Saturday, 26 December 2009

Merry Christmas ho ho ho

welcome back.

my phone memory woes continues ....

dear madam, your application to join our match making service has been rejected.
you failed question 14 "what do you like best in a man ?"
"A knife" was not an acceptable answer.

very brave Man jokes ....

how do you turn a fox into an elephant ? .... marry it !

what is the difference between a battery and a woman ?
a battery has a positive side.

why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist ?
because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

why did God create woman ?
to carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

classix ....

quick emergency tip, if you get snowed in.
you can turn your dishwasher into a snowplough .... by giving her a shovel.

sic ....

a bloke rings up work and says to his boss "i cant come in today I'm sick"
his boss says "how sick ?"
he replies, "well I'm in bed with my disabled sister !"

and a Christmas cracker ....

this Christmas, lets put mistletoe in our back pockets, so all the people who hate us can kiss our fucking arse.

ahh, the Glesga patter ....

wife asks husband "what shall i wear to the party ? would you like to see me in something long and flowing ?"
husband replies " aye, the fucking Clyde !"

Merry Christmas all.

pleasant dreams


rubbish said...

Hi mate, hope you and yours and a cracking Xmas. Catch you soon. All the best for 2010.

exile57 said...

I'm sorry hun, I've been having a hell of a time the last few months. And have just spent 4 days in hospital (got out yesterday). I'm just a miserable cow with nothing to say right now. But I must say you are a little love the way you never forget about me :)

I hope you've had a lovely christmas and that the new year brings you absolutely everything you could wish for xxx