26 December 2007


welcome back, gentle reader

oh my gawd, i feel awful !

on two counts .... i feel bad for ranting like that ... and i have a hangover :((

oh well, sometimes its good to let off a little steam !

btw thanks for comments from mair, donkey, exile and acorn :)

the day started well yesterday. went to my local for a pint with my mate and then back to his for Christmas dinner, which was superb ! always good when someone else does the cooking and he wouldn't even let me help with the dishes ! double result !
a few beers after dinner and i pretty much roll home. get the old dvd recorder fired up ... recording all of "Heroes" on the Sci-Fi channel. the whole of season 1 :)

fire the pc up for some poker. luckily for me and my bankroll i did not do anything to stupid. hell, i even manged to win one ... sorry, make that a 2nd place :) lol, how the hell i managed to "play" for 4 hours is beyond me, and my neighbour must have wondered what all the shouting was about when i eventually got HU.

Full Tilt Poker Tournament #34981698 $5 + $0.50 Tournament Fixed Omaha H/L
Buy-In: $5.00 + $0.50
130 players
Total Prize Pool: $650.00
Start Date: December 25 5:15 PM ET

Dear dD,
You finished the tournament in 2nd place.
There has been $110.50 added to your account.
You have earned leaderboard points for this tournament.
To view your current leaderboard points use the link in the Cashier window.

Thank you for participating.

right, i am off out for some much required fresh air


welcome back, gentle reader

sorry, can't explain ............ she is fking back

go girl go

sad but true, i fcuking miss you.

Monday, 24 December 2007

Scots Pwnage Oats

welcome back, gentle reader

well last night was britBloggerment 40. and you have to admit, we so owned it !

congrats to winner Al Eleven (theMiamiTrout aka SanJoseSalmon)

and big shout to second place ResdentEvil ( aka me :)

and well done third place Teaulc (aka theAmerican stopping the clean sweep ! )

and the bubble boy zagga (aka back from the dead with only t1140 ! )

fantastic tournament and some of the patter ... just beltin !!

and with this type of play, how could the result be in any doubt ??

*** SHOW DOWN ***
biakkax: shows [8s 3c] (a pair of Eights)
ResdentEvil: shows [Qs Th] (two pair, Queens and Tens)
ResdentEvil collected 840 from pot

and only one queen there Scott :))

*** RIVER *** [3d Qh Jh Kc] [7c]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
simonjjj: shows [9h 6h] (high card King)
ResdentEvil: shows [7s Qs] (two pair, Queens and Sevens)
ResdentEvil collected 4250 from pot
simonjjj said, "doh"

*** RIVER *** [Td 6s 8c Ks] [3s]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
TanOrpheus: shows [7d 5d] (high card King)
ResdentEvil: shows [Ts Jd] (a pair of Tens)
ResdentEvil collected 4820 from pot

*** RIVER *** [7c 4h 5c As] [8d]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
biakkax: shows [2h 7d] (a pair of Sevens)
ResdentEvil: shows [8h 6s] (a straight, Four to Eight)
ResdentEvil collected 9281 from pot

i mean, the writing is on the wall when my aces are good, never been known on 'stars

*** RIVER *** [2s 6h 6s Jh] [7c]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
teaulc: shows [Ts Td] (two pair, Tens and Sixes) zagga: shows [Qs Ad] (a pair of Sixes)
ResdentEvil: shows [Ac Ah] (two pair, Aces and Sixes)
ResdentEvil collected 8596 from main pot

but the eventual winner was on fire !!

Al Eleven: shows [5h 5c] (two pair, Sevens and Fives)
Matty H UK: shows [Ad 6s] (a pair of Sevens)
Al Eleven collected 2536 from pot

biakkax: shows [2s Ts] (two pair, Eights and Deuces)
Al Eleven: shows [7s 9s] (two pair, Eights and Sevens)
Al Eleven collected 8250 from pot

Al Eleven: shows [9h 7h] (a pair of Sevens)
the_cloud71: shows [Ad Ts] (high card Ace)
Al Eleven collected 5105 from pot

and he was the only man on the night who got the money in behind, against me that is, and hit his draw !!
if i had won this one then it would have been goodnite Al. then again, a fair few people went against me when they were drawing and every single one missed ! except this one, bah !!

*** RIVER *** [As 9c 8s 7c] [Ks]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
Al Eleven: shows [Jc Ts] (a straight, Seven to Jack)
ResdentEvil: shows [9s Ad] (two pair, Aces and Nines)
Al Eleven collected 17212 from pot

Al Eleven: shows [Qs As] (two pair, Queens and Nines)
teaulc: shows [7h 7d] (two pair, Nines and Sevens)
ResdentEvil said, "gg"
Al Eleven said, "gg"
Al Eleven collected 11311 from pot

i did manage to pull Al's huge huge lead back to just a 2k difference, but all to no avail ...

*** SHOW DOWN ***
ResdentEvil: shows [5s 6h] (two pair, Eights and Sixes)
Al Eleven: shows [8c As] (a full house, Eights full of Aces)
ResdentEvil said, "ouch"
Al Eleven collected 20632 from pot

as Al pointed oot early doors, this was the last britBloggerment of 2007 ... and I bet some people in certain quarters will be glad to see the back of it ... he he he

Tuesday, 18 December 2007

The Last Samurai

welcome back, gentle reader.

well this is supposed to be a short post ... when do i make anything short seeing as i so like the sound of my own voice :)
doing the usual housework on this humble blog and that means updating links.

anyone spot an error, please let me know.

been playing poker as per usual. some nice little scores and as per usual go and blow it in bigger buy-in tournaments. actually quite surprised i have any roll left at all tbh. considering the type of year i am having.
finished off a few of my little colt45 challenges - some with profit some not and one, on the face of it, fairly ludicrous challenge. i'll bore y'all to death with the full results in later posts.

i think i'll wind this here humble blog down ... poker wise ... and see if they'll have me over on ukpokerscene.

i'll keep this blog here for life in general, such as it will be. hmmmm life ... whats it all about eh ?
oh Rosie, you'd be proud. sorted my shit out. not the result i was looking for, more the bookies favouite really. painful, but sorted. no doubt as time passes, i will update my situation. certainly more for me and my sanity !!

bah ! when i started this post i knew where i wanted it to go and now ??

lets finish up.

in the coming weeks, over the "festive" period, if you come across me, please don't be offended if one or other of the following occurs.

I completely ignore all chat.
I completely trash talk the table.

one of two things will be going on.

i will be so wrapped up in my inner turmoil hence silence.
i will be freeway spanking drunk hence the trash talk.

both scenarios are likely to happen as i come to terms with my demons.

so, to those who are having it ... Merry Christmas !

to those miserable cunts (me) who are not having it ... ho fucking ho.

Monday, 10 December 2007

Live at the Glasgow Apollo - pt 3

welcome back, gentle reader.

and welcome to monday, where did the weekend go ?

actually had a good one and it goes something like this.

Friday night, teamed up with a few of the regular rTr friday night crew. we donked about in a few games, ok, i donked and they played :)
all good clean fun, the highlight had to be matty taking down a $10 45-man. nice one and very well played mate.
after that i took my weeks winnings on FT and entered a $55 H.O.R.S.E. ... seemed such a good idea at the time ... only to get to the bubble, me and two other shortstacks, who were just trying to fold into the money. unfortunately the blind increase went against me and i was forced to push against the bigstack in the damned hold'em round and he flipped over a big pair ... gg me :(

Saturday night was the live game.

and we had no less than 3 visitors from down south who had flown up just for this game !

first off, huge thanks to theBigChap for hosting the game.

big thanks to the S-man and theCousin our two dedicated drivers.

and thanks to acorn for arranging the game.

now i almost did not make the game. had a little accident with a saw, thinking at the time i'd almost chopped ... sawed ... my fucking fingertip off ! looking at the damage now, i have a nice little perfect horseshoe gash on my middle finger. don't look much, but fawk me did it bleed !! took so long to stop i thought i was off to A&E ...

the guests. finally got to meet JUICE ... theEDGE ... and ROSIE.
always fun to meet people when you have only ever read them ! funnily enough, they were nothing like i imagined. Juice wasn't to much of a surprise as i'd seen his pic on his blog. theEdge & Rosie were nothing like i'd imagined. all in a good way of course :)
very nice to meet u all and hope you enjoyed yourself as much as i did.
we headed off to theBigChaps and after an hour finally arrived. had ourselves a little £5 turbo tourney, no cash for me in that one. Acorn & Juice and theEdge took the honours.
then we moved onto a wee cash game, small stakes keep it friendly. made a small profit of £2.50 in that, so not a complete financial disaster :)
we had an early finish and had to leave at around 1am. with 6 of us heading back to acorns for the boxing ... on tv and not live, i hasten to add.
after the boxing i could not get a taxi, bugger, in the doghouse again !! well it was around 6am ho hum.

hope you guys all enjoyed the night as much as i did, looking forward to the next one already.

sunday night was britblogger ... and the dTd wildcard game.

played well in both games, getting bumped off in the britblogger after reaching the final table, out in 5th or 6th ??
the dTd game was a belter.

10 starters. one by one they all dropped. then there were 3.

me :) and two high rollers ... amatay ! and kenn !
yikes, could not get much tougher and i expected to be bounced in 3rd. hung in there though, determined to give a good account of myself and not get caught making a donk move. amatay finally nailed kenn with his flopped flush holding up against kenn's flopped set !

heads up little-fish-me against big-fish-amatay

we went head-to-head with amatay the big stack. once again i was determined not to donk out.
the blinds were starting to hurt and i did double thru once or twice, but could only get the chip lead cut to 2-1.
thought i played very well and gave a good account of myself in general.

he said " I also had a loooong head ups battle with Double D, gg m8, wp. " ... :))

mair said " the HU match between dD and Amatay was superb, was great to watch. "

and turned out quite a long, long, hard fought battle ...

then i picked up 33 ... i pushed ... he called ... with 55

presto held up, and amatay wins.

gg mrJones, very well played sir.

not to disappointed :( but it would have been nice to nail such a big scalp :)

Friday, 7 December 2007


welcome back, gentle reader.

lmfao !! posted the wrong fuckin hh ... ha ha ha !

[ to damned lazy to start again, so the ace hand follows this :( ] [ blushing big time now ]

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to ResdentEvil [4d 3s 5c Tc] ... speculate to accumulate ... hohum

ResdentEvil: calls $0.25coffeedawgs: calls $0.25nbitner: calls $0.25MKandERK: calls $0.15Ripler: checks

*** FLOP *** [Qs 5h 6c] ... hmm got outs, arse end of the str8 tho'

MKandERK: checks Ripler: checks ResdentEvil: bets $0.25coffeedawgs: calls $0.25nbitner: calls $0.25MKandERK: folds Ripler: calls $0.25 ... lol ... they all call, of course

*** TURN *** [Qs 5h 6c] [Ts]

Ripler: checks
ResdentEvil: bets $0.50 ... fawk, this is getting ugly
coffeedawgs: folds
nbitner: folds
Ripler: calls $0.50 ... yeesh, there is always one ffs

*** RIVER *** [Qs 5h 6c Ts] [9d]

Ripler: checks
ResdentEvil: checks ... not giving him a chance to re-raise

*** SHOW DOWN ***
Ripler: shows [As 6s Kc 2s] (HI: a pair of Sixes) ....... wtf ?? how can you call ??

ResdentEvil: shows [4d 3s 5c Tc] (HI: two pair, Tens and Fives)
ResdentEvil collected $3.10 from pot ... unbelievable *)
No low hand qualified

[ ahem, cough cough, here's the original post ] [ more blushing ]

why the fuck can I not get my aces to hold up when playing nlhe ??
yet they hold up here, when they really shouldn't ...

*** HOLE CARDS ***

Dealt to ResdentEvil [Ac As 2s 7c]
ResdentEvil: raises $0.25 to $0.50 ... wheeee lets get some money in that there pot
bruno papoom: folds nbitner: folds JayNT: folds bucna: folds winbet: folds
alpro1: calls $0.50
bruno papoom leaves the table ... wtf ?? was it something i said ...

*** FLOP ***
[5c Jd Ks] ... fucking typical ... bollox

ResdentEvil: bets $0.25 ... can you fold ??
alpro1: calls $0.25 ... i see he really respects my play, not.

*** TURN ***
[5c Jd Ks] [5h]

ResdentEvil: bets $0.50 ....... whee pair on board, you can fold now ...
alpro1: calls $0.50 ....... or not

*** RIVER ***
[5c Jd Ks 5h] [4d]

ResdentEvil: bets $0.50 ... cant back down now
ffsalpro1: calls $0.50 ... motherfukker !! cmon show me a 5 you cunt .......

*** SHOW DOWN ***
ResdentEvil: shows [Ac As 2s 7c] (HI: two pair, Aces and Fives)
alpro1: mucks hand
ResdentEvil collected $3.70 from pot ....... lmfao, but wtf ??
No low hand qualified
Seat 1: alpro1 mucked [Kc Ah 3h 9h] ....... ha ha ha ! you are worse than me ffs *)

hi-fucking-low and a pair wins thru ?? just what the fuck is going on ??

Thursday, 6 December 2007

Full Metal Jacket - pt 1

welcome back, gentle reader.

you gotta love no-limit poker ... even when it is O8 ...

*** HOLE CARDS ***
[Jc Qh Ks Tc]

dD raises to $0.20
bobranes raises to $0.50
CRAZYLAR calls $0.50
dD calls $0.30 ...... if they have good hands and the flop is high ... :)

*** FLOP *** [Js 4d Ah]

dD checks ....... nice flop, lets see what the villains think
bobranes bets $1.20
CRAZYLAR calls $1.20
dD calls $1.20 ....... flat call, just in case its brick brick

*** TURN *** [Js 4d Ah] [Ts]

dD checks ....... gotta check, for deception
bobranes bets $3.40
CRAZYLAR calls $3.40
dD raises to $8.50, and is all in ...... lets see what you guys really think
bobranes calls $5.10
CRAZYLAR calls $4.80, and is all in ....... ffs, surely not ... three straights ???

bobranes shows [Ac 5d Ad Kd] ....... my my, trips ... no flush draw tho'
CRAZYLAR shows [3d As Qd 5c] ....... sweet, only the low draw and a gutshot

*** RIVER *** [Js 4d Ah Ts] [Kh] ....... i swore a little, ok, a lot, fk fk fk

dD shows a straight, Ace high, for high
bobranes shows three of a kind, Aces, for high
CRAZYLAR shows a straight, Ace high, for high

dD ties for the main pot ($13.95)
CRAZYLAR ties for the main pot ($13.90)

damned river, and it was not even on 'stars

Suburban Relapse - SS and the B's - Polydor, 1978

welcome back, gentle reader.

just in case you think i am getting ideas above my station.

I can play piss-poor-poker-with-my-eyes-wide-open ...

Board [7d As Ad 6s 3h]
ResdentEvil: shows [6c 7c 2d 7s] ....... aw come on, its the hammer
(HI: a full house, Sevens full of Aces; LO: 7,6,3,2,A) ...... and look where that got me
bsinger_1: shows [5s Ts 4s 6h]
(HI: a straight, Three to Seven; LO: 6,5,4,3,A) ....... nice low
luckyharry2: shows [Ah 5c 3s Ks]
(HI: a full house, Aces full of Threes; LO: 7,6,5,3,A) ....... oops ! my thats a big one ...
luckyharry2 collected $5.75 from pot
bsinger_1 collected $5.75 from pot

Board [3c Qh 5c Qd 9h]
cookthecook: checks ResdentEvil: bets $1 ....... fold please ... ah, you call ...
bsinger_1: folds
TiburonSE: folds
cookthecook: calls $1
*** SHOW DOWN ***
ResdentEvil: shows [Ad 7s Kd 2s] (HI: a pair of Queens)
cookthecook: shows [8d Jc Jd Ac] (HI: two pair, Queens and Jacks)
cookthecook collected $10 from pot

Board [8c 2s 9s Qd 5c]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
FrJackHacket: shows [3d 9d Ac Jd] (HI: a pair of Nines; LO: 8,5,3,2,A)
ResdentEvil: shows [3c 9c Qh 4c]
(HI: two pair, Queens and Nines; LO: 8,5,4,3,2) ....... if you choose to play trash
bsinger_1: shows [7c As 3h 8s] (HI: a pair of Eights; LO: 8,5,3,2,A)
ResdentEvil collected $8 from pot ....... wow ! in fact double wow !!
bsinger_1 collected $4 from pot
FrJackHacket collected $4 from pot

Board [4d Qd 8d 8c Ac]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
luckyharry2: shows [Ad 2d Qs 8h] (HI: a full house, Eights full of Aces)
luckyharry2 collected $12 from pot
Seat 1: ResdentEvil (small blind) mucked [Td 9d 4h 2c] ....... yes, i mucked out of sheer embarassment

see ? see ? easy as falling off a fucking bike ... again

Tuesday, 4 December 2007

you take the hi road - pt 2

welcome back, gentle reader.

another wee omaha lesson.

returned (again) to my beloved plo8 cash. guess what ? my friend was at the table and he was up to his usual party tricks, thats right, playing every-gawd-damned-fucking-hand ... this time he was not so lucky.
just for the record, i cannot be arsed to change names to protect the guilty :)

i have to admit to a certain admiration for the guys name tho - PoisonedLuck - sheer class mate :))

he was at the table with $30 when i joined ... as usual, here a few hands.

certainly not the same trash he was playing and hitting the other night. his trouble seemed to be even when a good hand hit, he seemed to be getting quartered all the time. not good for your balance that one.

50mins later he left with $1.64 ...

if all you are chasing is a flush, make sure its the nutz.
PoisonedLuck shows [ 5h, Ks, 5d, 3s ]a flush, King high.
Catfish03 shows [ Kc, As, Kd, 2s ]a flush, Ace high.
Catfish03 wins $15.45 USD from the main pot with a flush, Ace high.
There was no qualifying low hand

omfg, crappy flushes and they quarter the low, ouch !
rmtclarke shows [ 9h, 2s, 3d, Td ]a flush, Ten high.
rmtclarke shows7,6,5,3,2 for low.
PoisonedLuck shows [ 5s, Kc, 2d, 8d ]a flush, Eight high.
PoisonedLuck shows7,6,5,3,2 for low.
rmtclarke wins $6.65 USD from the main pot with a flush, Ten high.
rmtclarke wins Lo ($3.33 USD) from the main pot with 7,6,5,3,2.
PoisonedLuck wins Lo ($3.32 USD) from the main pot with 7,6,5,3,2.

two pair on a paired board ?? and notice the quartered low ... again.
PoisonedLuck shows [ 3s, Ks, 4s, 3h ]two pairs, Threes and Twos.
PoisonedLuck shows7,4,3,2,A for low.
faceoff888 wins $9.03 USD from the main pot with two pairs, Sevens and Twos.
faceoff888 wins Lo ($4.51 USD) from the main pot with 7,4,3,2,A.
PoisonedLuck wins Lo ($4.51 USD) from the main pot with 7,4,3,2,A.

no high and only the second rate low.
ffs with 5 players in a hand, you gotta hit the nutz :)
rmtclarke shows [ Kh, 8s, 9s, Jh ]a flush, King high.
PoisonedLuck shows [ 4s, 7d, Ad, 3h ]a pair of Sevens.
PoisonedLuck shows8,7,6,3,A for low.
doom_bfg shows [ 3c, 6h, Ah, 2s ]a pair of Sixes.
doom_bfg shows8,7,6,2,A for low.
telmay shows [ Kd, As, 5c, 9d ]a straight Five to Nine.
telmay shows8,7,6,5,A for low.
telmay wins $1.57 USD from side pot #1 with a straight, Five to Nine.
GoalieHb wins $1.56 USD from side pot #1 with a straight, Five to Nine.
doom_bfg wins Lo ($3.12 USD) from side pot #1 with 8,7,6,2,A.
rmtclarke wins $5.67 USD from the main pot with a flush, King high.
doom_bfg wins Lo ($5.66 USD) from the main pot with 8,7,6,2,A.

two pair not good enough and he gets quartered, again !! for the lo
faceoff888 shows [ 4c, 9s, 2h, 7c ]a pair of Sixes.
faceoff888 shows8,6,4,2,A for low.
PoisonedLuck shows [ 4d, Ac, 9d, 2d ]two pairs, Aces and Sixes.
PoisonedLuck shows8,6,4,2,A for low.
DutchBelle shows [ 3s, 4h, Ah, Qs ]two pairs, Aces and Queens.
DutchBelle shows8,6,4,3,A for low.
DutchBelle wins $2.63 USD from the main pot with two pairs, Aces and Queens.
faceoff888 wins Lo ($1.31 USD) from the main pot with 8,6,4,2,A.
PoisonedLuck wins Lo ($1.31 USD) from the main pot with 8,6,4,2,A.

no high so he can only win half the pot ... quartered yet again !!!!
telmay shows [ Th, 4c, As, 2d ]a pair of Fours.
telmay shows7,6,4,2,A for low.
rmtclarke shows [ 4d, 7h, 2h, Kc ]two pairs, Kings and Sevens.
rmtclarke shows8,7,6,4,2 for low.
PoisonedLuck shows [ Ah, 3h, 2c, 9d ]high card Ace.
PoisonedLuck shows7,6,4,2,A for low.
rmtclarke wins $5 USD from the main pot with two pairs, Kings and Sevens.
telmay wins Lo ($2.50 USD) from the main pot with 7,6,4,2,A.
PoisonedLuck wins Lo ($2.50 USD) from the main pot with 7,6,4,2,A.

it seems players at these micro limits will bet the nut low till there mouse finger falls off ... and what they have for a high, seems almost irrelevant.

and my session ?

i lost the princely sum of 94c

... hell of a lot better than the buy-in the first night

Something for the Weekend, Sir ?

welcome back, gentle reader.

well its nice to see acorn enjoyed his night out. he got in touch on his return home and "persuaded" me to join him for some pished poker. damn, had his message appeared 10 minutes later i'd have been in bed. :)
played two wee turbo's and did not get in the money in either, my my what a surprise.
ran my KJ into AA and gg me
ran my set of 6's into runner-runner flush ho-hum

then it was onto Kattitude's re-buy donkament ... great fun but way to late. donking along really well in that one, then the clock caught my eye ... fawk me, nearly 4am, and as soon as i saw that it was time to push with the first available hand that came along and would not make me look a complete donk in front of all those well known North American bloggers :)
so AQ duly showed up and i pushed ... straight into AA ... never been so glad, since i was, literally, falling asleep at the keyboard !!

the other hilight of the weekend was of course, britblogger on sunday night. and very nearly a nice highlite until i ran my AK into fucking ... oh sorry that was last week ... now i've mentioned it ...

last week i shoved with AK and got called by ... gawd damn fucking KQ (cogs u donkey !!) ... boom ! rivered, out i go.

this week i shoved with AK ... called by 66 ... bad call in my opinion, what does he think i have ??

anyways, gg me, out in sixth, meh.

which reminds me.
i believe the mighty Surflexus did the walk of shame ?

stop by his place and "remind" him its tradition to give the monkey a home !!


Thursday, 29 November 2007

you take the hi road ...

welcome back, gentle reader.

well, my return to the pl08 cash zoo was not pretty. then again, omaha being the beast that it is, you really need good starting hand selection ... and when you are dealt this type of thing, maybe its time to go do something else. read on, or should that be fucking-stroll-on ...

Dealt to doom_bfg [ Td 4h 3s 3h ]
Dealt to doom_bfg [ Th 3d 2s 4s ] ....... ** Dealing Flop ** [ Ah, Qs, 2d ][ 9c ][ Kd ] ... ffs
Dealt to doom_bfg [ Kh 6h 3s Ad ] ...... ** Dealing Flop ** [ 5d, 9s, Ks ][ 8s ][ Ts ]
Dealt to doom_bfg [ 8c 4s 8d 3d ] ....... ** Dealing Flop ** [ Ac, 2h, 3h ] ....... jesus wept :(
Dealt to doom_bfg [ Kh 8d 2d 6h ]
Dealt to doom_bfg [ As 4s 8c 5d ] ....... ** Dealing Flop ** [ Td, Th, Ad ]
Dealt to doom_bfg [ 6s 9s 5s 8s ]
Dealt to doom_bfg [ 7d Jc 4d 2c ]

and on and on and on ...

needless to say i won fuck all. i think sub-conscious tilt set in. see, there is one guy at the table who is playing every-single-fucking-hand ... and winning with trash ...

theBa$tard sat down with $25 and when i left he had $70 ......

here is a selection of his hands that went to showdown ......

[ Kc, Qh, 7c, 5d ]two pairs, Kings and Queens.
[ 7s, 8d, 4h, 7d ]a full house, Sevens full of Kings.
[ 6c, 2d, 3d, 7s ]a full house, Sevens full of Twos.
[ 3h, Qc, 9s, Qh ]a flush, Queen high.
[ 7c, 3s, 2h, Jc ]
[ 9c, 2s, 6s, Jd ]
[ 6d, 7d, Jh, Td ]a flush, Queen high.
[ 4d, 8d, Kd, 3c ]a straight Ace to Five.

doom_bfg shows [ Ks, Kc, 9c, 3h ]a straight Nine to King.
theBa$tard shows [ 3s, Ac, 7d, 3d ]a flush, Queen high.

I'm sure there is a lesson in there somewhere.

Saturday, 24 November 2007

i fcukking hate nlhe - pt 2

welcome back, gentle reader.

HORSE ing about last nite with a few of the rTr guys and girls. to be honest i don't think i was good company as i was concentrating a little too hard on the following game. certainly my play with the rTr crew was more a$$ than HORSE, enough said.

PokerStars Tournament #67348453, HORSE
Buy-In: $30.00/$3.00
88 players
Total Prize Pool: $2640.00
Tournament started - 2007/11/23 - 15:45:00 (ET)

Dear ResdentEvil,You finished the tournament in 6th place.

A $184.80 award has been credited to your Real Money account.

You earned 95.00 tournament leader points in this tournament.

my biggest and best HORSE yet ... a Clydesdale by any other name *)

Wednesday, 21 November 2007

The Six Million Dollar Man - pt3

welcome back, gentle reader.

oh the joys of do-it-yourself pc repair. yawn.

good stuff, the aTi Catalyst Control Center installed, fully, works a treat. now back to dual monitor working.

and thats about all i have on the system at the moment.

the question is, how much "stuff" do i re-install ?

you see, to get round hdd failure i am investing in a RAID setup *)
how the hell can i afford that ? simple, buy a cheap pci raid controller, hook it up to two disks and off we go ... i am too fucking lazy to be arsed backing things up to cd/dvd whatever.
so even if it is the cheapest RAID array on gawds green earth, who cares. the card i bought will be here in ... oh, super saver delivery withstanding, probably next week, week after that ??

but it gets rave reviews and is simple to use ... alledgedly ... i guess we will soon find out. btw, anyone got a spare 160 or even a 120 gB hdd they do not need ? come on, my need is greater than yours :)

so my big 250 hdd has been reduced to 35 gB ... how long before the remaining 35 goes bang ? bottom line ? i need another hdd to mirror the one i am currently using which is a 120 gB.

:)(:lets gambol ... will start installing stuff and let the RAID card build the mirror *) (*

Tuesday, 20 November 2007

The Six Million Dollar Man - pt1 & pt2

welcome back, gentle reader.

as you know my pc went the way of the dodo last night. this is an ongoing post of my attempts to rebuild the fucker, so if you are looking for poker or anything remotely not bad beat ... avoid these posts like the plague.

***make backups now people***

long story short, seems my primary disk is fukked !! it is (was) 250 gig ... so from the top ...

turned the pc on and watched it go into and endless boot-get-to-windows-flash-screen-reboot cycle. not good.
rip out the primary drive after fannying about getting the case covers off - one side was jammed - try and boot from second drive ... get error message telling me its a slave ... oh for fuck sake ... rip that out, move jumper making it a master disk, oh and move jumper on primary disk to make it a slave while i am at it ... it wont boot of course, no windows system on it ... now where is that windows cd ...

locate windows cd, install on new primary drive ... the cunt went into the same boot cycle as before, fuck ...
tryed a repair install, no joy. another new install, no joy. delete partition and new install ... finally, i have something that finally fucking works.
connect the damaged drive ... windows sees a 35 gig, get this, unformatted !! drive ... do i have backups ?? like fuck, cunt ! you cunt ! what a fucking cunt !

can you feel my frustration building ??

sometimes i wish i was non techie ... then i could just dump the fucking thing at pcworld ...

so that was last night, somewhere approaching 2am ffs.

******* part2 *******

lets see how it goes tonight.

so i have a working system with jack shit on it. internet works, straight to avg for antivirus and antirootkit (??) no probs there, download, install, update, scan all ok :)
next ... wtf ? little yellow shield appears in taskbar ... windows updates of course ... gawd !! 81 of the fucking things ... eventuall they are done ...
next, i want to sort my dual monitor set-up. tell windows to extend desktop to second monitor ... it does ... and makes the second monitor my primary monitor ... did i tell it to do that ? no i fucking did not ... can i get it to make no1 monitor ie lhs monitor, the primary monitor ... can i fuck ... this is getting fucking ridiculous ...

i have to unplug monitor two and reboot to regain control ... bill, your guys are too fucking smart for their own good.

next stop ati for the latest Catylyst 6.11 software ... 50 odd mB, no probs. download and install ... except it wont install all components because my .net Framework is only v1 .... aaaaaarrrgghhhhhhhhhh

off to bill's people and find .net Framework is up to v3.5 ... whatever ... download the fucking thing and tell it to install ... it does ... except it it is now telling me to shut explorer before it continues ... fuck fuck fuck

i may, or may not, be back ....... to be continued (23.27hrs)

ok i am back.

.net framework installed. now installed validation tool. now need 'priority updates' as follows - malicious software removal, ie7, cardspace ?? update and surprise surprise a fucking service pack for my new friend .net framework ... working for bill is a job for fucking life ... reboot required, what a fucking surprise.


welcome back, gentle reader.

A customer enters a pet shop.

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

Mr. Praline: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Owner: We're closin' for lunch.

Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Mr. Praline: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

Mr. Praline: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you

(owner hits the cage)

Owner: There, he moved!

Mr. Praline: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

Owner: I never!!

Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!

Owner: I never, never did anything...

Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.

Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?

Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

Mr. Praline: look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour
ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

Mr. Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the
first place was that it had been NAILED there.


Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and
VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

Owner: No no! 'E's pining!

Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e
rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the
bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!


Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh,
we're right out of parrots.

Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Owner: I got a slug.


Mr. Praline: Pray, does it talk?

Owner: Nnnnot really.


Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)

Mr. Praline: Well.


my computer is doing a fairly good norwegian blue impersonation ....

Monday, 19 November 2007

hook. line. sinker.

welcome back, gentle reader.

and just like a glesga bus .......

i have been tagged, twice no less, i think ... then again maybe i am just conceipted and actually crave some of that attention that
cell1919 was on about *)

1a a friend gave me a shed load of poker books
1b i have not read a single book

2a my biggest wins have been in $55 tourneys
2b my biggest losses have been in $5 tourneys

3a sharkscope says I am in profit and on supertilt
3b i think sharkscope is being very ... generous

4a i am not half as good at the game as i think i am
4b i am not half as bad as the rest of the table thinks i am

5a i really liked mysterious ways, due south & northern exposure
5b if i come into money, i am off to Canada

6a i have never ever used any aids or tools while playing poker
6b my Christmas presents this year will be pokerTracker, paHUD and a years sharkScope

7a I have a poker New Year resolution
7b No !! I will post it closer to the time

late to the party as usual, so luckily you have all been tagged. anyone not tagged, who wishes to be, drop me a line and i will duly oblige and tag you.

out of office. auto-reply

welcome back, gentle reader.

got sent one of those mildly amusing ( fox hunting ) photographs by one of my office colleagues. and after the footie disaster at the weekend, thought i'd pass it on to a couple of my friends from my old work.

one of said mates got me an "on leave" email auto-reply.

last time he did this he had taken a week off to work on the house ... ha ha ha ... he spent the week playing some new hot game on xbox ... and i thought this might be why he was off, so sent him a teXt ...

message 1 - leave ? jammy ba$tard ! what game you practicing ...

reply 1 - practicing sitting on a beach in the sun at the moment

message 2 - motherfucker ! where ?

reply 2 - Tenerife a sweltering 25 degrees here at the moment

message 3 - fuck off ! just fuck right off !!

reply 3 - *))

i think i might, just might, be a little jealous. oh, and i need a new lamp, how S.A.D.

Wednesday, 14 November 2007


welcome back, gentle reader.

did we all enjoy yesterdays rant ? I did *) and so nice to see some people saw it for the toungue-in-cheek-rant as it was so intended.


my good mate cell1919 , and before we go any further, I do so want to so be on his fucking list, where's my gawd damn mention ? you ungrateful SOB not need to be on "his list", to know I have helped him immensely on his quest *) ... has posted a couple of belters ! so, if you are not a regular of his, click on the links and go read ! in order you eejit, thats why the links are inserted that way ( how many people have now clicked the wrong order ... *)

ramble one cell1919
ramble two cell1919
ramble three cell1919

all good stuff i am sure you will agree. and don't come bak here and give me shit about the length of the damned things, some of us cannot, nor want, to set our scribbles down in new english tExt,

a Rosie rant

some of us like to write in the fine archaic form known as written english. me included and if you could be arsed to count the words written here, i am sure the count will rival the above.

tandoor se.

after almost a month tillerman returns.big deal you say, well actually, a thirty fucking k big deal, actually. nip on over there, have a quick read ( he does not go into any detail what-so-ever btw, saved you an extra few mouse clicks there mate :) then get your arse back here !

so, poker account "compromised" and 30k missing ... how long does it take to lose 30k ffs ?? but ... they know where the thief is from ... and tillerman hopes he/she gets some jail time ...

dont want to rain on your parade mate, but here is a tail of woe, first fucking hand woe at that. in fact fuck it, here's two for the price of one ...

many many moons ago I worked in Manchester. one evening, after a few ales, i returned to the abode of a young lady ... ok, two older slappers women ... and I lost my debit card ! either in the back of the taxi or one of them took it after the "entertainment" was over, whatever.
next morning i was off to london for a few days and when i realised i did not have my card with me, I assumed i'd left it in the hotel in manchester ... hey, i was pretty young you know !
so i return to manchester, no card ! return to glasgow two days later, go to bank, no fucking internet banking back then children, check bank account and its fucking empty ... 800 quid ... gone ... fuck !!
the motherfucker who ended up with my card had used it in the brand spanking new public telephones, which took credit cards, no-fucking-pin-number-required, thankyou, and called every fucking sex line the cunt could lay his grubby hands on ... thats right folks, an £800 telephone sex line bill ... wander if its mi5 or mi6 who monitor me .......
proceed to nearest police station, report it, sit and wait almost an hour for CID to speak to me. back then it was a serious crime, well, serious enough for CID to be interested. they take me to an interview room, one man & one woman detective, never ever forget that.
they sit me down and the first fucking thing the man cunt says
" if we find you have anything to do with this, we will get you ... "
woman cunt then chips in
" it would be better if you are honest from the start ... "

i always remember, i was totally speechless and took several minutes to lever my jaw off the floor.

after a bit they relent, take the details, give me my crime no. and send me on my very unmerry way. in the first instance the bank told me i was highly unlikely to get my money back ... fuck ! ... and i am still convinced to this day, that the only reason i got all my money refunded by the bank was due to the er, friendship er, i had going with the local branch manageress at that time *)

fast forward two decades ...

at 18.01 about one year ago, i get a phone call from my bank, they have never phoned me at home in the ten years i have banked with them ...
"have you authorised a chaps payment, sir ?"
"a what ..."
seems someone has accessed my log-on details and made a CHAPS payment for £2,000 plus change to someone else's bank account ... oh, and the bank charged my account £18 fucking quid for the fucking privelege ! wtf ??
off i go to the local police station and to put it politely, they are not interested. they want proof !!
two days later i get some paperwork from the bank, detailing the transaction. it has the receiving bank account name, sort code & account number ! back to police station who wont accept this as proof ... had to get bank to send me a fucking statement and mark the fraudulent activity on that before police would even look at it.
so eventually i have my crime no. and fax it back to bank and i had to fax it 3 times !!! before they admitted they had received it.
initially they told me it could take 6 weeks to investigate .... two days later, money back in my account.

draw your own conclusions.

the bank also admitted, off the record, that i was one of several accounts that got robbed. as if further proof were required, i was chatting to my cousin a few weeks back, we got onto this very subject and before i divulged any detail to her she had told me when it happened and also which bank it was. seems there were enough people affected that it reached the ears of the papers, Glasgow Herald i believe. no way a broadsheet reports this type of thing if only one punter has been done over.

and that was the last i heard.

chances of criminal prosecution for either of us, tillerman ? close to zero, certainly in my case, sincerely hope i am so wrong on that one.


and on a lighter note, here is one that always amuses me :)

True story apparently, It's about the bond formed between a little girl and a gang of building workers. It's allegedly true and makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant building plot.
One day a gang of building workers turned up to start building a house on the empty plot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the hairy ar$ed builders (but all with hearts of gold) moreor less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing two pounds in 10p coins.
The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank the cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.

"You must have worked very hard to earn all this" said the bank cashier.

The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with the men building a big house."

"My goodness gracious," said the cashier,

"Will you be working on the house again this week, as well?"

The little girl thought for a moment and said,

"I think so. Provided those cunts at Jewson deliver the fucking bricks."

Tuesday, 13 November 2007

The Towering Inferno

welcome back, gentle reader.

*** a sense of humour is required to read this ***

what the fuck is going on ? i turn my back for a week and it all goes to shit. whine whine whine ... this is a post for all you moaning motherfuckers who seem to think you you got it bad. btw, when its really going tits up, are you not supposed to step down a level or two ??
earlier this year my washing machine packed up, you try going for a week or two without one, especially when your other half likes to do two washes a day ...
the seal on the drive shaft of my car is on its way out ... this is really fucking annoying because i get free rail travel but had to buy a second car when my work relocated to a non railway friendly location, the cunts could have told me this before i signed up ...
the fridge decided last night that it had also had enough ....
my youngest had her year 1 jags last week and since then decided that sleeping through the night was a bad idea. i am fucking knackered and so is she. the mrs is also a little tired and cranky ...
the family car has an intermittent fuel injection fault and when in fault-mode refuses to go any faster than 20mph ... oh and the tax is due at the end of the fucking month
so for all you whiny cunts who think you got it bad, dream on.
btw i felt like shit all day Saturday so had an early night and so no poker ... did get to poker Sunday morning ... docs for the morning after pill next morning ... oops.

real poker, last night

limp to see the flop with Kx ... flop is xKK ... looking to check-raise but all check behind, same on the turn
i bet out on the river and get raised, now committed i re-raise ... you stupid cunt, he has rivered the nut flush, the stupid cunt is of course me !

with all this negativity about, is it any wonder i have not done my tag-list.

lmfao ! who gives a flying fuck ! she left me a comment :) welcome back babes, nice to know you are still about :))

Monday, 5 November 2007

Q bastard Q

welcome back, gentle reader.

now this is what should have happened to those pesky varmint ninety niners .......

stars 45-man mtt, level V blinds 75/150

Seat 1: bommel1991 (660 in chips) Seat 2: Dr.J.Pot (2380 in chips) Seat 4: m4rr5 (485 in chips) Seat 5: buster01 (1470 in chips) Seat 7: ResdentEvil (990 in chips) Seat 8: Egassies (1285 in chips) Seat 9: MrSmokie344 (2280 in chips)

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to ResdentEvil [9d 9c]

ResdentEvil: raises 840 to 990 and is all-in
MrSmokie344: calls 990

*** FLOP *** [Kc Td Tc]

*** TURN *** [Kc Td Tc] [8s]

*** RIVER *** [Kc Td Tc 8s] [Jc]

*** SHOW DOWN ***

ResdentEvil: shows [9d 9c] (two pair, Tens and Nines)
MrSmokie344: shows [Ts Qh] (three of a kind, Tens)

MrSmokie344 collected 2205 from pot

the previous week my aces were cracked :(

lol indeed.

must be my turn next week .......

Sunday, 4 November 2007


welcome back, gentle reader.

Friday, 2 November 2007


welcome back, gentle reader.

like the proverbial bull-in-a-china-shop some players just have to be the bad ass poker player and be uber aggressive. you know the sort i mean, we have all met them from time time.

unfortunately for them, when they are all-in, again, someone will call, the hand goes to showdown and most important ... we all get to see their cards ...

confuses the hell out of me why you would play this way in stt's ...

are you on tilt ? do you just not care about the money ? do you think because its nlhe, that this is the way to play ?

ran into a player who was obviously suffering from all three of the above ...

FCB787 shows [ Ah, Th ]a pair of Aces
zogster35 shows [ 9c, 3c ]a flush, Ace high
zogster35 wins 4,020 chips from the main pot with a flush, Ace high

zogster35: HA HA HA ....... how to win friends and influence people

*** Dealing Flop *** [ 4h, 7c, 9h ] [ Js ]
edik1121 bets [80]
zogster35 is all-In [3,820]
quakersteve1 folds
edik1121 is all-In [1,640]

*** Dealing Turn *** [ Js ][ 3h ]

edik1121 shows [ Jd, 8d ] a pair of Jacks
FCB787 shows [ 4c, 7s ] two pairs, Sevens and Fours
zogster35 shows [ 9d, 4s ] two pairs, Nines and Fours

zogster35: HA HA HA
quakersteve1: yr just a loon

next hand ......

god_mjt bets [80]
zogster35 is all-In [6,100]
vulkan___ folds
god_mjt folds
zogster35 does not show cards
zogster35 wins 6,560 chips

zogster35: chicken wuss

two hands later ......

quakersteve1 is all-In [1,720]
zogster35 calls [1,160]

*** Dealing Flop *** [ 6s, 6d, 4d ]*** Dealing Turn *** [ Ah ]*** Dealing River *** [ Ac ]

zogster35 shows [ 5h, 3h ] two pairs, Aces and Sixes
quakersteve1 shows [ 9d, Ad ] a full house, Aces full of Sixes
quakersteve1 wins 3,500 chips

a half dozen hands later ......

Total number of players : 8
Seat 1: wheeler377 ( 1,940 )
Seat 2: ** ( 1,500 )
Seat 3: ** ( 2,100 )
Seat 4: ** ( 1,880 )
Seat 6: zogster35 ( 5,220 )
Seat 7: ** ( 3,060 )
Seat 8: ** ( 2,400 )
Seat 9: doom_bfg ( 1,900 )

Level: 1 Blinds(20/40)

*** Dealing down cards ***
Dealt to doom_bfg [ As Ac ]
** folds
** folds
** calls [40]
zogster35 calls [40]
** folds
** calls [40]
doom_bfg raises [380]
** calls [360]
** folds
zogster35 is all-In [5,180]
** folds
doom_bfg is all-In [1,500]
wheeler377 folds

*** Dealing Flop *** [ 3d, Ks, Qh ]*** Dealing Turn *** [ 7s ]*** Dealing River *** [ 5h ]

doom_bfg shows [ As, Ac ]a pair of Aces
zogster35 shows [ Kh, 9h ]a pair of Kings
zogster35 wins 3,320 chips from side pot #1 with a pair of Kings
doom_bfg wins 4,280 chips from the main pot with a pair of Aces

obviously pissed him off no end and what a surprise he's all-in next hand ... more surprised no one called him actually :)

then the very next hand and i kid you not folks ...

Seat 1 is the button, Total number of players : 8
Seat 1: ** ( 1,510 )Seat 2: ** ( 1,440 )Seat 3: ** ( 2,100 )Seat 4: ** ( 1,780 )Seat 6: zogster35 ( 3,470 )Seat 7: ** ( 3,060 )Seat 8: ** ( 2,360 )Seat 9: doom_bfg ( 4,280 )
Level: 2 Blinds(30/60)

*** Dealing down cards ***

Dealt to doom_bfg [ Ah Ad ]

** folds
zogster35 is all-In [3,470]
** folds
** folds
doom_bfg is all-In [4,280] ....... got you covered donkey
** folds
** folds
** folds

*** Dealing Flop *** [ 8c, Js, As ]*** Dealing Turn *** [ 2h ]*** Dealing River *** [ Jh ]

zogster35 shows [ 8d, Ac ]two pairs, Aces and Jacks
doom_bfg shows [ Ah, Ad ]a full house, Aces full of Jacks

quakersteve1: come on yes ...... seems he is not too popular *)

Player zogster35 finished in 8 ...... chip leader to down'n'out in two hands :))

....... walk softly and carry a big stick.

Thursday, 1 November 2007

Colt Peacemaker .45 - pt3a

welcome back, gentle reader.

i don't know about you but it seems i must be one of the slowest players on the virtual felt. take this here humble challenge. looking over the hh, it seems i started this particular one on the 3 october and it ran thru to the 26th ... a long time for 45 games ... except i have 49 hh ... doh !
anyways, just for my handhistory collecting buddy, here is the summary.

tell you what, lets not make this a bad beat whinge, lets make this a summary of hands i won ... lets see if i can find a few reverse bad beats ....... he he he

lets set the scene, here are a few from game1

the very first hand, no less

i get KQo in mp ... one caller before me and one after me, and the button, bless her pushes all-in ... there are a whopping t70 in the pot btw the blinds fold but mr ep calls and the rest of us fold ... so what monsters do these two have ??

mr ep shows ............ KJo
mrs button shows .... A2s

jesus-h-christ-on-a-fcuking-bike ... he called with those two ?? she pushed with those two ??

*** SHOW DOWN *** [4c 3s 7c 4h] [5s]

12mins in and i play my first hand. the table was ... a little loose, shall we say ... almost every hand so far had been all-in pre or all-in on the flop. i am on the button with 99 ...
mrs b (from the first hand) in mp pushes all-in for t2690 ....... surprise surprise
mr lp calls for t1400 and is all-in

cosidering the $hit they have been pushing so far, fcuk it, i call .......

*** SHOW DOWN *** [3h 6d Td 3c] [4c]

Margula: shows [Qc Kd] (a pair of Threes)
phf69: shows [Qh As] (a pair of Threes - Ace kicker)phf69 collected 10 from side pot
ResdentEvil: shows [9c 9s] (two pair, Nines and Threes)
ResdentEvil collected 4260 from main pot

lmfao !! the very next hand Marge pushed (again) with T4s, someone called with JQo and out she went ... madness *)

i know its not funny ... but ... strike one !

*** SHOW DOWN *** [Ac 4h 6s Th] [9c]
ResdentEvil: shows [4d 9s] (two pair, Nines and Fours)
bassremover: mucks hand ...... bassremover mucked [7h Ad]
ResdentEvil collected 2300 from pot

i know its not funny ... but ... strike two !

*** SHOW DOWN *** [Kc 8s Td 9s] [7s]
Kaveman35: shows [Qs Qc] (a pair of Queens)
ResdentEvil: shows [Ts As] (a flush, Ace high)
ResdentEvil collected 2910 from pot

i know its not funny ... but ... strike three !

*** SHOW DOWN *** [5s 6d Qs 9c] [4c]
Neidi 48: shows [Ad Th] (high card Ace)
ResdentEvil: shows [Qd Jd] (a pair of Queens), ResdentEvil collected 3260 from side pot
WeeeDSmokar: shows [Kc As] (high card Ace)
ResdentEvil collected 9165 from main pot

so i work my way up to t24,000 and then i make my first mistake ... bah humbug ... ok ok, so its the first mistake that i did not get away with. hey, no one is perfect *)

5 left at the table, blinds 800/1600
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to ResdentEvil [Kd Jc]
ResdentEvil: raises 1600 to 3200
Kappekarl: calls 3200

*** FLOP *** [6s Qs Qc]

ResdentEvil: bets 4800
Kappekarl: calls 4455 and is all-in ....... oops

*** SHOW DOWN *** [6s Qs Qc 5s] [9c]
ResdentEvil: shows [Kd Jc] (a pair of Queens)
Kappekarl: shows [Qd Js] (three of a kind, Queens)Kappekarl collected 18085 from pot

down to t13,400 and the very next hand i almost get shafted big time.i raise pre-flop to t4500 with TJs and get two callers (one is a big stack :(
*** TURN *** [Ks Qs 7h] [Kc]
a check on the flop and i bet on the turn ... big stack re-raises all-in ... fold fold fold for me
*** RIVER *** [Ks Qs 7h Kc] [Qc]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
schnuebbuel: shows [Kh Th] (a full house, Kings full of Queens)schnuebbuel collected 6136 from side potBarbag: shows [6s Ah] (two pair, Kings and Queens)
schnuebbuel collected 11979 from main pot

bah humbug indeed, down down down to t7,200 down to 4-handed nownext hand i push after one caller, with A5, all fold and i get back to t9,900
next hand K9o and i push on the river, Board [2d Qs 6c Kh Th] and they fold, i collect t13,100 for a total stack of t16,500
a few hands later and my 33 is good against the shortys AJ with a 3 :)) on the flop and curiously enough the big stack put 10k in the pot to see the turn after the flop came down Q high ... the turn threw up an ace and he folded to my push ... now 3-handed

and i'm big stak t37,000 ....... woot :)

next hand i try and bluff a J-high board and mr second stack calls me down for 3/4 of his stack with a pair of 7's
result .... i drop to t24,000 and he leaps to t33,000 ...
a few hands later i river a straight and raise big stacks river bet, he folds
result ... t36,500 me and he drops to t23,000 ... with shortstack on t8,000

then this

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to ResdentEvil [6h 5h]
ResdentEvil: raises 2000 to 4000
schnuebbuel: calls 3000
Kappekarl: raises 2835 to 6835 and is all-in
ResdentEvil: calls 2835
schnuebbuel: calls 2835

*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 24805 Main pot 20805. Side pot 4000. Rake 0
Board [Ts 6c 9s 5s Kh]
Seat 2: Kappekarl (big blind) mucked [7s 7h]
Seat 8: ResdentEvil (button) showed [6h 5h] and won (24805) with two pair, Sixes and Fives
Seat 9: schnuebbuel (small blind) showed [2d 3d] and lost with high card King

so heads up ... me t51,500 ...... him t16,000

i bet out on the river of a Q-high board he folds and drops to t8,000
next hand we are all in ... my AKo v 68o ....... he rivers a 6 for two pair :(

back to t51,500 v t16,000

back and forth for a few hands and then i pick up 66 and push ... run into his QQ ffs
now t25,000 v t42,000

a few hands later and i turn a staright Q-high and get it all-in ... he called with ... a pair on 9's ... ???
now t60,000 v t7,000

a few hands later he hits his straight Q-high and doubles to t14,000

and then finally ......

my Q9 v TJ ... i hit the 9 on the flop and in go the chips .......

*** SHOW DOWN ***
ResdentEvil: shows [Qh 9c] (two pair, Nines and Eights)
schnuebbuel: shows [Td Jh] (a pair of Eights)
ResdentEvil collected 42712 from pot

1 hr 11 minutes and i finally get a first place ... only three suckouts ...

is that why he did not say "gg" ???

Wednesday, 31 October 2007

Return of the Exile

"pray tell, messenger. you have news ?"

"ney, sire"

"none ? the exile has not returned ?"

"ney, sire ... but ... "

"but what messenger ! do not refrain from your King ! "

"... it is the Exile, sire ... "

"tell me now ! afore i have ye drawn and quartered ! do not shy from me, good or ill tidings otherwise ! "

"she has been spotted, sire ... at the games of recent ... in yonder southern kingdom ... "

"and whose company doth she attend ? was she well ? "

"aye sire, she appeared well and attended by noble sir Cell, sire "

"that is good. she fayres well ... and in noble company. we hope she will bless us with her company ... soon ... one wonders if she will be in attendance at the Court of Nottingham ..."

" ... the other matter, sire ... there is news also ... "

"i had almost forgotten him, what news messenger ? "

"he is here, sire "

"he is here ? now ? and you keep him waiting ? do not dally, present him immediately ! "

... the heralds trumpet vigourously ...

"i have returned sire. for a short time only ... with a bawdy tale or two ... "

"i welcome thee with open arms ! you are always welcome in my court ... you know i await news of thee with the same anxiety as a father awaits news of a lost son ...

welcome back sir daGambler ! "

"it is good to know i am most welcome in your court sire, although some may not be so ... "

"good sir, whom have you crossed swords with ? or do i detect the hands of a fayre maiden ... "

"i see you are as intuit as ever, sire ! it seems i have upset the fayre maiden of the northern eastern kingdom, though unwitting on my part, she has taken the jest to her bosom sire ... "

"sometimes you are misunderstood sir daGambler although your footfall around the table can be somewhat ... heavy."

"it was a merry time for all sire ... with much ale and hilarity ... "

"and the fayre maiden speaks ill of you and your brethern ? "

"twould appear we were ... exuberant, sire ... "

"problems with maidens ... a simple apology, sir, is all that advice i can think or construe ... "

"i pray you are correct sire ! all this talk makes a man thirsty ...... "

"my manners desert me ! let us consume ales and you may recant some of your more bawdy tales to me ....... and let us agree to make your visits more prompt !

we do not wish to appear at the Court of Nottingham as strangers ! "

Sunday, 28 October 2007

Final Fantasy XXXii

welcome back, gentle reader.

well, it does not get any better than this ...

that gawd-damned-fawking-fish, daGambler, he raised and i re-raised all in, he called ...

my AA v KK .......

Saturday, 27 October 2007

Colt Peacemaker .45 - pt2a

welcome back, gentle reader.

been persevering with another 45 game mini challenge. this time on fullTilt, very apt name, in the 2 table versions this time. they are not called turbo's but with blinds rising at the same rate (5mins) as stars turbo games, makes 'em turbo to me !

i should have known right from the first game how this was gonna run ... not pretty.

so a long story short. i am down $45 ouch ! surprised its not more as i only cashed 5 times and bubbled only twice.
i wont bore you with too much detail, after all, someone wrote that small time players blogs are boring :( and to some degree its true ... be honest, who gives a flying fuck if i lose a whopping great figure like the above ?
and is anyone gonna take note of how i played such and such a hand considering the $ value is minuscule ?
which is fair enough, i have stated elsewhere that hand analysis, though interesting, is of limited value. and woe betide you if you make a brunson/hansen play ... us low level nanostakers will neither recognise nor appreciate said play ... you will only look like a donk should it fail :)
i know, i make these plays all the time ... snigger snigger

here are a few of the "monsters" i ran into :)

this is a hand from the very first game, jesus, a sign indeed

Seat 1: dD (1,530)
Seat 5: ba$tard (1,500)

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to dD [Ah 3h]

ba$tard calls 30
skeezerweez calls 30
broker1026 calls 30
dD calls 30
DoubleDewars calls 15
Yvok checks

*** FLOP *** [3d 3c 5d]

DoubleDewars checks
Yvok checks
ba$tard bets 180
skeezerweez calls 180
broker1026 folds
dD raises to 1,500, and is all in
DoubleDewars folds
Yvok folds
ba$tard calls 1,290, and is all in
skeezerweez has 15 seconds left to actskeezerweez folds

dD shows [Ah 3h]
ba$tard shows [9d Td]

Uncalled bet of 30 returned to dD

*** TURN *** [3d 3c 5d] [7s]
*** RIVER *** [3d 3c 5d 7s] [6d]

dD shows three of a kind, Threes
ba$tard shows a flush, Ten high
ba$tard wins the pot (3,300) with a flush, Ten high

so moving swiftly on ...

my TT v KK ... fcuk ! and he rivered a K to rub it in :( oops
my Q7 v T5o ... wtf ? he thinks, correctly, i am stealing and calls with that shit ? two 5's & b00m head$hot indeed :(
my 88 v 9T ... an 8 on the flop, in goes the money, he flopped a straight ... ouch ! oops ! fk fk fk !
my AK v ATs ... he rivers the flush of course
my 33 v 9Jo ... lmfao turn is a 9 and river is a J ho-hum
my AJs v A8o .... river is an 8 ... cursed a little at that, bah !
my AKs v 55 ... the might that is presto was good enough, damn
my 9Ts v AJs .... 9 & T on the flop, in goes the money, he rivers the flush ... fk fk fk
my 55 v AA ... oops :( come on presto ! ... the A appeared on the turn, bugger
my 9T v Q9 ... a 9 on the flop but his kicker booted my a$$
my AQ v TT ... flop the nut flush, cmon call call call me ! he rivers the full house ... aaarrghhhh
my A4 v 93 ... the river flushes my hand down the fcuking swanee ... he has a 9 high flush mines is of course 4 fcuking high ... sigh :(
my A2 v AK ... xAA on the flop ... could you fold ?? neither could I .......
my K9 v 67 ... with a x9T flop, in went the money, he rivers his gutshot straight
my 77 v J6 ... eh ? no way ! his J appeared on the turn

human nature is a strange beast and seems to prefer tales from the dark side, hope you "enjoyed" them as much as i did.

Wednesday, 24 October 2007

mommy's home

welcome back, gentle reader

and where have you been ?

well nowhere, actually. been a super lazy sod while the family were down south. my excuse for not being away the whole time was the arrival of the new kitchen. :)

so last week was lost in a haze of booze and low limit poker. i wont bore you with the results in this post ( why bore you twice in the same post, when i can spread it about ). rather surprisingly i stuck to some sort of br management and did not blow my whole fcuking role ... easy to do for us low limiters considering the level of play and the sheer amount of beats you suffer at this level.

drop by cell1919 blog and read his post " a game of chance " and you'll get the idea.

not only lazy, btw, selfish as well. hardly read a blog last week, far less make the effort to post on my own. lack of posts are understandable when the weans are at home, but when you're home alone ??

jesus, could hardly believe i missed the rTr season 1 finale ... would have been nice to play, but as usual, did not get away early enough and when you lot were sitting down to play i was on the road, somewhere north of doncaster ... bugger.

jesus, could hardly believe my "luck" second week running ... missed the gawd damn britBlogger and the gawd damn dTd game ... oh yes, that weekend was so lucky, NOT

anyone have a decent report on the dTd game ? and how did the britBlogger go ?

hopeful that this Sunday will be a little more relaxed and i can join you again, in both games ...

so, on holiday for a week. to much beer, to much poker, to many late nights, way to many sleeping lates ... its a real bugger to go back to work ! lmfao what a pain ! got to go to bed at a decent hour and got to get up "early" ... what a shock to the system !

here is another shock ...

aint played a single game of poker,

had a single beer

or a late night ...

since Friday !!

prolly a good thing, a nice break from the insanity of nanostakes poker ...

whats left of my liver thinks its good as well.