Wednesday, 21 December 2011

bah, humbug !

welcome back.

you know, working for the man may provide you with a regular income, but fuck me, there are some miserable arseholes you have to put up with :(
someone I know is working in their back yard tomorrow and thought it'd be prudent to work from home on friday rather than travel the 120 miles into the office .... he put the suggestion to his gaffer .... and was promptly told that there was shit he had to complete for friday and his gaffer was sure he could not possibly do this work from home .... what a miserable cunt ! its supposed to be christmas ffs.

poker has been much more fun :)

I warmed up for last nights session by .... playing poker, lol .... well how the fuck else are you supposed to warm up :)
the warm-up consisted of a set of, wait for it .. four STT's .... and I ITM'd the four of them :) should probably have called it a night right there !!
They were all $1.50 Turbo Knockout no-limit 08 .. 

one guy in the first game says

" I have no clue how to play this .... "
" why enter then ? " I politely enquired
" i didn't realise it was 4-cards .... "

wtf ? if it says "omaha" anywhere in the tourny title .... lol

anyways, he then proceeds to jam his stack in every hand and lasted 5 hands, lol. kudos to the guy for his honesty if nothing else :)

so first game I blag 2nd
  ((jammed A39K sooted ace into 24K8 ?? and he binks it , ho hum))
second game I blag 1st
  ((jammed 7A82 sooted ace into TJ5K ?? and I bink it , ho hum))
third game I blag 2nd
  ((jammed 6473 sooted 64 into 67QJ ?? and he binks it , ho hum))
fourth game I blag 3rd
  ((jammed 4K3Q sooted K into 9AA5 and A7AK and they split it , ho hum))

cant get much better than that, 4 from 4 ????

then I entered a few MTT's , all small field affairs because not one was hold'em :)

first up was a 2-7 lowball single draw .... bombed in 60th :( .... (64 runners lol)
next up was triple stud .... busted in 17th of 54 runners .... my kings and sixes no goot against the obligatory aces and fours
then we had the delights of the $4.40 pl08b .... close on 500 runners I bust in 185th
and onto Badugi, lol .... only 46 entered, I lasted until 21st
with the slightly saner version .. 2-7 lowball triple draw :) only 48 in and I got to 14th
and finished off the sesh with two back to back 8-game
with 85 players I managed (just) in the money with an 8th place
and then with 69 entrees .... I win, wheeee :)

heads up mildly amusing because we're at level XXXIX .... which was no-limit hold'em, oh the uber irony .... was chip leader heads up 80k to his 60k .... jammed with 45 and got called by K5 , err ok .... not a K in sight not that it would have helped as i flopped a straight, ouch

not a bad session :) started the grind at roughly 7, ending on a high at half past midnight. as ever ....

pleasant dreams

Wednesday, 14 December 2011

walk softly ....

welcome back.

nowt happening, those with ADS can now bugger off :)

as stated earlier, poker volume has been atrocious, meh. basically given up the ghost of any decent volume or accruel of vpp's .... in fact, after the latest windows crash and subsequent re-install, I've given up the fucking lot !! what a pain in the arse a re-install is .. and the fucking downloads, fml ! (should have made a backup disc, you tosspot - Ed)

so I cant be arsed with the cash grind, given up ?? on the stt's and have been delving into the mtt world .... standards of play, imho, shocking.

I mean .... took 1st place in a wee triple stud, 3rd place in a wee badugi and 14th (of 672 runners ffs) in an 08 tourney .... what does that tell you about the competition ????
the 08 is an eye opener because I sat out (bedtime, meh) with 30 runners still in and I still "run" it up to 14th ....

btw, 'stars - your payout structure is FUCKING piss poor .... (14th got twenty times less than 1st)

imo, stars should reduce the amount of peeps paid but NOT increase the top spots percentages .... or ....  pay out the same number of people as they do at the mo, but knock a few % points of the top spot(s) , trust me, top spot in a micro buy-in would not even fucking notice a 10% reduction

so there you go, mtt's are simples :)

lets not go onto stt's as I have (for the last 3 weeks) 52 unread congrats emails from 'stars support :)

ah, that feels so much better !

pleasant dreams

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

Much Ado About Nothing

welcome back

Not been around to post much because I have nothing much to post about, lol. Well, you get to a certain stage in life and all those exciting things that one used to do, well .. they are no longer that exciting, meh.

Apart from a MONSTER night in the other Saturday, spent in the company of my good poker buddy zagga, there has been hellish little worth reporting. So glad that we decided on a night of on line shenanigans and did not go play live. You prolly had to be there but what a night, lol.
Much beer was consumed, many herbs were smoked and we even managed to play some poker :) The "evening" ended at 4 in the am !! when I (we?) (zagga?) decided to throw in the towel with zagga ordering a taxi for "Dudley" .... I was like "wtf ? no, you didn't ...." but he fucking well did !!
We both did well, relieving fish of their money .. all down to me bringing my "Dudley-run-good" of course :) As I said you prolly had to be there .. the taxi driver probably wishes he was NOT there .. since I just had to explain to him why the taxi had been ordered for "Dudley" which most deffo is not my name, lol.

Apart from that, pretty much sweet.f.a going on, especially on the poker front !
I'm back to the bottom stars VIP status which really requires no explanation. If you are not playing, you cannot earn VPP's , lmfao. So my Nov volume was really, really atrocious .. Oct was not much better, sigh .. and so far December has been just as bad, pffft.     

Finishing on a "high" note (its all your fucking fault Zagga, damned hyper turbo's pffft) no, no, I really have not played any ! but my severe lack of volume is down to basically dicking about with the micro turbo STT's and turbo 6-max .. I was in the hole for $20 but but after dropping the 18-manners, I've clawed my way back to just $7 down .. oh, and the sample size ??  presto ! a whopping 55 games :)

see, see, Dudley-run-good in action !

pleasant dreams

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

off to a flyer

welcome back

I know its pretty boring, but its nice to be off and running .. in the right direction, lol

pleasant dreams

Monday, 14 November 2011

the quest

welcome back

so far, November has been a horrible poker month. I'm not broke, but if bankroll was soley dependant on volume .. I'd be busto, lol. For the remainder of the month, I'm taking a leaf (not even a whole fucking page !) out of theGrinder's book.
I suppose a quest is a double edge sword .. do you chase the quest via volume .. certainly possible for sit'n'go grinders as they know exactly how many vpp's they earn per game .. do you chase the quest via profit .. arguably the only way to go for cash players.
I'll have to try a little of both. Sort of. Now my quest is pretty simple. Retain Silver for next month. Normally pretty plain sailing if I spread the volume over the month. Obv I haven't so far this month, meh.
So I'll have to aim for 40 vpp's per session (lol !) Obv any profit that goes with it will be more than welcome !
I'd backed off playing because my 'roll had taken a hammering over the last month or so. Finally figured out why, duh. Playing and paying forum pyramid games equates to $20 a week .. real world peanuts, but a lot for a microstakes bankroll, meh. Next time I may not be so greedy and sign up for one or two levels and not all three !!
Finally, hats off to my mate zagga who is playing hyper turbo's .... yer a sic puppy !!

pleasant dreams

Wednesday, 2 November 2011

just another wee dilema - pt 2

welcome back

might as well get this oot the way .... well done noCash who shipped something or other for 12k, jammy coooont, lol.
part 4/4 of his trip report is by far the best entry imo. and i do like his style re the final table .. quote "(No chops / deals / bubble bursters any anything else equally homosexual)" .... awesome :)

originally, this entry was going to be about poker .... and alcohol .... bad hair day, so it can wait until tomorrow ....

before we start, i noticed a huge increase in cash tables available at microlevel, yup , its another road-to-70-billion promo .... its actually quite difficult to exploit all the passing traffic, most seem to have no clue ! so unless you have the nuts, up & down btw, you are going to get called with an overpair, lol, i kid you not !

i see stars had another update .. always wonder wtf they are all about, so i did a little digging (amazing the things you find on the pokerstars website lmfao)(ok, ok so i'm not actually that impressed with their website. read on, you'll find out why)

special offers .. fair enough, i suppose, but wtf is MTT leaderboard doing on there ??

fawk me, it aint that bleedin obvious, yeesh .... PokerStars Software – New Features

I wish I'd never looked ....
Social Sharing – We are adding the ability to post your hands directly to your Facebook and Twitter ....

Notes Improvements – We have made a number of improvements to how our notes system works .... seems fair, if you use notes, obv.

Sit & Go Lobby Revamp .. uh, ok
Sit Out Next Big Blind and Close Table  .. this was a fucking awesome addition
Apply Active Layout .. uh, ok
Rearrangement of Title bar for Tournament Tables .. uh, ok
 Option not to Steal Focus when Typing in Chat or taking a Note .. thats a relief !
Column Settings .. yay !!

wow, wait a minute. the latest updates on stars website are listed as June 2011, wtf ??

I suppose the latest news will prolly be found HERE

be warned .... this thread started in 2006 .... there are now 841 pages of comments ....

pleasant dreams

Tuesday, 1 November 2011

just another wee dilema - pt 1

welcome back.

originally, this entry was going to be about poker .... and alcohol .... bad hair day, so it can wait until tomorrow ....

alarm goes off this morning at quarter to six, I'm on the road just after six. correct, she wouldn't entertain an early morning jump start, pfffft. Journey up to York was better than normal, probably due to the early start, or lack there of, pfffft.

Get to work early. wow ! Lots of jokes about the clocks going back promptly ensued, pfffft. Hate it when my colleagues are in better form than me. So brownie points for being early, err no, the only thing you get from my lot are black marks for being late (do they give a flying fuck how long it takes me to get home on a Friday ? err no. Do I give a flying fuck about being early ....)

Work was actually ok, just enough on my desk to keep under the sweetie wives (management jobsworths) radar. Leave work .... and its dark, fuck !

Anyways, off home and then off to the shops for the weeks provisions. Their card reader is not working so I go find an ATM and take out twenty quid, put it in my pocket, get the shopping done, wait at the till, reach into my pocket for the twenty quid and pull out .... fresh fucking air !

yup, its not there .. so whoever finds my money, have a free beer, coooonts.

Days like this make me frightened to play .... nh, gg, ul, fu ....

pleasant dreams

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

"I used to love dreaming up titles...."

welcome back.

I see blogger have been messing about with the interface .. suppose only time will tell if i even notice/use the changes, lol. EDIT - wowser, the preview button works !!
speaking of change, i've moved gaffs in York, just have to wait and see how much of an improvement over the old place it turns out to be .... well its a lot cleaner, strike one !
Not much happening, no lady-boy banging stories (eh Simon) or protecting my boyfriend from lizards (eh Simon) .... you know where to go for that kinda shit, lol
finally, finally got around to reinstalling pokerTracker, for all the good it'll do me, lol and while i was at it, thought I'd give tableNinja a go, well, a months free trial, ho-hum .... seems like a real fancy amalgamation of AHK scripting but as I'm way to lazy to write my own ....
as I said, not hellish much going on, but I'll finish on a high note

A dwarf in London was thinking about looting a butchers, but the steaks were too high ....

pleasant dreams

Tuesday, 20 September 2011

no title .... (can you tell I aint been here awhile .... )

welcome back.

you thought .... I'd died ? , thankfully, no.

you thought .... I'd gone busto ? , hopefully, no.

you thought .... I'd .... probably, no.

It is a bit redic though, the gaps between posting, lol. Anyways, still here, still playing, just. After weeks of problems with the laptop, the HDD gave up the ghost, almost. I could only boot up in "safe mode" .... have you seen the size of the tables on a 1024*768 display ?? That alone is enough to make you give up !
After putting up with this for a few weeks .. cough cough .. I bit the bullet and bought a new hdd, got a copy of windows, ordered replacement media from those thieving cunts at Toshiba, in case the copy of windows was a wee bit suspect .... installed the new drive, installed windows, installed 37, yes thats THIRTY SEVEN drivers from Toshiba .... played for one night, and the next night my broadband dongle went tits up !!!!
After putting up with bt fon coverage for a week .... and you thought online poker was stressful, pfffft, .... I called 3-support .... after 31mins and 50secs .. the lovely Sirita told me to , get this, uninstall and reinstall my dongle software .... yep, worked first time ffs !

so I am back :) wheeee :)

As you can see, I do love to spout pish, as Zagga would say.

oh btw, stars balance hovering just over 1k .... should I move that to the top for all the lazy fuckers ?

finally, fucking awesome result on Sunday, stuffing the whining whinging wankers 4-2 .... God Save The Queen .... :) he he he he

and in case i go awol again, heres a wee joke, courtesy of Frances ....

I was in Curry's earlier when I asked my wife
"What's your favourite Teletubby ?"
"Tinky Winky" she replied.
"No you fat cunt, which TV do you want ?"

pleasant dreams

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

you'll be glad you asked ....

welcome back.

well, you might not be, but I'm glad you did :)

after last months wee foray into mtt land ($60 profit) which is such a small sample size as to be totally totally insignificant .... thought i'd play some more. I was slightly disappointed that the sixty was not closer to a hundred, until i realised i'd played a $33 mtt somewhere along the line. I do remember thinking "$3.30 entry, thats a bit unusual" .... ho hum

anyways, took the plunge the other Saturday night and reg'd for the weekly $215 (money I won btw). Didn't do much but with 3 tables left, I thought I could at least make the money .. top 9 paid .. with 16 left I thought, "i can do it.."
15 left .. I can do it
14 left .. I can do it
13 left .. I can do it
12 left .. doh !!
tbh I didn't feel overawed by any of the players I ran into, so if you can afford it at all, give it a go ! dont be me and piss about at the micro's !!

a few days later I thought I'd give it a go again, this time at totally affordable buy-in level, lol

so i entered a $5.50 re-buy and was promptly ejected in dead last place ! ( i refuse to re-buy and if you make the big money you are in for one hell of a return on your "investment" ) (i was not first out chronologically but the tourney lobby showed me as dead last ??)

next please !

later was the $4.40 .... and I shipped it, wheeee :)

with 446 runners, first was good for $342 .... at the time i was ecstatic, then I cashed it out and I was not so ecstatic .... I got £210 (dog damned fucking exchange rate!) gave it to the mrs for the kids :( lol
basically worked out at £40 an hour, so maybe I should not complain, tax free and all :)

final table was fun. i arrived as the big stack and ran over it lol. best part was the table chat .... one guy boasted about his 81% roi and flat out called me a fish :) one other bloke reckoned I was Lederer, playing from Guantanamo :)

pleasant dreams

Tuesday, 21 June 2011

"isn't it ironic"

welcome back

typical, fucking typical

i ship one and every caaaant is in bed

doh !

pleasant dreams

Thursday, 2 June 2011


welcome back

it seems that the god fearing Christain spammer cannot spell .... :)

another month slides by .... and good riddance, poker wise. it really was an ughh month which can be summed up in one hand ....

myself and another big stack and a short stack get it all in on my turned full house .... the big stack has the same full house .. oh and the short stack has the only nut low .. sigh

on a more worrying front, i seem to have picked up a really bad habit on the bigger buy-in tables of getting involved in multi way pots with only a one way nut hand .... ouch. now for some reason i don't appear to be doing this at the micro's .... some weird psychology at work here, i mean, I've no idea where this redonkulus leak sprang from, just turned round one night and there it was .. basically killed May for me. so no bad beats per se just my bad, so to speak. pfffft.

btw the icing on the cake for winning the 11 week iron-man league was a $215 ticket .... was gonna play the scoop event .. rather glad i didn't .... lasted nearly 12 hrs with $16k for first and 500 runners .... I'd rather play the weekly $215 .... roughly 100 runners with $5k for first lasting 5hrs ....

finish up work tomorrow for a week. off back North to the homeland :) but sadly its not the best of circumstances :( my mum, bless her, is not too well .. its actually quite difficult remembering she is getting on a bit since i don't see her that often .. always a wee shock to see deterioration in a loved one. perked her up quite a bit when i managed to speak to her in the hospital so hopefully when she sees the kids it'll give her another wee boost !

pleasant dreams

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

11 weeks

welcome back

wow, i won. wish me luck in the SCOOP.

pleasant dreams

Thursday, 12 May 2011

Hippopotamus do not laugh easily

welcome back

I had a rare opportunity to be at home one midweek night this week. we were all sat round the table eating dinner.
my FOUR year old daughter picked up her mug to take a drink of water, which she promptly spilled all over herself. She put the mug back down, looked at her wet top and wet shorts and said, in a very very loud voice ....

"Fucking Hell"

my two boys were almost wetting themselves laughing, I just managed not to spit my dinner all over the table, my mrs had tears streaming down her face, in fact, the only non-impressee was the mother-in-law !
its just so good to know that her command and use of the English language is so advanced for a 4yr old. it's moments like that that make you sooo proud to be a parent, as the advert says, priceless !

pleasant dreams

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

The American Dream .... fucking Assholes

welcome back.

well that one certainly woke me from my apathy.

lets ignore the fact that the Federal Reserve has given 100's of BILLIONS of dollars to Wall Street on what some might say, are completely phony bail out claims .... lets go after those poker playing scum who are threatening, nay destroying, the American dream. complete and utter poppycock. like the FBI have nothing better to do, sigh.
soooo .... the Wall Street fiasco has cost Americans hundreds of billions .... online poker generates one billion dollars .... wtf? seriously wtf ??
and that's the one, greatest problem with America .... its all about the money, anyone who thinks differently is two short of a six pack.

DrizzTJD has a few words of wisdom ....

as does
my favourite loon .... :)

and obv
the good doctor has some good witterings .... and some excellent links, i might add.

I actually first noticed this insanity last night .... when i stopped by my
good buddy's blog. forgive me, but i felt fucking awful over the weekend and actually (rather sensibly) stayed the fuck away from all things poker .... in the end I did not play a single hand last night because I had major major pain with a rather annoying molar .... dentist tomorrow .... no surprise if I emerge from that one less one certain lower right molar, ffs

so there you have it. is it good or bad .... certainly bad from my point of view as half the traffic on my tarbs were populated by Americans, ho hum

but as usual, its the little guys who get Royally Fucked. and what of the poor buggers who are actually online pro's ??

guess we'll just have to wait and see how it all pans out, but I seriously hope it blows the fuck up in the face of the
assholes who paid to kill online poker in the good ole USofA

pleasant dreams

Thursday, 17 March 2011

I damned well did

welcome back

so thats another alcohol free weekend in the books :(

to save you some time .... I've been running like a donk and playing like a coo. ty, gn.

the trouble with alcohol free time and actually playing poker, is the simple fact of memory. I can remember every single damned if, but, maybe hand that I played .... most annoying was a reg who called a lot of pre-flop action between me and a random. the reg's hand (KK66 .. wtf, seriously, what the fuck ?) hit a set and the randoms A2 held to beat my A3 .... boom boom.

my main problem when running like shit is tilt. not burnleyMik rant an a raving steaming tilt :) no, no, this is insidious tilt .... too many hands, to much calling of pre-flop raises .... and having to drop 'em all on the flop like a too hot potato. over the course of a few k hands, it all adds up, meh.

oh and there is also the problem of playing too many forum games. I really only should play 2 forum games a week. Iron Man and variation night. not me though, I continue to (mostly) donate at their nlhe donkaments. note to self - knock it on the head you fucking plonker.

so its probably just as well I have hardly played a hand at 10c/25c.

tonight is variation night, mixed 08b .... does that mean it alternates between limit and pot limit ? surely there is no no-limit round .... ho-hum.

pleasant dreams

Monday, 7 March 2011

damned if you do, ....

welcome back.

alternative post title .... he holds him with his glittering eye - pt 8

had a well weird weekend. probably something to do with 100% abstention from alcohol (actually cannot remember (no pun intended) the last full weekend I abstained )) .... and in my totally sober state, it was a real cat and dog weekend with her .... in fact, her behaviour actually seemed worse. maybe its always been this bad but I've never been un-hung over too notice, fml. damned if you do, damned if you don't, lol.

even weirder. not a single hand of poker played since last Thursday, lol. maybe cost me a small fortune, more likely saved me a small fortune !

ah well, back to the grind and no doubt, the odd game with the forum donkeys :)

oh btw, re the alternative title, you'll have to scroll back 50 or so posts to see what I'm referring to.

pleasant dreams

Tuesday, 1 March 2011

strange things happen at the 1.2

welcome back

yeesh, what an epic fail February was.

Lost my silver star status, meh, but added to the bankroll.
added $102 to my 'roll ($35 in bonus whore department, lol) the rest was all playing profit, probably $40 cash and $30 in tourney cash, ho hum.
but it was the manner in which I failed to achieve silver thats annoying. to put not to fine a point on it, I played way to many forum games and not enough cash ! no offence guys (dont think anyone from said forum reads) and as much fun as it is, it is deffo -EV from a selfishly personal point of view :)

deffo gotta knock that on the head and decide in advance which games to play .... not a good start to the month as Iron Man kicks off tonight (grrrr) and I will be playing all 10 of those games.

btw that money added to the roll was all done in the first half of the month with basically fuck all being added the second half, feels like a double epic fail now i've checked ffs.

i also really want to take another crack at the next level up, thats 10c/25c to the uninitiated lol .. I know, I'm such a fucking high roller :)

asked about on the forum and got some sound advice from the guys, one of them a pro, no less.

basically stick to pl08b, avoid the maniacs and keep it tight :) .... watch out for future posts detailing the crash and burn antics of pokerstars biggest fish lol (i've only got 10 buy-ins to squander, eek)

finishing on a high note .... there is some good stuff out there, you jus gotta get off your virtual very fat arse and look for it .... links on the right :)

pleasant dreams

Tuesday, 15 February 2011


welcome back.

since i'm here i may as well post a quick one.

welcome on board to my latest reader, Lab monkey on TILT (you think i'm a lazy fukker when it comes to blogging ? stop by his place (link on right) and check his posting history ! then again, he's prolly way to busy winning sic amounts of money to make a post !!))

the cash grind :) continues apace. last night i crushed it, lol. for a whopping 350bb's .... such a shame I only, mostly, play the penny tables, ho hum.
also crushed the next level up ($10) for a whopping 3 bb's across 30 hands, lmfao !!

i cash "grind" because i can't/don't/wont commit gawd knows how many hours, to mtt's. so all you wankers, thats pro wankers btw (amagay:) really do have a fucking monster advantage over us recreational donks, bastards !

lets see, anything else .... oh yeah, I worked late tonight .... thats truly truly sic and a monster fucking bad beat ! and it was pissing down when I left work, pffft.

oh, this blog needs a makeover and a links cull .. dont say i did not warn you !

pleasant dreams

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

epic fail - part 1

welcome back.

well obv its only part one, there will deffo be a part 2 ....

last months poker plans kinda went to shit and not exactly sure why. as
jonesUcunt would say, i'm such a wanker sometimes, lol. speaking of wankers .... thank you to West Yorkshire Police and, yes and, thank you to Dumfries & Galloway Police for giving me a speeding ticket. Yes, thats two fucking tickets .... on the same fucking day .... on the same fucking journey .... I run so fucking hot, eh ?! another two of those fucking things and I'll be joining Rubbish as the internets latest poker pro, fml !!

I did actually play poker last month, just not the anticipated volume ! managed a few thousand hands, retained silver status, added a whopping $48 to the bankroll, lol. well, it was all playing profit and not a bonus in sight,
Rossi :)

pleasant dreams

(ps doing 89 on the m74 and then 59 in a 50 zone on m62 .... bastards, fucking bastards !!!!)

Saturday, 8 January 2011

grind, rant, poker, non-pokher

welcome back

did we all have fun over the festive period ? good.

I more or less stuck to the plan and ground it out on 'stars during December, well, up to the 24th at any rate. averaging out about a redic 1500 hands a day. made the bonus I was after and blagged another one into the bargain.

quite surprising really, since I was on the piste almost every night (sic). I came off-piste last night, managing only 540 hands in about 2hrs and a tiny wee profit, lol. her indoors moans like fuck that I have my head shoved way to far up my ass and that's why she ain't into the pokher. This month, I'll continue to grind on 'stars, but I will be off-piste, lets see if that makes any difference whatsoever on the pokher front. btw, her main complaint was the fact that I did not get up in the morning .... funny enough, I was up before both her and the kids this morning .. still no sign of a fucking thaw though .. then again, she probably thinks its only a temporary blip in my drinking schedule, lol

so a simple plan as far as poker goes this month. grind it up on 'stars while stone.cold.sober. If I can blag another bonus or two and a hundred playing profit, I'll be happy and count it as a success. Last night was typical of my play on the first night off-piste. almost on autopilot .. meaning I was not getting involved overly much. not likely to loose much but not likey to win much ! as expected since it always takes a couple of days to get the alcohol out my system, fml.

so there you go. nice simple goals for January.

pleasant dreams