Monday, 8 October 2007

The Deerhunter - pt 1

welcome back, gentle reader.

as you know, we had a live game on Saturday evening. now, i took extensive notes ! and gave 'em to acorn for "safe keeping" ... so that i could give you lot an in depth trip report ... he said nacho ate them ... ho-hum :))

may i just say straight away, what a great night ! outstanding, guys, outstanding !

i thouroughly enjoyed myself and i did not get freeway spanking drunk. did not mortally offend anyone. and was not asked to leave :) in my (much) younger hellraising days, all the above would have been a distinct probability !!

and to quote acorn " much nonsense was spraffed,much donkery abounded at the tables " the donkery being mostly me :))

so from memory, but please don't quote me ...

first. big "thank you" shout to The Cousin ... dedicated driver :)
second. big "thank you" shout to the S-Man ... host for the home game :)

i hopped into the car saturday night about half seven. checked my inventory for the umpteenth time.

cigarettes - check
money - check
beer - check

all present and correct. stuck the car in gear, hit the accelerator and ... slammed the anchors on !
where the fcuk does acorn live ? no idea ! fcuk !
a quick text, thankfully acorn's mobile was on, a quick reply, lets go !

damn it, inventory check ... all present and correct ....

i shoot over to acorns, a little nervous, i might add. all these guys know each other well, and me ? met acorn once !!

i get there, expecting to be the first guest, since i have been forewarned about The Cousins timekeeping ... The Cousin and The Big Chap are firmly ensconced in the shiny new living room :) (nice pad, btw mate)

i wander in and acorn makes the intro's ... and puts phase1 of his dastardly plan into action ... lmfao ! he introduces me as "dudley" ha ha ha ! a quick correction on his part and proper names all round !!

so the only missing guest is the Taxi Man ... poor bloke did not make it, thru no fault of his own, and missed a cracking night !! the Taxi Man was coming over from the far east but a Comedy of Errors over there put paid to his visit ! go visit Mair's blog for the full gut wrenching story :)

so while we are waiting, acorn puts Phase2 of his dastardly plan into action ... you want a beer dudley ? he enquires, innocently ... i did not decline ... and two minutes later i am supping on a bottle of Stella ! fcuk me ! i really love that beer ... but it tends to blow my fcuking head off ... lol nice "play" acorn :)

so we await the arrival of our star guest, giving him plenty of leeway on account of the distance he was travelling. anyway a second Stella was consumed, time was marching on so off we go about 9pm.

we head off for the little village of Stewarton in deepest darkest East Ayrshire ... we find the village no probs ... could we find the S-Man's hoose ?? acorn gets on the mobile so we can be directed ... after lots of "stop. u turn. naw left, naw right. u turn ... " we finally get there !!

the guys all greet each other warmly and then i get introduced to the legends ... S-Man is "sookraboaby" and the one and only Miami Trout :)

just like to say, thanks for making we welcome guys, a real pleasure.

so we break the beers open and those that was having them, broke the schmokes out as well :)

to the poker .... table set up, draw for seats, £5 buy-ins paid, chips counted out ... the seating arrangements were ....

no1 seat - me
no2 seat - ra Trout
no3 seat - S-Man
no4 seat - The Big Chap
no5 seat - Acorn
no6 seat - The Cousin

so off we go ! not far in, i find Ax sooted in spades :) and the flop appears ... all spades ! woot !

The Big Chap bets out and i push all-in ... he calls ...
and shows K9 for top pair shit kicker ... the side card is of course a spade ...

i flip over my cards showing the nut flush ... NOT

every one stares at my cards, trying to fathom my push all-in .......

turns out i have the fawking Ace of Clubs ... doh ! doh !

and to really rub my stupidity in, The Big Chap's spade is bigger than mines ... boom ! out in last place :(

Acorn followed me in fine style two hands later. his Aces getting cracked by the straight chasing Trout.
live poker is sooooo rigged :))

not sure where anyone else finished except The Big Chap took it down when his 33 was good enough to beat the S-Man ... a sign of things to come !
acorn then got his wish, time for a wee cash game. he he he.

not much happened for me in the cash game. and i may or may not have re-bought :) the beer, the patter, the food all more or less took precedence over the poker play !
some "hilights" i do remember ...

S-Man plonks a large dish of cheese covered nachos, straight out the oven, onto the table and without a seconds hesitation, acorn dives in, grabs a couple of nachos loaded with hot hot melted cheese ... to the uninitiated, hot melted cheese has the same properties as napalm, except its hotter ! and acorn promptly drops said hot cheese right on his leg ... dangerously close to his crown jewels, judging by his reaction ...

he said " i took it like a man ... "
we say he took it like a man ... and SQUEALED like a pig !!

lmfao ! not sure what was funniest, acorn leaping about in his seat shouting "ow my fucking leg" or the S-Mans valiant attempt to turn down acorns volume ... he he he ...

acorn, again ! his all-in call when ra Trout re-raised his bet ... ra Trout had AK for two pairs and acorn had the nut straight :)

S-Man busting oot the cash game with the " gonna lie here and watch tv ... " lmfao ! the boy can snore !

ra Trout sinking 2 bottles of red wine, numerous schmokes and the icing on the cake ... he drank a half bottle of 18 year old Single Malt Whiskey all by himself !! out fcuking standing !

he did offer the whiskey around, but hey, i know my limits ... damn it, i so so wanted to taste that fine beverage, but i was on my umpteenth can of lager and the whiskey woulda wasted me ...

my all-in with AJ sooted being called by a very wasted Trout ... i think he could just about see his cards at this point !
then again maybe not, he called me with 74 off !! ... a 4 on the flop sealed my fate ... bah !
and that was all she wrote :)

The Big Chap basically cleaned us out ! who says lager shandy aint good for ya ?

so time was called ... fcuk me, what did you say the time was ?? omfg 5am ... oops ! ( after 6 when i got home )

anyway, we all "help" the now wakened S-Man tidy up and pile ? stagger more like ! oot to the car. we gotta drop ra Trout off, so a small detour is required. i cant complain about the Cousin's driving, except to say we did make him stop, pronto style, because the windscreen was fogged over and you quite literally could see hee haw out of it ... and i thought it was just me !!

we get to ra Trouts place, wake him up from his little siesta and send him on his very merry way !
the last we saw he was standin at the front door tryin to get his key in the lock :)
lol we have all been there before ... and i would be there soon !!

so we set off for home and i attempt to get dropped off at the bottom of my street. its dark ... cough cough ... and i get dropped off slightly past where i'd intended ... a short "walk" later and i am home ... and the time is ?? well, at least it was still dark :)

i get in, double check the door is locked behind me, head for bed ...

didn't even get in the fcuking room when i hear the immortal words .......

" you're on the couch " ... about turn and off to the couch, he he he. i did at least manage to take my shoes off ...

wonder if i'll get in the bed tonight ? ....... ho-hum


MAIR said...

Too Funny! Gr8 time definetely had by u all. Totally laughing my head off at the Couch, been there a few times with my hubby for sure, drunken sod he can be aint sleepin in ma bed lol.



Littleacornman said...

Nacho is innocent!!

Squealed like a pig eh? More like commented in a concerned manner!

Great write-up Dudley.How else would I introduce you? That's yer name!

The Big Chap ( for some unknown reason) seems keen on a rematch sometime....Roll on!

dD said...

thanks for the comments girls and boys :)
much appreciated. a post that length takes a long time for a two fingered typist :(

ah yes, my big comfy couch :)

a rematch ? bring it on TheBigChap !

lmfao ! dudley ha ha ha



Anonymous said...

QQ will fall this week...:)

Cell 1919 said...

Brilliant write up!

LMAO at the 'Nut Flush Incident' as it will henceforth be known lol.

SanJose Salmon said...

It's over a week since the game and I've been to the Dam and back and still not recovered from all that booze on poker night. Great night, had a great laugh and enjoyed the company!! I'm sure the hand where I called you I thought I had pocket 7's and called that when I flipped them over only to realize it was pocket 74.... well the scotch was good.. Need tio get a rematch but it might be another year before that happens for me - I'll save my pennies and booze ;)

Da Tout